Feel like I`m back to square one

[dancareoi]

Feeling so down and sad again today, I don`t know what to do.

We lost our LO 8 weeks ago today. This was an unplanned PG.

DH didn`t want a 4th baby and now we have lost it is reluctant to say we can try again.

i am 40 now and time is ticking. I really thought he was going to say yes, even though he is worried about us losing another and any other age related things that may happen.

However, he had a bad day himself yesterday. He is not enjoying his job at the moment and his best mate emigrated yesterday, so I think all this combined with the loss of our baby has finally caught up with him.

We had a long talk last night and from the way he was talking I don`t think he is going to want to TTC again, I am devasted.

Where do i go from here. The thought and hope of trying again for a baby was the only thing keeping me going. Without this hope I am totally empty instead, with no chance of being happy ever again, but spending the rest of my life mourning my baby with a lost an empty feeling inside.

I was doing so well and have now taken a huge 8 week step back. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Lisa,
Your loss is so fresh and this is so very normal at this stage, it happens to us all. Like I said I didn't start to feel a little peace till Ava was gone for 10 months, then I went backwards at her first year anniversary, I am feeling better now.
Lisa, please believe me when I say you will get better it just takes awhile to get there, never over it, but you will get to a place where things aren't as hard as they are right now , I promise you this
Lisa, you need to really have a long talk with him and tell him you wont be ok if you don't try one more time and you know you wont, this consumes you and it did me also. He needs to understand that you need this to move on and feel better. I am praying he sees this, he needs to understand you need this to move on in a way., I don't know what else to say on that subject, I just pray he sees your point and gives in.
I love you, Lisa...

 

[dancareoi]

Lisa,
Your loss is so fresh and this is so very normal at this stage, it happens to us all. Like I said I didn't start to feel a little peace till Ava was gone for 10 months, then I went backwards at her first year anniversary, I am feeling better now.
Lisa, please believe me when I say you will get better it just takes awhile to get there, never over it, but you will get to a place where things aren't as hard as they are right now , I promise you this
Lisa, you need to really have a long talk with him and tell him you wont be ok if you don't try one more time and you know you wont, this consumes you and it did me also. He needs to understand that you need this to move on and feel better. I am praying he sees this, he needs to understand you need this to move on in a way., I don't know what else to say on that subject, I just pray he sees your point and gives in.
I love you, Lisa...

hi andrea,

He knows how much I need and want this.

I have been sad all morning. DH just called in on his way back to work and noticed i was upset, i said it was nothing but he asked me to tell him.

I said that i thought after yesterday`s conversation I thought he was going to say no. He said that is not what he meant when he was talking yesterday, he said we should wait and see what this professor says. (although its been 2 weeks since visit to docs and no sign of a letter - I am not going to chase as I don`t want to go)

He knows if he did say no i would be devasted and i think as well he would know that our relationship could and would never be the same again as it would always be between us.

He is in a very difficult situation. But he is still not saying no!

There is still a small flicker of hope!!!!

Thanks again for being there, i knew you would reply to my post because you are always there for me and I love you for that.

 

[SabrinaKat]

and may I remind you ladies -- that compared to me - 40 is spring chicken territory! (I was 43 when I conceived rainbow/delivered at 44), so dancareoi, give yourself a little more time? It sounds like both you and your OH are having a hard time at the moment? (I do understand the obsession, tho!)

best wishes

 

[Bride2b]

How is going Lisa, I think of you often & hope things are are going a little better? Have there been any developments?xx

 

[dancareoi]

How is going Lisa, I think of you often & hope things are are going a little better? Have there been any developments?xx

Hi Gemma, no developments yet, although DH knows how much I need and want this and how devasted I will be if we don`t.

He is waiting to see when we get an appoinment for the hospital to go and get ourselves checked out and tested, to see if there are any medical reasons that would strongly mean the same would happen again.

however, we have been waiting 2 weeks now for appoinment and I have told him i am not going to wait too long.

He has said def no to TTC this month, which would probably be in the next week, so i am keeping fingers crossed he will say yes to April.

Thing is, i reckon if we do try in April, and i if I got PG straight away, we would have a due date of first week in Jan, 2 of me 3 babies were early - so Christmas baby!

Anyway, shouldn`t jump ahead, we have a long way to go.

How is it going with you?

 

[Bride2b]

Its looking more hopeful then, it really does seem that you will be ttc by April. I hate waiting for appointments! Its like you just want to get on the phone & get them to get their arses moving. The chances are there will not be any reason why you cant try again. These second tri losses are usually nothing to do with anything that is likely to be repeated just shear bad luck - so if its the case with you then fingers crossed you might have that Christmas baby!!

I am on cd2! Last cycle was a blow out, but I used soy & got major O pains, and started using cbfm again. I know we missed the window of opportunity to have sperm waiting for the egg as I only had 2 high days before it turned to a peak. When I used cbfm before I used to get 5 highs, then the peaks. So really O surprised me & we didnt get to BD on the 2 high days. So in my mind thats why I think it didnt happen even though we BD on the peak days, but I think it was too late by then anyway!
I was supposed to try smep, but it just didnt happen. I am going to try & smep this month. Its the last month before my due date to get a bfp, and I really need this. I am finding it so hard, everything I do just reminds me of whats happened and how I should be pregnant & waiting for my baby to arrive, I still keep thinking this must be some sort of a nightmare & I'll wake up, as this is all to horrible to be real life! I just wish I could wake up and be pregnant from where I was before (if that makes sense).
I am not coming to these threads so often as I find it quite hard to cope with whats happened & just cant bear to read new stories as it breaks my heart. I have found the last few days really really tough, as I am back to work full time which means I have to be 100% on the ball. My manager called me in to see if I was ok, and I ended up crying in his office! I've seen occupational health & the doctor told me I am not to work full time at the moment, so I am to do 4 hour days for the next 2 weeks, and then 6 hour days for the following week. I am to do a mixture of teaching & non teaching duties to ease myself back in. Then after these 3 weeks it will be easter holidays (and I hope to god I will be pregnant before I return back to work!).

