CurlySue
P.I's Mummy
- Joined
- May 12, 2008
- Messages
- 1,945
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1. IVF info evening was very informative and enlightening and made us feel very hopeful. This was a good point.
2. Initial IVF consultation was unpleasant. We were made to feel like if we spoke for more than three seconds that we were overstaying our welcome. It was rushed. Not once did the woman ask our names or even introduce herself. She referred to “normal women” in contrast to myself, a term I found offensive. We were made to change consent forms which were labelled ‘optional’ before we could proceed. “You have to say yes,” she said, which made me wonder why the form said “optional” next to these sections. I was made to feel stupid for asking questions and when I did ask I was given conflicting answers that made no sense (i.e. she asked me if I was polycystic, I told her no, then she went on to talk to me as if I was indeed polycystic, as if I should have KNOWN I was polycystic even though I had previously been told that I was not!) I was told that I was high risk for OHSS and would need extra scans and a lower dose of stimulation drug so that I did not develop this dangerous condition yet neither of these things happened. Was what she told me completely wrong or did they give me dangerous treatment? She laughed in my face when I questioned her. Seriously. Laughed in my face, the heartless bitch. The list could go on and on…
3. Consultation above was so rushed, baffling and confusing that I had to spend 30 minutes on the telephone seeking clarification the following day (this is after spending four hours trying to get through on the phone!) Nothing from the consultation had been written down in my notes so I was left none the wiser.
4. Before egg collection we were handed a leaflet on a luteal support trial which we were told showed evidence of reduction of risk for miscarriage (25% to 10%). Again, after egg collection we were told of this trial twice, once by a man named Richard and another time by the nurse that came in for discharge. Three times, this was offered to us. When we got our positive result and asked to be placed upon this trial we were told “No.” How can you place the idea of a reduction in miscarriage risk into an IVF couple’s head and then deny them the ‘fantastic’ study you have offered them on no less than three occasions? Inevitably, we miscarried two implanted embryos. It’s hard not to ponder the “what ifs”…especially when the leaflets for the very same trial were still all over reception when we were going in to confirm our miscarriage.
5. After embryo transfer the embryologist quickly went through the progress of the other embryos (hindsight makes me worry immensely that out of 11 or 12 embryos not a single one was good enough to develop into a baby even though they all fertilised!) There was an 8 cell and a 9 cell embryo that might be frozen for a FET in the future, she said, and she would write to let us know. No letter ever came. I tried chasing by telephone but could never get through. It is particularly upsetting to be told “none were good enough and you have nothing left” by the very doctor who is arranging your D&C when we should have been notified by post.
6. I realise that you have to be sure but when there are two blatantly empty sacs two weeks on the run and a nurse saying “I am 99.99% sure that this isn’t going to work and there is no baby” it’s incredibly difficult to go on yet another week when you’re in terrible pain and just want things over with, especially when no back up had even been scheduled despite asking for it to be. I wanted a D&C scheduled for the day of the final scan just so I knew that it would be over with. I was basically told “No can do” and never understood why.
I was just so glad that the conscientious nurse from the first scan had the niceness to phone me and ask if I wanted a D&C scheduled for the day after the third (yes third!) scan so that I would not have to wait even longer. The woman the week before (who couldn’t have been more cold and blunt, a common theme throughout – total lack of sympathy) totally disregarded my wishes. Why is that?
7. The same woman above, I might add, made a point of telling me just how horrendously painful a natural miscarriage would be despite me telling her I wanted a D&C and did not want to miscarry naturally. She more or less told me it was something I would have to be prepared for. Again, I ask, why? Why, when I have made it clear that’s not what I want? Did I really need to hear how awful something I desperately wanted to avoid was going to be?
8. We found out about our miscarriage on Wednesday. On Friday, a letter offering us antenatal care and a 12 week scan arrived on our doorstep. It was sent out on Thursday, the day AFTER I found out about my miscarriage. Clerical error it may well have been but it was upsetting nonetheless and it made me wonder if there is any communication whatsoever.
9. On the day of the D&C I had to sign a consent form in order for “the remains” to be disposed of and also so that a sample could be sent away for testing “to see if it truly was a baby” – yes, it was. It might not be a baby to you people, but to me it was. They were. There were two. Both were my fertilised embryos. What on Earth else could they have been?
10. On the same note…I was discharged after D&C without even being given instructions on what to look out for. “Sorry,” I was told, “we don’t have any advice leaflets left but…it’s pretty obvious what’s not right so if you experience anything unusual just give us a ring.” How on Earth do I know what is right and what is not right when I’ve never had a D&C before? And how on earth can you ‘run out’ of advice leaflets?
11. We were told that soon after the D&C a follow up appointment would be arranged so that we may discuss what had happened and also so that we could discuss a second attempt. As of three months after D&C we could try again, we were told (by the time of appointment it will have been 8 weeks already). Once again, no letter arrived offering us that appointment and I had to chase up the hospital, just as I had tried to chase them up in relation to the two embryos that I was so hopeful had made it. Would I have even got an appointment this YEAR if I had not chased up? It’s stressful enough as it is having to go through this without having to chase up at every opportunity and being left in limbo with no answers and no contact.
_________
_________________
Would we sound like utter morons if we brought all of these up?
Bear in mind, we only have this appointment because I wrote a letter pointing out the fact that we were feeling utterly abandoned and confused by the hospital and totally stressed out by their lack of care.
