Found naked women on OH's Twitter so upset am I over-reacting?

[Jo_Bean]

Just for the record, I said other people out there, not posters.

Sorry if I hit a nerve but your assumption that people who think differently to you "put up with it" is a massive generalisation and wrong.

Also, your use of capitalisation is offensive. So stop shouting, agree to disagree and get a life woman!

 

[helena]

Are people not getting just a bit too worked up over some bare bums and boobies!? it's hardly mass murder. we all like different things. Gemma's partner hasnt been looking at hard core violent porn.
We're all different and we cant expect to change everyones mind to match ours, it's what makes the world go round.

Eastenders and a quiet Friday eve anyone?

 

[ttc_lolly]

You are still missing the point. It is a fact that porn CAN lead to more problems. That is a factual statement. Put it in google and see how many stories there are of broken families and porn addiction. Everything I've said has already been said by several other posters, not sure why you're taking everything I say to heart... but anyways... This is NOT TRUE for every situation, maybe I should be crystal clear on that. BUT when it comes to my marriage, and I"m sure a lot of other women on here feel the same way, are not willing to risk the possibility of allowing something that CAN POSSIBLY lead to other issues. We are only human. Humans by nature are susceptible to addictions. And this is what I mean by problems. And that is what I mean when I say that my husband doesn't look at it and I WILL NOT tolerate it in no way shape or form. Not an insecurity of mine, rather than insurance for my marriage. I don't want my kids going to daddy's on the weekends or living a broken life. I grew up that way. I will do whatever I have to do to avoid that in my adult life and for my children. I will put up whatever walls I need to to insure that won't happen. And I'm obviously painting a very broad picture because this porn thing goes along with a lot of other things that don't go on in my marriage that very well may go on in other happy, committed marriages. Some people are just more tolerable, however due to my life experiences, I am not.

Anything can lead to something else, that is just life. So by saying porn can lead on to a porn addiction is a tad silly... like saying drinking can lead to an alcohol problem etc etc etc. Well, duh... does that mean nobody should ever drink incase they turn into an alcoholic!?

Shoe on the other foot - men/women being forced to not do something can sometimes then go behind their partners back and do it anyway. I'd rather know about anything my OH gets up to than him going behind my back, or worse, by cheating.

OP - I'm sorry you feel this way of course, everyone is entitled to feel how they do about their partners watching porn/talking to naked ladies. Are these twitter accounts real girls that he's been speaking to? Or just those types of accounts with pictures so the user can gain maximum followers? Either way, talk it through with your OH. I don't feel it's a deal breaker on a relationship or marriage, but that is for you to decide. Try letting him know what you are and are not comfortable with, and hopefully you get through this together

 

[Stelly]

You are a little out of line referring to the comments of other posters, including myself, who say that their husbands don't look at porn. I know for a FACT that my husband DOES NOT look at that trash. He may "do the deed" himself from time to time, I suspect all guys do, but porn is very well beneath him. Porn is a parasite that RUINS families and relationships. I feel sorry for the women that choose to/have to put up with it.

I understand you felt she was out of line- BUT how does it help by going even more over the line with that response? Your husband and relationship is not above/better than any of the ladies who have an open relationship about porn with their spouses. Just like none of the ladies who are open to it are above/better than those who don't allow it.

That's great your husband doesn't look at porn and thats an aspect of your relationship... but where do you get the gall to say that those who do are basically going to have a ruined family and relationship?

sorry- that may have been a preggo hormone rant- but that is not OK in my book.

I didn't say that it ruins ALL relationships but it is a BAD SEED that can lead to many other problems. That is a fact. Whether or not the women that allow it choose to see it that way is their deal, not mine. I didn't say I'm better, but I am seperating myself and my husband from the insinuation that I don't know what he does or that he does it just because "most family men" do it. That is unfair and totally incorrect. The fact that I think it is purely disgusting is my opinion and I have just as much right to express it as anyone else here. It is exploitation of women in it's worst form, and from what another poster said I WILL NOT support means for the men to exploit and abuse the women that play in those movies. I don't appreciate insinuations being made on my intelligence or my husband's integrity. Period.

It is not a fact- it's your opinion. So you don't appreciate insinuations being made on your husband's integrity... well nor do I. Which is exactly what your previous posts are doing. One woman says something you disagreed with, I'm sorry- but I dont think that justifies insulting others who weren't involved. Its the pot calling the kettle black. That is all I am saying.

