feeling gulity

[Sambatiki]

HEY

I just found out that my best friend is going to become a father.
Part of me is really really happy for them as they really deserve a child and I know he'll be a great father.
The other part is filled with jealousy that I didn't get to keep my LO. I feel so guilty about these feelings, but also upset that he left it to tell me as he didn't want to hurt my feelings.
I didn't think that I would feel this mixed up over someone elses happiness. I don't want to feel bitter.
I don't know...... just wanted to get it off my chest and wondering if Im not alone in these thoughts. I MC 3 weeks ago last Sat.
kerry xx

 

[WW1]

I think your feelings are entirely natural - a friend at work found out she was pg the same week as me and had a healthy scan the week I was told I'd had a missed m/c.

I'm still really pleased for her but deep down the green-eyed monster has glimmered once or twice. My rational side wishes her nothing but happiness - my emotional side shouts "why can that not be me?!" All I do when it happens is acknowledge it, tell myself I'm being emotional and wait until the rational side takes over again.

It really doesn't help when everyone around you is pg. My best friend has just found out she's expecting as has my OH's best friend. Sometimes it's just all a bit rubbish!

All I can offer you are huge

 

[Sambatiki]

Thanks hun and big fat

Noticed that your not feeling so happy today??? Whats up??

I know logically that there is not alot I can do!!! But its so hard when you've got youre head and heart moving in completely different directions. Its so hard no-one tells you how long you should grieve for they don't give a manual along with your bad news. Sometimes just feel like I need a big kick up the bum and just get on with it other times just want to be left alone.

ARRGGGHHHH I don't know, so frustrating. Just want AF to arrive so I know that everything is back to normal physically.

Thanks again

Kerry

 

[buffycat]

it is so difficult to be excited for others sometimes....

my best friend is currently pregnant, and is due 5 weeks before i would have been due. She doesn't know about me, and i don't want to spoil her happiness by telling her. I'm already a godparent to her first child too.

am doing my best to be positive though, OH and I are determinded to get there again........!

 

[Sambatiki]

sorry for your loss buffy.

how long ago did it happen??

I think its wonderful that we have the chance to air our thoughts and feelings here, knowing theres always a friendly ear (or eyes). Sometimes I know its just a case of getting it all off my chest and Im starting to feel more comfortable with my feelings. I think the problem I have and my poor DF is that my emotions are literally ALL over the place, Im so unpredictable.

Take care



kerry xxx

 

[buffycat]

hey.....

this place is great......people do have miscarriages, but there is nowhere else to talk about them. I'm a firm believer that unless you have been through this, then you can't understand.

I was 10 weeks, and only 5 days away from my first scan. Only immediate family knew though. When i started bleeding on 29th March, i just knew......instinct i guess. The following day was awful, contractions, pain, emotions, despair......

we didn't tell anyone until the day of what would have been my scan (they would have been asking that day).

it has been an emotional rollercoaster though......and now that my AF has been and gone, we're starting to feel a little more positive.

take care, and remember that we are here for you...

 

[Sambatiki]

Buffy,

I just feel sorry for ppl who are unable to talk about it. There are so many questions you have, after my scan I just went completely numb although I already knew the baby had gone it was still shocking to hear from a professional the news.

I wish you all the luck in the world ttc hope that you get that BFP you deserve. You seem like a very kind a wonderful person couldn't think of a nicer to person to bring up a child.

Was just wondering if Dr or MW keep a closer eye on you once you get a BFP?? So paranoid about getting preg again but desperate to do it. If you understand what I mean.



Kerry xxx

 

[golcarlilly]

Hiya, I answered your question on the another forum, just wanted to say hi!

Tracy

 

[Sambatiki]

Hi tracy

Thanks for that hun. hows things???



Kerry

 

[Sambatiki]

Hope things are ok for you hun.
You've had a bit of a rough time lately. When should your AF be due?? I know its a bit of a stab in the dark I think mines next sat.



