Found out we lost one twin today

[stacergirl]

Hi ladies, I hope it is okay to post in here, I don't want to upset anyone by doing so but not sure where I belong. I know I don't fully understand what any of you are going through, and I am very sorry for you losses, however today we determined that baby A didn't make it. We saw him/her on the screen in 2 different ultrasounds, we even heard the heartbeat. Our last ultrasound was just 10 days ago and the baby had a heartbeat of 150, yet today there was no heartbeat at all. The baby is still there, which is the hard part for me. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely gratetful for Baby B which is growing and still has a strong heartbeat, but i can't help but mourn the loss of Baby A. I'm thankful for having gotten pregnant at all as we had been trying for 2 years, and had to resort to IVF, I 'm thankful we got pregnant on our first round of IVF, and I am thankful for having the opportunity to have been pregnant with twins for a short period, but after hearing both heartbeats, I as attached and was hoping both of these babies would make it. Its hard to accept the fact that your baby's heartbeat just stopped within the last 10 days. Now i wait to see if I miscarry the one since it was close to my cervix, or if it is just absorbed. My poor little baby, we will miss you.

 

[Ali2315]

I am so sorry for your loss.
Everyone was convinced I was carrying twins until I lost only one baby. I go for an ultrasound Thursday though I'm 100% certain there isn't another.

As heartbreaking as it is to hear about Baby A, it's wonderful to hear that Baby B is healthy


Good luck!

 

[Elljo3]

I am so very sorry for your loss of your baby.
Xx

 

[honeybunch2k7]

Must be very heartbreaking.

 

[stacergirl]

Thanks ladies. I appreciate the nice words. Never knew how hard miscarriages were because I had never experienced one until now. Would never wish this on anyone.

You're absolutely right about baby b, I know I have more than other women have and im absolutely grateful, but it's still hard to lose a baby irregardless.

Thanks again.

Ali-hope everything goes okay with you! Hugs!

 

[TTCabundle]

So sorry

 

[aimze]

Omg stacer I'm so sorry to see you in this forum!

I'm so sorry about little baby! Massive hug to you...

I lost my little one two weeks ago x

 

[detterose]

Sorry for your loss xxx

 

[Topanga053]

I'm so sorry for your loss. One of my old co-workers lost a twin (also conceived with IVF) at 20 weeks. I always feel really bad for women who lose a twin. On the one hand, yes, you have a second baby that's healthy (congrats, by the way!), but on the other hand, I feel like it has got to be hard to really mourn the loss of one baby when you're still pregnant with another. I imagine (at least for me) that there might be some guilt there and that it might make it harder to enjoy the healthy baby when you're trying to mourn the loss of the other one.

I'm so sorry you're going through this (you're right--miscarriages are awful and no woman should ever have to go through one). Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk! xoxo

 

[Munchkin30]

Stacer I think I remember you from first tri? I'd be 16 weeks today but found my baby had stopped growing at my 12 week scan. Don't feel guilty about mourning your loss, having twins could be a once in a lifetime chance and you've not only lost baby a but you've lost 'twins ' too. If course you're so grateful for baby b and live him/her to bits but it is also ok to be sad for baby a x

 

[MummyToBe123]

so sorry to hear

 

[Mellymel]

So sorry for your loss

 

[stacergirl]

Thanks ladies! Means a lot! I assume most of you have lost a little one too, so I'm sorry for your loss as well! How did/do you deal? Did you do a memorial or something special for the lost one? I kind of want to do something...

Topanga- I agree there is a little bit of guilt. I feel horrible. I just want to cry and lay in bed, which I do but only for short periods at a time. I know I need to focus on being a good incubator for baby b but just can't focus on that right now. I called into work today and gave myself a mental break. Ivf is emotional enough as it is, then to add this on top makes it worse. Trying to stay positive but it's hard. Plus this is my first pregnancy so honestly the idea of taking home a baby at the end of this just doesn't seem real anymore. Like I feel like I've lost both.

Munchkin-you're absolutely right, its the "twin" fact that I lost in addition to a baby. I know it sounds stupid but having tried for 2 years, I wanted our pregnancy to be more special than my friends whom are currently pregnant who tried less than us.. Now I just feel like its a normal pregnancy just like theirs. Which I'm thankful for, but just wanted to stand out in some way after all we've been through. Plus with low amh were not certain we can have another child because I might not have any eggs left and we weren't able to freeze any. So it's a bit more disappointing in that respect too. I know one baby will be hard enough and I'm thankful for that one baby because we weren't sure I could get pregnant but then the miracle of twins happened. So, it's tough. I think it might take me a little while to accept this. .
I can't believe you lost yours at 12 weeks. That's so horrible, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Im sure thats a lot harder than losing earlier on (although its never easy). How have you been handling it? Do you feel like others around you understand the severity of your emotions and loss? My parents do and actually sent me an edible arrangement which was super sweet, but everyone else is just like "sorry, at least you still have the other". Which I agree with whole heartedly but that's not how I feel at the moment.

Aimze-gosh hun, I'm so sorry! Didn't expect to see you here either!! How are you holding up?