You are still missing the point. It is a fact that porn CAN lead to more problems. That is a factual statement. Put it in google and see how many stories there are of broken families and porn addiction. Everything I've said has already been said by several other posters, not sure why you're taking everything I say to heart... but anyways... This is NOT TRUE for every situation, maybe I should be crystal clear on that. BUT when it comes to my marriage, and I"m sure a lot of other women on here feel the same way, are not willing to risk the possibility of allowing something that CAN POSSIBLY lead to other issues. We are only human. Humans by nature are susceptible to addictions. And this is what I mean by problems. And that is what I mean when I say that my husband doesn't look at it and I WILL NOT tolerate it in no way shape or form. Not an insecurity of mine, rather than insurance for my marriage. I don't want my kids going to daddy's on the weekends or living a broken life. I grew up that way. I will do whatever I have to do to avoid that in my adult life and for my children. I will put up whatever walls I need to to insure that won't happen. And I'm obviously painting a very broad picture because this porn thing goes along with a lot of other things that don't go on in my marriage that very well may go on in other happy, committed marriages. Some people are just more tolerable, however due to my life experiences, I am not.

I'm not missing the point/ taking it to heart... I'm the type of person who thinks along the lines of- is something insults you, you take power away from your response when you are equally insulting in response. That's all and was all I was trying to point out.

To the point- Gemma I'm sorry this is going on for you, particularly in a high stress time. Saw your update- I'm sorry he has gone behind your back/against your wishes- I would be really upset if I told my OH something made me feel truly bad about myself and he kept doing it behind my back. I hope this is something he is willing to discuss and you guys are able to work out. I certainly hope he doesn't let this become a split-worthy issue between the two of you- his priority should be you and your baby, not whether he can look at nudies. Hoping for the best for you all

 

[Lilbit609]

I think that maybe you feel a bit more 'cheated' because it was something you didn't know about and the face to face reaction wasn't the ideal.

I don't agree that looking at porn makes a man more likely to cheat at all. I think it probably gives enough people an outlet that probably halves the number of men cheating on their wives to be honest.

The vast majority of men are visually stimulated. Women are mentally stimulated - this is scientific fact. This is why the shades of grey books sold so many copies. Do you think if you read those books that your OH would think you were cheating?

Twitter is full of internet trolls. I get about 6 of those 'naked women' follow me every week asking me if I want to spank them etc. I just hit the block button, many people probably follow back.

I don't think for 1 second that he believes anything that is written or posted on twitter by these 'women'. He will know that they are probably 50 yr old spinsters earning some extra cash or even 17 year old boys competing to find out how many follows they can get. It doesn't mean anything at all.

I think that women would be surprised at how many 'normal' family men look at porn on the internet. I bet at least half of the people out there that swear blind their other halves don't do it are actually living with the top 3% of porn site visitors. It's not something we can get away from and a lot of women wouldn't want to.

I'm not saying that I don't have a pang of jealousy when my husband has obviously been looking online at such things, but I know that having been together for 15 years and neither of us cheating and both of us being honest and open about our likes and dislikes, porn has (whether I like it or not) played a part in keeping us together.

We are naive to think that 2 people can 100% satisfy each other forever. Fantasy and sharing that fantasy are a very important part of a relationship.

I would suggest talking to him about why he needs to do it, but being careful not to make him embarrassed and feel like a little boy as he will just close down, then say how it makes you feel. Tell him that it's the lies that upset you and if you feel the need to ask him and be reassured by him, you would love it if he could just be honest with you.

You need to find a level at which you are comfortable with this, some people won't tolerate it at all, everyone is different.

For me, I let him get on with it, when we were ttc, he said he wouldn't do anything like that around Ov time and waste his spermies and then sometimes I would watch it with him - once he's watched it with you and you both enjoy it together, he will find it easier to be honest and open and maybe even think of you when he's at it! But, you have to agree between you what you are comfy with - just try not to have an unrealistic or unreasonable reaction. If you feel that it's wrong, then that's fine, but don't berate him for something if he wasn't sure about where the boundaries were in the first place.

But for the record. Following naked women on twitter - not cheating. Meeting up with the naked women on twitter - bad behaviour, harsh words said, possibly end of relationship. Shagging the naked women on twitter - cheating resulting in decapitation or loss of manhood and divorce.

and

If my husband caught me looking at porn or following hot men on twitter - he'd be turned on and not upset at all.

Exactly!!! The same goes for the women who decide they don't/won't to have sex but forget that their husbands have needs as well. Very well said

 

[Lilbit609]

You are a little out of line referring to the comments of other posters, including myself, who say that their husbands don't look at porn. I know for a FACT that my husband DOES NOT look at that trash. He may "do the deed" himself from time to time, I suspect all guys do, but porn is very well beneath him. Porn is a parasite that RUINS families and relationships. I feel sorry for the women that choose to/have to put up with it.

I understand you felt she was out of line- BUT how does it help by going even more over the line with that response? Your husband and relationship is not above/better than any of the ladies who have an open relationship about porn with their spouses. Just like none of the ladies who are open to it are above/better than those who don't allow it.

That's great your husband doesn't look at porn and thats an aspect of your relationship... but where do you get the gall to say that those who do are basically going to have a ruined family and relationship?

sorry- that may have been a preggo hormone rant- but that is not OK in my book.

