Forgetting a baby in the back seat of a car- is it a crime?

[stardust599]

It is difficult, because yes he might not have intentionally left the child in the car....but its your child...how do you "forget" about your child? If he was meant to be at daycare, why did no one ring to see where he was?

Very tragic regardless, but I find it exceptionally hard to believe that not for 5 minutes, an hour, but a whole day a child was forgotten about. Surely said child would enter the dads mind at some point during the day?

It probably did but his brain was telling him he was at daycare so no need to worry.

Yes, even when he saw the police and crowds gathered round his car he didn't realise what had happened and still had no idea that his toddler was in there. Because some fluke/flaw/mistake in his brain registered that he had already dropped LO off as usual so he had no reason to think anything was wrong. So he probably did think about his LO that day but he had no reason to worry or suddenly remember because he was sure he'd dropped LO off and it didn't even enter his mind that he hadn't.

 

[Sarahkka]

Read the whole thing... Cried the entire time while holding my LO. I made myself read it so I'm scared shitless to be too busy to remember my baby. It's so easy to say it's a crime and they are evil people- they aren't. They just made the horrible mistake of being too busy or overworked. We've all forgotten things. I'm putting a note somewhere visible in my car about remembering the baby.

They are already punishing themselves more than any other human or judicial system could ever impose. They're in their own private hell.

Only got as far as this post. You sum my reaction to this piece up exactly. Well put.
I think people might be surprised by how easily we can forget our vigilance and our safety protocols when life piles on and we're in a state of high distraction. It can and does happen to the best of parents. And absolutely - their own private hell is exactly where they will be for the rest of their lives. I guess it's neglect, but I consider it more like a tragic accident. There was no intent to harm. There was just a very human lapse in the middle of a very busy day full of pressures. Both the baby and the parents have nothing but pity from me. I can barely make myself consider what kind of pain that would be. Sickening grief and guilt for the rest of your life. I highly doubt that I would be able to keep functioning if such a thing happened to me.

 

[fi79]

Many people in this thread have said "It's a crime. I can't imagine forgetting my baby". I suspect the parents featured in that article would have said the same thing - that they couldn't imagine forgetting about their baby. Just because you can't imagine something doesn't mean it can't happen.

 

[WantingABubba]

Brains are complicated things, and they don't work perfectly. I don't think it's a case of them not caring or thinking about their child. It's easy to say it'd never happen to you, but we've ALL had moments in life where we've forgotten things, even important things.

So, in summary, I don't think it's a crime and feel extremely sorry for parents and baby.

 

[Raggydoll]

That was a difficult read. Poor babies.

My instant reaction was to think, yes it's a crime, how could you possibly forget your baby is in the car. However the human mind is a terribly complicated thing. We don't always have control over our minds and memory.

The transcript of the 911 call in the Lyn Balfour case is heart wrenching. You can almost feel the mothers heart stopping at the moment of realisation.

Having read more in depth I don't think it should be a crime.

I don't think there is a greater punishment than the grief and guilt these parents will have to carry for the rest of their lives.

 

[PitaKat]

No, it's not a crime. It's a terrible, horrible, human accident.

 

[JASMAK]

That was a horrible read. Don hink I willbe able tosleep tonight. But, for the record, unless there is clear neglect of purposefully leaving the child...its an awful awful ACCIDENT. going to hug my baby all night now.

 

[Yammas]

My OH said he thought it was a crime but I dont agree being a forgetful person at times myself I can see how being distracted and in a rush can make things slip your mind no matter how important they are.

Sad sad tragedy imo adding the trauma of going through court and reliving it is unneccessary its not as if the parents didnt care, so to try and punish them more than they are all ready doing themsselves is a waste of tiime.

 

[Eternal]

I dont know, They have been punished enough, but then those who accidently hit someone and kill someone with a car are punished, they will suffer also, perhaps not on the same scale but still, its difficult to decide what is punishable by law.

I have three kids, and I am a SAHM, i cant imagine forgetting them as they are my life 24/7, they are all i have to think of. if i were still working my brain would have to be shared with that, many times when nursing after nights i would drive through red lights etc, so I can understand getting to work and forgetting to drop kids off.

I dont understand leaving the car getting into work and being there all day, i cant imagine that at all, but just because i cant doesnt mean it couldnt happen.

 

[kerrie24]

I can't imagine how you could ever do that.
But I can't imagine the suffering they have gone through either.

 

[xolily]

If it's not deliberate then I don't know. I think the outcome would be punishment enough.

