Feel like ttc is ruining our sex life

[Mississippi03]

This will be our fourth month ttc and i find it getting old pretty quick. I think we try so hard during fertility time that the rest of the time we dont even want to touch eachother anymore. Beyond that, anytime we do dh feels like it should be all about his needs and not worried about mine.. I get the impression that he feels ttc is just for me.
Its making me want to quit ttc. I feel like im losing my relationship at the expense of it. This isnt hat we were like before at all. And we both want kids so i ont understand where its coming from. We even promised not to let it become mechnical, but i feel like without trying it already has. Ahhhhhhh.
Has anyone had this experience and can give ome advice?

 

[MrsMcCurdy]

It did for us too for a couple months and we basically ntnp thing for awhile til we felt like we were ready again. You gotta be patiant with the whole journey. GL!!

 

[Jrepp]

I am very fortunate not to have had ttc become a chore. I like to keep things lively. My husband knows when my fertile week is, but I do romantic things for him, put on little outfits and try new positions out every once in a while. I do the same things during non fertile weeks as well. If you aren't having fun with it, why bother?

 

[ttcbbb]

DH and I just had this discussion this cycle. He was actually the one to put his foot down one night. We try to keep things new and interesting, but after a year and a half, it's been getting harder. Plus, there's some nights when we use all of our energy to just DTD, neither of us are thinking about how to make it special.

My RE told me we shouldn't be having sex everyday, so that took some of the pressure off for us. It was getting to the point for us too that once we didn't HAVE to do it, we weren't really into it. We were really honest with each other and it turns out it was bothering DH more than me. I was seeing it like it wasn't great, but we both want a baby, so we do what we have to do. He was more concerned about us and our marriage. Great, right?! haha Anyway, we promised each other we'd both try to make an extra effort. I bring out some cute outfits, he started us a bubble bath the other night. We also try to take the business talk out of it. We both know what we're trying to accomplish, but rather than discuss it right then, we focus on the moment. We also decided that if we try to put in a little more effort most nights, those nights when we are strictly doing it for baby making, we'd just accept it.

I've felt the same way and gotten discouraged, but try not to. Talk to your DH and ask that he be honest with you and you do the same. Little things like cute panties and bra sometimes are just enough to show that you care about the act, and not just the hopeful outcome. Ask him to make an effort too. I told DH that I wasn't going to be the only one trying to make it special. It has gotten much better for us just both knowing that we still care about the act and each other, and it's sweet that we both put in a little something extra. Good luck!

 

[jessmke]

We are only on our second month ttc our first baby (we got preggers on our first month trying, but it ended in a MC at 4 weeks 5 days), so we are admittedly pretty new at this. I don't chart or temp or anything, and since cycles can be off after a mc, we are just basically dtd every day since the mc ended since we don't know when our fertile window is! My OH has been sick the last few days too, which has complicated things!

We also decided that we wouldn't schedule sex and that it would always be fun and not mechanical, but it didn't turn out that way! Last night my OH was feeling crappy and wanted to go to bed early, but I told him he has to rally and suck it up for 20 minutes if he wants a baby! We acknowledge that it isn't always good sex and that it's more work than fun, but we're both willing to make the effort to have a baby. My OH actually wants the baby more than I do (not that I don't want it, but I think I would be ok with or without kids, he basically feels like he couldn't live without a kid) so maybe that helps things. We laugh about it when we're forcing ourselves to dtd, and we have fun when we're both actually in the mood to dtd. It's easy to say it won't become mechanical, but when you're really trying to have a baby and you're aware of your fertile window, it's hard to keep that from happening.

 

[rustyswife828]

My husband even couldn't perform during my "o" days... So when I knew I was about to ovulate I just "let" it happen without telling him I'm ovulating...

I just wear his favorite panties and a tshirt around the house... Then it happens naturally so he doesn't feel like sex is a job..

 

[Mississippi03]

Thats what I am finding, he feels hes under too much pressure to perform during ov week. Therefore ive started doing things like watching dirty videos with him to get us both in the mood.. Yet thats something i totally dont feel comfortable with.

He puts it all on me that its not romantic anymore.. But you are right, he has to put in the effort to make it special too. Because it did become mechanicl so quick, and just about having a baby. He wants kids more then me right now so i think thats why he also does it. But im the one worried about how its affecting our relationship.

 

[ladders]

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[Mississippi03]

About a week ago I eluded to the idea that easter was likely to be when I was fertile.. But im not going to mention it again lol... At least it is over a long weekend so I am less likely to be told he is too tired after work.

The wait is killing me. But I guess at least it gives me time to try to improve the relationship factor.

 

[Phoenix82]

Hey ladies

It's so easy for it to become a chore but I wouldn't worry too much.

Me and the oh track my cycle together as we both want a baby, he always asks is it us or just me tonight (romantic I know) but I'm more then happy for him to do the job in a speedy manner when it's so regularly.

But that doesn't mean I don't love him or that I fancy him any less.

Once the ttc is done and we have our baby I know things will be different but we will also get the fun back.

We've been ttc since June 13 and are still good together, I truly put it down to the amount of fun we have and the fact that we engage with each other all of the time when we are not doing the bd it's just a means to end at times.
Xxx

 

[patienceiav]

Ladders that's exactly how it went for us then I cut down my mentioning of ttc by 99%, no more "but we have to do it tonight!" it made things so much better and I don't feel our chances suffered for it