Family Support Network

[Wiffie81]

We are TTC #1

We are often discussing things for when we do get our

But tonight my hubby started to say that he wasnt sure now about whether we had a big enough family support around us. None of our parents live anywhere near us, they are about 200 miles away, although we have lots of friends, none of them have children yet, you know that when you are in a group of friends, someone is always first to have children, that would be us. We made the move to the city 10 years ago from the north. We have friends up north who do have children and big families, so I do agree in case of emergencies yes there would be more help.

Anyway, I think he wants to move house now (ie back up to our parents) so we can have the grandparents closer by! I just dont want to move, but I do so want to have a family. He said he didnt want to stop trying, but he thought I wasnt being realistic if I thought we could do it on our own.

We have thought about work and stuff, you know going part time and being able to afford things financially, but I didnt really take into consideration "the emergencies"

Can anyone else TTC relate to this?

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[lvh05]

I didn't want to read and run! Personally, we have considered moving, due to my medical school and buying a nicer house for less money somewhere else. However, when it comes down to it, since we are trying to have a child, we decided not to.

I think having family around is nice. That way, you always have a free baby sitter! And when the baby won't latch when breastfeeding, or is running a fever, and you are an emotional wreck going through it, it is nice to have your parents to turn to. I cannot count how many times my mom ran to my sister's house with her first child. She would just be bawling, thinking how she couldn't do it. It was a God send for her.

Plus, it's nice for the grandparents to bond with the child. But, with that being said, there are many parents who do it on their own. It's not impossible, but IMO, it is more difficult.

You have 9 months of pregnancy to prepare for the arrival of the baby, and decide what is best for your family. Discuss your reasons for wanting to stay (you love your house, your job, his job, or whatever the reasons are.) And let him know if you are sure about staying that it will be hard, but it definitely is doable.

Enjoy the process of TTC! But, also, it is good to hash out the plans for the future of your family now. When I got pregnant, there were so many details we didn't even think about, and I was so stressed. I had a MC, which can sometimes be due to stress. I don't know that that is what caused it (I got pathology done, but it was inconclusive.) All I know is this time around, we know where we're going in our life, and I want to be as relaxed as possible!

Good luck darlin! It sounds like you both are committed, and I just know you'll make the best decision possible. And, of course, I am sending tons of overseas to you!

 

[Wiffie81]

Thanks for that response - it was lovely, really something to think about. Mainly what is keeping us here. We dont really like our house, and neither of us "LOVE" our jobs, but we are in a good position here to raise a family.

I suppose its just because for me, I cant stop thinking about wanting to be a mum, however maybe thats a little selfish, and I have to think hard about a "family" rather than myself.

Great advice
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[Peardrop]

I think that when you get pregnant you find yourself a network of similar minded parent's-to-be through either your maternity classes or NCT or whatever and then through the various baby groups once the baby is born so you will have other like minded people around you. I know that most of my friends and relatives have really close 'Mummy' friends who they could and would call on in an emergency.

This is what we will have to aim for if we ever manage to have a baby. In the UK we were several hours from both sets of parents and now we've just moved to Australia for a couple of years it's even worse!

Having said that I do see the benefit of being close to the family but if you're not it will be just fine. Good luck XX

 

[Wiffie81]

Maybe ill talk to my mum, let her know how my husband is feeling, mums usually have great words of wisdom too

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[Kates1122]

lol they always do, i would have died with out my mom around when I had Lindsay, but some people can do it without their parents, my sister in law and brother moved out of state when their baby was only 6 months old, they still live there and shes had another baby since then....I don't know how she does it but she does! good luck

 

[kmac625]

Both DH and mine's parents live at least 3.5 hrs away. But my folks are chain smokers so they aren't particularly great in long doses anyhow, especially with a baby. My mil would be good if a little bossy/pushy, but is a little odd (to say the least). I think even if they were closer it wouldn't make much difference anyhow. I have a decent friend support system, some with kids, some without. But many of them don't live nearby...I've thought about all this in the years when I was convincing DH we should TTC. I think we'll be ok. It might be hard work (aren't most things that are really important that way?) and it might not be pretty sometimes, but I think it'll all work out.

Good luck to you Wiffie in whatever you decide is best for you all.

 

[Pimms]

I live in the Midlands, my parents live in france, my sister and her family live in the south, my mil passed away just over a year ago, my BIL and his family live in the US and my FIL is moving to Scotland, so yep we'll be doing it alone,but i know we will be ok and it doenst bother us really as i know we will cope. If we wait for the perfect family situation it might never happen.

 

[Megg33k]

I'm in a similar position. My husband and I live about 180 miles from most of his family, but we don't speak to them. He has a brother nearby but his psychotic wife leads us to avoid them as well. Some people seem to think that having a baby will change our relationship with his family for the better... However, the truth is that it will only seal the lack of communication permanently. They are very disrespectful people who cause drama at every turn, and we agree that we don't want any of our children exposed to that... ever. So, that rules out his side of things.

My family is about 250 miles away, and we see them every 3-4 weeks for a weekend... extended weekend when possible. It isn't feasible to move closer to them. We own our home in an area that we would be unable to sell it for what we still owe in the current real estate market. My husband can't get a comparable job in the area of the state where my family lives. We can't lose his insurance from his current job anyway. Almost none of my friends have children, although I imagine that will change in the next 3-5 years. We are very short on a local support system.

I have come to terms with that though. I won't have my mother a few miles away to turn to when times are tough, but I'll survive. I have 1 friend who is almost due with her 1st, and I believe she would be a great sense of support. I also believe that parents tend to find other parents. Children lead people to the places where other people's children also lead them... IYKWIM. In many cases, you can even meet other women due around the same time as you during your scheduled doctor's appointments. I've seen it happen firsthand. Women with similarly sized bumps tend to talk about due dates and play dates and whatnot... it just happens.

If you're both genuinely concerned, then it might be something to consider if possible. However, I wouldn't necessarily put off TTC just for a discussion on "what happens after the ?" While I hope you don't have to wait long for your , I hate to see anyone wait for something that could have been settled while still trying. The chat with your mum may well help!

Good luck, hun!

 

[Wiffie81]

Well all the advice has cleared my head. One of my friends had twins last year and her family is far away. She has to work part time now, but they manage. This decision is not going to put us off, we will keep trying as what's ment to be will be!

I called my mum this morning, she thought I was going to tell her I got my BFP, how funny, turned out she was a bit busy so I'll talk to her later. She got so excited even just thinking about having grad children, so you never know, maybe our parents will move closer to us!!!!

 

[lvh05]

The important thing is that no matter what, you will be a great mom! And it sounds like you have a very concerned DH, who will be a wonderful daddy.

 

[Seity]

I wouldn't worry about it. My parents are over 3000 miles away and his are about 1500 miles away. I think our closest family is at least 500-600 miles away. I can't think of any reason for them to be closer except to see the kid more often.

 

[Wiffie81]

My DH is amazing, he keeps saying "you're not super woman" you can't do everything by yourself. I think he is just worried because his work isn't very flexible when it comes to emergencies. However, doesn't sound to me like some of you guys have too much problems. We all just want the best for our families, but they are our own families, so you can't rely on everyone else!

Thanks guys, BNB is such a help, totally live it

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