Friends who are pregnant together???

[rosegarden620]

To make a long story short I have a friend who I have known for 13 years. Her and I have had trials and tribulations causing us to not speak for 3 years which is the longest we had gone without talking but not the first time. It was a good three years just figuring ourselves out alone and when we reconnected we were very much our own people and could get along great.

She's very odd... Very private. Can be condescending to the wrong person. She really is a good person just a unique one in her own right. Hubby personally doesn't like her but let's me be.

She lives in a different state now and just this past February learned she was pregnant. So right now she's about 6/7 months pregnant. We talk regularly but on occasion go a couple weeks without touching base. Now, prior to her bfp she knew I wanted one more baby but understood the timeframe was for the next year or two.

Well when I found out I was pregnant; I kept it from her. Because she's weird. By weird I mean that she wants to be pregnant alone. During one convo I used her other friend for a hypothetical situation in which that friend was pregnant - hypothetically. She said "she wouldn't do that to me." After further prying she said "it's just, I feel like I have been there for all of my friends pregnancies. And this is my time to just talk about MY pregnancy. Not yours and mine. I mean it would be her second it's my first!"

So. I've made a decision to just not tell her until after she delivers, late August which would put me at about 5/6 months. I don't mind. It's easy but at the same time I'm a little bummed that it's like this. When we talk I literally just listen to her talk about her new baby and never mention even a little about my pregnancy. Which is wat I've decided to do!

I understand being a selfless friend but I can't help but to think that this seems a little Much.

I posted on fb I was pregnant and we are friends on fb but she told me that she only has her family in her newsfeed.

But through mutual friends I see her very much involved in their posts?? So part of me thinks she's seen my post but has failed to acknowledge it. I called her twice last week and after the second call and no answer she text me that she was sorry but really busy. We text a little and I just said "call me when you have time to catch. Up!" She agreed and we haven't spoken since.

I don't know. I guess I just wanted it off my chest. Hubby says she's a bad friend. I think she's just odd.


What do you think?

 

[LoraLoo]

I'm with your husband.

 

[Tweeks]

I agree with your husband too, definitely a shite friend.
Congratulations to you for your pregnancy.

 

[MissCurly]

Yeah, she sounds selfish!

I think it's nice to keep 'unique' people in our lives, but if they're making you feel a bit off, then they're definitely worth keeping at arms length.

Personally, I would want my friends to actually be my friends. Not hide stuff like this.

 

[Fruitmash]

I had a friend just like that! Known her from the age of 12 so felt like I kinda needed to stick with it. Things ended up taking a horrible turn and I burnt that bridge. Truth be told it was the best decision I've ever made!

 

[campn]

Geez she is SO narsassistic! You don't have to hide your pregnancy for her pleasure (I promise you'll regret doing that to yourself later) and she seems very spiteful and mean and you sound like the complete opposite.

I say ignore her texts if she texts and if you decide to reply don't seem overly excited. She wants to be celebrated and aweeeed over and you don't have to reward her psychotic behavior. Don't feed it.

If she won't be there for you, then you sure as hell don't have to be there for her.

 

[minties]

She sounds a bit TOO weird. Friendship shouldn't come with all these conditions.

A friend should be thrilled to bits sharing something so special as having a baby, not selfish and only worried about how everything effects them.

 

[rosegarden620]

Thank you girls!!
I really needed to hear it as it was really bothering me. I'm glad I'm not just being irrational.

 

[Jessicahide]

To make a long story short I have a friend who I have known for 13 years. Her and I have had trials and tribulations causing us to not speak for 3 years which is the longest we had gone without talking but not the first time. It was a good three years just figuring ourselves out alone and when we reconnected we were very much our own people and could get along great.

She's very odd... Very private. Can be condescending to the wrong person. She really is a good person just a unique one in her own right. Hubby personally doesn't like her but let's me be.

She lives in a different state now and just this past February learned she was pregnant. So right now she's about 6/7 months pregnant. We talk regularly but on occasion go a couple weeks without touching base. Now, prior to her bfp she knew I wanted one more baby but understood the timeframe was for the next year or two.

Well when I found out I was pregnant; I kept it from her. Because she's weird. By weird I mean that she wants to be pregnant alone. During one convo I used her other friend for a hypothetical situation in which that friend was pregnant - hypothetically. She said "she wouldn't do that to me." After further prying she said "it's just, I feel like I have been there for all of my friends pregnancies. And this is my time to just talk about MY pregnancy. Not yours and mine. I mean it would be her second it's my first!"

So. I've made a decision to just not tell her until after she delivers, late August which would put me at about 5/6 months. I don't mind. It's easy but at the same time I'm a little bummed that it's like this. When we talk I literally just listen to her talk about her new baby and never mention even a little about my pregnancy. Which is wat I've decided to do!

I understand being a selfless friend but I can't help but to think that this seems a little Much.

I posted on fb I was pregnant and we are friends on fb but she told me that she only has her family in her newsfeed.

But through mutual friends I see her very much involved in their posts?? So part of me thinks she's seen my post but has failed to acknowledge it. I called her twice last week and after the second call and no answer she text me that she was sorry but really busy. We text a little and I just said "call me when you have time to catch. Up!" She agreed and we haven't spoken since.

