fourteen; eight weeks pregnant.

[alexiis]

My name is Alexiis. I'm fourteen years old and eight weeks pregnant. I'm hoping for a boy that looks like his dad. I'm due on September 25th.

Okay, soo.. Timmy is in Boston (I live in Louisiana). His dad got custody of him and made him go live in Boston. It wasn't Timmy's fault; he didn't know about the baby (neither did I), and so, you know. His dad won't let him come back. He'll be able to come for holidays and the summer and whatnot, but he can't live down here until he turns eighteen. So I have to take care of a baby for two years by myself. Everyone told me to get an abortion, but I don't want to. I really, really want to keep it. But I don't know if Timmy wants me to, and I do want him to be a part of the decision. What do yall think I should do?

 

[dizzynic]

Hiya you have to find a way to talk to him but no matter what he wants you to do you have to go with the decision that feels right to you 14 is very young to be having a baby they cost a lot of money to bring up you really should sit down and talk to a relative close to you and get their help and advice sweetheart.

 

[alloyd519]

Have you talked to him about it? Does he know? Do you have any family to support you? I think 14 is a pretty young age to have a baby, but if you have the maturity, strength, and financials to support you and your child and you truly want to keep it and think you can do it I don't think anyone can tell you not to. I know you've probably heard it before but having a child totally changes your life. Your baby comes first, with everything. I think you should think about how much it'll change your life and if you're ready for it or not. I'm against abortion but I feel that people should know what it's like to have kids and have the maturity to raise them. Hope I could help.

 

[AP]

Alexiis the ladies are right - 14 is very young and you need to realise its not all fun and games and smiles. babies take great care, babies do get ill, they are always crying, and think about the nappies!!!!!!! And are you prepared to miss out on your own childhood? I can't imagine what it woul dhave been like to miss out on the crazy times I had as a teen - and besides, when you do start to want a career, where are your qualifications going to be?

On the other hand I am against abortions but believe everyones entitiled to their own choice.

You need to speak to Timmy, and even if you cant, your parents are next. At the end of the day, they are still your legal guardians.

However, i'm due September 24th, so if you ever need a chat Good luck honey xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[nikky0907]

Welcome to BnB!

First of all, you need to talk to your parents, you're gonna need they're support and help in what you are facing ahead.
Being a mother is one very hard job, say goodbye to your old life, it's gonna be completely changed...
You are a young girl, which I am sure you're aware of but it doesn't stop you from being a good mom... make a plan for yourself and stick to it.

As far as Timmy goes, unfortunatly you're gonna have to tell him over the phone. The circumstances are hard but you all have to manage in them somehow... It's not gonna be easy but you two can talk it through and work things out.

Good luck!

 

[NotSoWorried]

Welcome to BnB.

It's a hard decission to make at any age, especially at a tender age of 14. Alot of people cope and well, but if you are to keep the baby how often would the father see it?

Myself, I'm in a fairly long distance relationship but we're moving in together just before the baby is born and I'm 18, him being 21 by the time the patter of feet come along.

Sometimes it's really hard to hear the first reaction of a loved one, especially being the father and someone I'm guessing you're in love with. Telephoning is good or texting, but have an option in a letter too. That way you can get more down and not have to face the extremely awkward and troubling silences over the phone. Also with a letter, he'll have time to take it in slower than if it's just Bang Bang Bang on the phone. In my opinion that is.

How would this affect your education? Which is obviously extremely important, to put it blunt. No education, no future and a future is what your baby is needing you for. You're only a child yourself, are you capable to give up all that?

As someone else said they were against abortion, I am too. Completely. Just think you need to think about every option in your book. A baby is a lifetime commitment, I'm still getting my head around that myself.

Good luck and let us know

 

[alexiis]

I told him over the phone earlier today.. it was extremely awkward. He wasn't mad or anything, but he said he feels bad for ruining my life. I am so scared he's going to run away from boston and come back down here. His dad will def. report him as a runaway, and might even tell the cops all the illegal stuff Timmy does, just to get him sent to juvie.

 

[-Bumble-]

.

 

[Laura--x]

You really need to talk to your parents, they need to know. The best thing i done was tell my parents straight away when i found out.

