February IVF Buddies!! 2nd Cycle. FET

[Hatethewait85]

Eveclo! I've been following along with your blog. You did great this cycle!! I'm so proud of you for holding off on testing too. When's your OTD? I really hope this is it. Your poor belly - I sure hope it makes your embaby stick around! I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best!!!

Hi 3chords! I think eveclo and I are the only ones who follow along here!

AFM- I was getting pretty crazy so I had to step away from bnb for awhile. But I'm just about to start my 2ww (had pos opk last night and this morning), so I'm hoping I can start 2015 out with some major happiness and a bfp! If not, at least I'll be doing femara with my January cycle - meds have already been ordered, I just to have to get them from the pharmacy. We'll do an ultrasound on day 11 just to make sure my left ovary is working. So I have that to look forward to if nothing else.

 

[eveclo]

Eveclo! I've been following along with your blog. You did great this cycle!! I'm so proud of you for holding off on testing too. When's your OTD? I really hope this is it. Your poor belly - I sure hope it makes your embaby stick around! I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best!!!

Hi 3chords! I think eveclo and I are the only ones who follow along here!

AFM- I was getting pretty crazy so I had to step away from bnb for awhile. But I'm just about to start my 2ww (had pos opk last night and this morning), so I'm hoping I can start 2015 out with some major happiness and a bfp! If not, at least I'll be doing femara with my January cycle - meds have already been ordered, I just to have to get them from the pharmacy. We'll do an ultrasound on day 11 just to make sure my left ovary is working. So I have that to look forward to if nothing else.

Hi Sweets, You have probably already seen my blog but we did infact get another BFN (surprise, surprise!) Oh you poor thing, I can understand that feeling of wanting to back away for a little bit - that's what i have been doing. I love to keep updated with all of you doing cycles and I am really all of your biggest cheerleaders. But I think for a long while now I will be on the sideline but I am ok with it. It's really funny actually, after our 5th failure I am a lot more at peace with the fact that this is really the way it is, as I have really put 100% into it and I just can't do anything more. I will be making an appointment with a reproductive immunologist for sometime this year, (he is in Sydney which is 5-6 hours away from me so I will be having a phone consult) and hopefully having some tests done. It's either my uterus or our embryos so it means either donor sperm/eggs or surrogacy which I have no idea how to go about because in Australia commercial surrogacy is illegal and you have to know the person. However, I don't feel as though this is something I could ever ask of someone as I would just feel as though I owe my life and I am not one that likes the feeling of 'owing' someone something. Ah, it's so tough. I don't have any sisters or anything either that I would feel comfortable to even ask. My cousin is my age however she is extremely into her body and has said multiple times she does not want children because it would ruin her body! It's funny, i'm the one that used to say I would carry her babies for her! It was always a dream that unfortunately may never come to fruition.

I really hope that 2015 is your year HTW. You deserve it after everything you have been through (and even before that!). Make sure you are looking after yourself though, you are priority. I will be checking in often, so don't think you will be able to get rid of me happy new year! xxx

 

[Hatethewait85]

Oh eveclo! Big hugs to you. I was so upset for you when I saw your blog last week. I just can't see why this isn't working for you! I definitely understand the need to take a breather from focusing so much attention on baby-making. You certainly need to take care of yourself. Appt with RI sounds like a good next step. And I REALLY hope it provides some insight on next steps as far as treatment goes. I really hope DE/DS is not the route you have to go but if so - have you thought about going overseas for this? I just heard something about women successfully having babies after uterus transplants from their moms?! Crazy that even works. I would have a hard time using a known donor or surrogacy for that reason too. I hate feeling indebted to someone.

Anyway, massive hugs my dear. I am sooo rooting for you and 2015. As terrible as this journey has been for both of us, I'm grateful to have 'met' you! Thanks for being my cheerleader For now, I'm just waiting for AF to show (due in the next few days) so I can start letrozole. Will test tomorrow just to make sure I can drink my champagne as planned! Looking forward to saying goodbye to 2014. Hello 2015 and our babies!!

 

[eveclo]

Oh eveclo! Big hugs to you. I was so upset for you when I saw your blog last week. I just can't see why this isn't working for you! I definitely understand the need to take a breather from focusing so much attention on baby-making. You certainly need to take care of yourself. Appt with RI sounds like a good next step. And I REALLY hope it provides some insight on next steps as far as treatment goes. I really hope DE/DS is not the route you have to go but if so - have you thought about going overseas for this? I just heard something about women successfully having babies after uterus transplants from their moms?! Crazy that even works. I would have a hard time using a known donor or surrogacy for that reason too. I hate feeling indebted to someone.

Anyway, massive hugs my dear. I am sooo rooting for you and 2015. As terrible as this journey has been for both of us, I'm grateful to have 'met' you! Thanks for being my cheerleader For now, I'm just waiting for AF to show (due in the next few days) so I can start letrozole. Will test tomorrow just to make sure I can drink my champagne as planned! Looking forward to saying goodbye to 2014. Hello 2015 and our babies!!

I know! I don't know why it's not working either. I have decided I don't want to do another cycle until I am under 60kg as well, as I have gained so much weight from being on all of these meds. It's hard because people see me and I can just tell they know I look a lot bigger than I usually do and it really makes me feel worse than I already do! I'm about 65kg now so not a lot to lose but I know it'll make me feel a lot better within myself so that's something to focus on just getting myself back.

We have thought about going o/s. America is quite expensive (about $100,000?) and I don't really know how it all works with medical expenses etc. I should look into this. Thailand surrogacy was an option until the baby Gammy issue (where the two australian parents went over and the surrogate had twins, one had Down syndrome so they left him behind and took the healthy girl- awful) so now thailand has ban surrogacy. India is an option however I have recently heard in the news that they are phasing it out due to parents leaving one twin behind etc. So awful. I could never.

