Friends not understanding

Discussion in 'Waiting To Try' started by Amygdala, Dec 26, 2009.

  1. Amygdala

    Amygdala Well-Known Member

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    I know I'm being silly but this really upsets me.
    There are 3 people I have confided in about wanting to TTC next year. They are my closest friends and you'd think they'd be excited for me and understand that I need to talk about it, because let's face it, it's probably the biggest decision we're all going to make in our lives. Now one of my friends does understand and she's lovely about it and very supportive. The second one is happy about it but doesn't mention it a lot because she's got a LO and one on the way and her hands full with them. :haha: So I quite understand that it isn't as exciting for her but she's still happy for me and will answer my questions (though I try not to pester her). But my third friend just isn't interested at all. Just there I was talking to her on ICQ, properly for the first time in a few weeks, as she lives quite far away. And she started the conversation with "So what's new with you (sorry but I mean other than baby stuff)?" :shrug:
    It's not like I talk about nothing else but yeah, I guess the topic has come up. But everytime I mention anything, no matter how small or how off-hand a comment, she just seems really bored and stand-offish and doesn't want to know. And from time to time she'll say something that'll really hurt me. When I was out shopping with her last year for example, I looked at a little girl's dress (just in passing) and she said "You only want a baby so you can dress it up". I was SO hurt that she could actually say something like that, having known me all my life. :cry: She just doesn't seem to take me seriously at all and seems to think that this is an alltogether dumb idea.
    And it's not like she's got a point (I don't think). I'm very happily married, own a small but comfortable home, have a good (if early stage) career, am in my late 20s and have always wanted children. Why on earth does she not think I'd make a good mum? Why isn't she a bit more excited for me? :nope:

    EDIT: Sorry for the monologue but I needed to get that off my chest as it really upsets me. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!
     
  2. kintenda

    kintenda Well-Known Member

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    I think that this friend may be jealous, hon. It certainly sounds as though she is.
    It's hurtful when friends act this way but you are lovely and deserve to be happy :) I would just let her be and I'm sure she'll come around on her own.
     
  3. goddess25

    goddess25 Well-Known Member

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    People are just like that, My best friend at home is not happy with the fact that I am a mum, I love her to bits but she is a bit selfish, we always were both convinced that kids were not on the agenda for us, we hated them (now I cant believe that possible) i think she resents the fact that our relationship has changed. Even now I have to make sure that I dont mention my son too much or she gets a bit bratty.
     
  4. princess_bump

    princess_bump Happy Wife & Mumma!

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    doesn't sound like much of a friend honey :hugs: she probably is a little jealous, but still doesn't excuse her behaviour, so sorry she's being like this hon :hugs: xx
     
  5. princess_bump

    princess_bump Happy Wife & Mumma!

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    :shock: oh thats horrid!
     
  6. Ein_85

    Ein_85 Just Me & the Missus

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    I am sorry about that hun. I know it can hurt sometimes when those closest to us say something like that towards us. I have two of my closest friends, and neither of them really want kids, and whenever I bring something up about it I usually get AT LEAST a roll of the eyes. For them, they veiw a baby as the first step into becoming a subserviant little housewife (which I wouldn't mind being) whose barefoot and pregnant all the time (which I REALLY wouldn't mind being) Some people are jealous and then some people just don't like kids, and even some people think that women having kids is negative in the women's lib movement...:shrug: I don't get it.

    If she continues to treat you this way I suggest mentioning it to her, and letting her know that it hurts you when she acts that way. If she still doesn't get the hint she should knock it off, then I suggest you try to put some distance between you and her. It's sad, but if she's going to treat you this way then you don't need to be around the sort of negativity.
     
  7. Amygdala

    Amygdala Well-Known Member

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    Thank you girls for your kind words! I know some people will just be like that and I guess I shouldn't be surprised, she's never been a kiddy person but it still upsets me. I guess I'm kind of distancing myself from her a little already but she is a very old friend and we've helped each other a lot over the years and I'd feel bad abandoning her over this. I don't know, guess I just needed a rant...
    It's nice to be able to come on here and talk to you lovely ladies though!!! So thank you! :hugs:
     
  8. thompsonic

    thompsonic Guest

    :hugs: My friends don't understand at all how I feel but I guess that's an age thing, if I so much as look at a baby they sigh and say 'Not this again'... they are actually really patronising about it all, telling me 'I don't want a baby, it will ruin my life'... :dohh:

    Maybe you should tell your friend how you feel?
     
  9. Lou

    Lou Well-Known Member

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    its strange... I could have written this. I just avoid the subject with that particular friend. At the end of the day if I was to get pregnant and have a kid there would be anything she could do about it and she'd just have to get over it. Its sad though isn't it, especially when you're really really excited over something and want to tell your besty, yet cant. Dont worry hun, thats what we're all here for. I hope that you manage to find a way to get around the situation. (let me know if you do hun.)

    :hugs: :hugs:
     
  10. Essie

    Essie Very proud mummy

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    Maybe this friend is worried about how your relationship is going to change when you do become a mum. On the other hand this is something important to you and as a friend she shouldn't be acting this way. You said that she's not really interested in babies but that it's something important to you and she should respect that. Can you talk to her openly and just ask what's bugging her?
     
  11. sing<3

    sing<3 Guest

    I'm similar to thompsonic in that my friends are the same, but it's age. If I try to tell them that I feel down or anything because of wanting a baby so much they tend to sigh and ge a bit annoyed, thinking I don't realise what motherhood is actually like (not that they do either) and then use the fact that I'm an only child to tell me that I don't know what kids are like :(
    :hugs: everyone xx
     
  12. Lara310809

    Lara310809 Mum of 3 girls

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    Sorry you're experiencing this. I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant with my first. I'm 25, and got married in the summer after being together for 8 years. Needless to say, we're in a stable, long-term and serious relationship. We don't own our home (we rent), but we have a house available when we need it.

    WHen we got married, our parents knew we would try for kids soon, but they didn't think it was on the wedding night, lol. Only 3 of my friends knew, and they were already mothers. I kept it that way because I didn't want people asking for progress if we'd been trying unsuccessfully for years.

    If ever I got into a conversation about kids with other people, they would tell me I was too young and that I didn't want a kid, I just liked the idea of a kid. I spent so long telling people that we'd wanted kids for years, but had done nothing about it, because we weren't able to provide for it until now. A colleague of mine repeatedly said "don't even think about having a kid until you're in your 30s". She meant well, and she was only joking, but what she didn't know is that we were already TTC!

    When we told people we were pregnant, they were nothing but supportive. We've not has a single negative comment since, and I'm pretty sure it will be the same for you. Hang in there, and don't let anyone tell you what you want from life. Only you know what you want and when you're ready for it.
     
  13. Amygdala

    Amygdala Well-Known Member

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    Lara I love your wedding shoes! Mine were red too.. :D
    And I know you're all right in that some people are just like that. But isn't it annoying that so many of us have to deal with such careless, hurtful comments. Some people just don't think...:nope:

    I'm glad to hear people got better with you Lara. It's really sad when they can't, like in goddess' case.
     
  14. wanting2010

    wanting2010 Finally a Mommy!

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    I can relate. I have told two of my closest friends about my desires to start ttc within the next year and how badly I want to be a mother, and most of the time when I talk about anything to do with babies I'm met with eye rolls. One of them told me, "you need a baby like you need a hole in the head," which was one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever said to me- and from one of my best friends! It really sucks...you would think your best friends of all people would be more supportive than that.

    I'm sure my friends will be supportive when I actually do get pregnant, but in the meantime their sometimes rude comments really hurt.
     

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