You need to choose what you want to do. If you think you don't want an abortion, then don't get one. You will regret it for the rest of your life, and it will only be what i imagine to be the worst regret you will have.

There is alot of support out there for teenage parents nowadays ( here in the uk there is anyway, not sure about over there?), so im sure, although it is hard hard work, you will cope fine.

Hope you come to a decision soon x

 

[Serene123]

Abortion is hard, but so is bringing up a baby. To be honest, since having Caitlyn, my opinion of abortion has changed. I thought it was horrible, disgusting, and easy way out. It's not! Abortion is HARD. The easy way out would be to have the baby and then not take proper care of it.

14 is so young. I don't want to patronise you, you know your own mind! You may be a fabulous mother, but why now? Why at 14? Why not wait untill he is home, and start a family properly?

Ultimately the choice is yours. If you believe you can support this baby, the most important thing is love, then do what you want. If you can handle sleepless nights, bathing when you can, not watching tv programmes you want to watch anymore.. etc,etc,etc.

Sorry to put a downer on it, but the girls are right, it's not all fun and smiles. It's HARD to see your friends go out without responsibilities and without a care in the world. You think you won't care, but you will.

 

[Jkelmum]

As I had Jake at 14 I can tell u its no walk in the park if u decide to keep the baby then you will be prepared to give up your life as you know it .....
For not getting a minute to yourself
For not being able to hang out with friends
For people to judge you for the rest of your life
To be there 24 hrs aday for this baby you have created
BUT .....
The baby will love u unconditional and being a mum is a very rewarding job although one of the hardest

I am not trying to tell u to have an abortion bcos that is something u will have to live with forever too and you will have to decide if you can live with the after effects of that

Whatever you decide if u wanna pm do so i will happliy answer any questions you may have

 

[ALY]

AWW hun im just going to say like all the others a BABY is really HARD work
i fell preg at 15 n i thoug it was going to be great
but it really is hard work u av to make sure this is wat u want :hugs
hope everything works out the way U want n GOODLUCK X

 

[jgirl34]

I want to first start off and say that I am a mom of 4 who has a baby at 14. Was it hard? Yep, am I getting by? sure am! She is a 10, almost 11 year old young woman now who is bright, outgoing, does EXCELLENT in school, stays out of trouble, and who is completely my BEST FRIEND. Just because you're 14 does not mean that you can not raise your child. You will have to grow up but so what? After the school dances, and partying etc, where is everyone? College, moved on, probably won't talk to them so who cares. Now I don't encourage anyone to go get pregnant at this age by any means but if it happens, ya know what, you can do this! There's lots of help out in this world. I actually had another baby at 17, then one at 18, a few days before I turned 19 and then one at 24. I have four LOVELY, beautiful CHILDREN. I work a full-time job, going to school to get my Psychology degree, and may I add I make pretty good money and don't have a degree "yet" I was in nursing school for a little while but got to rough with kids, work etc. That is one example of things you may have to give up or adjust. You're going to hit many obstacles in life, and it's going to be challenging but if you have a supportive group of family and friends you will be ok. As far as the baby's father is concerned, not much you can do as he is under age. Of course he's not going to want to be a father at his age, but you didn't choose to be a Mommy either. I married my ex, baby's father, whatever you would like to call him, and it didn't work out but I found someone who accepts and loves me and my children with all of his heart. We've been together for 6 years and are getting married this year.

Not everything is going to work out as perfectly as you may want it. But with some determination and confidence in yourself, you can do this! I hope everything works out for the best. I will be watching the threads to see if you post back with any questions.

I believe God has a reason for everything.....

 

[jgirl34]

Wow, I just saw what one girl said on the previous page about education. I believe she said, you won't be able to get an education and an education is your future and your child needs a future.

Please do NOT listen to that at all! I had to withdrawl out of school but I got my equivalent, not a huge difference I've still been accepted to all major universities in my area! I was in nursing school for awhile, and am now working on BS (bachelors of science) in Psychology. After that I will be obtaining my Masters in Psychology to practice as a licensed Psychologists. So please, whatever you do don't listen to people who say you will have no education. You have two paths, education, or no education. It's your choice! It's obtainable, it will be more work, but hey school is work! I always say the easy choice is usually the wrong choice, and the hard choice is usually the right choice. Example: It's easy to quit and give up everything around you and everything you have and be selfish, that's not the right choice. However, it's hard to take responsibility for your actions, to continue to grow and mature and to become and educated, professional woman, but that's the right choice. And I am using me as an examply no one else in this.

