Frustration w/ dh

[BabyKey]

We've been TTC since February with frustration on both sides. At first I didn't share too much with him about my cycle, but we would never BD when I was ovulating. So little by little I would share with him the ins and outs of TTC. It seemed like each month he would start to act like it was a chore, even if we both had a great time, or he would be totally into it. I tried last night and got shut down, crucial timing too. UGH!!!!!!!!! I know it sounds kind of silly to get so upset over one turn down this month, but I would like a already. Hopefully there is still time...

 

[justcantwait2]

It can be frustrating, we agreed it was time to TTC and then my dh was off with me for the next two weeks, we did dtd but he just didn't (and sometimes still doesn't) want to discuss it. He's just goes quiet and sets his jaw. It's annoying coz they go along with it and then get scared and take it out on us!
I know its what he wants, he brought it back up and suggested it was time, but then it was like he panicked!
I'm sure there is still time for you and your dh will come round, maybe he's afraid to get too eager about it until it happens?
Fx'd!!

 

[wantanerd]

I think most of us have had problems with the husbands every once in a while. Most of the time I am okay with having all the weight of TTC on my shoulders alone since my DH doesn't want to talk about it and doesn't want to think about it. Usually I am okay with this since I don't want to stress him out any more than his job. But sometimes it would be nice to have some support from him. If I get too pushy for sex, he also starts to feel like it is a chore.
Guys take TTC very differently than we do. I only talk about TTC when he brings it up. Plus it doesn't help when our emotions are all over the place and men don't get that when it comes to TTC.

 

[BH040]

Getting turned down when you are TTC is the worst feeling ever! Ok, getting turned down at any time is a bad feeling, but that just makes it worse! Don't feel bad though I was turned down at least 3 times this past month. They don't seem to understand how much worse it makes it for us.

 

[Stinas]

Dont worry....you are not alone. My DH has turned me down too. I just get all mad (usually get my way anyways) and he just does not get it. Its a lot of stress and they have no clue. I understand that they probably feel bad because it has not happened yet...possibly thinking that they are at fault as well, but Its still frustrating.

 

[BabyKey]

I am so glad that I'm not alone. I wish just once men would get it. The funny thing about the whole situation is; most of the time men are the ones asking for it rather than us ladies. You would think they would be excited....

 

[Amethyste]

It can be frustrating, we agreed it was time to TTC and then my dh was off with me for the next two weeks, we did dtd but he just didn't (and sometimes still doesn't) want to discuss it. He's just goes quiet and sets his jaw. It's annoying coz they go along with it and then get scared and take it out on us!
I know its what he wants, he brought it back up and suggested it was time, but then it was like he panicked!
I'm sure there is still time for you and your dh will come round, maybe he's afraid to get too eager about it until it happens?
Fx'd!!

Had the same pb with my OH, he definitely wants but he doesn't really want to plan it and i think he is scared to take the first step, It is more convenient for him if it happens "by accident", i think men don't realise that it is not that easy. If i say i am ovulating let's do it, that will turn him off so i don't talk about it and we can both enjoy more ;-)

 

[Stinas]

I am so glad that I'm not alone. I wish just once men would get it. The funny thing about the whole situation is; most of the time men are the ones asking for it rather than us ladies. You would think they would be excited....

EXACTLY!!! You really would think they would be over the moon with us asking all the time. Go figure! Weird how things turn around haha

 

[mrsblunden]

I actually JUST had this conversation with one of my male friends yesterday. I was on bcp for 13 years (when I was young to regulate my AF, she was wicked.) and I just went off the pill 2 weeks ago since we are TTC. I'm trying to keep the math and calendars from him so he doesn't get freaked out (I'm a crazy planner about little things, this has released the planning monster, lol!). I'm shooting for 3x/wk during peak times, and I got the cold shoulder last night! I was SO upset, but then thought about all the times I didn't feel like it when my sex drive was in the closet hiding because of bcp, and realized I couldn't get too mad. This is our first month ttc, so I'm not even completely sure of my cycle yet, so it wasn't like last night was THE day or anything, it was just frustrating, but now I know how he feels! I'm also trying very hard to not make him feel like I just want to BD for his "donation". We'll see how the next few months go!

