Fed up of being made to feel guilty about formula feeding!

[MrsRabbit]

Doesn't the WHO have a list that says breast milk from the breast is better than pumped milk, then donated milk and formula is like 4th best...so it basically tells pumping moms who do twice as much well your milk is second best. Geee and they wonder why women are so emotional about the issue.

no, it isn't "telling" those mums anything of the sort, it is simply relaying facts. expressed milk is not as beneficial to a baby as milk straight from the breast. i think people have to stop interpreting such quotes as attacks when they really aren't.

I think people need to stop pretending that these things aren't hurtful. If breastfeeding wasn't such an emotional issue - there wouldn't be all these forums on the issue.

There is also NICER ways to state facts. If we all stated the facts as coldly as possible without consideration for people's feelings - there would be a lot more people with broken noses.

I could imagine it now..

 

[Nic1107]

Doesn't the WHO have a list that says breast milk from the breast is better than pumped milk, then donated milk and formula is like 4th best...so it basically tells pumping moms who do twice as much well your milk is second best. Geee and they wonder why women are so emotional about the issue.

no, it isn't "telling" those mums anything of the sort, it is simply relaying facts. expressed milk is not as beneficial to a baby as milk straight from the breast. i think people have to stop interpreting such quotes as attacks when they really aren't.

I think people need to stop pretending that these things aren't hurtful. If breastfeeding wasn't such an emotional issue - there wouldn't be all these forums on the issue.

There is also NICER ways to state facts. If we all stated the facts as coldly as possible without consideration for people's feelings - there would be a lot more people with broken noses.

I could imagine it now..

Amen, right on, 10000x this, and I love you.

 

[bathbabe]

i suggest some of you read the title again! She needs support for FF, not to be told that FF is the 4th best way to feed her baby! Wheres the support gone on this forum?!

 

[aliss]

i suggest some of you read the title again! She needs support for FF, not to be told that FF is the 4th best way to feed her baby! Wheres the support gone on this forum?!

This post was originally in the baby club and it was moved after most comments I think

 

[Eve]

Yeah, that's why I've been in here It started in babyclub and was moved over to FF section.

 

[bubbles123]

I have talked about this with many people, especially about the huge amount of guilt felt by FF'ing mothers and the huge presssure many women feel to BF. What really worries me is that what will happen is that there will actually be a backlash against BF'ing and that could even be aimed at regular BF'ing mothers. I 100% agree with Bf needing to be protected but what is happening at the moment is worrying - especially the emotional effects on women who need to use formula and are exposed again and again to being told formula is 4th best etc etc. It is so bad for womens' emotional health. We need to stop politicising formula and going on and on about BF being best and instead look at WHY people are not Bf'ing more - and that's not because of formula, it's not enough BF support. Going on and on about breast milk being best on formula cans does not help you when you have a baby that won't latch, a tongue tie they won't snip, low supply, bleeding nipples... the list goes on. If you go too far to the extreme, you turn people away from your issue. They will simply stop believing you. I worry all this will only further damage BF in this country if the Bf'ing campaign is not changed from it's current path.

 

[fairypop]

I feel guilty about it too, I feel guilty and think I should have tried harder. It makes me feel bad when I see anything about BF

 

[MrsRabbit]

I felt I was being supportive. I also think this thread was more than support and was a discussion. OP - You will one day come to a point where you aren't as easily hurt by these types of things merely annoyed. I hope you get to that place. For all our reasons to formula feed - they are ours. Don't feel guilty about feeding your baby. Your baby will love you no matter what.

 

[GossipGirly]

I have talked about this with many people, especially about the huge amount of guilt felt by FF'ing mothers and the huge presssure many women feel to BF. What really worries me is that what will happen is that there will actually be a backlash against BF'ing and that could even be aimed at regular BF'ing mothers. I 100% agree with Bf needing to be protected but what is happening at the moment is worrying - especially the emotional effects on women who need to use formula and are exposed again and again to being told formula is 4th best etc etc. It is so bad for womens' emotional health. We need to stop politicising formula and going on and on about BF being best and instead look at WHY people are not Bf'ing more - and that's not because of formula, it's not enough BF support. Going on and on about breast milk being best on formula cans does not help you when you have a baby that won't latch, a tongue tie they won't snip, low supply, bleeding nipples... the list goes on. If you go too far to the extreme, you turn people away from your issue. They will simply stop believing you. I worry all this will only further damage BF in this country if the Bf'ing campaign is not changed from it's current path.

very well put, couldnt agree more x

 

[Foogirl]

There is also NICER ways to state facts. If we all stated the facts as coldly as possible without consideration for people's feelings - there would be a lot more people with broken noses.