India is still about $50,000. Which is crazy! We currently pay about $3000 out of pocket per ivf cycle and $1800 per FET, so that is a very big jump especially when we don't know if it is my uterus

I am going to make that appointment at the end of the month some time and I will let you know what he suggests. Hoping that it is treatable and that we get answers. I would be absolutely devastated if he told me that there was nothing wrong with me and then it was just my body failing me


What is letrozole ??? I will google after I have sent this, lol. Hope you had a great New Years celebration.

I must say this journey is hard and long but it definitely does have it's plus sides; meeting lovely people such as yourself (who I have known for over a year now - happy anniversary hahaha!!!) and also patience and acceptance and I know how much I will appreciate the beautiful little children in my life. Even if it is in the form of being the best Aunty I can be.

I know 2015 will be your year. Can't wait to come along for the ride

 

[Hatethewait85]

Hi eveclo- hope you're well. Happy anniversary to you too! Can't believe it's over a year. How does time seem to be going so fast now that I'm done with school and just doing boring things. Well 2015 will definitely be OUR year! One way or another.

I think it's a good idea to focus on you for awhile. Those meds do a number on the body! You definitely do not have far to go to get to your goal so good luck!!

I'm not entirely sure where people go for surrogacy. I was following a DE thread awhile back when hubs and I were discussing that option, and I think some people go to South Africa? Not sure on the costs of surrogacy in US, but DE cycle is about 30,000 USD. I think it's to soon for you to necessarily go down either route. Definitely see what the RI has to say. Have you scheduled that appointment yet? I will be very curious to see what he says. There has to be some explanation!

I'm not sure your thoughts on spirituality etc, but my acupuncturist always talks to me about how sometimes its not anything you can do and its just simply a matter of your 'spirit baby' not being ready. It seems like total quack but it helps me relax a little haha. Have you ever head of the book spirit babies? If this doesn't sound completely crazy to you you should check it out. I thought it was interesting at least.

Letrozole is femara (similar to clomid) and will help me create lots of eggies (hopefully) so that I'm more likely to ovulate on the side that I still have a tube. I have an ultrasound next week Tuesday to see. Seems so strange to be going there- haven't been in over 6 months!

 

[eveclo]

Hi eveclo- hope you're well. Happy anniversary to you too! Can't believe it's over a year. How does time seem to be going so fast now that I'm done with school and just doing boring things. Well 2015 will definitely be OUR year! One way or another.

I think it's a good idea to focus on you for awhile. Those meds do a number on the body! You definitely do not have far to go to get to your goal so good luck!!

I'm not entirely sure where people go for surrogacy. I was following a DE thread awhile back when hubs and I were discussing that option, and I think some people go to South Africa? Not sure on the costs of surrogacy in US, but DE cycle is about 30,000 USD. I think it's to soon for you to necessarily go down either route. Definitely see what the RI has to say. Have you scheduled that appointment yet? I will be very curious to see what he says. There has to be some explanation!

I'm not sure your thoughts on spirituality etc, but my acupuncturist always talks to me about how sometimes its not anything you can do and its just simply a matter of your 'spirit baby' not being ready. It seems like total quack but it helps me relax a little haha. Have you ever head of the book spirit babies? If this doesn't sound completely crazy to you you should check it out. I thought it was interesting at least.

Letrozole is femara (similar to clomid) and will help me create lots of eggies (hopefully) so that I'm more likely to ovulate on the side that I still have a tube. I have an ultrasound next week Tuesday to see. Seems so strange to be going there- haven't been in over 6 months!

Oh gosh you did tell me about that book, i should look into it. I'm a very spiritual person so really this is the main reason I have felt OK through everything and after this recent failure. Without sounding like an idiot who loves myself I know that I am meant to have children and be their Mother in some regard and I know that I am not a bad person that would have something so awful pushed upon them so I refuse to accept it. I am inhaling positive energy and all of the negative is exhaled (ok, now i sound like a fruit cake but I have been saying this all week and it genuinely makes me feel better...even if it does freak my DH out , hehe)

Well that is a very good idea about the Letrozole then, hope that everything is going very well for you!

Thinking of you often, xx

 

[eveclo]

Oops forgot to say that I haven't made the appointment yet, it's $300 and I just can't justify spending the money when my head just isn't in the right space. I haven't even spoken to my FS yet. The last I heard was from the Nurse on the 23rd to tell my that it was another BFN. I will make it in the next few months and then hopefully have some testing done. I am sooo concerned about having a single FET though, but I have to change clinics in July as I am moving to another state. I didn't think this through haha! So we have one x Blast frozen here in Vic (6 hours away from where we are moving) I have no idea what to do!

 

[Hatethewait85]

Hi eveclo- hope you're well. Happy anniversary to you too! Can't believe it's over a year. How does time seem to be going so fast now that I'm done with school and just doing boring things. Well 2015 will definitely be OUR year! One way or another.

I think it's a good idea to focus on you for awhile. Those meds do a number on the body! You definitely do not have far to go to get to your goal so good luck!!

I'm not entirely sure where people go for surrogacy. I was following a DE thread awhile back when hubs and I were discussing that option, and I think some people go to South Africa? Not sure on the costs of surrogacy in US, but DE cycle is about 30,000 USD. I think it's to soon for you to necessarily go down either route. Definitely see what the RI has to say. Have you scheduled that appointment yet? I will be very curious to see what he says. There has to be some explanation!

I'm not sure your thoughts on spirituality etc, but my acupuncturist always talks to me about how sometimes its not anything you can do and its just simply a matter of your 'spirit baby' not being ready. It seems like total quack but it helps me relax a little haha. Have you ever head of the book spirit babies? If this doesn't sound completely crazy to you you should check it out. I thought it was interesting at least.