These are the points I have. These are the points which are leading me to NOT want to go through IVF again.
Would it be wrong to actually take a list like this?
2. Initial IVF consultation was unpleasant. We were made to feel like if we spoke for more than three seconds that we were overstaying our welcome. It was rushed. Not once did the woman ask our names or even introduce herself. She referred to “normal women” in contrast to myself, a term I found offensive. We were made to change consent forms which were labelled ‘optional’ before we could proceed. “You have to say yes,” she said, which made me wonder why the form said “optional” next to these sections. I was made to feel stupid for asking questions and when I did ask I was given conflicting answers that made no sense (i.e. she asked me if I was polycystic, I told her no, then she went on to talk to me as if I was indeed polycystic, as if I should have KNOWN I was polycystic even though I had previously been told that I was not!) I was told that I was high risk for OHSS and would need extra scans and a lower dose of stimulation drug so that I did not develop this dangerous condition yet neither of these things happened. Was what she told me completely wrong or did they give me dangerous treatment? She laughed in my face when I questioned her. Seriously. Laughed in my face, the heartless bitch. The list could go on and on…
3. Consultation above was so rushed, baffling and confusing that I had to spend 30 minutes on the telephone seeking clarification the following day (this is after spending four hours trying to get through on the phone!) Nothing from the consultation had been written down in my notes so I was left none the wiser.
4. Before egg collection we were handed a leaflet on a luteal support trial which we were told showed evidence of reduction of risk for miscarriage (25% to 10%). Again, after egg collection we were told of this trial twice, once by a man named Richard and another time by the nurse that came in for discharge. Three times, this was offered to us. When we got our positive result and asked to be placed upon this trial we were told “No.” How can you place the idea of a reduction in miscarriage risk into an IVF couple’s head and then deny them the ‘fantastic’ study you have offered them on no less than three occasions? Inevitably, we miscarried two implanted embryos. It’s hard not to ponder the “what ifs”…especially when the leaflets for the very same trial were still all over reception when we were going in to confirm our miscarriage.
5. After embryo transfer the embryologist quickly went through the progress of the other embryos (hindsight makes me worry immensely that out of 11 or 12 embryos not a single one was good enough to develop into a baby even though they all fertilised!) There was an 8 cell and a 9 cell embryo that might be frozen for a FET in the future, she said, and she would write to let us know. No letter ever came. I tried chasing by telephone but could never get through. It is particularly upsetting to be told “none were good enough and you have nothing left” by the very doctor who is arranging your D&C when we should have been notified by post.
6. I realise that you have to be sure but when there are two blatantly empty sacs two weeks on the run and a nurse saying “I am 99.99% sure that this isn’t going to work and there is no baby” it’s incredibly difficult to go on yet another week when you’re in terrible pain and just want things over with, especially when no back up had even been scheduled despite asking for it to be. I wanted a D&C scheduled for the day of the final scan just so I knew that it would be over with. I was basically told “No can do” and never understood why.
I was just so glad that the conscientious nurse from the first scan had the niceness to phone me and ask if I wanted a D&C scheduled for the day after the third (yes third!) scan so that I would not have to wait even longer. The woman the week before (who couldn’t have been more cold and blunt, a common theme throughout – total lack of sympathy) totally disregarded my wishes. Why is that?
7. The same woman above, I might add, made a point of telling me just how horrendously painful a natural miscarriage would be despite me telling her I wanted a D&C and did not want to miscarry naturally. She more or less told me it was something I would have to be prepared for. Again, I ask, why? Why, when I have made it clear that’s not what I want? Did I really need to hear how awful something I desperately wanted to avoid was going to be?
8. We found out about our miscarriage on Wednesday. On Friday, a letter offering us antenatal care and a 12 week scan arrived on our doorstep. It was sent out on Thursday, the day AFTER I found out about my miscarriage. Clerical error it may well have been but it was upsetting nonetheless and it made me wonder if there is any communication whatsoever.
9. On the day of the D&C I had to sign a consent form in order for “the remains” to be disposed of and also so that a sample could be sent away for testing “to see if it truly was a baby” – yes, it was. It might not be a baby to you people, but to me it was. They were. There were two. Both were my fertilised embryos. What on Earth else could they have been?
10. On the same note…I was discharged after D&C without even being given instructions on what to look out for. “Sorry,” I was told, “we don’t have any advice leaflets left but…it’s pretty obvious what’s not right so if you experience anything unusual just give us a ring.” How on Earth do I know what is right and what is not right when I’ve never had a D&C before? And how on earth can you ‘run out’ of advice leaflets?
11. We were told that soon after the D&C a follow up appointment would be arranged so that we may discuss what had happened and also so that we could discuss a second attempt. As of three months after D&C we could try again, we were told (by the time of appointment it will have been 8 weeks already). Once again, no letter arrived offering us that appointment and I had to chase up the hospital, just as I had tried to chase them up in relation to the two embryos that I was so hopeful had made it. Would I have even got an appointment this YEAR if I had not chased up? It’s stressful enough as it is having to go through this without having to chase up at every opportunity and being left in limbo with no answers and no contact.
_________
_________________Would we sound like utter morons if we brought all of these up?
Bear in mind, we only have this appointment because I wrote a letter pointing out the fact that we were feeling utterly abandoned and confused by the hospital and totally stressed out by their lack of care.
These are the points I have. These are the points which are leading me to NOT want to go through IVF again.
Would it be wrong to actually take a list like this?
