Feeling like I'm not myself.

[crfgirl317]

So, I'm 23 and a single parent to a handsome 7 week old.
I live with my Dad, and work 10hours Mon-Fri. My son's Dad
Wants nothing to do with me or him, unless I move back in with
Him and get married. That I don't want to do, because I was supporting
Him before, and he wants that again... And to get out of paying
Child support...... ...anyway, the problem I'm having is, and this is tough to
Admit, but I don't feel that connection with my son. I have all these
Doubts about being able to raise him. I feel so overwhelmed.
I don't want to do anything with him as far as take him on walks ,
Bounce him, carry him etc.. I just want to feed and change him and
He go to sleep. And half the time, I don't even want to feed/change him.
I'm always thinking, I wish he were by this other guy that I'm still
In love with... Because I completely dislike his Dad.
And that, along with my doubts of raising him are getting in
In the way. I get depressed mostly at night. I have little help..
Like I said, I live with my Dad, and he won't watch him long enough
For me to get rest. So for me to get a tiny break, I have to drive him
30miles to my cousin's house. He's uninsured, I've been putting that off too
Mainly because I don't want to do these things myself...
And I'm scared I'm going to get in trouble for him not getting
Shots. And I need to put his Dad on child support.. but its a $25 fee that
That I won't have... Until the 19th
I thought about putting him up for adoption when I was pregnant
But my friends talked me out. And I really didn't want to...
I've always wanted a little boy. And now I have one... So why don't
I feel love for him. Why don't I have any desire to do things with him??
I'm thinking more and more about adoption... But I really really
Don't want to do it. But I want what's best for him.

So I guess I'm wondering , is this normal?

 

[Dibbles]

You're only 7 weeks postpartum your hormones are still a mess I wouldn't make any life changing decisions now.

I suggest coming to an agreement with yourself that you will reconsider adoption at 4 months pp. That way you can put it to the side and not let it cloud ypur everyday thoughts.

Next write down all the things you *have* to do for your son: insurance, doctor check ups, paperwork and find all the numbers you need to call and note them all on your phone so you can call and arrange it first thing Monday. Again this will help clear your thoughts.

After that realise that not everyone bonds immediatly with their baby. With my second child I didn't start to bond with her until she was about 3 months old even though she was a lovely placid baby. Maybe by 4-5 months I was playing and cooing and really enjoying her. Sometimes it takes time. As long as your baby is clean and fed don't beat yourself up too much about it.

As for your FOB, realise that he *is* the father of your child and that's that. However make a clear decision to keep him out of your life and that you will love your child regardless of who the father is. Regrets and what-ifs are painful and will only drag you down. Try and get them out of your mind. If the guy you love is single and available work towards getting him in 6+ months when things have settled down. But stop all the regrets

It will take willpower and a lot of pushing in the beginning to get yourself through this, but it will be worth it in the end you're already doing so much by working full time and caring for your little one.

I hope that helps wish you all the best!

 

[MrsHippo]

I agree with what Dibbles says.

A lot of women don't bond with their babies straight away. You might be suffering with slight post natal depression though. I'd suggest seeing a doctor. I'm not sure how it works in America, are you under the care of a doctor? If not, are there classes you could go to? It might do some good socialising with other mums.

Don't think 'this is it' though. It will get better and I'm positive you will develop a bond with your baby... X

 

[Allyson11]

I didn't bond with my little boy until very recently. It is very normal to feel that way. Please go speak to some one about how you're feeling. Your baby is healthy and you're giving him everything he needs. Don't beat yourself up. X