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funny/ embarrasing labour stories

I love this! I don't think anything funny happened during my labour but afterwards I needed stitches. They gave me the gas and air to use while the anaesthetic was put in. Some time later, I have no idea how long, the midwife looked up at me and was like, 'are you ok'. I had continued to use the gas and air, completely forgotten about her and in my surprise just burst out laughing at her. I carried on with the gas and air though. Love that stuff.
 
These stories are just the best. This thread deserves to be bumped to the top of the feed 😂
 
My first I had HORRIBLE back labour that not even 3 epidurals (last one was a double dose) touched the sides of and I was telling the midwife I couldn't wait to do it again with our next baby - I was dead serious. She thought I was mad and I hadn't even delivered my first one at the point I'd made that comment! Needless to say, I ended up with an emergency section. I'd been awake 72 hours by this point and hadn't had a shower. They had to give me a spinal because the epidural hadn't worked. I remember them doing the ice but don't remember them getting past my hip. Apparently I fell asleep and they figured it was a good a time as any to open me up. If it didn't work they were soon going to know it. Anyhow, they woke me up just as they pulled him out and I yelled at the midwife 'if that kid is a f**ken redhead you can shove him back'. Given my English ancestry and the fact hubby is part Scottish, it was a real possibility. Fortunately for my son, he did NOT inherit my red hair.

Second labour was painful but I gave up at the 4 hour mark (I had a 4.5 hour labour in the end), rung my midwife and headed into hospital. We got there and she came back with a gown and my waters had broken all over the floor. She checked me out and told me I was too far gone to which I told her 'I don't give a f**k I want my drugs'. Never got them and in the end, didn't need them. FIL took me over that day and he's usually a laugh a minute so he decided to 'lighten the mood' mid contraction and told me if I jump up and down it would 'feel better'. He got a filthy look and told to f**k off from me and came back half an hour later with black jellybeans and yoghurt raisins and all was forgiven.

I also remember him going into Pak n Save looking for the bags of just black jellybeans and they were out of stock so he tipped out the bulk bins and picked them out one by one until he filled a bag. He got a LOT of strange looks and he told people that 'my daughter has just delivered my grandson and she only likes the black ones'. Boy did that sound racist and he realized that AFTER he said it! My FIL is part Maori but he's so damn white you wouldn't know to look at him!

DS3 I took my best mate to my appointment because hubby wasn't too fazed by this point. Got called in, met my midwife and introduced myself and my friend. But the friend I said 'this is my wife. The sperm donor is at home'. She was gobsmacked and couldn't say much other than 'that's okay we have all kinds of families'. Best mate decided to clear up the misunderstanding much to my annoyance. The midwife's reaction up until that point was priceless!

See, my biggest problem is that I suffer from a shocking case of 'Foot and Mouth Disease'. I have no filter. If I have something to say, I say it. Most of the time it's worth the reaction but it can (and it does) get me into a lot of trouble at times too. Fortunately for me, none of these situations got me any more than laughs.
 
I just remembered one from my son's labour.

I kept telling the aneathatist who was putting in my (failed) epidural to "shut the fuck up, I'm trying to hear what that clock has to say to me"

I was huffing entenox like there was no tommorrow and all I was interested in hearing was the clock on the wall ticking and not the anesthetist trying to tell me to stay still 😂

Section this time around, probably for the best as I get a little mouthy when I'm in pain 😂
 
i'm not sure if this is very funny but....
my husband ordered in jimmy johns for dinner and sat on the couch eating VERY loudly while i was waiting for my epidural.
i glared at him and told him i hoped he choked and died on that sandwich.
the nurse then asked him to finish eating outside for my sake
:haha:


Delayed reply but I just died laffing:thumbup: thanks!
 
