Gender disapointment that lasts after birth for 3 years?

[topsy]

I have been wondering about writing this but wasn't sure if to...

I always wanted a girl, when I was pregnant almost 4 years ago we had lots of "signs" it was a girl and had a girls name picked out Lottie BAM at my 20 week scan it was a boy... sounds horrible but I was devastated that night I cried and cried I felt like this all the way through my pregnancy I hated telling people he was a boy... I wanted my little girl.

When he was born I loved him BUT never felt the rush of love because I wanted a girl or so I thought. I couldn't cope with him had severe PND, when we went out to buy LO clothes I would still look at the girls clothes and cry, when I couldn't cope with him because of the lack of sleep I kept thinking it would be so different if he was a girl I went into a mother and baby unit because the PND turned into psychosis and still I wanted a girl. For almost 3 years I still wanted lo to be a girl.

Then I had my friend LO a girl for the day early this year there is 4 weeks difference between her and lO and OMG how demanding she was and independent she was!!!!! Totally different to the day I expected to have! I feel in LOVE with my BOY that day the rush of love came and I couldn't live without him for a second... but it took almost 3 years to feel like this. I feel ashamed of that

IF we had had a girl she would have moved in with my parent by the time she was 7!

We wont have any more because of my Mental Health problems but do you know what IF I was to get pregnant and I was told I was having another babby boy I would be happy just shame I never experience it.

This post has been V hard for me to write.

xxxxx

 

[lau86]

Huge you're not alone And you will always find support here x

 

[Misscalais]

Big hugs.
My niece is full on, shes like all my boys put together lol i think some times what we have in our minds about what we think things are going to be like aren't often reality. My GD went away when they were born but for me i wasn't disappointed they were boys just that id hoped to have sons and daughters. Im currently pregnant with a surprise baby ( after 3 precious boys ) and we are having a girl this time. Im very interested to see what her personality is like
Thank you for sharing your story.