Is there though? I think no matter how the facts are stated, someone will be offended.

 

[Eve]

There are nicer ways to put things on here though. I find we come on here and state our facts that we as bfers know well and act like they don't as how could they possibly know and still FF. We, as well informed women should help those unsure on how they will feed, or those needing support to get through it. We do not need to educate and throw around facts to someone who has already made their decision, be it by choice or not. I do also feel FFers should be more supportive towards bfing. When someone comes in the FF section unsure try and be supportive of both methods, not just the "I switched etc... it doesn't matter" We all need to come together and stop being defensive and judgmental and pushy.

 

[Nic1107]

There are nicer ways to put things on here though. I find we come on here and state our facts that we as bfers know well and act like they don't as how could they possibly know and still FF. We, as well informed women should help those unsure on how they will feed, or those needing support to get through it. We do not need to educate and throw around facts to someone who has already made their decision, be it by choice or not. I do also feel FFers should be more supportive towards bfing. When someone comes in the FF section unsure try and be supportive of both methods, not just the "I switched etc... it doesn't matter" We all need to come together and stop being defensive and judgmental and pushy.

Thank you so much for saying that! The whole quote actually, but especially the bolded bits.

 

[Eve]

There are nicer ways to put things on here though. I find we come on here and state our facts that we as bfers know well and act like they don't as how could they possibly know and still FF. We, as well informed women should help those unsure on how they will feed, or those needing support to get through it. We do not need to educate and throw around facts to someone who has already made their decision, be it by choice or not. I do also feel FFers should be more supportive towards bfing. When someone comes in the FF section unsure try and be supportive of both methods, not just the "I switched etc... it doesn't matter" We all need to come together and stop being defensive and judgmental and pushy.

Thank you so much for saying that! The whole quote actually, but especially the bolded bits.

You're welcome hun. I am so tired of it all, being judged either way and it's a shame. You know what? When I was told it would be best to use formula over cows milk I was worried, I felt like I would be a breast feeder anymore and feared being judged for using it. I also found myself judging others for using formula, and it didn't feel nice. I see it all the time. The people (including myself) would feel the need to go on and "educate" people on breastfeeding, who already have children and are using formula. What help is that? Just would add the more depressed and angry people IMO. I totally understand why "facts" can be offensive... well not the facts, but stating them. I know if someone came to me going on about formula and how this and that I would be offended... what do I look like? a moron? lol Now, moms who are pregnant and not too sure where to go feeding wise, I think it's a very good thing to give facts, and promote breastfeeding because we do know the benefits of it, but also to be supportive of their choice no matter which they decide. There is a huge lack of support for both on here and we need to bridge the gap between us and to all.

 

[Eve]

Before I do get jumped for my posts, I would like to clarify I DO NOT mean everyone who breastfeeds or everyone who formula feeds so I didn't put all me eggs in one basket. lol

 

[Foogirl]

There are nicer ways to put things on here though. I find we come on here and state our facts that we as bfers know well and act like they don't as how could they possibly know and still FF. We, as well informed women should help those unsure on how they will feed, or those needing support to get through it. We do not need to educate and throw around facts to someone who has already made their decision, be it by choice or not. I do also feel FFers should be more supportive towards bfing. When someone comes in the FF section unsure try and be supportive of both methods, not just the "I switched etc... it doesn't matter" We all need to come together and stop being defensive and judgmental and pushy.

But as I said before, often it is the interpretation of what is said which causes the problem, rather than the actual words themselves. What I read earlier was simply some facts as printed by WHO. It was relevant to a point being made. There was no malice, or judgement, or any inference that anyone who would choose not to BF were wrong. And it doesn't matter how that sort of information is given out, if someone already has feelings of guilt etc because they FF, that will re-inforce those feelings. It is less to do with the facts and more to do with a personal insecurity. As far as I can see on this thread - and on most others on this subject, there is rarely any out and out judgement. In my personal experience, many of the FFers I have met in person tend to jump in and be defensive, as soon as they hear I was a Bfer. It is a little annoying to me that they would think I would cast judgement, but I do understand why they think they have to do that. In reality though, I don't think they have to and most people couldn't give a toss why people choose to feed their babies in their own way.

