Feeling like I'm not myself.

[crfgirl317]

So, I'm 23 and a single parent to a handsome 7 week old.
I live with my Dad, and work 10hours Mon-Fri. My son's Dad
Wants nothing to do with me or him, unless I move back in with
Him and get married. That I don't want to do, because I was supporting
Him before, and he wants that again... And to get out of paying
Child support...... ...anyway, the problem I'm having is, and this is tough to
Admit, but I don't feel that connection with my son. I have all these
Doubts about being able to raise him. I feel so overwhelmed.
I don't want to do anything with him as far as take him on walks ,
Bounce him, carry him etc.. I just want to feed and change him and
He go to sleep. And half the time, I don't even want to feed/change him.
I'm always thinking, I wish he were by this other guy that I'm still
In love with... Because I completely dislike his Dad.
And that, along with my doubts of raising him are getting in
In the way. I get depressed mostly at night. I have little help..
Like I said, I live with my Dad, and he won't watch him long enough
For me to get rest. So for me to get a tiny break, I have to drive him
30miles to my cousin's house. He's uninsured, I've been putting that off too
Mainly because I don't want to do these things myself...
And I'm scared I'm going to get in trouble for him not getting
Shots. And I need to put his Dad on child support.. but its a $25 fee that
That I won't have... Until the 19th
I thought about putting him up for adoption when I was pregnant
But my friends talked me out. And I really didn't want to...
I've always wanted a little boy. And now I have one... So why don't
I feel love for him. Why don't I have any desire to do things with him??
I'm thinking more and more about adoption... But I really really
Don't want to do it. But I want what's best for him.

So I guess I'm wondering , is this normal?