Found out today...

[TTCinBC]

So today was our ultrasound. We found out we're having a boy. I feel horrible because I can't help but be disappointed. Up until a few weeks ago I hadn't really thought it was a girl or a boy, but then I suddenly felt like it was a girl and I was so excited about that! We already have a 4 year old DD and I was excited to have another little girl. DH didn't care either way what we were having.

Ironically, in the start of the pregnancy and even before, I would always say I wanted a boy because then we'd have one of each in case we decide to not have anymore. And I felt like that all the way up until about a month ago.

Today when the tech told us she's leaning towards boy, my heart sank. I feel like a horrible mother. I feel like I shouldn't be feeling these things and it's not fair of me to wish my baby was something it's not.

Of course DH is over the moon, and I've been putting on a fake smile all day for him and everyone else because I don't want them to know what I'm actually thinking. It's not my baby's fault he's a boy, and I know I will love him no matter what, but I can't but help wish he was a she.

I just can't seem to get excited about it. And today I've decided that I hate the name we picked for a boy, and my DH has his heart set on it because it's after his dad. I guess part of me agreed to it because I just "knew" we were having a girl anyways.

I was looking at some clothes for him this evening and I started having a little panic attack. I've been having them about baby stuff in general and haven't bought much of anything, but I figured as soon as we knew what LO was, then it would be easier. But nope, definitely not easier.

Sigh...will it get easier and will I become more excited about it?

 

[wish2bmama]

Same happened for me today. Had our scan and are having a boy. I wanted a little girl so badly. I feel like an awful mother.. but I just can't help it. I hope it comes easier. This is why we found out now, rather than at the birth.

 

[TTCinBC]

I've been searching google for the last hour looking at different "potty shots" trying to give myself some hope that it could still be a girl. I feel horrible for doing that. I keep telling myself, nothing is 100% until baby is out.

They told me with my DD that they think it's a girl, and the tech today said she's leaning towards a boy. I realize she can't tell me for sure. She actually has to tell us before she looks that she can not guarantee it because of liability reasons. So there's a part of me that's hoping she really wasn't THAT sure and wasn't just saying she was leaning towards boy because she had to. But was saying it because she really wasn't sure.


But in some ways, that makes it worse. I know that might sound weird. But I guess because now I'm going to wonder and I'm going to be afraid to buy anything for a specific gender. I have my next doctors appointment in 2 weeks and I'm hoping she can give us a better answer. If not, we are going for a private 3d/4d ultrasound next month. I need to know. I need to be able to prepare myself. I need to be able to have a few months to get used to the idea.

I never knew this is how I would feel. I never thought it would be me feeling like this...

 

[Mummy2B21]

Sorry you feel this way hun, All i can say is once you meet your little boy and get to know his little personality you wuill fall in love with him. Boys are so lovely and very affectionate especially to there mummys they are funny and very cheeky. I always used to want a daughter but my son is so amazing i now would love another son.. x

 

[Adela Quested]

I'm so sorry I hope you get what you want. If the next ultrasound also leans towards boy then I highly recommend the book "It's a Boy!" by Michael Thompson and Theresa H. Barker. When I found out my first was a boy I was a bit bewildered because I knew nothing about them and the book reminded me that your child will be more *him or herself* than simply *a boy* or *a girl*. Reading that and a few other books about boys and their development (also a book of short stories by mothers of boys) made me feel much more positive and confident during the pregnancy. And of course once he was born I was in love!

Don't feel guilty, your feelings are quite common and they DON'T make you a bad person

 

[TTCinBC]

Thanks for everyone's kind words!

I'm slowly feeling a bit better about it being a boy. But it's still hard because like you said Adela, I don't know how to relate to a little boy. I've only got a little girl and that's easy for me. I like the bond I have with my DD because we're girls. And even though I know it's only fair that my DH gets to experience that bond with his son, I'm worried I might feel left out in the future.

But, I do know I will love this little man like no other, so I'm not worried in that regard. I had a chat with my mom and she made me sit back and look at the relationship her and my brother have. They're very close. And then I look at the relationship my DH has with his mom, and again, they are very close. So I'm hopeful that I will be able to have that closeness with my son.

it is getting easier, but of course I still have my days. I'm trying really hard to get excited about buying stuff for him, but honestly, the fact that little boys clothes aren't as cute, isn't helping much lol

 

[mummystheword]

I absolutely fully understand how you feel hun! When I found out at the 20 week scan that my baby was going to be a boy, I was devastated!! I barely managed to get through the scan without crying, and once outside I just couldn't talk to my husband. Everyone wanted to know straight away 'what we were having' and I just couldn't bring myself to tell them! I even told people at work we changed our minds and didn't find out, for a while!! I felt like I didn't want him and I wouldn't care if I had a miscarriage (very harsh I know). I was so depressed, I even had to have time off work!! The day we found out, we agreed before that we would go shopping to buy some clothes, but when we got to the shops I just wasn't interested and we went home, I couldn't bear to look at the awful boy clothes, and kept glancing over to the rails and rails of pretty girly things! It took me a long time to 'come to terms' with the fact I was having a boy, and I felt guilt every day as I felt that I was being a brat! My fears were made worse by the fact that both my mum and sister-in-law had post natal depression when they had their 2 sons, and not with the girls and also my nephew has Aspergers which is significantly more prevalent in boys.


11 months on, my little boy is 7 months old and I love him more than anything in the world, I wouldn't swap him for any amount of girls and he is certainly the best behaved out of all the babies at baby group (the others being mostly girls!) I know this might not help, as I didn't really get comfort myself from people telling me how wonderful their sons were, but when he was born I didn't even check that he was definitely a boy, I was just glad that my baby was here and healthy!

I promise you will come to terms with it and you will look back, like I am, and think how wonderful your baby is, because he's yours!!

 

[TTCinBC]

Thanks! I am gaining some comfort in everyone's kind words.

Sometimes I just wonder why cant I get excited like other people who have boys? I dont get it. Maybe the other reason Im like this is because im worried. My brother and my DH were right terrors when they were growing up. My DH was the worst. He moved from home at 14 and got into a lot of trouble growing up. He is a wonderful man today, but the heartache he put his mother through as a teen was unfair. And all everyone keeps saying is I better watch out and be ready! Like its some joke...well, i dont find it funny.

I keep reminding everyone that he is half mine and i was a good kid. But, he will be his own person, its just all the crazy thoughts everyone is putting in my head making it worse.

 

[SabrinaKat]

I always wanted a little girl (maybe my mc was?) and was disappointed when I found out that my LO was a boy (I feel so disloyal saying that), but Finn is the sweetest, nicest and handsomest little man I have ever met (see picture, you don't have to agree, it's okay!), so give yourself a break! We, as women, are preconditioned to want little girls (I am!) and it is hard to reconcile with a little boy, but my little one is a lovely little fellow and I do have two girl cats, if that counts?

best wishes

 

[TTCinBC]

Thanks for all your kind comments. I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one out there having these feelings. It's become easier over the last few weeks to be okay with him being a him. Of course, I still want another girl, but that just isn't how things are going to happen for now. We are meant to have this little guy and I'm more and more okay with that every day.

I found out today that I will be having monthly ultrasounds to watch his growth because he's growing too fast, so it will be nice to have the extra "face" time, and i'm hoping that helps me bond with him even more. The stronger his kicks have gotten and the more regular, it's become easier to bond because it feels like he has developed this little personality and it's hard not to love that.