 

[Nic1107]

I don't think it's about the interpretation of facts when it's in the FF section or a one-on-one conversation with someone who's already FF- in those circumstances, it's about the location of the facts. You see, we don't need them anymore. They do us no good. And posting them just in case someone pregnant reads about our positive experiences with formula or the fact that we're doing okay despite the facts- I remember a story told on here (I apologize I can't remember who posted it) about a lady on this forum who'd just given birth and was made to close the curtain around her bed when she bottle-fed her baby in case in seeing her feed was harmful to the 'BF-ing relationship' of the woman in the next bed over. Yeah, it feels like that when our posts are disclaimered, or someone comes in to remind of once again of why 'breast is best' is printed on the formula tin.

And I'm not trying to yell at anyone here but- in a gentle voice, holding a flower- it puts dents in my head whenever I see "If I was in that situation I wouldn't feel that way" because you just might, and wouldn't know if you didn't actually end up there. My own feelings on feeding change with the wind, so to say you'd deal with something better than we did, just on a good guess, is a bit not-so-much-helpful.

 

[GossipGirly]

I know this is no OT and of no helpful imput but in response to the closing teh curtain, I was shocked to discover that South Tyneside Hospital where im originally from seperate ff and bf woman in different bays... I think thats discusting and just bridging a divide ! We all feed our babies... support each other no body should feel guilty about it x

 

[Nic1107]

I know this is no OT and of no helpful imput but in response to the closing teh curtain, I was shocked to discover that South Tyneside Hospital where im originally from seperate ff and bf woman in different bays... I think thats discusting and just bridging a divide ! We all feed our babies... support each other no body should feel guilty about it x

What do they do with combination feeders? lol

 

[GossipGirly]

not sure... shove them in a side room my cousin was on the postnatal ward and told me not me I gave birth in Bolton x

 

[Foogirl]

I don't think it's about the interpretation of facts when it's in the FF section or a one-on-one conversation with someone who's already FF- in those circumstances, it's about the location of the facts. You see, we don't need them anymore. They do us no good. And posting them just in case someone pregnant reads about our positive experiences with formula or the fact that we're doing okay despite the facts- I remember a story told on here (I apologize I can't remember who posted it) about a lady on this forum who'd just given birth and was made to close the curtain around her bed when she bottle-fed her baby in case in seeing her feed was harmful to the 'BF-ing relationship' of the woman in the next bed over. Yeah, it feels like that when our posts are disclaimered, or someone comes in to remind of once again of why 'breast is best' is printed on the formula tin.

And I'm not trying to yell at anyone here but- in a gentle voice, holding a flower- it puts dents in my head whenever I see "If I was in that situation I wouldn't feel that way" because you just might, and wouldn't know if you didn't actually end up there. My own feelings on feeding change with the wind, so to say you'd deal with something better than we did, just on a good guess, is a bit not-so-much-helpful.

Exactly my point, the problems are with what is said, not how it is said. Some are suggesting there are other ways to give that information which would not offend, and I just don't think that is the case.

As for not knowing how I would feel in a given situation, I can say with absolute certainty what my views would have been if I had not been able to breastfeed. I know this because I had reconciled myself to the fact I may very well have to FF and was entirely comfortable with that. Circumstances around Abby's birth and first few weeks meant the option to breastfeed were almost taken away from me. I wrestled with the guilt, on top of the guilt for not being able to carry her full term and it nearly sent me over the edge. A stern talking to from Mr Foo set me straight. No matter what, no matter how, we would do what was best for all of us and in the end.

As well as this, I've had to have plenty of practice with people making what can be construed as judgemental comments, as well as seemingly downright rude and offensive statements about Abby's prematurity and at all times I've remembered that people generally are well meaning, and not judgemental, and those that are intentionally viscious aren't worth my time worrying about.

Not only that, as I said before, no-one will every be able to make me feel guilty for anything, unless I already have doubts in my mind.