For those who had unplanned pregnancies...

[Liesje]

...do you plan on telling your children they were unplanned when they're older?

On one hand I can see no child wants to hear that they were an "accident" (I prefer the term "surprise", but anyway...) but on the other, it might be nice for them to know what wonderful surprises babies can be even when they're not expected (if they're old enough to have unplanned pregnancies of their own).

We were nudged into parenthood... I'm just wondering how others plan to go about telling their story to their children?

 

[mrsholmes]

my first one was planned, and only planned on one. But fell pregnant on the pill............im not sure I will probably tell them they were both planned !

 

[RachA]

If it comes up then i will say that we weren't actively trying for children at the time. We were planning on starting trying for a family 3 months after we fell pregnant.

I won't go out of my way to tell him though as if he hasn't asked then i don't see he needs to know lol

 

[Lucasmum]

Lucas is aware he was a happy surprise already

 

[vintage67]

Over the years, my mother commented many times that I wasn't planned and the way it was worded made me very unhappy on many occassions.

 

[MacyClara]

Well I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter and her dad was 17. I think she'll be able to put two and two together on that one! not that we don't love her very,very much but I will definitely (when she's older) tell her how she was a surprise and that raising a baby as a teen is a challenge. I think it would be irresponsible of me as her mother to not tell her how hard it was so she can avoid the mistakes I made.

 

[JASMAK]

Mine were very very planned, but my mum always told me I wasn't and it only hurt, and still does.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

I never planned DD2, was on the pill at the time but I can honestly say that she was the best surprise that I've ever had.
I think that when/if she asks I will tell her the truth, I always knew that I wasn't planned (not for another year anyways) and TBH I really have never minded. That I was loved and cared for is all that matters.

Saying that I wouldn't tell her unless she asks and even then I wouldn't explain until I was sure she would understand. (She is only 4 at the moment).

 

[Bats11]

My elderst daughter was not planned but we were'nt exactly being careful either, I told her she was a wonderful surprise!

I was conceived and my mothers tubes were tied, so I really wasnt wanted, but Im their favourite shhhh dont tell my other sisters!!

 

[sabby52]

my first one was planned, and only planned on one. But fell pregnant on the pill............im not sure I will probably tell them they were both planned !

Exactly the same here, my first was unplanned at 18, only planned on having one, then fell pregnant almost 10 years later while on the pill

I have never thought about what i would tell them if they asked, Dan is 14 (almost 15) and he has never asked, Dec is only 4 (almost 5) and I doubt he will be asking anytime soon.

 

[Beccaboop]

As an 'unplanned' baby myself i would say no dont tell them ive known for a long time that i wasnt planned but my brother was and ive always felt a bit like hes the favourite as he was planned!! Childish i know but thats how i feel!

 

[hellohefalump]

I'm not going to tell Madeleine unless she asks me. But she might figure it out because I was only 21 when I had her.

 

[Tiff]

I won't be telling Claire either. If she asks, I'll probably tell her the truth in that she wasn't planned but very much loved and wanted.

 

[Hoover216]

I'm not quite sure if its necessary to take that route. I also understand the desire to have them be aware that some surprises whether intentional or not can turn out to be a great thing. But, I think they can learn that through other areas in life. Or possibly perhaps when they are much older and wanting children of there own, you can share that "sometime babies are given when you least expect it, as you were" something along those lines.

 

[wilbz]

only 1 out of my 3 were planned but i doubt i will tell them, i never wanted children, but if my first hadnt come along I probably wouldnt have my three gorgeous girls, I'm so glad it happened as I could have missed out on so much. we planned our second but needed clomid after 4 years of not being careful, so were very suprised by number 3, my mum was one of 5 unplanned as my nana thought it was the menopause, but she always said unplanned doesnt meen unwanted

 

[frisbeemama12]

My mother has told me I was her oops baby and it didnt make me feel great since Im the 2nd of 3 kids... I had my first dd when I was 19 and then her daddy and I got married when she was 1 and now we have dd #2... neither one was planned, but we tell our oldest that we wanted kids together and that she is so special that she just wanted to surprise mommy and daddy by coming into our lives early When she gets older Ill definitely be telling her, because I dont want my kids having children before they are soooooo ready! I dont want them struggling like I did.. and still do actually.. there really are no parents my age that have kids MY kids age.... its very upsetting sometimes knowing I have no friends that know what Im going through...

 

[Seity]

I'm definitely telling this one he's my 'oops' baby. We only intended to have the one. I was one of 5 and only 2 of us were 'planned'. Never bothered me in the least.

 

[amotherslove]

I was concieved due to a date rape, and my sister was an accident with my moms boyfriend at the time. Accident doesn't mean mistake, and the circumstances of my conception didn't make me feel any less loved.. Hell, they made me feel more loved. She went through a traumatic experience and STILL loved me enough to say no when everyone told her to abort me. She has no regrets.. And if my child were unplanned I'd tell her the truth in passing many times I'm sure.. It wouldn't have been a bad thing if she were yknow?

 

[RachA]

I was concieved due to a date rape, and my sister was an accident with my moms boyfriend at the time. Accident doesn't mean mistake, and the circumstances of my conception didn't make me feel any less loved.. Hell, they made me feel more loved. She went through a traumatic experience and STILL loved me enough to say no when everyone told her to abort me. She has no regrets.. And if my child were unplanned I'd tell her the truth in passing many times I'm sure.. It wouldn't have been a bad thing if she were yknow?

That's how i see it - just because the pregnancy is unplanned doesn't mean the baby is unloved. I wouldn't want to tell my son that he was planned only for him to find out when he was older that he wasn't actually planned. He is loved either way.

 

[Reidfidleir]

I don't remember how or when I was told/I asked but I knew from a very young age that I was an accident and that my mom didn't want any children. And the reason I'm an only is because she "never wanted to go through that horrible experience again (labor. She had a pretty average one)".
But it didn't phase me at all. I knew i was loved and i had a pretty happy childhood. Sometimes when I got older I would jokingly use it against her and she would say I was a happy surprise. I knew she wasn't happy at first though.
My child was definitely unplanned but I knew that my husband wanted kids eventually even though I wasn't on board with the idea yet. We also weren't being super careful at the time he was conceived.
My thinking is if it comes up it comes up and he'll know that he was a wonderful surprise and that mommy and daddy were so happy to know he was coming and to have him. That is the truth.
When he gets significantly older I will tell him that I was scared at first and the reasons why. But that that didn't last very long.