Feeling stressed to the max! [rant]

[Mrs Dragonfly]

This morning I'm having a serious melt down and it's awful. I keep reminding myself to think of baby and stop crying, but it only brings a momentary calm.

I don't know how people juggle such busy lives. Right now I'm working part time and doing full time school and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm also a care giver to my grandparents so I find myself chronically placed in a position of either skipping school or missing work. It's a lot easier to explain to a teacher why you're not in class than calling out of work imo. Now my grades are slipping and I'm having a hard time concentrating on my school. Not only managing my own appointments but having to squeeze in my grandparents appointments in every free moment I have. Morning sickness makes things hard, but I feel I handle it better now so at least I have that to hold on to.

Yesterday was so frustrating, I confided in a friends mother how stressed out I was and told her I wasn't sure I could keep my job with how upset it makes me when I'm juggling everything else. Her advice? "Oh you'll feel much better at 12 weeks. Tough it out." Morning sickness is not my number one stress causing agent. My boss is so chill about ms that if I just give the signal that I need to go outside for air and I'll be back in a bit all is fine. I get my work done and although I've had to call out sick a few times and leave work early twice she's still very understanding. It's that I can't manage trying to figure out how to schedule my own appointments and my grandfathers when my work days are when offices are open and school days we don't get out of appointments in time to get me to class.

Sorry for the long rant, thank you to anyone who read. It just had to get out.

 

[Bekah78]

Hi. I'm a full time carer for my husband, but we also get help from a team of support workers. Are you based in the uk? Could you get some help from social services? There could be some assistance that's available to you to take some pressure off. Xx

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

No, I'm in the US. I've looked into options, but of the ones offered to my grandparents they refuse. They don't like the thought of strangers coming into their homes or taking them to appointments. My grandfather throws what I call a literal fit when a different family member takes him to a doctor, he'll go all out to cancel the appointment. It's not very fair for me, but when I wasn't balancing a job in the equation it wasn't this bad.

I wanted desperately to go to a care giver support group that's near my home, but my work schedule doesn't allow it.

 

[Bekah78]

He's lucky to have you. It is difficult for someone that's dependant/vulnerable to trust others. I know my husband would rather it just be me but he knows I can't do everything on my own.
I hope you ms calms down. Must be so hard juggling everything. You're doing great managing so much.
I'm wondering if the support group organisers could link you up with someone who could meet up with you when you've got some spare time? Maybe worth an ask?

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

He's lucky to have you. It is difficult for someone that's dependant/vulnerable to trust others. I know my husband would rather it just be me but he knows I can't do everything on my own.
I hope you ms calms down. Must be so hard juggling everything. You're doing great managing so much.
I'm wondering if the support group organisers could link you up with someone who could meet up with you when you've got some spare time? Maybe worth an ask?

Thank you, it is really hard for them to trust anyone, I'm lucky if I can talk them into just going somewhere with DH and they love him.

It would be worth a try to ask, I'll give them a call this afternoon. There's supposed to be a seminar coming up either this month or in June. I can never remember anything right now, I regret to say some of our bills didn't get paid last month as they slipped my mind. But I need to look into that as well, they have classes in stress coping and different resources that can be reached out to when necessary.

 

[Bekah78]

You're juggling so much it's no wonder you forget things. I have so many lists on the go to remind me of what needs to be done etc.
Sounds like the support group would really help you. I hope they can find a way to help you around your schedule.

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

I definitely need to get myself a huge calendar. When I first started caring for my grandparents I had a calendar in every room so I couldn't forget a single thing... now my brain is out the window.

Today I kind of wanted to speak with my boss about how I've been feeling. I just started working there last month and going in I told them of my care giving and school so she said to keep her in the loop of if I get too stressed out, especially as I get closer to my probationary period being up and we do the review. But I'm not sure how it would go over if I did that... so I'm kind of chicken! Oh dear.

 

[TryinFor1]

Sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I can totally relate. I take care of a toddler, work part time, school full time, and pregnant. Then the obvious things like keeping up my house and stuff like that. It gets exhausting and there are times I have just wanted to cry by how much has to get done! I agree, its no wonder you.forget about stuff you have a ton on your plate!!

I have talked to my dh about quitting my job because I don't think its very fair to ask me to work, go to school, take care of a toddler and newborn, and take care of the house. His mothers response was, "you can do all that." Er... Yeah if I never want to eat or sleep. Some people are so insensitivly stupid. So I hear you there too! You do a lot and should be proud! But if your boss told you to go to her, don't be scared. Don't kill yourself!

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

Thanks, I have to leave work early today for a prenatal appointment but I'm tempted to go in early to see if she can have a chat with me.

I'm so sorry that you're overwhelmed too, I can't imagine doing this with a toddler on top of everything else! DH and I have agreed that once baby is born I'm going to be a sahm while I finish my degree and can be with baby. Last night he reminded me that he's told me to leave me job plenty of times, and that I'm the only one that is fighting it Makes me feel silly...

What does your DH say about leaving your job? MIL's can make things tough with their opinions. Do what's best for you and family, whether your MIL supports it or not.

