Feeling selfish but what about me.

Discussion in 'Waiting To Try' started by chickenchaser, Jan 30, 2011.

  1. chickenchaser

    chickenchaser trying to hatch her egg!!

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    Hi Ladies,
    Some of you are already aware that back in November I nearly lost my SIL (and best friend) thankfully she pulled through and now on her way to recovery but because of the disabilities she has been left with, we have had to put a few things off. One of which is our holiday to Mauritius, which was meant be our baby making holiday. Also because of all the time we have spent at the hospital we are now well behind getting the house finished (plus we have changed our plans to enable her to come and live with us if need be, which means additional work). I feel so cross that my life is now on hold then I feel so selfish for feeling like this (she has lost everything) I really feel as if time is running out for me I’m 35 this year, but DH is adamant that the house has to be finished. (I want a home birth and he says you can’t do that in a building site). I know there is no answer to this post I just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading.
     
  2. BlaireUK

    BlaireUK Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry your sil has had such a hard time and it's invading your plans. I think your feelings are totally natural. I don't think your old (i'm not far behind you) but I understand your desire to get started sooner rather than later.

    You sil may even be upset and uneasy if she thought you were putting off your plans because of her disabilities.

    X:hugs:
     
  3. chickenchaser

    chickenchaser trying to hatch her egg!!

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    Thanks BlaireUK,
    I would never tell her my side of things and I surpose thankfully she is no longer able to work these things out. We will get though this it will just hurt on the way. XXX
     
  4. fumbles

    fumbles Pregnant and terrified!

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    God how awful! your poor SIL! I think its only natural to feel the way you do but I think you are a saint for preparing to take on the care of your SIL and putting aside something so life changing as having a family of your own.
    I don't think many girls could do what you are doing, you should be proud!

    I know this may sound lame, but god doesn't close a door without opening a window, so you never know what the future might bring, your time will come :flower:

    PS 35 is not old by the way! I think it just feels that way because a lot of girls on here are quite young
    :hugs:
     
  5. Sherileigh

    Sherileigh Well-Known Member

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    If this is something that really means a lot to you, starting soon I mean, than explain that to your hubby. Nothing will ever be perfect and ready for a baby.....
     
  6. rjsmam

    rjsmam Well-Known Member

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    i agree with the ladies.. you are doing so much to help already & it's only natural to worry about your own plans and be frustrated - i know i'd feel the same.

    maybe have a chat with you hubbie, as sherleigh said nothing is ever perfect, least of all timing!! xx
     
  7. odd_socks

    odd_socks Long Term WTT

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    :hugs: so sorry things are still rough for ur SIL i wish her speedy recovery :hugs:
    i agree with the girls above, have a chat with ur OH, its completely natural to be feeling the way u do x
     
  8. chickenchaser

    chickenchaser trying to hatch her egg!!

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    Thanks for your supportive words ladies, unfortunately DH doesn't get the urgency :cry:. Yes he is happy to have a family but it isn't his greatest wish and can't see why waiting until the house is finished is a problem. We have talked, I have cried, shouted, been dame right rude, but he just leaves me to calm down and 'refuses to keep going over things we can't change'.
    I love my SIL dearly and would give up everything to have her back to her old self, but thats not going to happen. So we need to just take it as it is and keep pushing for the house to get finished. I can live without the holiday even though it is a disappointment. Also my signature looks very boring with out a ticker or two. LOL.
    As for God opening me a new window, I’m a great believer in everything happens for a reason it’s just hard to see what that reason is at this time:nope: . A friend told me the other day is is always harder to see the future than it is the past. It will all become clear I’m sure, I just need to hang in there and pray for a happy accident :haha: LOL.
     
  9. chickenchaser

    chickenchaser trying to hatch her egg!!

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    P.S I should also add that the house does need loads of work doing to it, it's not just a bit of decorating, it isn't fit for a baby. So he is right but that doesn't help.
     
  10. overthemoon

    overthemoon Well-Known Member

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    :hugs:
    Sorry about your SIL. It is of course natural to feel that way, as the other ladies have said. It's your life, and you are going to think about yourself too. I hope she gets better really soon though, and you will be all right. You are definitely not old! :hugs:
     
  11. glitterbug

    glitterbug Mum with growing tum

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    Well I just wanted to say, we gutted our house and rennovated the whole thing while I was pregnant. We'd only had carpet a week before my baby was born.....at home. So it can be done!! And there is no better motivation to get the job done than having a baby on the way. It wasn't ideal and had little one decided to come early, well who knows the muddle we'd be in.

    Just wanted to let you know it's not something to be taken lightly as it's hard work. But it is achievable. x
     

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