I will keep checking back here to see how everything is going for you xx

 

[dancareoi]

Its looking more hopeful then, it really does seem that you will be ttc by April. I hate waiting for appointments! Its like you just want to get on the phone & get them to get their arses moving. The chances are there will not be any reason why you cant try again. These second tri losses are usually nothing to do with anything that is likely to be repeated just shear bad luck - so if its the case with you then fingers crossed you might have that Christmas baby!!

I am on cd2! Last cycle was a blow out, but I used soy & got major O pains, and started using cbfm again. I know we missed the window of opportunity to have sperm waiting for the egg as I only had 2 high days before it turned to a peak. When I used cbfm before I used to get 5 highs, then the peaks. So really O surprised me & we didnt get to BD on the 2 high days. So in my mind thats why I think it didnt happen even though we BD on the peak days, but I think it was too late by then anyway!
I was supposed to try smep, but it just didnt happen. I am going to try & smep this month. Its the last month before my due date to get a bfp, and I really need this. I am finding it so hard, everything I do just reminds me of whats happened and how I should be pregnant & waiting for my baby to arrive, I still keep thinking this must be some sort of a nightmare & I'll wake up, as this is all to horrible to be real life! I just wish I could wake up and be pregnant from where I was before (if that makes sense).
I am not coming to these threads so often as I find it quite hard to cope with whats happened & just cant bear to read new stories as it breaks my heart. I have found the last few days really really tough, as I am back to work full time which means I have to be 100% on the ball. My manager called me in to see if I was ok, and I ended up crying in his office! I've seen occupational health & the doctor told me I am not to work full time at the moment, so I am to do 4 hour days for the next 2 weeks, and then 6 hour days for the following week. I am to do a mixture of teaching & non teaching duties to ease myself back in. Then after these 3 weeks it will be easter holidays (and I hope to god I will be pregnant before I return back to work!).

I will keep checking back here to see how everything is going for you xx

Gemma, i know exactly what you mean about being in a nightmare, I keep thinking the same myself and hope to wake up and find everything ok.

I have been lucky in the fact that I don`t work full time. My DH and I have our own business. I go to work for 3 hours on a tuesday and 3 hours on a saturday and that is it. i am a stay at home mom the rest of the time.

4 of my 5 pregnancies I conceived the first time of trying my method!(number 5 accident)
the first PG was pot luck as it was the first time we tried and we just thought we would see what happened.
PG 2 - we tried sort of for about 4 months, it was more NTNP but nothing happened, I then took the following steps, which worked first time then on PG 2, first time on PG 3 (MMC) and first time on PG 4 (at 38!)

On the day you get increased CM start taking OV test, DTD this day and every day until after the OV test indicates you have OV.

DTD - you lying flat.

After DTD - do not move for at least 1 hour - lying flat with feet raised.

This has worked for me, so wanted to pass it on to you. I really hope it works

 

[Bride2b]

Thanks for the tips! Its certainly more about sperm meets the egg, as it needs to be there waiting which is why its probably worked well for you in the past, so hopefully for you if you do get to try again it will be easy to fall again! I will certainly try your method! I've been keeping an eye on cm and recording it on FF so hopefully this cycle I will know my body a bit better as it seems to be settling down! Hopefully the cm will coincide with highs on my cbfm & I should probably bd every high and peak (which we didnt do last month) although thought maybe every other high & both peaks so the sperm were nice and replensihed. I just dont know!!! I will def put a pillow under my bum though, I did this last time & it worked! x

 

[dancareoi]

Thanks for the tips! Its certainly more about sperm meets the egg, as it needs to be there waiting which is why its probably worked well for you in the past, so hopefully for you if you do get to try again it will be easy to fall again! I will certainly try your method! I've been keeping an eye on cm and recording it on FF so hopefully this cycle I will know my body a bit better as it seems to be settling down! Hopefully the cm will coincide with highs on my cbfm & I should probably bd every high and peak (which we didnt do last month) although thought maybe every other high & both peaks so the sperm were nice and replensihed. I just dont know!!! I will def put a pillow under my bum though, I did this last time & it worked! x

just keep those legs in the air and allow those to get there and do their job!!!!!

 

[majored]

Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.

My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back.

Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.

My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.

I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it.

Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend.

I hope everything turns out ok for you.

Sarah xxx

 

[Bride2b]

Sarah I wondered how you were doing.

I hope the PM results come back with good results for you (if you know what I mean) sometimes if nothing showed up it can be just as hard as something did show.

Maybe the results will help make up your mind about ttc again, especially if they find nothing wrong. We are here if you need to chat xx

 

[dancareoi]

Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.

My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back.

Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.

My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.

I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it.

Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend.

I hope everything turns out ok for you.

Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah, am i right in thinking your Avatar picture is taken in Stratford?

Yes we are local, officially our address comes up as Solihull, West Midlands, but we are actually in Warwickshire ourselves, only about 10 mins from you! My daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School!

i assume you had your LO at the Alex - that is where my LO was born.

LO`s cremation was at Redditch crematorium and LO`s ashes were laid to rest in the babies` memorial garden at the Alex.

We didn`t find sex of baby as we decided against a PM.

I am so sorry for you loss, it`s such an awful thing we have had to go through. My LO was born 9 weeks ago today and I am desperate to TTC again asap - I am 40 now so time is ticking.

