Gender Reveal Party--Some Family Disappointed

[VALiz]

I'm 19w3d and we had our gender reveal party yesterday. This is our first child. The baby appears to be very healthy so I'm sooo thankful for that and I think that is all that should matter.

It's a boy! DH and I are over the moon as are MOST of our family/friends. The exception being my MIL and my aunt. My aunt was quick to get over it but my MIL went on and on after she found out about the blue cake. (She has 3 boys and 1 grandson already) She said things like, the potty shot's not to clear, there's still hope. She got us a boy gift and a girl gift and said well open the girl gift anyway, it's much cuter than the boy gift. I heard her in conversation with my family about how she had boys and always wanted a daughter or granddaughter and "oh well her dreams were over" and she sounded so depressed. She never congratulated us or anything. Just went out in the yard to play with my friend's little daughter right after. She later made a comment about being disappointed about the color of the cake again but it didn't matter to her (yeah right!) and I finally cracked and said yeah cause that's rude.

My dad pointedly said in front of her then that he didn't care what it was and that it's a grandkid and he's so excited and he'll love it. MIL abruptly left and I knew she would have no idea why I was upset and probably won't. My DH followed her out and told her I wasn't upset when she asked. I wish he wouldn't have done that but I don't think he knew how upset I was.

We typically have a great relationship as I'm not close to my mom. I'm just not sure how I'll get over this with her. I was telling my coworkers today about it and broke down crying. I'm not sure how I will face her again as I'm so upset with her. She's already been sending me texts about how boys are great and pics of us from the party and I've just ignored her.

Am I overreacting? Have any of your families been like this? I feel like I'll never forget that she made a moment in our lives so upsetting when it should be such a joyous occasion. She was like a ringleader the whole time about girls and how she was so disappointed and getting others involved and to comment on it.

I know I should focus on the fact that it's a healthy baby and my husband and I are thrilled to be having a boy!

 

[Spiffynoodles]

I'm sorry your MIL ruined your happy moment. I'm sure that once the baby comes, she'll stop seeing him as "just another boy" and will see him as the sweet and precious little person he is. Until that time, just try to ignore her and tell yourself that her disappointment is HER loss.

 

[Yo_Yo]

selfishly, she obviously wanted a boy, but she should have kept her mouth shut and just enjoyed your boy celebrations.

If have been upset too, and chances are she might reflect on how she acted and feel bad. It would probably be good to tell her you feel a little hurt so she knows.

Congratulations by the way on a boy!

 

[Mum2threeboys]

Aw big hugs! She is a lucky woman being surrounded by so many beautiful men! I absolutely dote on my boys!
I am yet to have a daughter (she is due Sept) but I can while heartedly say that there isn't a single thing that my 'boy family' lacks in love nor happiness.... I never open a door, there are many hands to bring the shopping in, they look after me and treat me like a princess - I wouldn't change my boys for the world!

It's a shame your mother in law can't see her boys for what they are .... A blessing!

 

[RosieRosieP]

Congratulations on your boy!

We are currently experiencing something similar as we announced the sex last week to hubby's mom and dad and the response we got was 'ooh'

Mil has been adamant from the start baby was a boy and could only be a boy. they only make boys in hubby's family. We are expecting a girl. Mil has now gone from referring to the baby as 'he' to 'baby'. Hubby is pretty upset about it and we are hoping she comes around by the time baby arrives.

Xx

 

[VALiz]

Thanks for your responses ladies! Mum2threeboys, your response made me tear up.

 

[prbetsi75]

I'm sorry your MIL ruined your happy moment. I was in a similar predicament. My MIL also had 3 boys and 1 grandson and was PRAYING for a girl. She wanted the girl she never had...and always referred to the baby as "she"....and I completely sympathized with her. I worried how she would feel if I were having a boy. This is my first child, and while I wanted a healthy baby, I also hoped it would be a girl. But I worried more about my MIL and her reaction to this baby if it would be a boy. But I knew she'd first need to grieve the loss of the girl, and would eventually love the boy. I knew the initial response would not be pleasant...but I understood. In the end, I'm having a girl....but I was completely prepared for the utter disappointment my MIL would have felt had I said "boy". And I wouldn't hold it against her.

If you go over to the 'gender disappointment' forum and read some of the posts, you may be able to understand her a bit more. Some women dream of having a daughter, but when that dream is not realized, they then have to create new dreams of granddaughters. She'll get over it. Let her mourn the loss of the daughter again. It was just too bad it happened in front of you. But try not to be too upset with her. Forgive her. I know it comes off as rude, but she was caught up in her own emotions at the moment.

 

[TryinFor1]

My mom and grandma were actually. My mom was because she has three grandsons already and I dunno why my grandma was. Anyway, I called both of them and their responses were, "oh man!" But like, not in a good way. Like it sounds like "ahhh man....."

So I straight up told them if they were seriously rude enough to say that to me after going through a miscarriage and finally getting a healthy baby, they can just plan on not having any part of the baby's life, and hung up the phone. I was shaking I was so angry.