 

[twinkle1975]

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this since I read it but haven't been able to tell anyone IRL as I don't want them to have the same images going round non-stop in their heads

 

[Brookey]

i guess its still a crime in the same way that if you accidently kill someone then its still considered manslaughter.

But I do believe that putting the offending parent in prison is not the right thing to do. Having to live with what they did, every day, for the rest of their lives is a punishment in itself.

I think its very easy to say "i would never do that" and im sure before this happened these parents would have said the same but until you are in that situation i guess you will never know.

 

[angelandbump]

I agree with Brookey, it is still manslaughter but i do think every case should be looked at differently.

No parent is perfect and you all may say you would never do this but you would be surprised how easy it is. I am lucky that I haven't done it but my mum left my son in the car for about 2 minutes before my dad asked her where he was and she cried her self silly that day. My aunty had been told she had only months to live and my gran had died (all in one day). If my dad hadn't asked, I wouldn't like to think how long he would have been in there but my mother is far from neglectful, she is actually quite the oposite.

That poor person will have to live the rest of their life knowing they made a mistake with awful consequences and alot of people on here are quick to judge and throw the book at them but we all do things that put our children at risk unintentionally.

 

[angelandbump]

The head teacher at my mums school openly admits that she left her baby in her car seat on the driveway and got about 15minutes down the road before realising but that was because her other two children were fighting and she was late for work. She kept telling the kids to be quiet but her daughter was trying to tell her that she forgot the baby.

Parents have left their babies in a pram in the cloakroom at school and have got half way home before remembering and other parents have forgot to pick their child up from school.

Like i said before... No one is perfect and we all make mistakes.

 

[Menelly]

I accidentally left my son at school one day. My grandfather had died two days earlier and my days were blurring together. I 100% thought it was my ex's day to get him. My poor kiddo kept asking if I'd died too, and that's why I didn't go get him.

It's easy to say you'll never forget... but when major stress hits, you never know.

 

[fidgets mammy]

i havent read the article. i couldnt as my hormones couldnt take it.
but i get the jist of the story. i understand people forget things, i am chronic for it. but to forget yr child in a car all day? i dont understand that.

not sure if its a crime or not as i havent read through it, but one thing for sure is its an absolute shame and i can imagine those parents find it very hard to live with themselves. poor poor family

 

[Brookey]

But the point is, he didnt "forget" his baby was in the car. Somehow on the drive to work he got distracted and didnt drop him at day care.

Somehow that link in his brain just didnt click so when he went into work, he believed that he had dropped the child off already. So it wasnt that he forgot he was in the car, he just believed he was at day care so had no reason to panic.

I do think people are too quick to judge but just going from the amount of people on here have admitted they have forgotton their babies/children it seems all too common.

I really feel for the parents that do this. And I really hope hes not sent to prison.

 

[stardust599]

But the point is, he didnt "forget" his baby was in the car. Somehow on the drive to work he got distracted and didnt drop him at day care.

Somehow that link in his brain just didnt click so when he went into work, he believed that he had dropped the child off already. So it wasnt that he forgot he was in the car, he just believed he was at day care so had no reason to panic.

I do think people are too quick to judge but just going from the amount of people on here have admitted they have forgotton their babies/children it seems all too common.

I really feel for the parents that do this. And I really hope hes not sent to prison.

Another common one I see on here ALOT is people taking a car journey and then realising they forgot to strap the carseat in or forgot the fasten their LO in cos when they were putting LO in something distracted them and in somehow clicked in their brain that they had now fastened LO in safely so they didn't even think about it on the way home. We all say oh no harm done, just an innocent mistake but I wonder what people would say if this person was in an accident and the baby died cos of not being strapped in... similar situation is that a crime?

 

[angelandbump]

But the point is, he didnt "forget" his baby was in the car. Somehow on the drive to work he got distracted and didnt drop him at day care.

Somehow that link in his brain just didnt click so when he went into work, he believed that he had dropped the child off already. So it wasnt that he forgot he was in the car, he just believed he was at day care so had no reason to panic.

I do think people are too quick to judge but just going from the amount of people on here have admitted they have forgotton their babies/children it seems all too common.

I really feel for the parents that do this. And I really hope hes not sent to prison.

Another common one I see on here ALOT is people taking a car journey and then realising they forgot to strap the carseat in or forgot the fasten their LO in cos when they were putting LO in something distracted them and in somehow clicked in their brain that they had now fastened LO in safely so they didn't even think about it on the way home. We all say oh no harm done, just an innocent mistake but I wonder what people would say if this person was in an accident and the baby died cos of not being strapped in... similar situation is that a crime?

VERY GOOD point! x