gender: to find out, or not to find out - that is the question...

[maybethisit]

Hi, we are having a difficult time trying to decide whether to find out the sex of the baby at the 20 week scan. I didn't find out with my first two, who are now teenagers, but that was a long time ago and with my first husband. This is our first baby together and things are very different, but we just can't decide!

I'd especially appreciate anyone else's reasons for NOT finding out, as the reasons for finding out are fairly clear. I just have a bit of a feeling still that it's lovely not to know until the birth, but weighed against that is the practicality of knowing for buying stuff, and also the sheer excitement of wanting to find out at the scan! We just don't know what to do...

 

[HollieQ]

We definately want to wait till the birth to find out about the gender. Why? Because I think it will be the only thing to get my wussy ass through labour, the excitement of finding out!

 

[maybethisit]

We definately want to wait till the birth to find out about the gender. Why? Because I think it will be the only thing to get my wussy ass through labour, the excitement of finding out!

well that's a good point! Thanks I will add that to my list...

 

[emmasmama]

i found out with my dd and afte all that work i had just dine wish i didnt so this time im not all that hard work will be well worth the surprise

 

[rducky]

I think it's the one great surprise in life! I'm definitely not finding out!

 

[theresarhuebb]

oh i couldnt wait. mainly because i had m-miscarried and we didnt get to know what we were having. second of all. im pregnant with my 4th baby and baby decided we werent allowed to find out so now im having trouble what to buy, prams easy enough but i dunno im finding it hard only 16 wks to go so not long still its a while away :/ dont let that put you off though x

 

[lou100]

Hi there,

DH & i decided not to find out for a number of reasons
1) It took us about 28 months to get pregnant and to be honest for us it doesnt matter what sex the baby is.
2) I agree with the above, i need help getting my wussy ass through labour too
3) No one expects you not to find out...Our entire family are so happy for it to be a surprise.
4) The anticipation makes it so much more exciting ( personally for me )

However since we havent found out i have found it difficult to be as prepared as i would like..i guess there is only so much white & yellow you can buy! I havent bought much because i know as soon as the baby is born our families will go mad with either Pink or Blue.
We can wait til the moment we find out whether we have an Ellie or a Mason x

 

[theresarhuebb]

since we havnt found out im eager to take in one blue baby grow and 1 pink baby grow as well as white or cream stuff. thats if we dont do a private scan soon x

 

[20andpregnant]

hey! I hope you don't mind me popping over from 3rd tri!
I stayed yellow, because I know when I'll go through labour I'll be really excited to finally find out if LO is a girl or boy! So hopefully this will help me through it!
xxx

 

[KerryGold]

We stayed yellow for the following reasons:
I always love hearing that it's arrived and is a...
I love wondering who's in there.
I know of several people who were told the wrong gender. That scares me - I think you'd bond in one way and then your feelings would be confused.
People experience gender disappointment at a scan, but my H and I figure when we're finally holding our LO we won't care which flavour we got!

The only downside is the lack of neutral clothes but I'm finding cute stuff gradually. Check my journal if you want!

xXx

 

[zippy4]

My hubby and I also had a tough time deciding whether to find out. This is our 1st baby and it's been a bumpy ride getting here. We didnt care what sex our little one was but at the 20 week scan it was fairly obvious it was a boy which was confirmed at 21 weeks by our specialist. So you may find out whether you want to or not lol on our scan the boy parts where very clear for all to see. Now I'm so glad I know, I feel even closer to my wee man and I will definitely be finding out in future pregnancies. Good luck with your decision xx

 

[maybethisit]

Thanks so much you guys xx I will show the responses to OH and see if it helps him any. He's so excited - I mean he would be anyway, obviously, but it's his first, so even more so - it might help us decide. I sort of feel in my heart I'd like to leave it till the birth but it's hard to weigh something as wafty-sounding as that against the massive temptation to find out sooner! And the problem of neutral-stuff is also a bit of an issue although not insurmountable. That's very interesting hearing about people being given the wrong result though, and also that it could possibly be really obvious from the scan anyway, on the other side of the coin...I think I'm maybe inclining towards the not-knowing and if we actually see anything on the scan then maybe taking that as an unlooked-for gift and being happy that way too.... Thanks xxx

 

[KerryGold]

BTW, we told the sonographer that we didn't want to know so she said that she wouldn't even look and didn't. So if you decide not to find out, you can ask them to make sure you don't see!

