Feeling Like A Rubbish Mum

[WelshOneEmma]

Hoping someone may be able to help here. I kinda need to unload as feel like I have no-one to talk to and that I'm drowning a bit. This may be long (sorry!).

I have 2 kids, Emilia who is 4 and Tal who is 2. I work full time and hubby also works full time. We are lucky enough to have a nanny who watches the kids.

Lately, I've been feeling stressed, angry and that I have a short fuse. I feel like I'm taking it out on the kids and the dog. Work has been very busy, and I am often doing 40-50 hour weeks. then i have all the housework etc on top. I am constantly tired and now feel like the house is a tip and I am struggling to keep on top of everything. Hubby tries to help, but he just seems to annoy me even more!

My son has a number of food allergies (dairy, soya, egg, banana, tomato, kiwi and sulphites) and my daughter is currently on a wheat and gluten free diet (she is under a consultant for gastro issues). She is on a number of medications as she is blocked up, so at present she is constantly pooing herself and back in nappies. in order to find suitable food, I have to do multiple food shops. We talked about having a third child at one point but now I can't bear the thought of it.

I feel like the kids are constantly playing up, my son now especially and he is acting in ways we never had with my daughter. I just feel like nothing I do is good enough and I am always over ruled.

Effectively I need a way to slap me out of this funk. Any ideas???

 

[JumpingIn]

Is hiring some help an option?

 

[WelshOneEmma]

Is hiring some help an option?

Not really. All of hubby's pay goes on the nanny as it is (I'm the main earner), although we have started sending our clothes out to be washed as I'm just drowning under washing piles.

I dont know what's wrong with me. I have a friend who has two kids of similar ages, and goes on all the time about how she feels being a mum is her purpose and the best thing in the world and I just dont feel like that at all. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but they are so hard to deal with right now. I'm really starting to dislike my son as I am fed up of being a punching bag and the temper tantrums and I'm fed up of doing everything for them and then having my daughter tell me she doesnt like me or want me, she wants daddy. Some days I feel like saying "well f**k you all" and just leaving. Obviously I dont!

 

[sil]

Hi, I just wanted to give you a big hug. This is normal. I had a really rough patch when ds1 was 2 1/4 - 2 3/4. He was rude, made huge messes, didn't listen, threw fits for hours on end... I also had a newborn at that time and thought I got myself into a huge mess and felt regret. However as time passed his behavior slowly improved and I tried my best to focus on the good instead of bad. I made a new ritual that every night at bed time I would tell him 3 things I was proud of him for or enjoyed doing with him (even if it was sooo small - like enjoying the 3 seconds he'd sit for a book or being proud that he tried one bite of dinner [even though he'd throw the rest on the floor after]). He started looking forward to the nightly praise and it helped me to find the good in the hard times.

 

[WelshOneEmma]

Hi, I just wanted to give you a big hug. This is normal. I had a really rough patch when ds1 was 2 1/4 - 2 3/4. He was rude, made huge messes, didn't listen, threw fits for hours on end... I also had a newborn at that time and thought I got myself into a huge mess and felt regret. However as time passed his behavior slowly improved and I tried my best to focus on the good instead of bad. I made a new ritual that every night at bed time I would tell him 3 things I was proud of him for or enjoyed doing with him (even if it was sooo small - like enjoying the 3 seconds he'd sit for a book or being proud that he tried one bite of dinner [even though he'd throw the rest on the floor after]). He started looking forward to the nightly praise and it helped me to find the good in the hard times.

Thanks. He is just so tough to deal with, behaviour I never had to deal with with my daughter. My nanny brings her 3 year old son with her and he's picked up a few behaviours from him. I understand he's 2, he's still learning impulse control but I seem to be the focus for all of the aggressive and stroppy behaviour - like biting when tired, hitting me in the face if i won't give him what he wants, screaming at me and pulling an angry face (learnt from nanny's son as a way of saying 'stuff you' without actually saying anything), kicking, stamping feet etc. My daughter never did this, and still doesnt at 4. He doesnt talk either. He has very good understanding and can say a few words, he just doesnt try to talk, so not sure if there is an element of frustration there too.

Add in my daughter is also pushing it in her own way - you tell her not to do something and she finds a different way to do it (classic example, walking to school and she was splashing in puddles but not in wellies, so I told her to stop splashing in puddles - she stopped, looked at me and slowly walked through the puddle), when I tell her not to do something, its always "Why?".

I try so hard to give them what they want and need (I think there is an element of guilt over the food allergies) and just feel like it gets thrown back in my face.

I just hate my life right now, but there is no reason to. Does that make sense??