I already have 3 - 1st at age 30 - Nov 2001 - VB
2nd - age 33 - Nov 2004 - c-section
3rd - MMC July 09
4th - age 38 - May 10 - VBAC
5th - age 40 - accident - lost at 17 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation) went to hospital for routine check in diabetes clinic (gestational) and no HB found.

This was a total shock, I was on my own as we thought only routine check up. I had had a healthy nuchal scan at MUMS so we thought we were past the main worrying stage.

Sounds like my DH has same concerns as you, he is worried something will happen again, that combined with the fact we had not planned on having number 4.

i too am overweight and have been trying to diet - although the last couple of days i have had a stomach bug so have lost a few pounds!

We are all different. When I had my first MMC in 09 we tried again after 1 AF. this really helped me with the grieiving process, but this time is a lot more difficult as i don`t know if we are going to TTC, but like you I feel something is missing and without that i will never be complete or never be the same again.

i know age is a big consideration, but I know a number of older moms at the school. One was 39 last year when she had her baby, another mom is due in a week and she is 40. I also know of someone who had her 2nd just before her 41st birthday.

I will be 41 in August and I know there are risks of having babies at this age, but i need to do it.

You will know when you are ready to try again.

I am always here for a chat if you need to talk.

Lisa

 

[majored]

Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.

My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back.

Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.

My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.

I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it.

Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend.

I hope everything turns out ok for you.

Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah, am i right in thinking your Avatar picture is taken in Stratford?

Yes we are local, officially our address comes up as Solihull, West Midlands, but we are actually in Warwickshire ourselves, only about 10 mins from you! My daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School!

i assume you had your LO at the Alex - that is where my LO was born.

LO`s cremation was at Redditch crematorium and LO`s ashes were laid to rest in the babies` memorial garden at the Alex.

We didn`t find sex of baby as we decided against a PM.

I am so sorry for you loss, it`s such an awful thing we have had to go through. My LO was born 9 weeks ago today and I am desperate to TTC again asap - I am 40 now so time is ticking.

I already have 3 - 1st at age 30 - Nov 2001 - VB
2nd - age 33 - Nov 2004 - c-section
3rd - MMC July 09
4th - age 38 - May 10 - VBAC
5th - age 40 - accident - lost at 17 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation) went to hospital for routine check in diabetes clinic (gestational) and no HB found.

This was a total shock, I was on my own as we thought only routine check up. I had had a healthy nuchal scan at MUMS so we thought we were past the main worrying stage.

Sounds like my DH has same concerns as you, he is worried something will happen again, that combined with the fact we had not planned on having number 4.

i too am overweight and have been trying to diet - although the last couple of days i have had a stomach bug so have lost a few pounds!

We are all different. When I had my first MMC in 09 we tried again after 1 AF. this really helped me with the grieiving process, but this time is a lot more difficult as i don`t know if we are going to TTC, but like you I feel something is missing and without that i will never be complete or never be the same again.

i know age is a big consideration, but I know a number of older moms at the school. One was 39 last year when she had her baby, another mom is due in a week and she is 40. I also know of someone who had her 2nd just before her 41st birthday.

I will be 41 in August and I know there are risks of having babies at this age, but i need to do it.

You will know when you are ready to try again.

I am always here for a chat if you need to talk.

Lisa

Hi Sorry its taken a while to get back to you,there are some days i just dont have time to do anything and i end up sitting down at 9pm at night.
Yes my pic was taken at Stratford last year, just before i found out i was expecting. I had Samuel at the Alex, they were real good as it happens and looked after me well. The cremation was at Redditch in Jan 12th.

Im very sorry that you have lost a LO. It doesnt matter why or when you lose a LO everything just seems so unfair. . I was told things like this are ment to make you stronger, that maybe true but it never feels like it.

Since last Mon i cant stop thinking about babies every moment every day. I went to the Alex for the PM results. Samuel they said was perfect in every way, but he had the cord around he neck 3 times tightly. I did ask about this when i first saw him and they said that this would not be the cause. Now the PM states that because of this it made small blood clots in my placenta which could not have been seen with the naked eye. The consultant then tells me they want to check if this clotting is normal for me. Its a blood test and if it comes back positive for the clots they can give me a drug so i can try again.
Then when i left the Alex we got a text from a friend to let us know they had their baby that morning. My friend and i were having the same problems with hematomas, bleeding etc. I had almost forgot about her being pregnant......It wont be long now before my due date comes up and im thinking about that as well.

In Aug i will be 39, within the last few weeks i have met quite a few older mums. One lady last week was 40 just had IVF twins and was planning to have more in 2 years time. Last night "one born every minute" the lady on there was 43. I know age plays a part in pregnancy and problems. However all the drs and consultants have all said to me its not a problem, they are not concerned about my age nor my weight. Ive got to tell myself i can do this and be postive about it.

Take care and i hope your feeling better now. All the best and hope to chat soon.
Sarah xx

 

[majored]

Sarah I wondered how you were doing.

I hope the PM results come back with good results for you (if you know what I mean) sometimes if nothing showed up it can be just as hard as something did show.

Maybe the results will help make up your mind about ttc again, especially if they find nothing wrong. We are here if you need to chat xx

Thank you for your kind thoughts. Take care Sarah xx

 

[dancareoi]

Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.

My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back.

Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.

My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.

I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it.

Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend.

I hope everything turns out ok for you.

Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah, am i right in thinking your Avatar picture is taken in Stratford?

Yes we are local, officially our address comes up as Solihull, West Midlands, but we are actually in Warwickshire ourselves, only about 10 mins from you! My daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School!

i assume you had your LO at the Alex - that is where my LO was born.