Letrozole is femara (similar to clomid) and will help me create lots of eggies (hopefully) so that I'm more likely to ovulate on the side that I still have a tube. I have an ultrasound next week Tuesday to see. Seems so strange to be going there- haven't been in over 6 months!

Oh gosh you did tell me about that book, i should look into it. I'm a very spiritual person so really this is the main reason I have felt OK through everything and after this recent failure. Without sounding like an idiot who loves myself I know that I am meant to have children and be their Mother in some regard and I know that I am not a bad person that would have something so awful pushed upon them so I refuse to accept it. I am inhaling positive energy and all of the negative is exhaled (ok, now i sound like a fruit cake but I have been saying this all week and it genuinely makes me feel better...even if it does freak my DH out , hehe)

Well that is a very good idea about the Letrozole then, hope that everything is going very well for you!

Thinking of you often, xx

It sounds like you'd really like this book then! I'm so glad that you are refusing to accept it. My acupuncturist is very big on you being able to be in control of your reality and don't claim the negative stuff as yours (i.e., my back pain) if you don't want it. You do not sounds like a fruit cake!! Haha.

Good for you for waiting until you are in a good place before scheduling your appointment. I think you'll be all the better for it. Sometimes I get so focused on what's next that I forget to take a step back and relax! I can't believe you are moving again?! Why (if you don't mind me asking) are you moving?

No good news over here. The letrozole did me no good. I still only ovulated on the wrong side They gave me free samples of follistim to take with teh letrozole next time but I have to wait another month because I will be gone when I'd be due for monitoring this cycle. Nothing seems to be going right and hubs and I are at the end of our rope. I'm emotionally a disaster as my EDD approaches and I just can't believe my belly is flat and empty. We will start researching the adoption process in March but will continue TTC at least for a few more months; probably not more than that though.
I just want to be a mom already. I'm sick of the waiting and want a baby in my arms NOW! Sorry I'm a bit depressing... AF arrived today and the beer is not helping. Haha.

Hope you are well and taking care of yourself! I too think of you often and am wishing you all the best!

 

[eveclo]

Hi eveclo- hope you're well. Happy anniversary to you too! Can't believe it's over a year. How does time seem to be going so fast now that I'm done with school and just doing boring things. Well 2015 will definitely be OUR year! One way or another.

I think it's a good idea to focus on you for awhile. Those meds do a number on the body! You definitely do not have far to go to get to your goal so good luck!!

I'm not entirely sure where people go for surrogacy. I was following a DE thread awhile back when hubs and I were discussing that option, and I think some people go to South Africa? Not sure on the costs of surrogacy in US, but DE cycle is about 30,000 USD. I think it's to soon for you to necessarily go down either route. Definitely see what the RI has to say. Have you scheduled that appointment yet? I will be very curious to see what he says. There has to be some explanation!

I'm not sure your thoughts on spirituality etc, but my acupuncturist always talks to me about how sometimes its not anything you can do and its just simply a matter of your 'spirit baby' not being ready. It seems like total quack but it helps me relax a little haha. Have you ever head of the book spirit babies? If this doesn't sound completely crazy to you you should check it out. I thought it was interesting at least.

Letrozole is femara (similar to clomid) and will help me create lots of eggies (hopefully) so that I'm more likely to ovulate on the side that I still have a tube. I have an ultrasound next week Tuesday to see. Seems so strange to be going there- haven't been in over 6 months!

Oh gosh you did tell me about that book, i should look into it. I'm a very spiritual person so really this is the main reason I have felt OK through everything and after this recent failure. Without sounding like an idiot who loves myself I know that I am meant to have children and be their Mother in some regard and I know that I am not a bad person that would have something so awful pushed upon them so I refuse to accept it. I am inhaling positive energy and all of the negative is exhaled (ok, now i sound like a fruit cake but I have been saying this all week and it genuinely makes me feel better...even if it does freak my DH out , hehe)

Well that is a very good idea about the Letrozole then, hope that everything is going very well for you!

Thinking of you often, xx

It sounds like you'd really like this book then! I'm so glad that you are refusing to accept it. My acupuncturist is very big on you being able to be in control of your reality and don't claim the negative stuff as yours (i.e., my back pain) if you don't want it. You do not sounds like a fruit cake!! Haha.

Good for you for waiting until you are in a good place before scheduling your appointment. I think you'll be all the better for it. Sometimes I get so focused on what's next that I forget to take a step back and relax! I can't believe you are moving again?! Why (if you don't mind me asking) are you moving?

No good news over here. The letrozole did me no good. I still only ovulated on the wrong side They gave me free samples of follistim to take with teh letrozole next time but I have to wait another month because I will be gone when I'd be due for monitoring this cycle. Nothing seems to be going right and hubs and I are at the end of our rope. I'm emotionally a disaster as my EDD approaches and I just can't believe my belly is flat and empty. We will start researching the adoption process in March but will continue TTC at least for a few more months; probably not more than that though.
I just want to be a mom already. I'm sick of the waiting and want a baby in my arms NOW! Sorry I'm a bit depressing... AF arrived today and the beer is not helping. Haha.

Hope you are well and taking care of yourself! I too think of you often and am wishing you all the best!

Oh you poor thing. It's so frustrating to go through all of that planning to ovulate on the wrong side! Gah, please don't give up yet. I am coming on this road with you don't you worry! First day of AF is always the worst, I got mine last week and I was so miserable, even though I know there's no way i could be pregnant! I can imagine that with your EDD approaching it would be very emotionally draining for you. You've been through so much over the past few years it really needs to turn around for you. I know I say this all of the time but I truly feel in my heart that you will be a Mummy very soon. I know I will be a Mum as well and most recently I have had an extreme feeling of acceptance and calm regarding it all as I can only 'control the controllable'. I think it takes physically getting to the point of breaking before you can really know what next step to take, hence why I am waiting for the appointment - i just want to be ok then. Are you still seeing your acupuncturist and taking the herbs?

