Bah, I just got AF. For the second time this week, I'm missing work, due to feeling like total crap on a stick...I think I may be on the verge of getting what my baby son had earlier in the week with the pukies, poopies, and general nastiness.
I'm not as sad as I thought I'd be that I got my period. I nearly bought some FRER's last night, and planned to take them over the weekend, but something stopped me...perhaps my intuition spoke to me, and persuaded me to wait on it. I still have baby fever do an extent, but I am also relieved that I'm not pregnant. Physically, it could actually kill me, due to the windows/thin areas in my uterus that nearly ruptured during my pregnancy with my son.
Honestly, I don't think the desire for another pregnancy stems for the actual desire for another child. I think it's actually the desire to relive the baby days, and perhaps just feel all of the wonder and anticipation, and that yearning to fall in love with a newborn all over again. It's selfish, really, because as I've learned, the baby days are short, and bringing another kid into the family would most definitely strain us financially, leave our current kids with less attention, time, space, etc. It's nothing more than whimsy, and I truly need to come to terms with the baby days being over, and that we should not bring a third child into the mix. I guess it will take time, and there is a grieving process that goes along with it.
But, it's for the best, and I realize that.