LO`s cremation was at Redditch crematorium and LO`s ashes were laid to rest in the babies` memorial garden at the Alex.

We didn`t find sex of baby as we decided against a PM.

I am so sorry for you loss, it`s such an awful thing we have had to go through. My LO was born 9 weeks ago today and I am desperate to TTC again asap - I am 40 now so time is ticking.

I already have 3 - 1st at age 30 - Nov 2001 - VB
2nd - age 33 - Nov 2004 - c-section
3rd - MMC July 09
4th - age 38 - May 10 - VBAC
5th - age 40 - accident - lost at 17 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation) went to hospital for routine check in diabetes clinic (gestational) and no HB found.

This was a total shock, I was on my own as we thought only routine check up. I had had a healthy nuchal scan at MUMS so we thought we were past the main worrying stage.

Sounds like my DH has same concerns as you, he is worried something will happen again, that combined with the fact we had not planned on having number 4.

i too am overweight and have been trying to diet - although the last couple of days i have had a stomach bug so have lost a few pounds!

We are all different. When I had my first MMC in 09 we tried again after 1 AF. this really helped me with the grieiving process, but this time is a lot more difficult as i don`t know if we are going to TTC, but like you I feel something is missing and without that i will never be complete or never be the same again.

i know age is a big consideration, but I know a number of older moms at the school. One was 39 last year when she had her baby, another mom is due in a week and she is 40. I also know of someone who had her 2nd just before her 41st birthday.

I will be 41 in August and I know there are risks of having babies at this age, but i need to do it.

You will know when you are ready to try again.

I am always here for a chat if you need to talk.

Lisa

Hi Sorry its taken a while to get back to you,there are some days i just dont have time to do anything and i end up sitting down at 9pm at night.
Yes my pic was taken at Stratford last year, just before i found out i was expecting. I had Samuel at the Alex, they were real good as it happens and looked after me well. The cremation was at Redditch in Jan 12th.

Im very sorry that you have lost a LO. It doesnt matter why or when you lose a LO everything just seems so unfair. . I was told things like this are ment to make you stronger, that maybe true but it never feels like it.

Since last Mon i cant stop thinking about babies every moment every day. I went to the Alex for the PM results. Samuel they said was perfect in every way, but he had the cord around he neck 3 times tightly. I did ask about this when i first saw him and they said that this would not be the cause. Now the PM states that because of this it made small blood clots in my placenta which could not have been seen with the naked eye. The consultant then tells me they want to check if this clotting is normal for me. Its a blood test and if it comes back positive for the clots they can give me a drug so i can try again.
Then when i left the Alex we got a text from a friend to let us know they had their baby that morning. My friend and i were having the same problems with hematomas, bleeding etc. I had almost forgot about her being pregnant......It wont be long now before my due date comes up and im thinking about that as well.

In Aug i will be 39, within the last few weeks i have met quite a few older mums. One lady last week was 40 just had IVF twins and was planning to have more in 2 years time. Last night "one born every minute" the lady on there was 43. I know age plays a part in pregnancy and problems. However all the drs and consultants have all said to me its not a problem, they are not concerned about my age nor my weight. Ive got to tell myself i can do this and be postive about it.

Take care and i hope your feeling better now. All the best and hope to chat soon.
Sarah xx

Hi Sarah, at least your PM gave you a reason and you now know from that, that it was just pure bad luck, rather than anything medical. That should give you lots of hope that next time round all will be fine.

I am still waiting for DH to agree to TTC again, so I am not really getting any better because this is consuming me and it is all i can think of. We are going to see a specialist at Heartlands hospital on 2nd May, however she deals with recurrent miscarriages which is not my problem. i think it will be a total waste of time, but DH wants to go there before any decisions are made.

So that`s another 5 week wait to see someone, then another wait for any results!

however, i sent the professor an email on wednesday and detailed all 5 of my pregnancies and my age and DH age. I said i know it is difficult for her to give an accurate assesment until she has seen us and done tests, but i asked whether we should try now or wait until we have seen her.

She told me we should try again now, she said it would not be a problem if i was pregnant when i go and see her, because she said she could do tests and start any treatment that may be required immediately.

Will show DH her reply later.

Surely if she thought there were any major problems she would tell us to wait until we have seen her, so i think she thinks that it was just one of those things rather than anything medical.

i am really hoping DH agrees!!

Speak soon,

Lisa

 

[majored]

Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.

My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back.

Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.

My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.

I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it.

Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend.

I hope everything turns out ok for you.

Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah, am i right in thinking your Avatar picture is taken in Stratford?

Yes we are local, officially our address comes up as Solihull, West Midlands, but we are actually in Warwickshire ourselves, only about 10 mins from you! My daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School!

i assume you had your LO at the Alex - that is where my LO was born.

LO`s cremation was at Redditch crematorium and LO`s ashes were laid to rest in the babies` memorial garden at the Alex.

We didn`t find sex of baby as we decided against a PM.

I am so sorry for you loss, it`s such an awful thing we have had to go through. My LO was born 9 weeks ago today and I am desperate to TTC again asap - I am 40 now so time is ticking.

I already have 3 - 1st at age 30 - Nov 2001 - VB
2nd - age 33 - Nov 2004 - c-section
3rd - MMC July 09
4th - age 38 - May 10 - VBAC
5th - age 40 - accident - lost at 17 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation) went to hospital for routine check in diabetes clinic (gestational) and no HB found.

This was a total shock, I was on my own as we thought only routine check up. I had had a healthy nuchal scan at MUMS so we thought we were past the main worrying stage.