 

[Topanga053]

Of course it's hard. And after 2 years TTC and IVF, I think it's COMPLETELY understandable that you wanted to feel special and different from your friends! The loss of Baby A is never going to go away entirely, but I'm sure that once Baby B is here, safe and sound, the feeling of wanting to "compete" with your friends will be gone and you'll be entirely obsessed with your little bundle of joy!!

Did you do a memorial or something special for the lost one? I kind of want to do something...

A couple of months after my miscarriage I bought a Pandora bracelet with a baby carriage charm. I wear it every single day. Hearing and seeing it is a constant reminder that my baby is still with me. It really brought me a great sense of closure. Everytime I missed my baby, I would touch the charm and remember that she's still here, watching over me!

 

[aimze]

I'm feeling ok now stacer...it's hard grieving your baby & also knowing that was our last biological chance really...no frozen embies left so all done

I hope you're feeling better soon chick...I'll keep an eye on hmommys assisted conception post xx

 

[Munchkin30]

Stacer I totally understand wanting to be 'special' after a thus but yes your lo will be stupidly special when its here anyway. Another one of my NCT antenatal friends just announced her pregnancy, the world and his dog seem to be pregnant! When I announce the next pregnancy after 12 weeks I kind of want people to know I've lost a pregnancy and all thus should've happened earlier. We wanted a 2 yr age gap, we didn't leave it this long on purpose! Of have a dozen 18 months apart if I could! Sorry, back to the point, if I could get pregnant with twins it would make all this worth it so I know you'll be feign a massive loss. Most misvarriage books have a section on loosing one or both twins. Might be worth doing some reading?
12 weeks was horrid but I think I knew somewhere underneath, when we went for the scan I was terrified and told oh I wouldn't look at the screen til he told me I could and when I saw the blob there not moving the us technician didn't even have to tell me what had happened! I think it's hard any stage though. What stage were you at? X

 

[Topanga053]

***TRIGGER WARNING - MENTIONS PREGNANCY**

When I announce the next pregnancy after 12 weeks I kind of want people to know I've lost a pregnancy and all thus should've happened earlier.

Sorry to go off topic, but Munchkin, this really resonated with me. I just got my BFP in June after 8 months TTCAL. When DH and I announced last week, some of my Facebook acquintances said, "OMG you're due a month after me... I'm due in January!!"

I felt awful, but part of me wanted to scream, "I should have a five month old baby in my arms already!! And even if the MC still happened, we had to TTC for 8 months! I should STILL be due before you!!"

It felt weird to be compared to "normal" pregnancies when my experience has been so different.

 

[stacergirl]

Topanga-I think you're right, once I see my baby and am able to hold him/her I'm sure all those other feelings will have vanished. I guess it's just hard to believe that will even happen at this point but I need to start thinking positively. Thanks so much! the pandora bracelet is a nice idea. I'll have to look into doing something like that. Hugs!

Aimze-I'm glad you're doing better! I know what you mean about no frozen eggs as we didn't have any either, so I'm really counting on baby b as he/she might be out only biological. But I know that doesn't compare to you. I really hope things work out for you hun!! I haven't really posted this on other boards as I hate to be a Debbie downer and add to everyone else's fears, but I'm sure I will post eventually! Keep us posted with your next steps. hugs!

Munchkin-Pregnancy announcements are the worst. I got a baby shower invitation yesterday and was upset about that even though I still have one bun in the oven. If only these fertile people had any clue what it does to the rest of us everyone that they post a ultrasound or announce their pregnant, etc. I have a Fb friend who is preg with twins naturally right now and I'm so going to have to block her, it's going to hurt to see what we could've had.
I can't imagine how you're feeling though. I guess it's good you had some intuition though. My tech Warned me about twin a but that was the one and only doc appt my dh didn't go to so I'm the only one who heard her words. So of course dh didn't want to believe it and made me think positive which is why I was kind of blind sided. I definitely understand you wanting to say something about your loss, and by all means do it!! I plan to tell people about our loss when we finally do go public in September. I just don't think stuff like that is talked about enough and maybe it will be an eye opener to some people. I was 9w4d when I found out but the baby had been lost within the 10 days before that because I had an ultrasound at 8w. So the fact that the heart stopped and I has no symptoms and still don't obviously scares me for the 2nd baby. I think I'm going to ask for a ultrasound before the next appointment on September 3rd just for peace of mind. Are you ttc again? Best of luck to you! And thanks for taking the time to post on my thread!

 

[stacergirl]

***TRIGGER WARNING - MENTIONS PREGNANCY**

I felt awful, but part of me wanted to scream, "I should have a five month old baby in my arms already!! And even if the MC still happened, we had to TTC for 8 months! I should STILL be due before you!!"

It felt weird to be compared to "normal" pregnancies when my experience has been so different.

and if you feel comfortable with saying this then do it!!! People are so close minded with gettin pregnant and losses bc they're the fortunate ones who don't have to go through it. I'll be yelling people about our loss because I want them to know everything wasn't just peachy over here like it was for them. This is one reason why a close friend still doesn't know I'm
Preg while other close friends do. She got preg naturally and doesn't know about ivf (no one does really expect my parents and sister), and she will just be like "I knew you'd get pregnant." and in my mind I'll want to scream and say yeah but we had to do ivf and you have no clue what the last 2 years have been like, yet you complained to me about not getting pregnant right away. Ugh! Some people! Lol sorry for the rant.

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Big hugs ladies