We have had a little bit of an emotional break-through- I have been bringing up the possibility of adoption with M recently and he has always been a little bit hesitant. I sat down and had a real look into international adoption (as local adoption in Australia is very very rare - as our government give an allowance to parents/single parents so that they are able to do it on their own and most don't want to part with their babies - understandably!). Australia has an agreement with a few different countries and the most recent agreement they have is with Thailand which really appeals to me. We are planning on visiting Thailand this year at some stage so for me I am hoping it will reaffirm the feelings I have towards it. M said to me the other day that since we have looked into that he feels a lot happier and as though their really is 'hope'. You have to be 25 to apply to adopt (4 years away for me unfortunately!) but at least that gives us time to work things out and by that stage we will have been married for 5 years therefore a strong candidate to adopt. I thought about what I wanted from my life and I know I want to have children. To me, genetics isn't my number one 'need' in a family (although, this is understandably different to each individual especially my Husband; who had always dreamt of a mini-me). My dreams are teaching my child how to ride a bike and read, to settle when they are sad and to raise into a respectful, kind and caring adult; rather than just looking at the physical aspects. Since becoming more 'open' about these desires with M, i think he is really starting to become excited that there might be an end to all of their failures. Even if we fail at that, at least for now we feel something positive may come.

For me, even just looking into the adoption process has made me feel a lot better and stronger - although I know it will not be easy it has at least made me feel as though there is a little light hopefully at the end of this dreadful tunnel. I keep feeling as though there is a soul out there that I am yet to meet but just the thought of that little soul really comforts me and I just see this journey as my search for it. Just taking a positive outlook is making me feel better all over.

We have decided to do one more cycle and possibly PGD testing (if we have enough embryos) but that would be it. (Along with any frozen embryos we have). Currently have one on ice here but will not transfer until I have this appointment and some testing done. I have recieved the pre-appointment forms that they sent to me and it basically asks whether or not we have any history of arthritis (yep - rheumatoid and osteo in my grandmother), any strange rashes after ET (yep - hospitalized with a rash after my first ET), multiple failed ivf cycles (yep - 5 cycles) so I am really interested now in what he has to say.

Regardless, I KNOW that we will both be more than OK in the end. One day we will mysteriously run into each other at Disney Land with our babies or something and feel grateful for the journey to our family. (I can dream haha!)

 

[Hatethewait85]

Hi Eveclo dear. Hope you are well I ended up taking another bnb break, but I've been thinking about you! That's great that your hubs is opening up a bit to the idea of adoption. I'm still hoping you'll end up with a BFP before it comes to that, but it's soo good that he's keeping an open mind. I totally agree with your thoughts and dreams - I'm just looking forward to raising a kind, respectful human being that will contribute positively. I am so excited at watching them grow and learn and figure things out every day. I can't believe that you have to wait to be 25 though!That seems so crazy and strange to me. In the US I think you have to be 21.

It sounds like you and your hubs have come up with a good game plan. Interesting on the pre-appointment paperwork questions. Sounds like it may be on to something! Does that mean you've scheduled your appointment? Can't wait to hear more about it if so.

Hubs and I just got back from a little get away. We took some time off last week because I wasn't sure how I'd fare with our EDD (2/20) if I had to go to work. It was bittersweet- nice to celebrate the two of us and sneak away from reality but hard to reflect on what we were missing out on. AF is now knocking on the door but hasn't actually arrived yet, which is surprising me. If it wasn't for the negative test I took this morning I'd be pretty excited! So, if not yet today (still several hours left to consider today day 1) then tomorrow will be day 1 of cycle # who knows, but we can call it cycle 1 of 3 remaining cycles. We have agreed on 3 more cycles max (I may even just elect to stop after 1 or 2 more) and then we will be all in on the adoption wagon. I've been reading snippets online about the process and starting to feel at ease and even a little excited for that journey. I know it's overwhelming as we started it once 2 years ago, but LTTC is something I'm nearly ready to move past.

Anyway, I hope all is well with you. It would be awesome to randomly bump into you at Disney with our bambinos. Someday!

 

[eveclo]

Hi Eveclo dear. Hope you are well I ended up taking another bnb break, but I've been thinking about you! That's great that your hubs is opening up a bit to the idea of adoption. I'm still hoping you'll end up with a BFP before it comes to that, but it's soo good that he's keeping an open mind. I totally agree with your thoughts and dreams - I'm just looking forward to raising a kind, respectful human being that will contribute positively. I am so excited at watching them grow and learn and figure things out every day. I can't believe that you have to wait to be 25 though!That seems so crazy and strange to me. In the US I think you have to be 21.

It sounds like you and your hubs have come up with a good game plan. Interesting on the pre-appointment paperwork questions. Sounds like it may be on to something! Does that mean you've scheduled your appointment? Can't wait to hear more about it if so.

Hubs and I just got back from a little get away. We took some time off last week because I wasn't sure how I'd fare with our EDD (2/20) if I had to go to work. It was bittersweet- nice to celebrate the two of us and sneak away from reality but hard to reflect on what we were missing out on. AF is now knocking on the door but hasn't actually arrived yet, which is surprising me. If it wasn't for the negative test I took this morning I'd be pretty excited! So, if not yet today (still several hours left to consider today day 1) then tomorrow will be day 1 of cycle # who knows, but we can call it cycle 1 of 3 remaining cycles. We have agreed on 3 more cycles max (I may even just elect to stop after 1 or 2 more) and then we will be all in on the adoption wagon. I've been reading snippets online about the process and starting to feel at ease and even a little excited for that journey. I know it's overwhelming as we started it once 2 years ago, but LTTC is something I'm nearly ready to move past.

