Feeling Bitter

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by Younglutonmum, Sep 29, 2008.

  1. Younglutonmum

    Younglutonmum Mummy To Maya & Bump

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    I'm not exactly sure what I want to put in this thread as words can't really some up how i've been feeling lately.

    When I first had Maya I felt really positive about being a single mum. I was one of them who would always say 'well it's his loss'

    It's just recently it's really been bothering me that he hasn't even acknowledged her. If he would just see her just the once, that's all I want. Just so he can see what he is missing. It's making me so mad that his life hasn't changed at all. That the fact she's here hasn't made a difference to his life. We both had a 50% role in creating her yet i'm the one with 100% responsibility. Don't get me wrong, I adore her & wouldn't change having her for anything. I guess i'm just starting to feel very bitter now.

    Today I saw him in town & once again he just carried on chatting with his friends. I just don't know how someone can do that, just walk past there own child & not even ask how they are doing. I don't get how he can live knowing he's never even giving his little girl a cuddle

    I know it's his loss but he just don't give a damn & that's what hurts if that makes sense??

    I just feel shit
     
  2. Nikkinoonoo

    Nikkinoonoo Mummy to a gorgeous girl

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    :hugs::hug::hugs: It really is his loss hun. I can imagine how angry you feel though I would be the same xXx
     
  3. Mummy&bump

    Mummy&bump Well-Known Member

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    awww mrs! it must be difficult im deff not looking forward to it! but see everytime u look at ur goregous little girl jus know that all the desicions that ur makin are the right choices, its ur instinct for protecting her! plus jus because he doesnt show any signs of regret dont mean he dnt regret it! hes a man remember they work the opposite way lol see everytime he sees u passing him by on the street, hel see this great big space that space where he shud be! even when ur little 1 is older, when uv met sum1 else he'l b so jealous of that guy itl b unbeliveable, because it shud b him and he knows that deep down! however please dont feel iom standing up for him coz im 100% not!

    ever single man thats walked away 4m childe deserve the torture of not knowin, not knowing wat there missing!

    u know what actualy u kno how when kids are older, and they run to the door when dads home, and when mums hom for a great big cuddle! ur goin 2 get 2s those hugs and u know y coz u deserve them! everythin she does in life u can thank ur self coz u made it happen!! and thats better!!

    xxx
     
  4. Younglutonmum

    Younglutonmum Mummy To Maya & Bump

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    This is one of the nicest things I have read!! Thank you!!

    :hugs: :hug: :hugs:
     
  5. Mummy&bump

    Mummy&bump Well-Known Member

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    its only the truth! :)

    im feeling kinda anti men! but sexist jus now! so if i come on ranting im apologies in advance! i jus get pissed off with babys dad jus now! but im sure we'l all get thru it coz we hav 2 for all the babies sakes and we got eachother on here :)
     
  6. Younglutonmum

    Younglutonmum Mummy To Maya & Bump

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    Yay :happydance:

    I'm very anti man lol!!

    We'll defo all get through it, there's just a few bumps along the way!

    xxx
     
  7. brownhairedmom

    brownhairedmom Well-Known Member

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    Oh I know exactly how you feel. But the way I see it, is in our situations Kelly, our kids are better off without their dads because look at what type of people they'd be calling dad. They're better off waiting until we can find them REAL dads. Anyone can donate sperm, it takes a lot to be a true blue dad like our babies need.
     
  8. nikky0907

    nikky0907 Well-Known Member

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    :hug:

    IU agree with Mummy&bump,he may not show that it's bothering him but it definitely is.
    When he sees you,he can't do anything else but pretend that nothing is happening when in fact guilt and not-knowing is eating him up inside.

    One day,he'll grow out of his selfish ways and his pride and he won't be take all these feelings that have bottled up inside and all the years he missed in his daughter's life.
    And by that time it's gonna be too late...

