FOB wants to take lo on a cruise!!

[hopeful4bfp]

Last night FOB informed me that he was planning on going to his family reunion next year probably in July. It is on a cruise this year and is planning on taking Noelle with him. I told him I wasn't sure about that. He does take good care of Noiee but has never had her for more than 12 hours by himself and complains when I make him take care of her at night. Its not that I think he would neglect or hurt her but I am not comfortable with her on a cruise without me.

To be fair, when we first split my family had been planning a trip down to the coast (about 4 hours away) for a weekend and i wouldn't let him go. So he spent 2 days without her. I have never been without her. I have seen her every morning and every night even if its just for a few seconds to tell her good night when I get home from work very late. He will get mad when I go to my moms for dinner, and leave until after we get home and go to bed, so he has gone days without seeing her just because I wasnt home when he got there, even though I told him where i was.

I just dont think he is mature enough to take a 17 month old on a cruise by himself. He was all like "but she will be walking by then" I said "thats even worse, youll have to watch her even closer and run after her" he just had this attitude of whats the worst that could happen.

Noiee HATES water. I mean she screams like we are bathing her in acid and stares at the water like it is going to bite her. She wont even go near a fountain or pond with out whining and trying to cling to me just in case i might put her in it. I cant imagine what going on a cruise with her would be like. Not to mention that I have a phobia of water. I will not go in water I cant see or touch the bottom and I wont go near a railing where there is water on the other side that is deep. I almost drowned when I was 4. My mother pulled me out of a lake right before I past out. I can still remember seeing the water above my head and being unable to reach the top. And I am terrified that it will happen to her.

So my question here is.. Am I being unreasonable in telling him no? or should I just suck it up and say that he is her father and should be able to take her?

 

[Kikirose]

Personally, I wouldn't allow even one day where I don't see my lo, especially not on a boat where I couldn't get to her if I had to. However, you should decide for you. If you let him, does he have any family that are good with kids? Maybe he'll have help. As for the fear of water, she might not even realize she's on water unless someone points it out. The ocean looks different from up high.

 

[Becky61]

People will undoubtedly disagree with me, but FOB and I have made an agreement between ourselves that he can only take LO on holiday when LO can talk to him about his needs etc. I want LO to be able to say "Daddy I don't feel well/I miss mummy/I'm hungry/thirsty/tired/I want to go home" before I agree to let him take him away from me.

That being said, I took LO away for a week at Easter, and have arranged to take him away for a week later this month. But I am with LO daily, and know what certain cries mean, and what different routines are.

x

 

[hopeful4bfp]

All his family live all the way across the country and I have never met them. He is planning to take her to introduce her to the family. So I would have a hard time trusting them with her. And I am more worried about him wanting to take her in the pool or things like that. Not to mention most cruises go to other countries. God knows what could happen. It just really freaks me out to even think about it.

 

[Katiekola]

Hey hun, does he generally see Noelle everyday? And how long is the cruise for?

 

[Becky1987]

I'd hate to think if DH and I ever separated that he would stop me from taking our son anywhere. I would hate to be away from my lo but then again I wouldn't expect him to stop me from doing the same. Our lo wouldn't exist if it wasn't for both of us and he's no more mine than his. Just think about how you would feel in his shoes?

 

[Tami]

I can't put my finger on it, but this makes me really uncomfortable. I think maybe a 17 month old is too young to go on a cruise? And why on earth would he even suggest taking her on one when shes scared of water!

You might have to put your foot down, just tell him the family are welcome to come and see her at home but you're not comfortable with her going on the cruise for all the reasons you listed.

If it were on dry land I don't think it would be a problem for me, could he arrange to take her to see them another time?

xx

 

[hopeful4bfp]

we still live together so he does see her everyday. im not sure how long it is i dont think all the details are ironed out...

I think if it were on dry land i would be more agreeable but the thought of her going on a boat for days in the middle of the ocean with pools and things without me just sends panic through my body.

 

[staralfur]

Hmm. I think not wanting to be away from her for a few days is one thing, and it's still so far away that I'd say maybe wait until it's closer and see how you feel then.

But the fact that it'd be close to impossible to get to her if there were a problem is what would make me uncomfortable... and that's not going to change.

Maybe you could suggest having him take her to meet his family some other time and not in the middle of an ocean?

 

[ruby09]

All his family live allI the way across the country and I have never met them. He is planning to take her to introduce her to the family. So I would have a hard time trusting them with her. And I am more worried about him wanting to take her in the pool or things like that. Not to mention most cruises go to other countries. God knows what could happen. It just really freaks me out to even think about it.

Tbh, the whole cruise thing would make me nervous. I looked into going on one with ds and I found that most cruise lines don't allow babies in the pools if they're not potty trained yet. There's actually very little for a baby to do on a ship.

 

[hopeful4bfp]

It would be impossible to get to her and i keep thinking about all these stories about the cruise ships running aground and capsizing or loosing power and all the horrible stories that have been in the news recently. I just cant get past the fear and panic. Maybe I will feel differently later but right now I just cant do it.

 

[jenniferttc1]

No way, but cruises make me nervous anyways with all those ships breaking down. Plus I know that when my mom and family goes on them, you don't hear from them often. It would just leave me nervous not being able to get to my son if something happened. Maybe I am a control freak, but I think of the worst things when he's not around!

 

[ShelbyLC]

No way. I trust my OH 110% and I still wouldn't let him take either (or both) of our girls on a cruise by himself. I trust him, but not the ship. Too many unknowns, too many possible problems, and no way of getting to them if they needed me? Nope. Not happening. Especially if she doesn't like water! Poor girl would be traumatized! What if the family members don't understand her fear and force her into the pools? Nope. No way.

 

[x__amour]

I took my LO on a cruise when she was 18 months old. She had a blast! I don't know. If your FOB is responsible, I think it should be okay. It's important that you both get special vacations with your LO and I'm sure you would be upset if you wanted to take LO on a trip and your FOB didn't want you to. It will come down to what you guys can work out but I think if you trust him, it would be okay.

 

[lilyd]

Would just like to say that my LO hated water up until about 10/11 months. After that it all changed and LO would have stayed in the bath/pool for hours!

Would he stop you taking LO away if it were the other way around? This holiday is quite a way in the future so FOB has plenty of time to show you he is capable of caring for LO. Tell him what you would need him to do for him to gain your trust and confidence.

 

[Scout]

I wouldn't. Not on a cruise.

 

[ShelbyLC]

My OH just pointed out that if you have custody of your LO and your FOB crosses into international waters on the cruise, it could cause problems because be would be leaving the country with her. Not sure exactly if that would be an issue since you would be giving permission to take her, but it's something to think about.

 

[Laura80]

Is there any way he would let you go too?

 

[nevernormal]

I would definitely let my husband, though I don't see any reason why he would be taking LO somewhere like that without me! I've traveled internationally all my life though. I'll actually be taking my son overseas in January; he'll be 7-8 months. DH will be with us for about 1 week out of 3-4, because he'll have to come back and work, but if it was the other way around (and, well, if I wasn't breastfeeding), I would be fine with it. I mean, it would definitely be hard to be away from my son for that long, but I think you need to be flexible to the situation.

Honestly though, I'm not sure how you would enjoy a cruise with a toddler along, if you're not used to taking care of one! Can you suggest that he takes her to meet his family some other time? Does he know your (and her!) fear of water? It shouldn't necessarily be THE deciding factor but you could ask him to take that into consideration. Maybe he could take her to meet them at Christmas or something instead.