Anyway, I hope all is well with you. It would be awesome to randomly bump into you at Disney with our bambinos. Someday!

I know! It is such a pain to have to wait but at the same time it gives us some time to sort things out and finish up with IVF and do a few last ditch attempts. I still haven't scheduled my appointment i have been so slack! I am planning on doing it in the next few weeks I just have to contact my old clinic and understand what they have already tested me for. They are proving a bit difficult to get onto, I emailed them asking and they asked me to call but I didn't get that email until later and everytime i call they are busy. Sigh.

I'm so sorry your EDD has passed, such an awful time. I'm glad you and your husband were able to get away and concentrate on you. Don't worry you will get there soon. So you aren't thinking of doing another IVF cycle? I think it is great that you will be looking into Adoption I can't wait to follow that journey. I have been looking into local adoption in Australia which is 21 and older however in Australia we have something called 'centrelink' which is basically where the government gives people money if they are single parents or unemployed etc. so that it is easier for people to look after their children and therefore less need to put them up for adoption. So there are not many children adopted each year in australia, I believe last year there were only about 20 in the whole of Aus adopted locally. But i figure it is worth a try if another IVF cycle fails.

It feels nice to know there is another option out there and it is doable. I hope you are doing well, xxx

 

[Hatethewait85]

Sorry your old clinic is so hard to get a hold of. That would be very frustrating. Hopefully you'll be in touch with them soon. I'm anxious to hear what the RI has to say about you!

If you would've asked me a year ago about another IVF cycle, I was all in. But now, for some reason I just can't stand the idea of going through that roller coaster again. It'd also cost us about 15,000 USD and adoption will cost us 30-40k USD so I just can't stand the money we'd lose if we did another IVF and failed and then went on to adoption. The strong desire I had to get pregnant and see my genes live on is starting to fade. Don't get me wrong, I still REALLY want to get pregnant and see my genes mix with the hubsters, REALLY REALLY (hear that universe!), but I am accepting that may not be my path. We're planning to continue to ttc even after we start the adoption process... at least for a little awhile. We are doing a hybrid cycle with TI this month. I have one more follistim injection tomorrow and a follie check Friday and desperately hoping that my left ovary isn't so lazy this month! We'll know soon enough.

That's nice that your government will help support parents that need it so they can raise their own children, but that still surprises me that only 20 children end up needing adoption! That just amazes me, because I think that finances certainly pay a big role in people not being able to raisee their child but so many other things - maturity/emotional stability/mental healt, etc can affect someones capability. Even though the numbers are small, it's definitely worth a try! Is there a waiting list to adopt?

And can I just say, your uncle is amazing for wanting to contribute to your IVF journey! I totally understand your hesitations though. I think its a good idea to meet with him and decide after you speak with him. My in-laws have offered us money to help us if we choose to adopt, which is so very sweet. Sounds like we are both pretty fortunate with good family.

Thinking of you!

 

[eveclo]

Sorry your old clinic is so hard to get a hold of. That would be very frustrating. Hopefully you'll be in touch with them soon. I'm anxious to hear what the RI has to say about you!

If you would've asked me a year ago about another IVF cycle, I was all in. But now, for some reason I just can't stand the idea of going through that roller coaster again. It'd also cost us about 15,000 USD and adoption will cost us 30-40k USD so I just can't stand the money we'd lose if we did another IVF and failed and then went on to adoption. The strong desire I had to get pregnant and see my genes live on is starting to fade. Don't get me wrong, I still REALLY want to get pregnant and see my genes mix with the hubsters, REALLY REALLY (hear that universe!), but I am accepting that may not be my path. We're planning to continue to ttc even after we start the adoption process... at least for a little awhile. We are doing a hybrid cycle with TI this month. I have one more follistim injection tomorrow and a follie check Friday and desperately hoping that my left ovary isn't so lazy this month! We'll know soon enough.

That's nice that your government will help support parents that need it so they can raise their own children, but that still surprises me that only 20 children end up needing adoption! That just amazes me, because I think that finances certainly pay a big role in people not being able to raisee their child but so many other things - maturity/emotional stability/mental healt, etc can affect someones capability. Even though the numbers are small, it's definitely worth a try! Is there a waiting list to adopt?

And can I just say, your uncle is amazing for wanting to contribute to your IVF journey! I totally understand your hesitations though. I think its a good idea to meet with him and decide after you speak with him. My in-laws have offered us money to help us if we choose to adopt, which is so very sweet. Sounds like we are both pretty fortunate with good family.

Thinking of you!

Ooo I am so keen to hear what he has to say / what test results might come up but I am also super nervous to hear something that can't be fixed or something weird - i'm not sure. I just don't feel ready yet maybe it's that whole spirit baby business coming into play! Wrong timing haha, but don't worry you will be the first person to know when i have the appointment!

I know what you mean completely. I can't believe how expensive IVF is in USA. It's so hard. Some nights M and I talk about what we would do if we won 5 million dollars and I rattle off a list of things and you and some of the other amazing ladies i have met on here are definitely in that list so let's just keep sending the positive vibes that we will win lotto haha

My mother in law put it perfectly for me when I was talking about adoption or surrogacy, she said 'pregnancy and the birth is really hyped up when it is happening; but when you put it into perspective it really is just 9 months of something great, but when that baby comes along there is so much more to it than just carrying them.' She actually put her daughter up for adoption when she had her at just 18 many moons ago. She has recently been in touch with her daughter in the past few years and says there isn't a very strong connection there (which i find crazy but each to their own) but that it reaffirms her position that it does not matter if you carry that child, or if the child has your dna, it's the moments and memories that create that bond and connection to your kids. Interesting perspective from an adoptive mother that really made me think adoption would be such a blessing.