    :hugs:
     
  9. Rayven

    Rayven Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun, I'd love to tell you that he will eventually change but i've been in your situation and he sounds a bit like my ex. We split up shortly after my youngest was born & i felt exactly the same as you because i was left holding the baby (so to speak) I was the one who was stuck in every night 24/7 & he just left me to it and carried on like a single bloke with no responsibilities, going out, getting drunk, sleeping around.......................................I resented the fact that we both created the life but I was the only one left with the responsibility. I loved my kids but i did find being on my own without the support of my OH hard.
    Hun, you are doing a wonderful thing, looking after your LO on your own is such a difficult thing to do - as is coming to terms with the fact that the father isn't interested. It does get easier over time. You have to accept that your ex isn't the man you thought he was and that he's immature and irresponsible. One day he will come to his senses and he WILL realise that he's lost out and then he's the one who has to deal with the consequences of that.
    Try and make a bit of time for yourself so that YOU can have a life outside of looking after your LO and maybe your ex won't be such an issue. I know you want whats best for your baby but if he's not interested he's not going to make a very good dad anyway.
    :hug::hug::hug::hug:
     
  10. Younglutonmum

    Younglutonmum Mummy To Maya & Bump

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    It's really wierd how I feel

    Like I know for a fact that if he called me today & wanted to see Maya i'd totally freak out. The thought of him holding her makes me sick. I know I don't want him involved in her life but i'm still mad that he hasn't shown any sort of curiosity about her

    I feel like i'm kind of being selfish. Not wanting him involved yet angry that he hasn't bothered
     
  11. Rayven

    Rayven Well-Known Member

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    You're NOT being selfish! I have to say that me and my ex haven't been together for.......bloody hell, let me think.........5 years now, and he sees the girls every other week but i still get freaked when they go out with him because a part of me still doesn't trust him. Now to some people that may sound awful but I'VE been the one looking after them and making sure they're safe every single day since he left and i can't just let those protective feelings drop, just because he's their Dad.
    How you feel is completely understandable and it does get easier hun - the resentment doesn't ever really go away (well it hasn't totally for me) but it does get easier. And as he's not had much to do with her his visits with her should be at yours while you're there if i did want to start seeing her because you're all she knows.
    [​IMG]
     
  12. Rayven

    Rayven Well-Known Member

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    If 'HE' did want to start seeing her - DOH! I should really spell check my posts! lol
     
  13. thesockqueen

    thesockqueen 3rd Trimester

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    I know exactly how you're feeling - not wanting the father involved, but angry that he hasn't put up more of a fight to BE involved. Well, I did want him involved to begin with, and he said he would be, but after a few months of hearing a few bad rumours, feeling like I was being lied to and mugged off and then actually catching him red handed, I told him to get stuffed. But instead of stepping up to his responsibility he just said 'fine' and walked away. I know he cares to some extent, because he's been bitching about it to a couple of people I know ever since, but he's too stubborn/proud to just pull his finger out and do the decent thing. It hurts like hell, and will probably hurt even more when I have my LO, but I just have to keep telling myself that he'd be a complete waste of space as a father anyway. Men see things differently to us..they don't think of a baby as a baby until it's actually there, real flesh and blood, not just a blob in a woman's stomach. They don't understand the mother-child bonding that we have for nine months. It's by no means an excuse for their behaviour though, and Rayven you're right, he's just a sperm donor lol
     
  14. Younglutonmum

    Younglutonmum Mummy To Maya & Bump

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    What you've said is exactly how I think & feel!

    I also wish he put up more of a fight & that's what hurts so so bad!!
     
  15. xXDonnaXx

    xXDonnaXx Well-Known Member

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    I think lad's see it as " They've not lost something they've not seen " kinda thing. If you get me. Like he's never seen her, so he might be thinking well.. i've never seen her to get to love her, so i've lost nothing. But obviously it's his loss. He created maya aswell, and should at least try to get to see his own daughter. I bet it's hurting you. Alls that matters is you and baby maya. You'll give her the best life she can get. And I'm sure maya will be proud of you bringin her up by yourself. You sound like a great mum. Sod the men! :)
     

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