First post... In need a little advice please

[emf81]

Hi, Iv been stalking posts for a couple of weeks and think you all sound amazing. I'm 21 +1 (that extra day makes all the difference) and Iv got sone great mates but non of them quite understand.

My story I met someone just before Christmas 10, he's 5 years younger than me, we weren't really together just having fun really (I was on the pill patch and kinda took it as that would be ok). We parted company the beginning of feb and a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. My friend thought and prob still do I was crazy even thinking about keeping the baby (not being in a relationship, having a good career and a great social life) but I thought hey I'm 30 this may never happen again so here I am

He was against me having the baby and even said 'Get rid of it while it's still small it will hurt less'
Iv keep him informed upto now but have told him last week that he'll have to contact me as being ignored does my head in!

I previously asked him if his family knew and would want updating and if he was going to offer any financial assistance which again he ignored! Grrrrrr

So do I contact his family or not?? And do I go through CSA when baby's born?? I'm not having him on the birth certificate and baby will have my surname as Iv read some of your posts which have helped
Any advice will be greatly received
Emma xxxx

 

[TiredNurse27]

I'm in a similar position. FOB doesn't want this baby either, wants me to get rid, but isn't entirely out of the picture as yet.

I wouldn't contact his family, unless you think they're going to help you in some way all they will do is interfere.

FOB deleted me and blocked me on fb, and I cancelled his mobile phone contract which means I don't have his number and he doesn't have a phone.

As much as I don't want to contact him same as you, it's a bit frustrating wondering when/if he's going to contact me.

 

[emf81]

Thank you, I'm sure he hasn't told anyone and I think I'll probably half wanting to tell them so someone knows may he will step up and at least see the baby, but then I think no dad is better than someone who will resent the baby. Grrrrr men. Hope yours work out xx

 

[expecting09]

My FOB didn't want anything to do with Kacie, and also wanted me 'to get rid' in his words! I didn't know whether he had told his family or not, when Kacie was a few months old I wrote a letter to FOB's parents with a couple of pictures just saying about Kacie. After all she is their grandchild too. We have a great relationship now (they live like 300 miles away), they come down as often as they can to see Kacie. I think it's great that she gets to see the other side of her family too and they don't interfere at all, they always email to make sure when they do come down it's a good time for us, and just email updates. FOB has never been mentioned while they have been here which suits me just fine, as much as I wanted him to step up and be a dad I'd rather he didn't now! Each to their own I guess though, only you will really know if it's the right thing to do for your baby.

 

[jessrabbit]

Hi EMF81

My circumstances are almost identical to yours. Younger bloke, having fun, ended, found out pregnant, wanted me to get rid etc.

Its soooo frustrating. Mine told his parents but lied about it all saying I was a one night stand etc.

I have no idea if they want to be involved or not, but I have no way of contacting them.

I'm thinking I am going through the CSA straight away even if he wants to pay, that way its all above board and if he lets me down its then not a struggle to go through the CSA at a later date.

Hope you get it all sorted

 

[whoops]

It's a tough one.

FOB never told his parents about our LO and has never met her himself. Sometimes I'm tempted to get in contact with his family, but I've left it alone so far. Because we were good friends beforehand, I feel like I'd be betraying him or something, which is stupid, I know.

I asked about maintenance after Lily was born and he does pay it now every week. I haven't gone through CSA because we're now in two different countries and it'd be more hassle than it's worth - it might have been different if I'd stayed in the UK.

Oh, and no way are you stupid for keeping your baby - yeah, it's tough but sooo worth it. And starting out as a single mother means you never know any different so it's not as tough as being in a relationship to start and then finding yourself single.

 

[emf81]

Hi
Thanks for the advice and kind words, it's nice not to feel judged! I think I probably will get in touch with his family but maybe not until baby is here. Iv still not heard from him, iv come to the conclusion he thinks if he ignores the bitch she'll go away!! Grrrrrr I really hate men at the min xxx