At least you know now that you can fall pregnant it's just finding that perfect egg and sperm! Get that left ovary into gear

The government here is quite generous, we are so grateful especially when it comes to our IVF cycles. Our last cycle was $2990 out of pocket including ICSI and then $400 to freeze our last remaining embryo but i am worried they just froze it to get us to pay the freezing fee! Sigh.

I believe there is a waiting list for adoption locally. I found a forum actually from about 2012 and a woman and her husband had applied for local adoption in say, May and by August they had a phone call from the adoption coordinator asking if they would be willing to adopt a 2 day old baby girl and 2 weeks later the paper work had gone through.

What about in the USA? what is the process like there? Do you have to find your own agency? Do the parents have to choose you or does someone else do the matching?

He is a really lovely man. He knew we would reject it if it came from him so he asked if M's mum would just say it was from her but she couldn't do that. That's so lovely of your In-Laws. It really helps when you have a supportive family that just want you to have the greatest gift in the world! (Plus your friends from the other side of the world who have you on their lotto list - it could happen, hahaha)

I hope you are doing well HTW. Look after yourself xxxx

 

[Hatethewait85]

You definitely want to make sure you're in the right place for an appointment like that. I remember being nervous for my RI appointment last year, so I can totally relate. I think it's normal. I hope that they find some super easy to fix problem for you!! You'll get there, I know it.

Oh my gosh, I dream about winning the lottery at times!! There's so much good that could be done with that kind of money and I would love to be able to share the winnings with my BNB family and help make dreams come true.

Your MIL is so smart. There's really so much more to it then the baby in the belly, but gosh what an amazing miracle to get to experience. That is so interesting on the lack of bond between your MIL and her daughter. I suppose that bond does take time to develop. Are adoptions there closed (meaning no contact from birth parents and child until child is old enough)? It sounds like the wait you'd have is pretty reasonable if you do choose to adopt. Here a lot of the wait depends on what limitations/restrictions you place on the situation - i.e. race (black babies are easiest to adopt I think), health of the mother (did she do recreational drugs/smoke? did she have mental health/take prescription medications? etc), type of adoption (open vs. closed). But I think the average couple waits a year to find a match; all the power is in the hands of the birth parents. All adoptions in the state I live in have to be conducted through an agency, you have to have a home study and other long application process requirements before you can even be presented to birth parents.

It is a relief at times to know that I can fall pregnant on my own, but the longer I go without getting pregnant again the more I view it as just a fluke! It's hard to imagine getting that lucky again, but I'm trying to be hopeful this month. Particularly because I know I'm ovulating from the side I have a tube this time - I had 2 follicles actually on that side at my scan on Friday. I triggered last night, so now I just have to hope the right egg and sperm meet up... fingers crossed so tight!

Thank goodness for amazing friends and family to help us stay sane during this process. And fingers crossed tight for lotto winners

 

[eveclo]

You definitely want to make sure you're in the right place for an appointment like that. I remember being nervous for my RI appointment last year, so I can totally relate. I think it's normal. I hope that they find some super easy to fix problem for you!! You'll get there, I know it.

Oh my gosh, I dream about winning the lottery at times!! There's so much good that could be done with that kind of money and I would love to be able to share the winnings with my BNB family and help make dreams come true.

Your MIL is so smart. There's really so much more to it then the baby in the belly, but gosh what an amazing miracle to get to experience. That is so interesting on the lack of bond between your MIL and her daughter. I suppose that bond does take time to develop. Are adoptions there closed (meaning no contact from birth parents and child until child is old enough)? It sounds like the wait you'd have is pretty reasonable if you do choose to adopt. Here a lot of the wait depends on what limitations/restrictions you place on the situation - i.e. race (black babies are easiest to adopt I think), health of the mother (did she do recreational drugs/smoke? did she have mental health/take prescription medications? etc), type of adoption (open vs. closed). But I think the average couple waits a year to find a match; all the power is in the hands of the birth parents. All adoptions in the state I live in have to be conducted through an agency, you have to have a home study and other long application process requirements before you can even be presented to birth parents.

It is a relief at times to know that I can fall pregnant on my own, but the longer I go without getting pregnant again the more I view it as just a fluke! It's hard to imagine getting that lucky again, but I'm trying to be hopeful this month. Particularly because I know I'm ovulating from the side I have a tube this time - I had 2 follicles actually on that side at my scan on Friday. I triggered last night, so now I just have to hope the right egg and sperm meet up... fingers crossed so tight!

Thank goodness for amazing friends and family to help us stay sane during this process. And fingers crossed tight for lotto winners

She is a really smart lady, but thinks all with her head and not her heart, hence why she probably feels that way about her adopted daughter. Back in the day it was closed adoptions, but now it is all open. The children have to know they are adopted and know where they came from. They have a firm belief that all children should know where they came from which I think it fair. I would want to know. I am a really open person anyway so i think that it would just be nice to have everything laid out on the table.

A year doesn't sound too bad in the big scheme of things. If i were an adoptive parent i would choose you to have my baby though for sure!!!

Good luck with this cycle, awesome news to know that you will actually be ovulating woohoo!!! Let me know how you go xxx

 

[Hatethewait85]

Well my last cycle ended up as BFN. AF at least had the decency to arrive a day earlier than I expected so at least I wasn't getting too hopeful or anything. We've decided to take the month off of meds and such and have started researching adoption agencies. Actually we have a tele-seminar tonight with one of the agencies. Hubs is freaking out a bit about the cost and the potential wait. I'm trying to stay calm. It's been a rollercoaster around here the last few days for both of us! BUt we'll get there in the end. We do have enough follistim for one more cycle so we will do it, maybe sometime this summer? Not sure. I guess when we feel up for it, we will know!