Sounds like my DH has same concerns as you, he is worried something will happen again, that combined with the fact we had not planned on having number 4.

i too am overweight and have been trying to diet - although the last couple of days i have had a stomach bug so have lost a few pounds!

We are all different. When I had my first MMC in 09 we tried again after 1 AF. this really helped me with the grieiving process, but this time is a lot more difficult as i don`t know if we are going to TTC, but like you I feel something is missing and without that i will never be complete or never be the same again.

i know age is a big consideration, but I know a number of older moms at the school. One was 39 last year when she had her baby, another mom is due in a week and she is 40. I also know of someone who had her 2nd just before her 41st birthday.

I will be 41 in August and I know there are risks of having babies at this age, but i need to do it.

You will know when you are ready to try again.

I am always here for a chat if you need to talk.

Lisa

Hi Sorry its taken a while to get back to you,there are some days i just dont have time to do anything and i end up sitting down at 9pm at night.
Yes my pic was taken at Stratford last year, just before i found out i was expecting. I had Samuel at the Alex, they were real good as it happens and looked after me well. The cremation was at Redditch in Jan 12th.

Im very sorry that you have lost a LO. It doesnt matter why or when you lose a LO everything just seems so unfair. . I was told things like this are ment to make you stronger, that maybe true but it never feels like it.

Since last Mon i cant stop thinking about babies every moment every day. I went to the Alex for the PM results. Samuel they said was perfect in every way, but he had the cord around he neck 3 times tightly. I did ask about this when i first saw him and they said that this would not be the cause. Now the PM states that because of this it made small blood clots in my placenta which could not have been seen with the naked eye. The consultant then tells me they want to check if this clotting is normal for me. Its a blood test and if it comes back positive for the clots they can give me a drug so i can try again.
Then when i left the Alex we got a text from a friend to let us know they had their baby that morning. My friend and i were having the same problems with hematomas, bleeding etc. I had almost forgot about her being pregnant......It wont be long now before my due date comes up and im thinking about that as well.

In Aug i will be 39, within the last few weeks i have met quite a few older mums. One lady last week was 40 just had IVF twins and was planning to have more in 2 years time. Last night "one born every minute" the lady on there was 43. I know age plays a part in pregnancy and problems. However all the drs and consultants have all said to me its not a problem, they are not concerned about my age nor my weight. Ive got to tell myself i can do this and be postive about it.

Take care and i hope your feeling better now. All the best and hope to chat soon.
Sarah xx

Hi Sarah, at least your PM gave you a reason and you now know from that, that it was just pure bad luck, rather than anything medical. That should give you lots of hope that next time round all will be fine.

I am still waiting for DH to agree to TTC again, so I am not really getting any better because this is consuming me and it is all i can think of. We are going to see a specialist at Heartlands hospital on 2nd May, however she deals with recurrent miscarriages which is not my problem. i think it will be a total waste of time, but DH wants to go there before any decisions are made.

So that`s another 5 week wait to see someone, then another wait for any results!

however, i sent the professor an email on wednesday and detailed all 5 of my pregnancies and my age and DH age. I said i know it is difficult for her to give an accurate assesment until she has seen us and done tests, but i asked whether we should try now or wait until we have seen her.

She told me we should try again now, she said it would not be a problem if i was pregnant when i go and see her, because she said she could do tests and start any treatment that may be required immediately.

Will show DH her reply later.

Surely if she thought there were any major problems she would tell us to wait until we have seen her, so i think she thinks that it was just one of those things rather than anything medical.

i am really hoping DH agrees!!

Speak soon,

Lisa

Hi Lisa, I do hope heartlands give you the answers you want to hear. The fact that they said you can try straight after you have told her everything means that she thinks everything is fine. I think that loosing a baby sometimes is one of those things,(well thats what everyone tells me) but having answers helps. It helps you to cope and helps you to understand better. If she thought that there were any probs that stood out she would of told you to wait until you had seen her.

Waiting for tests or results is just the worst thing ever, i dont cope very well. It all takes time and time is a thing i dont have a lot of.

When the Alex were speaking to me he sat there with a great big smile on his face saying "when you try again" so he was assuming i would naturally just go for it. My GP has said to me "try again when things feel right and you have got your head around everything....."

My OH is concerned about me getting pregnant again because i worried all the time even within 5 minutes of finding out i was worrying. I know i would worry straight away if i fell again. My head is telling me i should wait but my heart is saying go for it. There is something missing in my life and in time i guess that gap heal to some point. However how long does that take maybe it will never happen.

I know men / fathers go through the loss as well, but it is different for women.

Just lately i feel very alone, i have so many thoughts going around in my head. Nobody seems to understand or know what im thinking or feeling inside. Its hard to explain to people how im feeling. I thought i was doing ok with things but i have got worse. The times i go quiet when im thinking and in a world of my own....there is nothing wrong its just that im in deep thought!

Take care anyway speak soon
Sarah

 

[dancareoi]

Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.

My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back.

Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.

My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.

I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it.

Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend.

I hope everything turns out ok for you.

Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah, am i right in thinking your Avatar picture is taken in Stratford?

Yes we are local, officially our address comes up as Solihull, West Midlands, but we are actually in Warwickshire ourselves, only about 10 mins from you! My daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School!

i assume you had your LO at the Alex - that is where my LO was born.

LO`s cremation was at Redditch crematorium and LO`s ashes were laid to rest in the babies` memorial garden at the Alex.

We didn`t find sex of baby as we decided against a PM.

I am so sorry for you loss, it`s such an awful thing we have had to go through. My LO was born 9 weeks ago today and I am desperate to TTC again asap - I am 40 now so time is ticking.