I didn't say that it ruins ALL relationships but it is a BAD SEED that can lead to many other problems. That is a fact. Whether or not the women that allow it choose to see it that way is their deal, not mine. I didn't say I'm better, but I am seperating myself and my husband from the insinuation that I don't know what he does or that he does it just because "most family men" do it. That is unfair and totally incorrect. The fact that I think it is purely disgusting is my opinion and I have just as much right to express it as anyone else here. It is exploitation of women in it's worst form, and from what another poster said I WILL NOT support means for the men to exploit and abuse the women that play in those movies. I don't appreciate insinuations being made on my intelligence or my husband's integrity. Period.

It is not a fact- it's your opinion. So you don't appreciate insinuations being made on your husband's integrity... well nor do I. Which is exactly what your previous posts are doing. One woman says something you disagreed with, I'm sorry- but I dont think that justifies insulting others who weren't involved. Its the pot calling the kettle black. That is all I am saying.

You are still missing the point. It is a fact that porn CAN lead to more problems. That is a factual statement. Put it in google and see how many stories there are of broken families and porn addiction. Everything I've said has already been said by several other posters, not sure why you're taking everything I say to heart... but anyways... This is NOT TRUE for every situation, maybe I should be crystal clear on that. BUT when it comes to my marriage, and I"m sure a lot of other women on here feel the same way, are not willing to risk the possibility of allowing something that CAN POSSIBLY lead to other issues. We are only human. Humans by nature are susceptible to addictions. And this is what I mean by problems. And that is what I mean when I say that my husband doesn't look at it and I WILL NOT tolerate it in no way shape or form. Not an insecurity of mine, rather than insurance for my marriage. I don't want my kids going to daddy's on the weekends or living a broken life. I grew up that way. I will do whatever I have to do to avoid that in my adult life and for my children. I will put up whatever walls I need to to insure that won't happen. And I'm obviously painting a very broad picture because this porn thing goes along with a lot of other things that don't go on in my marriage that very well may go on in other happy, committed marriages. Some people are just more tolerable, however due to my life experiences, I am not.

Mrs I think you really need a hug, lol. You have your opinion and others do not share yours, opinions are like a**holes everyone has one. None of us know your husband or you, just like you don't know us women who are perfectly fine with and even indulge in viewing porn. We can all just agree to disagree, and I'm glad you have a happy marriage just like we do.

 

[Jess19]

glad you two got to talk, hope it helped

I know what you mean about not wanting to be touched.
After I found the sites on my DHs phone I didn't want him to touch me at all. We didn't do anything in the bedroom for a few weeks. I could get the images of those girls out of my head. I kept thinking about him and trying to figure out what he was thinking, it drove me crazy.
After a few weeks it went away and our relationship went back to normal, maybe even better after. I think him having a warm woman next to him was better than any pic, video or text from some girl online.

The last time it happened was after my bfp, we were at his brothers house talking about the baby and what not. I wanted to look up baby names on google (mine phone was dead because I'm on BnB so much lol) so I picked up DHs phone and hit his google app and something like "college sluty girls" was in his most recent search history. my heart dropped and I felt like I was going to be sick. I didn't say anything I just stopped speaking to him, until the way home in the car. I broke down and cried and told him I can't handle this being prego and knowing I'm going to be going through changes and I won't feel sexy anymore. When I used to know he was looking for some spice in the relationship I would go out of my way to do something special but being prego it maes it hard.
He knew what I ment and has not done anything to hurt me since.
I still find that I go through his phone every now and then, and I hate myself for it but I can't help it. I need to know if he's keeping it from me, I will not tolerate the lies anymore, an he knows that.
Its something that prob won't go away anytime soon. With all things it will take time for the hurt to go away.
I hope you find some peace of mind soon
I get into "I don't want to eat mode" too when I'm upset or sad. And it doesn't take long to show that I havnt been eating

 

[Foxy37]

Wow I didn't realsie there was other women that felt the same way as me regarding Oh looking up naked images . My personal view is I should be anough for him as he is for me . Searching the internet for porn or naked images can lead to other situations and that is a fact . yes it can work in some relashionships and if it does then that's absolutally fine each to there own . But I know personally of 3 people that experimented or found there men looking and it lead to debt and cheating . I caught mine looking on you tube and searching womens pictures on face book and went mad , it has made me paranoid and untrusting towards him . I love him and I have to get over it as its me with the isue not him and I have to believe him when he sais he don't look any more . Everyone has there own views regarding this topic and we have to respect that . I'm just glad I'm not the only one that feels this way x

 

[LadyBug183]

My husband had twitter, never went on it, and never used it.
Those pornstar girls "follow" men, and then hash tag their names in the posts with dirty things. Itd be different if he is "following" all these ladies and replying.

I know exactly how you felt. When I saw about 15-20 of these $LUT$ on my hubbies twitter I immediately questioned him, i was so upset.
He told me he never goes on and has no use for twitter. So We blocked and deleted all these girls, then deactivated his account. He has yet to return. And if he did I'd have an issue with it!