The trend here is to have much more open adoptions. I think it's pretty rare for a closed adoption to go through these days. It's ultimately up to the birth mom though, or at least as far as I understand it. I'm not a very open person IRL but can see the advantages for the child to know their family history and where they came from so will certainly be up for that type of relationship with the birth family.

I was happy to read your blog and see that you've sent in the paperwork. Any ideas when your consult actually will be?

I was sad to read the rest of your latest update. I can certainly relate. My lil sister got pregnant very quickly (right before I was to do IVF) and it hit me hard. I was probably a terrible big sister because jealousy was a very strong emotion I had. I know it will be hard for you, just speaking from my experience, but you will be ok in the end. I'm hoping that it won't be long before you're growing your own lil bubba

All the best

 

[eveclo]

Well my last cycle ended up as BFN. AF at least had the decency to arrive a day earlier than I expected so at least I wasn't getting too hopeful or anything. We've decided to take the month off of meds and such and have started researching adoption agencies. Actually we have a tele-seminar tonight with one of the agencies. Hubs is freaking out a bit about the cost and the potential wait. I'm trying to stay calm. It's been a rollercoaster around here the last few days for both of us! BUt we'll get there in the end. We do have enough follistim for one more cycle so we will do it, maybe sometime this summer? Not sure. I guess when we feel up for it, we will know!

The trend here is to have much more open adoptions. I think it's pretty rare for a closed adoption to go through these days. It's ultimately up to the birth mom though, or at least as far as I understand it. I'm not a very open person IRL but can see the advantages for the child to know their family history and where they came from so will certainly be up for that type of relationship with the birth family.

I was happy to read your blog and see that you've sent in the paperwork. Any ideas when your consult actually will be?

I was sad to read the rest of your latest update. I can certainly relate. My lil sister got pregnant very quickly (right before I was to do IVF) and it hit me hard. I was probably a terrible big sister because jealousy was a very strong emotion I had. I know it will be hard for you, just speaking from my experience, but you will be ok in the end. I'm hoping that it won't be long before you're growing your own lil bubba

All the best

Ow, i'm so sorry to hear that HTW.

It's fantastic you guys are getting the ball rolling with Adoption, i can understand your Husbands concerns, it is a bit daunting to be going down a different path but it may just be the best thing you ever did. Time will tell but i'm sure that once you have a beautiful baby in your arms it will all make sense.

I have sent all the paperwork, and have been ringing the office but it seems his Receptionist has a lot on her plate at the moment and hasn't been able to organise the telephone interview for me, which is frustrating to say the least. It's 10.30pm here and she told me she would call me back today when I called around 12pm. I'm not in a great hurry but it has just hit me that we move states in June and I would like to transfer our embryo here and hopefully be under some sort of immune protocol if that is what we need.

I really hope this year is ours HTW and something good happens for both of us. xx

 

[Hatethewait85]

Anxiously waiting your test results!! How much longer?! How's everything else going?

I'm just waiting for AF. CD30 today, but not sure when I ovulated. Longest cycle has been 34 days, average 28-32 non-medicated. I think I will test tomorrow AM if no sign of her by then. I always feel a desire to test early now just because of my ectopic history. I want to get that ultrasound as soon as I can so I can rule out an ectopic if I ever get pregnant again. We're also planning on using up the rest of our meds this next cycle (assuming this current cycle is a bust) so that we can just commit fully to adoption.

We have had 2 meetings with 2 different adoption agencies and have our third (final) meeting with another agency next week. We have a pretty good idea of how we are leaning and hope to make up our mind by the end of the month. Then come the start of payments and the home study evaluations! We will be so busy after that.

2015 most certainly is our year. It has to be! It's certainly time we get a happy beginning

 

[eveclo]

Anxiously waiting your test results!! How much longer?! How's everything else going?

I'm just waiting for AF. CD30 today, but not sure when I ovulated. Longest cycle has been 34 days, average 28-32 non-medicated. I think I will test tomorrow AM if no sign of her by then. I always feel a desire to test early now just because of my ectopic history. I want to get that ultrasound as soon as I can so I can rule out an ectopic if I ever get pregnant again. We're also planning on using up the rest of our meds this next cycle (assuming this current cycle is a bust) so that we can just commit fully to adoption.

We have had 2 meetings with 2 different adoption agencies and have our third (final) meeting with another agency next week. We have a pretty good idea of how we are leaning and hope to make up our mind by the end of the month. Then come the start of payments and the home study evaluations! We will be so busy after that.

2015 most certainly is our year. It has to be! It's certainly time we get a happy beginning

HTW, how are you lovely? Thank you for checking in, finally i am able to update you with some news! I have been diagnosed with ANA (antinuclear antibodies). The antibodies that target “normal” proteins within the nucleus of a cell are called antinuclear antibodies, and basically I am self destructing! I also have been found to have high amounts of Natural killer cells, with my natural killer cells outweighing my T cells (apparently these are the good cells). Our RI seems to think that this is very much the reason behind our failed transfers as this is the most we can see, obviously embryo quality does come into play but most of ours have been of quite good quality. So, that's my news! It's exciting but also scary to think maybe it can't be controlled and i will just never get pregnant but we have a bit of a plan to run with until we give up.

The treatment is as followed;
CD1; begin Prednisone (steroids) 15mg (my last fresh cycle I was on 20mg Prednisone but i only began this on day of EPU, which only gave my body 5 days to have it in my system - our new doctor doesn't believe this is enough time for the body to be desensitised to foreign dna and he recommends beginning at least at CD1 which is interesting.