They came around pretty damn quickly and now that he is here, he is the most awesome grandson. My grandma loves him sooo much. she is his babysitter and has honestly helped me raise him a lot since I was in school and working. She is head over heels crazy in love with him. My mom loves him a ton, but she is more a younger kid person so she doesn't see him a whole lot (like twice a week) like my grandma used to. Its summer now and I quit my job to stay at home so now she just takes him every so often or we all go and do something so she can get a dose of her baby

 

[SouthernC]

Sorry your MIL ruined your happy moment, a healthy baby is the most important. My MIL ruined our second one, she had 2 boys, our first is a boy, this baby is a girl and the first thing out of her mouth when we revealed it was girl is "are you sure they didn't miss a penis" and called our baby girl an IT for the longest time!!! Don't let her ruin your happiness little boys are sweet and amazing

 

[mandaa1220]

My mom was very disappointed that we are having a boy also. I actually began to feel guilty after we found out, because I knew she was upset.

 

[shinona]

I'm sorry that your mil ruined a special time for you. I appreciate that she may have favoured one gender over another (although I don't understand it honestly and "gender disappointment" often seems to be based on very outdated ideas of gender) but she should have been mature enough to keep it to herself. Sounds like she is trying to make it up to you though with the messages.
As you say, the most important thing is that baby is healthy. They each have their own wonderful personality anyway regardless of gender. Xx

 

[Leesy]

Sounds to me like Mil is ashamed / embarrassed about her behaviour now. I see her texts about how great boys are & pics of you two together as her offering an olive branch. Her behaviour at the party was totally out of order and you can't get that moment back but being as you said your relationship is mostly good with her I'd try to put it behind you now.

 

[NotNic]

To be fair to her, it does sound like she's realised she was being insensitive and hurtful. I guess in the moment she just (selfishly) couldn't manage her disappointment and shock and like pp said perhaps she needed to come to terms with it not being a girl. This doesn't take away the fact she has upset you and what she said was out of order, but if she is trying to make it up to you, it probably was a reaction rather than a deliberate thing.

I have to say being team yellow has its perks. I understand gender disappointment, but I've never wanted to experience a feeling of regret or disappointment while pregnant. The first time I had a mild preference for a girl, but I wasn't remotely upset for having a boy. The moment I saw his face I loved him and I didn't feel any longing for a girl. He was mine and I was over the moon.

 

[Laylagirl]

My mom was very disappointed that we are having a boy also. I actually began to feel guilty after we found out, because I knew she was upset.

Awww mandaa thats sad... Im sorry.. I know exactly what THAT guilt feels like.

 

[Laylagirl]

I'm 19w3d and we had our gender reveal party yesterday. This is our first child. The baby appears to be very healthy so I'm sooo thankful for that and I think that is all that should matter.

It's a boy! DH and I are over the moon as are MOST of our family/friends. The exception being my MIL and my aunt. My aunt was quick to get over it but my MIL went on and on after she found out about the blue cake. (She has 3 boys and 1 grandson already) She said things like, the potty shot's not to clear, there's still hope. She got us a boy gift and a girl gift and said well open the girl gift anyway, it's much cuter than the boy gift. I heard her in conversation with my family about how she had boys and always wanted a daughter or granddaughter and "oh well her dreams were over" and she sounded so depressed. She never congratulated us or anything. Just went out in the yard to play with my friend's little daughter right after. She later made a comment about being disappointed about the color of the cake again but it didn't matter to her (yeah right!) and I finally cracked and said yeah cause that's rude.

My dad pointedly said in front of her then that he didn't care what it was and that it's a grandkid and he's so excited and he'll love it. MIL abruptly left and I knew she would have no idea why I was upset and probably won't. My DH followed her out and told her I wasn't upset when she asked. I wish he wouldn't have done that but I don't think he knew how upset I was.

We typically have a great relationship as I'm not close to my mom. I'm just not sure how I'll get over this with her. I was telling my coworkers today about it and broke down crying. I'm not sure how I will face her again as I'm so upset with her. She's already been sending me texts about how boys are great and pics of us from the party and I've just ignored her.

Am I overreacting? Have any of your families been like this? I feel like I'll never forget that she made a moment in our lives so upsetting when it should be such a joyous occasion. She was like a ringleader the whole time about girls and how she was so disappointed and getting others involved and to comment on it.

I know I should focus on the fact that it's a healthy baby and my husband and I are thrilled to be having a boy!

I truly believe that talking to her about how it hurt you would help tremendously..... Being that you usually have a good relationship, she probably never meant to upset you. Her emotions got the better of her and she couldn't stop them. But I really try to have a good relationship with my mil.... We just cant because she wants my husband BEFORE me, so if hes not over there doting on her, nothing i do is good enough.... Anyway, i bet you mil would appreciate the chance to apologize and you both can move forward and plan for the arrival of the little prince.

 

[hopettc3]

I have also gone through a similar situation. I have two little girls that are absolutely wonderful, but the response I got when I had them was "oh well, maybe next time". It was extremely frustrating and is the reason I haven't told any of my in-laws the gender of our baby-to-be. We are happy to be having a boy now, but I won't give them the satisfaction of knowing ahead of time. My step-mil asked me what I was having and actually had the nerve to say "even if its a girl, its too late to get rid of it now". She actually implied that I should have got an abortion if it was another girl. It took me quite a while to get past it. Well, I'm not completely over it yet and don't know if I ever will be, but I now only speak to her about neutral topics. I hope you don't let it upset you too much because it has nothing to do with how you feel about your baby.