Blondie2005. I'm with you on this one. Nearly 42, 2 miscarriages, TTC after 3 long years of heartache. For the first time ever I said to myself while in bed the other day, having another night of crying, it's time to accept the possibility I will never be a mummy. Don't get me wrong, we're still taking a bucket-full of supplements, doing the opks, Conceive Plus, trying to get the timing right etc. I'm not saying I've lost hope. It's just a different feeling. Like if I don't accept both possibilities, I will suffer every minute of the day and find no peace. If I do I will find peace.
As soon as I made the decision to accept what is my destiny I felt a tiny bit of peace. I am practising gratitude for having a wonderful loving man, I dreamed of finding him all my life. All my life I just wanted to find my soul mate. Now I have found him I am again dissatisfied, wanting a baby. It's something I am really working on every day now. I hope the acupuncture will help me with this too as I've just started it. Acceptance means peace. And peace means balance. And balance means - while we are not even aware of it - our chances increase. Babydust x
Hi BB, sorry for not replying earlier, but I've not been on the board for a while. That in itself is a good sign - for two weeks I've not been thinking about
! !
It is very, very hard, and not easily done to get over it at all, and I've come to the conclusion that it is something that will make me sad for the rest of my life, but
only at times . I do look with real joy at the lovely, lovely freedom: the freedom of time, the freedom of money that come with being childless. Make no mistake about it, I would willingly sacrifice these for that little bundle of joy, but the way I look at it is that I have tried damned hard to give up these essentially selfish pleasures, and I haven't succeeded in giving them up despite my best efforts, so I'm bloody well entitled to enjoy them!
I'll give you an example: for many years, with half an eye on our carbon footprint, we've not taken holidays that have involved plane travel. Instead, we've holidayed in the UK or travelled abroad by train. We have flown to Spain or the Canary Islands a couple of times but we've certainly not gone long-haul. But then a few months ago I had a light-bulb moment. 'Hang on,' I thought, 'if I'm not having a child, I've done the best thing ever in terms of helping save the planet and its precious resources, so to heck with it, we're going to Thailand! Or South Africa! Or LA! Or Australia!' (Actually we would feel uncomfortable doing this too often, and the finances won't allow it too often anyway, but maybe once every few years we're going to take that long-haul holiday and not feel guilty).
I think the trick, and I haven't quite mastered it yet, is to find stuff that really makes you happy and really gives you a sense of purpose despite the childlessness. I have found this partly in my work, partly in some stuff I do for charity, partly in my lovely own time spent messing about reading/cooking/gardening/drinking wine, and largely (of course) with my lovely DH. It doesn't work all the time, and I still have moments of utter despair, but I'm working on it.
And we're still doing the BD
so our little miracle still might happen.
I wish you luck and joy however it pans out for you.
xx
One of my friends has just had her 12 week scan with her second, which she conceived the first month trying! She already has a beautiful daughter who is 2 this month (conceived after only a few months too).
x
and 
. Keep the faith: keep faith in the fact that one day it could well happen, but most of all keep faith in your wonderful, marvellous self.