I don't know. I guess I just wanted it off my chest. Hubby says she's a bad friend. I think she's just odd.


What do you think?

What do you get from her friendship? People are weird enough when your not pregnant, but when you are some people turn really weird.. I have had a friend get pregnant because i was then spend the whole time telling everyone she hates her baby and is going to abandon it some completely blank me and others become overly involved.

The woman you describe is weirder than them all?! Lol, not being mean to your friend, but she sounds very one dimensional to me. I would tell her, if she doesn't like it stuff her xxx

 

[Eleanor ace]

If it was me I'd give her a chance to surprise you, as at the moment yu're judgig her on her you think she will behave rather than how she will behave; she might hate the idea of sharing her pregnancy hypothetically (which is super self-centered) but if she knew you were pregnant for real she might feel otherwise. And its possible that she really hasn't seen your FB posts, or she has and hasn't mentioned it as she thinks you're keeping the pregnancy from her for some reason.
So yeah, I'd tell her, but be prepared for her to react negatively and act accordingly. For me that would be distancing myself because I just couldn't be doing with that nonesense!

 

[Tanikins]

One of my close friends is due 5 weeks after me. This is the best thing ever. We can share our awful preggo stories to people who understand.

She sounds very selfish and not a good friend.

 

[Miss_Cellany]

When I was pregnant with my first my best friend fell pregnant with her second and was about 3 months behind me. It was lovely and meant we had maternity leave together and now our little boys are growing up together.

If she can't be happy for you and is that self centred she's not a very good friend.

 

[Nikko88]

We are friends with people for a lot of different reasons. If she's not giving you a reason to make an effort, it's okay to let the friendship fall by the wayside or devolve to acquaintanceship.

Especially long term friendships where your expectations of the relationship don't match up to the reality. Doesn't mean you need to stop talking to her. Just understand that if you are disappointed in the interactions, you needed go out of your way to keep it going.

 

[beanzz]

With my first pregnancy 2 of my friends were also pregnant and it was great, we were all excited for each other and talked babies constantly! We all visited eachother and new arrivals after we gave birth and still meet up to this day for hang outs with the kids... To me that's friendship. With this pregnancy them two were the first out of our friends that I told. If I felt like I had to hide it from them for any reason other than not being ready to tell I wouldn't class them as true friends

Tell her! And if she reacts badly and somehow makes you out to be a bad friend just for being pregnant at the same time as she isn't really your friend and you know not to waste too much energy on her xx

 

[rosegarden620]

Thanks everyone!! I really appreciate all the sound advice you all have given. I think I am going to tell her, expect nothing and just stop making an effort.

I dont really gain anything from our friendship, sadly. She doesn't make half the effort I do to talk to her and that's not even the bulk of it.

I guess I was just holding on to the fact that she is one of my oldest friends, but I understand that doesn't always equate to a healthy relationship. My last pregnancy she wasn't exactly "there" and that was fine because plenty of other people were. It's not like her friendship is all I have. I have real friends who love and care about me. Last pregnancy there was a good 4 months we did not speak! I was practically due when she called me!

So I'll just wait for her to call me and tell her then. The truth is, we aren't close enough where me being pregnant should be any type of news for her.

I feel better reading all your replies. Thank you for your kindness !

 

[campn]

Rose, I also had a fall out with my bestfriend of so many years for about 4-5 years over completely nothing. When we started talking again it was nice but it wasn't like before, it was so different the second time around. People really change and even if they don't, it's a completely new relationship you've to start all over again. We can't go back to where we left it at. It hurts, but somehow you won't be too upset.

 

[rosegarden620]

Rose, I also had a fall out with my bestfriend of so many years for about 4-5 years over completely nothing. When we started talking again it was nice but it wasn't like before, it was so different the second time around. People really change and even if they don't, it's a completely new relationship you've to start all over again. We can't go back to where we left it at. It hurts, but somehow you won't be too upset.

This!
After those three years thing just never picked back up. Which was ok bc before the three years things were rocky for the most part.

I was the friend who almost had no
Life and after those three years I very much had a life and a career and a loving husband.

I'm sure it was odd for her to see.

 

[Tasha S.]

I wouldn't stay friends with a woman like that! It sounds like a one-way friendship to me! I would stop reaching out to her, and see if she reaches out. I would also tell her that I'm pregnant, and if she doesn't like it, I would tell her how selfish she sounds. It might end your friendship, but it might help her understand why her other relationships aren't so fulfilling.

She might be used to being the centre of attention due to how she was raised. She might not have any bad intentions, but her behaviour definitely needs to stop and she needs to grow up!

 

[DannaD]

Text her saying ''Hey! I'm pregnant!'' and wait for her to answer, which she probably won't, and burn that bridge. Time shouldn't be the only reason to keep a friendship.

 

[rosegarden620]

It's been two weeks of minimal to no effort of reaching out for her and she has not reached out for me.

So, I see where this is going.

Thanks!! We will see how long it takes for her to contact me but I believe it'll be a "never" thing.