 

[Mabythistime]

I have to agree...we do tend to take it all on our shoulders and yes, it would be so nice to have double support and two working together. But, after reading, I have to agree, perhaps men just feels more relaxed to "just let it happen"...I just cannot leave it to "accident" anymore.

But it can be worse...like this month is the first in over a year that DH is trying just as hard as I am, lets just say, I dont have to beg, even if he is tired, he is making effort BUT NOW....the big O just wont come!

So, point is, we ladies must just be strong. I try to hide my cycles too....but then feel a bit like I am trying to trick DH. But goodness, when I am on CD8 and he says: I am so sure you are pregnant..I can scream. Its hard to teach him bit by bit, but every bit is worth it. Good luck to you all (and our OH's)

 

[wantanerd]

This week I finally got DH to come to an appointment with me but then once we got home, he didn't want to hear about anything fertility related. So there are good days and bad days.
A few weeks ago when I got the news I would be able to have fertility treatment this month, I waited excitedly until he got home and told him and all I got from him was an uh-huh before he went to his compy. Next week we will see how well he cooperates when I ovulate.

 

[Mabythistime]

This week I finally got DH to come to an appointment with me but then once we got home, he didn't want to hear about anything fertility related. So there are good days and bad days.
A few weeks ago when I got the news I would be able to have fertility treatment this month, I waited excitedly until he got home and told him and all I got from him was an uh-huh before he went to his compy. Next week we will see how well he cooperates when I ovulate.

Holding thumbs for you!! BIG TIME I hope your is put into action next week....

 

[BabyKey]

I have to agree...we do tend to take it all on our shoulders and yes, it would be so nice to have double support and two working together. But, after reading, I have to agree, perhaps men just feels more relaxed to "just let it happen"...I just cannot leave it to "accident" anymore.

But it can be worse...like this month is the first in over a year that DH is trying just as hard as I am, lets just say, I dont have to beg, even if he is tired, he is making effort BUT NOW....the big O just wont come!

So, point is, we ladies must just be strong. I try to hide my cycles too....but then feel a bit like I am trying to trick DH. But goodness, when I am on CD8 and he says: I am so sure you are pregnant..I can scream. Its hard to teach him bit by bit, but every bit is worth it. Good luck to you all (and our OH's)

I know what you mean when it comes to the men understand our cycles. My DH only thinks he knows them, but he is off most of the time.

 

[BabyKey]

I finally got DH in the mood, so to say.. but not sure if it was in time or not. He is just too funny. He isn't in the mood when I think he should be. Now that I'm no longer in my fertile stage, he is so ready and willing. I just don't get it.

 

[Mabythistime]

I finally got DH in the mood, so to say.. but not sure if it was in time or not. He is just too funny. He isn't in the mood when I think he should be. Now that I'm no longer in my fertile stage, he is so ready and willing. I just don't get it.

It just never works the way we want. I think for the time we have been TTC, that was the case every time. (not to mention I think I realised this month that my calculations have been very off, i.e. my LP is shorter than I thought and I actually ovulate about 4 days after I used to think ) I cannot believe it, but for some reason (I think for the first time in the 2 years of TTC), DH still going strong....and this includes the extra 4 days. And I still dont have to ask. I did one thing different this month.

Instead of trying or even ettempting to talk to him about TTC, I came to this forum. All I said to him, is be ready between this day and that day and after 1 June, you can really "rest" Ok, and then there was the bedlight going on at exactly 5:45 every morning and the beep of the thermometer..I somehow think it was like a good reminder to him of what is expected.

The top of it was when I told him on Saturday to come lie down...I am going to rub his feet and give him a good foot massage (yeah, guys like to be pampered too). So, I think I am making headway with my training. He tasted REWARD.

@BabyKey: Holding thumbs that the eggie was a bit delayed and popped out a bit later..who knows....there is always a chance!