Let us know what yous decide!
xXx

 

[emily86]

we are in the same dillemma - I really don't know if I want to know or not.

I found out with my first and it didn't make the birth any less exciting for us x

 

[jules1]

Ok I'm gate crashing because I haven't contributed to one of your posts in ages here's why I think it's lovely to wait:
You can ring everyone/text everyone and say 'it's a ....!'
You can say 'what is it?' when s/he arrives
You can spend hours playing old wives tale tricks to find out what it is.
You can spend hours thinking up names for both possibilities
You can allow all the know-it-alls to make statements like 'it's definitely a boy, I can tell by your hairstyle'. Or 'every bump I've seen like that has been a girl'
(I love people who are so sure they know!!)

Mostly I think you'll meet your little one when he or she comes out, so let them tell you when you meet them xxxxx

 

[jules1]

Ps obviously there are definite plus sides to finding out - but for me they would mostly be shopping related xx

 

[Vicki_g]

It's a surprise for us. I can understand why finding out is a great idea, it helps with bonding and shopping, etc etc and with friends who've found out it doesn't dampen the excitement any. However this is our first, I'm having no trouble bonding with James or Jennifer (or Holly...bit stuck on girls!) anyway and the main thing is it'll give me a massive incentive to push 'em out!

I really want to experience the moment where my husband tells me what 'it' is (I want the midwife to tell him then for him to tell me), I'm really looking forward to telling my parents whether their first grandchild is a boy or girl and finally, it'll really ruin the inevitable work sweepstake (both gender and weight must be accurate!) that our department will hold before I go on mat leave! We're going to decorate the nursery in a neutral cream then add some pictures and things that are gender-specific after they've arrived, and I know that friends and family will go overboard with baby clothes so not too worried about those. Just going to have a few white and yellow things and maybe two hats, one pink and one blue for in hospital!

 

[maybethisit]

Ok I'm gate crashing because I haven't contributed to one of your posts in ages here's why I think it's lovely to wait:
You can ring everyone/text everyone and say 'it's a ....!'
You can say 'what is it?' when s/he arrives
You can spend hours playing old wives tale tricks to find out what it is.
You can spend hours thinking up names for both possibilities
You can allow all the know-it-alls to make statements like 'it's definitely a boy, I can tell by your hairstyle'. Or 'every bump I've seen like that has been a girl'
(I love people who are so sure they know!!)

Mostly I think you'll meet your little one when he or she comes out, so let them tell you when you meet them xxxxx

JULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man I've missed you on here!!!!!!
Thanks for these, I think we're inclining towards the waiting at present, I kinda agree...Oh yeah, two people have already told me they think it's a girl - one based on a gut feeling and one on the fact that I am STILL throwing up... Names is quite hard at the moment but I guess we still have quite a bit of time! I think we need to buy a book rather than just going online cos you can't relax and talk about them in the same way....

 

[maybethisit]

It's a surprise for us. I can understand why finding out is a great idea, it helps with bonding and shopping, etc etc and with friends who've found out it doesn't dampen the excitement any. However this is our first, I'm having no trouble bonding with James or Jennifer (or Holly...bit stuck on girls!) anyway and the main thing is it'll give me a massive incentive to push 'em out!

I really want to experience the moment where my husband tells me what 'it' is (I want the midwife to tell him then for him to tell me), I'm really looking forward to telling my parents whether their first grandchild is a boy or girl and finally, it'll really ruin the inevitable work sweepstake (both gender and weight must be accurate!) that our department will hold before I go on mat leave! We're going to decorate the nursery in a neutral cream then add some pictures and things that are gender-specific after they've arrived, and I know that friends and family will go overboard with baby clothes so not too worried about those. Just going to have a few white and yellow things and maybe two hats, one pink and one blue for in hospital!

Yay, aw when you put it like that it does sound worth waiting!

 

[CDNmom]

I am totally against finding out the sex (for us anyway), for all the exact reasons everyone else has mentioned above. Unfortunately, my 19 week scan was last week and the tech was training someone and they pretty much gave the sex away. I have been so upset about this. It has ruined the rest of the pregnancy for me because I can't sit and wonder anymore what the little one that's kicking me is, and I especially didn't want to know because I was using it as a method to get me through my c-section. It looks like we're having a boy this time....that would've been an amazing surprise for us since we already have a girl. That moment is ruined...I'm really upset about it. Thrilled to be having a boy though! I guess I still don't know 100% but.......