1 Week before ET; Begin Clexane injections (once again, I was on clexane but I only began this the day of ET, and he also said this wasn't enough time for my blood to completely thin and stop clotting around the embryo)

1 Week before ET; Intralipid Infusion; where I stay overnight in hospital in Sydney (i have to fly there) and be infused with this soya emulsion stuff, so crazy! But apparently it works quite well.

Day of ET; begin double dose of Progesterone (he didn't say why but I assume it's got something to do with having more progesterone, duh! haha)

and basically, that is it. We are going into this next FET knowing that we will probably have to do another EPU and try this again, but it is exciting to know we are throwing everything at it. He charges about $500 for the Intralipid, as I have private health cover i do not need to pay for the hospital bed which is a relief, as our finances have been so so stretched. I feel really guilty for Mitch as I don't want to feel as though I am keeping him from having his own genetic family. I think it is a struggle I will face throughout my life but I really want to try as much as I can cope with.

How is everything going adoption wise, do you have any news for me? Any decisions being made? Is there much of a difference between the 2 adoption agencies? I am so excited for you. xo

 

[Hatethewait85]

Anxiously waiting your test results!! How much longer?! How's everything else going?

I'm just waiting for AF. CD30 today, but not sure when I ovulated. Longest cycle has been 34 days, average 28-32 non-medicated. I think I will test tomorrow AM if no sign of her by then. I always feel a desire to test early now just because of my ectopic history. I want to get that ultrasound as soon as I can so I can rule out an ectopic if I ever get pregnant again. We're also planning on using up the rest of our meds this next cycle (assuming this current cycle is a bust) so that we can just commit fully to adoption.

We have had 2 meetings with 2 different adoption agencies and have our third (final) meeting with another agency next week. We have a pretty good idea of how we are leaning and hope to make up our mind by the end of the month. Then come the start of payments and the home study evaluations! We will be so busy after that.

2015 most certainly is our year. It has to be! It's certainly time we get a happy beginning

HTW, how are you lovely? Thank you for checking in, finally i am able to update you with some news! I have been diagnosed with ANA (antinuclear antibodies). The antibodies that target “normal” proteins within the nucleus of a cell are called antinuclear antibodies, and basically I am self destructing! I also have been found to have high amounts of Natural killer cells, with my natural killer cells outweighing my T cells (apparently these are the good cells). Our RI seems to think that this is very much the reason behind our failed transfers as this is the most we can see, obviously embryo quality does come into play but most of ours have been of quite good quality. So, that's my news! It's exciting but also scary to think maybe it can't be controlled and i will just never get pregnant but we have a bit of a plan to run with until we give up.

The treatment is as followed;
CD1; begin Prednisone (steroids) 15mg (my last fresh cycle I was on 20mg Prednisone but i only began this on day of EPU, which only gave my body 5 days to have it in my system - our new doctor doesn't believe this is enough time for the body to be desensitised to foreign dna and he recommends beginning at least at CD1 which is interesting.

1 Week before ET; Begin Clexane injections (once again, I was on clexane but I only began this the day of ET, and he also said this wasn't enough time for my blood to completely thin and stop clotting around the embryo)

1 Week before ET; Intralipid Infusion; where I stay overnight in hospital in Sydney (i have to fly there) and be infused with this soya emulsion stuff, so crazy! But apparently it works quite well.

Day of ET; begin double dose of Progesterone (he didn't say why but I assume it's got something to do with having more progesterone, duh! haha)

and basically, that is it. We are going into this next FET knowing that we will probably have to do another EPU and try this again, but it is exciting to know we are throwing everything at it. He charges about $500 for the Intralipid, as I have private health cover i do not need to pay for the hospital bed which is a relief, as our finances have been so so stretched. I feel really guilty for Mitch as I don't want to feel as though I am keeping him from having his own genetic family. I think it is a struggle I will face throughout my life but I really want to try as much as I can cope with.

How is everything going adoption wise, do you have any news for me? Any decisions being made? Is there much of a difference between the 2 adoption agencies? I am so excited for you. xo

Oh hun! Yay for some answers! Can't believe you are gearing up for an FET already - seems to be happening so fast all of a sudden but I know you've done your fair share of waiting. It sounds like a great plan to FINALLY get you your baby! So happy for you Did he say you will need more intralipids if you do end up pregnant? I've seen protocols where people will get a second infusion when they get their BFP and sometimes even later than that.

A friend of mine who's had recurrent pregnancy losses is now 17 weeks pregnant with her miracle baby with the addition of intralipids! I hope you follow in her foot steps!

I totally understand your guilt. Just this morning I was thinking how it's likely my darn eggs fault that I can't bring up a mini-me for my hubs. It sucks and truly would do anything to make it happen if money was no object. He just wants to be a dad to any lil baby that wants us so I'm hoping the adoption process runs as smoothly as it can!

Well we've filled out applications for 2 adoption agencies (one local to our state and one national US agency) and will submit those this week. The application process has been pretty easy so the more challenging aspects are yet to come! We opted not to use a 3rd agency that we met with. They have a waiting list that averages 6 months and right now their wait list is full! After you wait the 6 mo on the waiting list, then it's an average 12+ months until your matched with a family. SOOO long. The national agency has an average wait time of 12 months to taking home your baby (and as little as 3 months)! So this time next year I could be a mama!!

We also are in the midst of our last medicated cycle. On day 4 of letrozole and will start the follistim for 3 days on Thursday. I go in for a CD11 ultrasound on Sun (US mother's day, which is fitting, isn't it?). Maybe we'll end up bump buddies! Fx. I'm truly so excited for you. I can't wait for your next cycle to start!!!