I already have 3 - 1st at age 30 - Nov 2001 - VB
2nd - age 33 - Nov 2004 - c-section
3rd - MMC July 09
4th - age 38 - May 10 - VBAC
5th - age 40 - accident - lost at 17 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation) went to hospital for routine check in diabetes clinic (gestational) and no HB found.

This was a total shock, I was on my own as we thought only routine check up. I had had a healthy nuchal scan at MUMS so we thought we were past the main worrying stage.

Sounds like my DH has same concerns as you, he is worried something will happen again, that combined with the fact we had not planned on having number 4.

i too am overweight and have been trying to diet - although the last couple of days i have had a stomach bug so have lost a few pounds!

We are all different. When I had my first MMC in 09 we tried again after 1 AF. this really helped me with the grieiving process, but this time is a lot more difficult as i don`t know if we are going to TTC, but like you I feel something is missing and without that i will never be complete or never be the same again.

i know age is a big consideration, but I know a number of older moms at the school. One was 39 last year when she had her baby, another mom is due in a week and she is 40. I also know of someone who had her 2nd just before her 41st birthday.

I will be 41 in August and I know there are risks of having babies at this age, but i need to do it.

You will know when you are ready to try again.

I am always here for a chat if you need to talk.

Lisa

Hi Sorry its taken a while to get back to you,there are some days i just dont have time to do anything and i end up sitting down at 9pm at night.
Yes my pic was taken at Stratford last year, just before i found out i was expecting. I had Samuel at the Alex, they were real good as it happens and looked after me well. The cremation was at Redditch in Jan 12th.

Im very sorry that you have lost a LO. It doesnt matter why or when you lose a LO everything just seems so unfair. . I was told things like this are ment to make you stronger, that maybe true but it never feels like it.

Since last Mon i cant stop thinking about babies every moment every day. I went to the Alex for the PM results. Samuel they said was perfect in every way, but he had the cord around he neck 3 times tightly. I did ask about this when i first saw him and they said that this would not be the cause. Now the PM states that because of this it made small blood clots in my placenta which could not have been seen with the naked eye. The consultant then tells me they want to check if this clotting is normal for me. Its a blood test and if it comes back positive for the clots they can give me a drug so i can try again.
Then when i left the Alex we got a text from a friend to let us know they had their baby that morning. My friend and i were having the same problems with hematomas, bleeding etc. I had almost forgot about her being pregnant......It wont be long now before my due date comes up and im thinking about that as well.

In Aug i will be 39, within the last few weeks i have met quite a few older mums. One lady last week was 40 just had IVF twins and was planning to have more in 2 years time. Last night "one born every minute" the lady on there was 43. I know age plays a part in pregnancy and problems. However all the drs and consultants have all said to me its not a problem, they are not concerned about my age nor my weight. Ive got to tell myself i can do this and be postive about it.

Take care and i hope your feeling better now. All the best and hope to chat soon.
Sarah xx

Hi Sarah, at least your PM gave you a reason and you now know from that, that it was just pure bad luck, rather than anything medical. That should give you lots of hope that next time round all will be fine.

I am still waiting for DH to agree to TTC again, so I am not really getting any better because this is consuming me and it is all i can think of. We are going to see a specialist at Heartlands hospital on 2nd May, however she deals with recurrent miscarriages which is not my problem. i think it will be a total waste of time, but DH wants to go there before any decisions are made.

So that`s another 5 week wait to see someone, then another wait for any results!

however, i sent the professor an email on wednesday and detailed all 5 of my pregnancies and my age and DH age. I said i know it is difficult for her to give an accurate assesment until she has seen us and done tests, but i asked whether we should try now or wait until we have seen her.

She told me we should try again now, she said it would not be a problem if i was pregnant when i go and see her, because she said she could do tests and start any treatment that may be required immediately.

Will show DH her reply later.

Surely if she thought there were any major problems she would tell us to wait until we have seen her, so i think she thinks that it was just one of those things rather than anything medical.

i am really hoping DH agrees!!

Speak soon,

Lisa

Hi Lisa, I do hope heartlands give you the answers you want to hear. The fact that they said you can try straight after you have told her everything means that she thinks everything is fine. I think that loosing a baby sometimes is one of those things,(well thats what everyone tells me) but having answers helps. It helps you to cope and helps you to understand better. If she thought that there were any probs that stood out she would of told you to wait until you had seen her.

Waiting for tests or results is just the worst thing ever, i dont cope very well. It all takes time and time is a thing i dont have a lot of.

When the Alex were speaking to me he sat there with a great big smile on his face saying "when you try again" so he was assuming i would naturally just go for it. My GP has said to me "try again when things feel right and you have got your head around everything....."

My OH is concerned about me getting pregnant again because i worried all the time even within 5 minutes of finding out i was worrying. I know i would worry straight away if i fell again. My head is telling me i should wait but my heart is saying go for it. There is something missing in my life and in time i guess that gap heal to some point. However how long does that take maybe it will never happen.

I know men / fathers go through the loss as well, but it is different for women.

Just lately i feel very alone, i have so many thoughts going around in my head. Nobody seems to understand or know what im thinking or feeling inside. Its hard to explain to people how im feeling. I thought i was doing ok with things but i have got worse. The times i go quiet when im thinking and in a world of my own....there is nothing wrong its just that im in deep thought!

Take care anyway speak soon
Sarah

Hi Sarah, you seem to have the same feelings i do. When I am alone all these things start going round my head.

My DH keeps saying i should speak to my mom, tell her how I`m feeling. I have spoken to her and she knows how this has effected, but she can`t understand why I want to try again and out myself through all this worry. She is trying to help, but she has never been through this so she knows she doesn`t know how i feel.