It is very hard to go through what you're going to go through but PLEASE take this from a young/older adult.... Those friends who you see "go out" and they are doing all of these great fun things, dating, shopping, etc. I'm telling you now when you get my age it won't matter. I miss not being able to go to Prom, and that was my fault for dropping out, but other than that I have no real regrets. Those friends in high school are NO WHERE around. I have one childhood friend I talk to and she didn't go to my school and actually moved states away from me and we somehow through the years kept contact.

My daughter is sitting right here right now, almost 11 years old, I'm 26 she feels like my little sister at times because she's maturing so much, but she's still mama's baby. She is my best friend, and I know either way you will be the same with yours. She sees me struggles shes heard the cries and seen the tears over the years. She's been smart since a young age, but all that I've been through, to have her hugs and kisses and to see that face each day gave me a reason to keep going =) They're truly a blessing.

Anyhow, I got WAY off track over here lol. I just want you to know it's ok! Don't worry about not having an education, you will most def. have an education if that's what you choose to do =)

I will be praying for you that you find peace in this matter and that you will come to the right decision.

God Bless!

 

[butrfly]

i'm sure all these ladies will give you an idea of how it is to be a mom at an early age. i've read opinions and experiences on education, friends, parties, etc - and it might be real confusing for you. at 14 you still have some growing up of your own to do and you might not have all the answers yet.

have you told your parents about this? i suggest you sit with them and lay down your cards. they might not like the news but they'll support you, no matter what they're initial reaction is.

the dad is also a bit too young to make decisions on his own. he might want to tell his parents and all of you might be able to come to a decision together.

however, it will all boil down to what you decide to happen. you alone will have to live with it for the rest of your life, no one else will be as affected as you whatever your decision may be - so think long and hard about every facet. write pros and cons down, if you must. have another meeting with your parents. consider everything.

when you're finally decided, accept your decision and then follow through with it. it might not be easy to decide but i hope you come to a decision you will be at peace with. and prayers to you as you go through this time.

 

[Alexis]

hun if youre heart it set of keeping the baby and not having an abortion, then stick to your guns. dont let someone else make that decision for you. not even timmy. but the girls are right. while ive never gone through it, i have friends that have. yeah they are getting by, but they all wish they would have waited a bit longer.

have you thought about adoption? there are many families out there that cant even have children. that could always be an option. my friend ashley did that with her daughter and she still gets updates and pictures all the time, she even got to name her.

good luck to you with whatever decision you make.

 

[AppleBlossom]

Abortion is hard, but so is bringing up a baby. To be honest, since having Caitlyn, my opinion of abortion has changed. I thought it was horrible, disgusting, and easy way out. It's not! Abortion is HARD. The easy way out would be to have the baby and then not take proper care of it.

14 is so young. I don't want to patronise you, you know your own mind! You may be a fabulous mother, but why now? Why at 14? Why not wait untill he is home, and start a family properly?

Ultimately the choice is yours. If you believe you can support this baby, the most important thing is love, then do what you want. If you can handle sleepless nights, bathing when you can, not watching tv programmes you want to watch anymore.. etc,etc,etc.

Sorry to put a downer on it, but the girls are right, it's not all fun and smiles. It's HARD to see your friends go out without responsibilities and without a care in the world. You think you won't care, but you will.

Couldn't agree more!

 

[sleepinbeauty]

Do what you think is best for you. that's what important.

 

[Seity]

Wow, just a little shocked that the only options given were abortion or keep the baby. Giving the baby up for adoption is just as tough a decision as the other two, but it is an option. No matter what you choose to do, best of luck.

 

[Alexis]

Wow, just a little shocked that the only options given were abortion or keep the baby. Giving the baby up for adoption is just as tough a decision as the other two, but it is an option. No matter what you choose to do, best of luck.

i did suggest adoption as well. it is a very selfless thing to do. there are so many people out there who cant have children and the gift of a child from someone else is truly a blessing for those people.

just make sure you choose the path that is best for YOU hun.