 

[TryinFor1]

He didn't support it at first but thought about it and supports it now. He never takes time to think about things and always automatically reacts. Eh were not doing well if I am honest with you and that is one of our issues. He always just reacts. According to him, he will get resentful that I am home taking care of both our kids while doing schoolwork and attending class because I will be at home and he won't. Which is bs since he has finished school and works now. He has some serious selfishness issues. Lol sorry went off on a tangent.

Your husband sounds so supportive and that is awesome! What degree are you finishing? I have been in college for six years. I need to finish up!!

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

I'm sorry to hear that his initial response was so cruel. But I'm glad that he's now supporting the idea of you staying home with the kids. I feel a lot of men, (and women for that matter!) don't see staying at home to raise children as hard work and that it's "easy". I'm so thankful that DH sees it as a full time job and would rather have me at home with baby and studying than having baby in day care that whole time in the beginning.

Currently I'm working on a health information technology degree, mostly specializing in coding. One of my aunts who got a similar degree in that now works in hospital admin and she got me into it once I told her I wanted to be in the medical field but not direct dealings with patients, and a job that I could do raising a family without being away from home all the time.

What degree are you working on? Six years is a long time, but well worth it After this quarter of school I'm switching to full online correspondence, it will make it easier imo to be pregnant and have baby while staying in school.

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

Oh, and funny thing. I went to my bosses office to tell her that I needed to call it done since I'm too overwhelmed with everything I'm taking care of right now... go figure she wasn't in Next week I guess lol

 

[TryinFor1]

Hahaha they always aren't there when you need them. My boss is the same way!

Man oh man... At first I was doing pharmacy, then I did psychology for three years, and I have been doing elementary education for two years. I could go back and get my psychology degree if I wanted to but eh... I wanna focus on my education degree right now. I have two years left if I get in the program this year, or three left if I don't.

Yeah my husband is kinda mean. I told him that too, the whole I don't understand why he wouldn't want me at home taking care of our kids. I am lucky in the fact that my babysitter is actually my grandma so he doesn't have to go to daycare. Still, I am his mom so why wouldn't dh want him home with me?! He said he didn't think about that. He is kind of a dumbass and if I am honest, I just ignore him. He literally always comes around. He just complains all the time about everything first. Lol its super annoying but that is just the way he is! Its ok. Lol. Your dh sounds like a keeper!

It really shouldn't matter, my job I mean. I work one to two days a week and make like 300 a month. Lol which is nothing. it wouldn't make a difference so I would just rather stay home with my wild boy.

Are you hoping you have a boy or a girl? I had a dream last night I had a girl. Can't wait to find out! I didn't realize how close we are in our pregnancies. That's awesome! I live in the us as well!

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

Goodness you've studied a lot! The education degree sounds like a good one, I've got quite a few friends that went for elementary education and love their jobs. It may not pay the highest, but they still love it and that's what counts. Psychology is nuts, I can't tell you how many people I know having psychology degrees and they still work in retail It kind of seems like a dead end anymore.

Sorry hubby can be mean, but at least he eventually comes around. Is he like that all the time or just in pregnancy? DH has been so stellar, I don't know what I'd do without him! He's had some crabby moments and said a few hurtful things. But with him the moment he says it he knows his foot is in his mouth

I'm in the same boat! I only work 3 days a week as well as my night classes. But I don't make enough that it really makes a huge difference. The only difference we've had this month is I keep treating myself out to lunch because I'm too lazy to make it!

How sweet! That would be perfect if you had a girl because then you'd have one of each DH really really wants a boy, go figure! Lol, I'm happy with either. I love boys, I really do. But all our friends have boys so I told DH it would be fun for MIL to have a little girl to obsess over. Last night I had a dream we were laying in a bed and the room was colored like the birthing room I wish to choose at the center and I was breast feeding a little naked boy! Who knows if dreams tell us what they'll be but I've been having dreams of boys since we were ttc, so we'll see!

Wow yeah, I'm just two days behind!

 

[TryinFor1]

Boys are amazing! I love having a little boy and honestly if this one is a boy I would be so super excited. I will be excited either way but two boys would be a ton of fun. I don't plan on having more kids though. This one was a surprise as I was on the pill. I really don't care either way.

Dh isn't the nicest person. He is pretty verbally abusive. I don't know how our relationship turned into what it is. It sucks because it didn't used to be like this at all. I am no angel but he can be pretty bad. But then on the other hand he can be pretty awesome. So its just really a difficult situation. Were seeing a therapist though so hopefully that helps. Lol sorry to be so like open.. but whatever. You asked so I am answering! I don't have a lot of hope for our relationship at the moment but we just started counselling and since we found out we were pregnant, were trying hard to work on it. Were young so we have plenty of time to figure out what we want and we don't want to make the decision lightly which is why we haven't split up yet.

How long have you guys been together? Were going on seven years now.

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

Wow how crazy about the pill! I'll be excited to find out what you're having Although I admit I think DS having a brother would be awesome.

I'm glad to hear that you're going through therapy with him, I hope it really helps and gets you both back to where you were. No one should be emotionally abused, my ex was that way so I get upset when I find someone who is there. Maybe with this second baby and the therapy he'll have some wake up call that he needs to mellow out. I really do wish you the best and I hope all works out. But if it doesn't, don't let yourself get dragged down. Remember that you and the babies are number one, no matter what that means.

We've been together 5 years come December, and our one year wedding anniversary will be in a couple weeks