My sister had 2 MMC and my cousin 1, so they know how i am feeling to some extent, but their ones, like my first, were early on, so they didn`t have to give birth to their LO.

The only person that truly understands, but I have only spken briefly to her, is my daughter`s teacher. She had to give birth to her LO at 16 weeks, she then lost her next early on. (she now has a little boy)

When this first happened she came over to speak to me when I collected my daughter, I got upset and she too started getting. This is something i suppose that is always with you.

DH won`t try again until we have seen the professor, I know deep down this is the right thing to do,so i will use the next 4 weeks to try and lose some weight and get a bit healthier.

We have just booked a trip to euro disney for the week off in June that the kids have. They have been through a lot as well. Also if we do try again, it will be a while before we can do something like this so this will be good for them too.

(hopefully i will be about 4/5 weeks pregnant when we go!!!!)

i am always here for a chat

 

[ksrharris21]

when did test positive when u first found out?

 

[majored]

Hi, i know how your feeling, with all these mixed feelings.bIts coming up for 12 weeks since ive lost my son. I was 18 weeks gone at the time. Time has gone fast but i can remember everything like it was just yesterday. Iam 38 and i didnt think i would be having anymore children. My oh was told the chance of him having children naturally was slim. Then it just happened when we were not thinking about it. I already have 2 children and pregnancy was normal with them but i did have a c section with both.

My periods have been regular since my loss but they have been real heavy. Im due my next period in the next few days and im worried i will have another heavy one. Then tonight there was an answer left on my phone from the hospital. Which i will have to ring tomorrow so i guess they have the results back.

Im worried about trying again as i want the PM results to come back ok. I want my periods to be normal. Not to mention worrying about the baby all the way time.... i dont want to go through that all again. Im concerned about my age. If i fell again now i would be 39 and i would also need a section. Im overweight and ive not lost weight since ive lost Samuel. Yet i do feel something is missing.

My OH is waiting for me to say YES before we try again, his really quite excited to try. If i thought everything would be ok i would go for it. At the time i lost Samuel i thought i would try again in March as this would give me the standard 3 months wait. However now its here i still have all these concerns.

I notice your in Solihull im in Studley so not too far away. If you ever want to chat or talk about things im up for it.

Its soooo much easier to chat about things when theres someone else who knows how you feel. Im also on Face book if any one else wants to have an extra friend.

I hope everything turns out ok for you.

Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah, am i right in thinking your Avatar picture is taken in Stratford?

Yes we are local, officially our address comes up as Solihull, West Midlands, but we are actually in Warwickshire ourselves, only about 10 mins from you! My daughter does gymnastics at Studley High School!

i assume you had your LO at the Alex - that is where my LO was born.

LO`s cremation was at Redditch crematorium and LO`s ashes were laid to rest in the babies` memorial garden at the Alex.

We didn`t find sex of baby as we decided against a PM.

I am so sorry for you loss, it`s such an awful thing we have had to go through. My LO was born 9 weeks ago today and I am desperate to TTC again asap - I am 40 now so time is ticking.

I already have 3 - 1st at age 30 - Nov 2001 - VB
2nd - age 33 - Nov 2004 - c-section
3rd - MMC July 09
4th - age 38 - May 10 - VBAC
5th - age 40 - accident - lost at 17 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation) went to hospital for routine check in diabetes clinic (gestational) and no HB found.

This was a total shock, I was on my own as we thought only routine check up. I had had a healthy nuchal scan at MUMS so we thought we were past the main worrying stage.

Sounds like my DH has same concerns as you, he is worried something will happen again, that combined with the fact we had not planned on having number 4.

i too am overweight and have been trying to diet - although the last couple of days i have had a stomach bug so have lost a few pounds!

We are all different. When I had my first MMC in 09 we tried again after 1 AF. this really helped me with the grieiving process, but this time is a lot more difficult as i don`t know if we are going to TTC, but like you I feel something is missing and without that i will never be complete or never be the same again.

i know age is a big consideration, but I know a number of older moms at the school. One was 39 last year when she had her baby, another mom is due in a week and she is 40. I also know of someone who had her 2nd just before her 41st birthday.

I will be 41 in August and I know there are risks of having babies at this age, but i need to do it.

You will know when you are ready to try again.

I am always here for a chat if you need to talk.

Lisa

Hi Sorry its taken a while to get back to you,there are some days i just dont have time to do anything and i end up sitting down at 9pm at night.
Yes my pic was taken at Stratford last year, just before i found out i was expecting. I had Samuel at the Alex, they were real good as it happens and looked after me well. The cremation was at Redditch in Jan 12th.

Im very sorry that you have lost a LO. It doesnt matter why or when you lose a LO everything just seems so unfair. . I was told things like this are ment to make you stronger, that maybe true but it never feels like it.

Since last Mon i cant stop thinking about babies every moment every day. I went to the Alex for the PM results. Samuel they said was perfect in every way, but he had the cord around he neck 3 times tightly. I did ask about this when i first saw him and they said that this would not be the cause. Now the PM states that because of this it made small blood clots in my placenta which could not have been seen with the naked eye. The consultant then tells me they want to check if this clotting is normal for me. Its a blood test and if it comes back positive for the clots they can give me a drug so i can try again.
Then when i left the Alex we got a text from a friend to let us know they had their baby that morning. My friend and i were having the same problems with hematomas, bleeding etc. I had almost forgot about her being pregnant......It wont be long now before my due date comes up and im thinking about that as well.