This is absolutely my favorite thread on this forum! :laugh2:
 
With my daughter, I went from 5-10cm in half hour. I didn’t realise at the time (wasn’t expecting things to go so quick) but I now know I was transitioning as I all of a sudden hopped off the bed, couldn’t bare to lay down. As I was stood, swaying, I suddenly froze and some waters came out (they’d broken the week before) my very nice mw looked at me and asked “are you pushing?” It was pretty obvious but my response came as “no not me it must be someone else” I honestly felt like a guilty schoolgirl and didn’t accept that I indeed was pushing. Baby was born 15 minutes later
 
Ok so first labour I got really high of the gas and air. Wasn't coping very well with the pain and kept asking random ppl to take me home including an it guy who came to fix a monitor. Also told me.husband to pay the doctor to take the baby out right now I knew he had cash on hi

2nd boy decided to come a little early, I was 36 weeks and husband was lying on the bed with me helping me prepare for Labour down there. He was making my laugh cos It was weird and my waters went all over his face pmsl. He didn't come till 4 days later think he changed his mind to come out
 
Thiiissss one was funny at the end !!

i had a natural birth in the birthing centre attached to my local maternity unit, it was all very calm and serene in the early stages, i floated around the pool, progressing slowly but nicely, when suddenly all hell broke loose. Id just been checked about 25 mins before and was 4/5 cm, so we were expecting things to be a while yet... Suddenly i REALLY needed to push, midwife was telling me that it was way too early to be baby, and that perhaps i needed to use the toilet... i was sure it wasnt that, but agreed to try anyway, so got out of the pool and onto the loo. while there, transition hit, and i suddenly got SOOO hot, the student midwife ran off to fetch some ice cubes for DH to rub on my forehead etc, but when she arrived with them i grabbed a handful and shoved them into my mouth, suddenly, a HUGE contraction hit me, and i needed the G&A but had a mouthful of ice, so i spat the ice all over the floor :-o
there i was, sat on the toilet, naked, dripping wet, mooing like a cow, and spitting on the floor.. oh the shame!
turns out i went from 4/5cm to 10cm in less than a hour, and my daughter was born very soon after this!

there was also a little moment when i was pushing when i really wanted to inflict some pain on my DH, so i grabbed 'his' arm and dug my nails in as hard as a could, only to feel the arm whipped away, i opened my eyes to find that id actually injured the student midwife, and left 4 huge cuts in her arm from my nails!!

lol also just remembered that at one point the midwife made me get out of the pool to check progress, and i really didnt want to... later on, in the midst of the transition drama i said 'IM SOOOOOOOOOO SORRRY I CALLED U A BITTTTTTTTTTCCCCHHHHH' and she said 'noo u didnt, its ok' and i told her that i did, she was just out of the room at the time lol
 
Hahahah

With my daughter, I went from 5-10cm in half hour. I didn’t realise at the time (wasn’t expecting things to go so quick) but I now know I was transitioning as I all of a sudden hopped off the bed, couldn’t bare to lay down. As I was stood, swaying, I suddenly froze and some waters came out (they’d broken the week before) my very nice mw looked at me and asked “are you pushing?” It was pretty obvious but my response came as “no not me it must be someone else” I honestly felt like a guilty schoolgirl and didn’t accept that I indeed was pushing. Baby was born 15 minutes later
 
I need to add to this with my second baby!

I got induced around 10pm and I was 4cms not long after this, my contractions were coming very very quickly and I was supposed to get an epidural, so I was all gowned up ready and had a few of the tubes in my hand and also had one in the side of my wrist, I cant remever what half of these were for right now in the moment you dont ask! I needed my waters broken as I was contracting every few seconds but wouldn't progress from 4cms, once waters broken I shot to a 10, and the anaethatist was sent away as the literally walked through the door. At that moment the shock and the pain and the pressure of jumping from a 4 to a 10 hit me like a tonne of bricks and I grabbed the poor midwife round the neck and wouldn't let her go, she did eventually peel me off her, only to find that one of the tubes I had (the one in the wrist) had ripped out of my arm and was stuck in her hair :rofl: and there was blood literally squirting out of my arm and it covered everyone it was like something out of a horror movie!

My little man was born a few seconds later, only be to holding the pessary used for induction tightly in his hand, which we had lost this earlier on :rofl:

Hoping for a bit less comedy sketch birth this time hahaha
 
During my second labour, just as baby was moving down I had horrific sciatica pain and was leaping off the bed and pulling monitors off my belly, a rather large midwife was pinning me to the bed luckily it only lasted a few minutes and he was born 5 mins later but it was a funny story afterwards! X
 

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