Kerry

 

[WW1]

This is a great forum - I've found great comfort in writing on here. I agree that it's hard for people to understand if they haven't been through it.

The number of emotions I've been through (and continue to go through) are vast - ranging from despair to hope; anger to it's meant to be... It's difficult to chart the emotions as they seem to change almost minute by minute.

Kerry - thanks for asking how I am. Am feeling sad today as the bleeding has started and I've got the second part of medical management tomorrow (dreading it). I think the reality of it has hit me once again.

Finally gave in and took the day off work today (I've actually found it a comfort having some normality in my day so I've been to work). I need to be close to my own creature comforts today.

Roll on the next few months so we can all begin to look forward and plan for positive futures x

 

[buffycat]

re the professional.......yep, that was difficult too....
we went for a scan at the early pregnancy unit, and they confirmed that the news.....i remember OH and i clinging to one another outside the room, sobbing our hearts out.


i know all about the paranoia!

next time, i'll be asking for an early scan (8weeks) - i do understand that it is quite common that these are offered in the UK after a mc anyway. I know that when it does happen though, i will be paranoid all the way (probably the whole 40weeks).

 

[buffycat]

WW1......hang in there.......

 

[Vickie]

So sorry for your loss. I think what you are feeling is completely natural

 

[maddiwatts19]

Bless you hun!! These feelings are totally natural though, so dont feel horrible for feeling like this!
Believe me, i feel the same...somedays, i find it so hard to not flip out when i see a pregnant woman, and then other days i feel fine...its just so inexplicable!!
I hope things get easier for you hun...x

xxxx

 

[Sambatiki]

QUOTE=WW1;439161]This is a great forum - I've found great comfort in writing on here. I agree that it's hard for people to understand if they haven't been through it.

The number of emotions I've been through (and continue to go through) are vast - ranging from despair to hope; anger to it's meant to be... It's difficult to chart the emotions as they seem to change almost minute by minute.

Kerry - thanks for asking how I am. Am feeling sad today as the bleeding has started and I've got the second part of medical management tomorrow (dreading it). I think the reality of it has hit me once again.

Finally gave in and took the day off work today (I've actually found it a comfort having some normality in my day so I've been to work). I need to be close to my own creature comforts today.



Don't forget to look after yourself. I can't imagine how your feeling. I was 'lucky' as MC naturally and had no retained products. I hope that the rest of your journey through this goes without anymore hiccups and as pain free as possible. Thinking of you hunni and fingers crossed for tomorrow.



Kerry

Roll on the next few months so we can all begin to look forward and plan for positive futures x [/QUOTE]

 

[Sambatiki]

Maddi,

Sorry for your loss.
I hope that things get easier for you too. Thanks for your kind words. When did you loose your little angel??



Kerry

 

[golcarlilly]

Hi

Absolutely no idea when to expect AF, the doc just said to expect it any day as my lining is really thick, cos I have been bleeding constantly I don't expect to know when it starts really (if that makes sense!?)

 

[maddiwatts19]

Maddi,

Sorry for your loss.
I hope that things get easier for you too. Thanks for your kind words. When did you loose your little angel??



Kerry

Thank you hunni!
Its ok, i understand how hard it is, and can completely sympathise...
I've lost two now...my last was 2 months ago, and my darling baby was 12 weeks. It was all a bit crazy as i was knocked off my feet coming down the stairs by the dog, and smacked my head on the cabinet, and landed really hard on my tiny bump, had bleeding on and off, went to the hospital and they said all was ok, found heartbeat, then had my 12 week scan late, and they couldnt find a heartbeat...
not a day goes by i dont miss my angels...i just want her back..
When did you loose your angel?

xx

 

[maccy]

Ah hun, understand how you feel it's natural, seems like everywhere I look there are pregnant women and babies. And whats really hard is that all the mums at the school when I pick my dd up keep asking me when I'm having another, they don't know I'm just getting over a mc but it hurts all the same. x