In Aug i will be 39, within the last few weeks i have met quite a few older mums. One lady last week was 40 just had IVF twins and was planning to have more in 2 years time. Last night "one born every minute" the lady on there was 43. I know age plays a part in pregnancy and problems. However all the drs and consultants have all said to me its not a problem, they are not concerned about my age nor my weight. Ive got to tell myself i can do this and be postive about it.

Take care and i hope your feeling better now. All the best and hope to chat soon.
Sarah xx

Hi Sarah, at least your PM gave you a reason and you now know from that, that it was just pure bad luck, rather than anything medical. That should give you lots of hope that next time round all will be fine.

I am still waiting for DH to agree to TTC again, so I am not really getting any better because this is consuming me and it is all i can think of. We are going to see a specialist at Heartlands hospital on 2nd May, however she deals with recurrent miscarriages which is not my problem. i think it will be a total waste of time, but DH wants to go there before any decisions are made.

So that`s another 5 week wait to see someone, then another wait for any results!

however, i sent the professor an email on wednesday and detailed all 5 of my pregnancies and my age and DH age. I said i know it is difficult for her to give an accurate assesment until she has seen us and done tests, but i asked whether we should try now or wait until we have seen her.

She told me we should try again now, she said it would not be a problem if i was pregnant when i go and see her, because she said she could do tests and start any treatment that may be required immediately.

Will show DH her reply later.

Surely if she thought there were any major problems she would tell us to wait until we have seen her, so i think she thinks that it was just one of those things rather than anything medical.

i am really hoping DH agrees!!

Speak soon,

Lisa

Hi Lisa, I do hope heartlands give you the answers you want to hear. The fact that they said you can try straight after you have told her everything means that she thinks everything is fine. I think that loosing a baby sometimes is one of those things,(well thats what everyone tells me) but having answers helps. It helps you to cope and helps you to understand better. If she thought that there were any probs that stood out she would of told you to wait until you had seen her.

Waiting for tests or results is just the worst thing ever, i dont cope very well. It all takes time and time is a thing i dont have a lot of.

When the Alex were speaking to me he sat there with a great big smile on his face saying "when you try again" so he was assuming i would naturally just go for it. My GP has said to me "try again when things feel right and you have got your head around everything....."

My OH is concerned about me getting pregnant again because i worried all the time even within 5 minutes of finding out i was worrying. I know i would worry straight away if i fell again. My head is telling me i should wait but my heart is saying go for it. There is something missing in my life and in time i guess that gap heal to some point. However how long does that take maybe it will never happen.

I know men / fathers go through the loss as well, but it is different for women.

Just lately i feel very alone, i have so many thoughts going around in my head. Nobody seems to understand or know what im thinking or feeling inside. Its hard to explain to people how im feeling. I thought i was doing ok with things but i have got worse. The times i go quiet when im thinking and in a world of my own....there is nothing wrong its just that im in deep thought!

Take care anyway speak soon
Sarah

Hi Sarah, you seem to have the same feelings i do. When I am alone all these things start going round my head.

My DH keeps saying i should speak to my mom, tell her how I`m feeling. I have spoken to her and she knows how this has effected, but she can`t understand why I want to try again and out myself through all this worry. She is trying to help, but she has never been through this so she knows she doesn`t know how i feel.

My sister had 2 MMC and my cousin 1, so they know how i am feeling to some extent, but their ones, like my first, were early on, so they didn`t have to give birth to their LO.

The only person that truly understands, but I have only spken briefly to her, is my daughter`s teacher. She had to give birth to her LO at 16 weeks, she then lost her next early on. (she now has a little boy)

When this first happened she came over to speak to me when I collected my daughter, I got upset and she too started getting. This is something i suppose that is always with you.

DH won`t try again until we have seen the professor, I know deep down this is the right thing to do,so i will use the next 4 weeks to try and lose some weight and get a bit healthier.

We have just booked a trip to euro disney for the week off in June that the kids have. They have been through a lot as well. Also if we do try again, it will be a while before we can do something like this so this will be good for them too.

(hopefully i will be about 4/5 weeks pregnant when we go!!!!)

i am always here for a chat

Hi Lisa, booking a trip away will do you the world of good. It will give you a break and also take your mind off other things .

I know with my relationship if you want something or to do something and the person your with doesnt want the same thing, it can make everything seem like hard work. In the end one of you has to give in.

If someone could wave their magic wand and say everything will be ok, i would do it. I know that wont happen nobody can do that it. Since ive lost Samuel i get a lot of tight pains across my chest. I know its stress and ive been to the dr. Who in turn did an ECG and gave me medication just to calm me down. I have the tablets but ive not taken any, im trying to deal with this on my own. Some days im fine the next i think im having a heart attack. Everywhere i look there seems to be babies or ladies that are expecting and are ready to drop. Its not that i mind but i say to myself that should be me walking round waiting for my baby to arrive. Or i should be holding my new born just like they are. I cant help thinking that should be me in my life!

My mother in law lost 3 children all quite early on. They did loads of tests on her and found nothing. The only thing they could come up with was MAYBE she can not carry girls as she ended up with two sons. My sister in law also lost 3 and at one time she had twins and lost one twin at 14 weeks. They did tests on her and couldnt come up with nothing. The other twin was born at 28 weeks and is doing fine in life. Both in-laws had no PM done as they lost everything down the toilet. My S-I-L has been quite shocked that this is my only loss and they have done testing on me. Now i dont know if this is because things have changed or because i was nearly five months. I know they only used to test things if you had multi losses.

Little things start me off thinking about everything thats happened. I feel like im the only one that thinks about him. Nobody mentions him, like it never happened. I said this to my OH the other day, Im always thinking about my son, i know its worse at the moment as he would be due. I know things will get better in time but you never forget.

I hope things work out for you......so you can be on


take care and speak soon Sarah