Gently discouraging nightfeeds - any tips?

[becstar]

Ilana is a big girl and well established on solids. She is still breastfed and I pump during the day (I work full time) so she has a bottle during the day (only a small one as she hates drinking milk from a bottle/beaker). Her morning porridge is made with EBM and she has yoghurt in the day, plus a big feed in the morning and two big evening feeds. This should be enough milk according to the HVs etc, but she wakes a lot during the night to feed still.

She can self settle to go to sleep in the evening and if you catch her stirring you can usually settle her quickly - but in the night obviously it takes me a while to hear her, by which point she's wide awake. The only way to get her back to sleep is to feed her (and I'm grateful this even works really as all last week nothing did and one night she was awake from 2-5.30am!)

We kind of co-sleep (her cot is next to the bed with the side off, and she starts in that but ends up with me after the first night feed at 1ish) and from that point on once she wakes she roots for the boob and needs it to settle. If I try putting her in her cot after it though, she just wakes up and cries.

CIO/CC is not an option - should I just live with it for now and hope it gets better in the end?

 

[frouphea]

Sounds like she is Reverse Cycling. Have a read of this:
https://www.kellymom.com/bf/normal/reverse-cycling.html

Personally, I just let LO feed as often as he wants at night, even though it can be hard sometimes. I worry about premature weaning, so I don't want to discourage him feeding.

I hope you find a solution that suits you.

 

[becstar]

Thank you! How did I forget good old KellyMom?

 

[frouphea]

Thank you! How did I forget good old KellyMom?

That website is like my bible!

Hope you can find a solution, I find it hard to still feed at night. Hope you can solve it soon!

The Night Weaning page might also be helpful:
https://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning-night.html

 

[becstar]

How old is your LO?

 

[frouphea]

How old is your LO?

Ezio is 10.5 months old

 

[mommyof3co]

I also just let Hayden feed whenever during the night. He didn't stop feeding through the night until 15mo when I had to get him to stop because we both had horrible thrush and I was hurting sooo bad when he nursed I had to ahve the nighttime to heal up so I had Mark start getting up with him and rocking him and offering him a sippy of water (he wouldn't take any other milks) and it worked well for him then, but he was older and could understand a bit more.

 

[becstar]

Thanks. See, Ilana doesn't like to nurse during the day (hasn't since she was about 4.5 months, just before I went back to work) and the HVs say it is because she 'eats all night'. But even when she woke less she still didn't take much from the boob or bottle (EBM) in the day, and she will always eat solids during the day no matter how much milk she took in the night. She is too interested in the rest of the world in the day and can't be bothered with me or milk! Solids, she'll eat anytime, anywhere, but milk - no. That's a good point, therefore, what you said about not wanting her to prematurely self-wean.

I think I have kind of decided to keep at it for now and reassess closer to a year (if all continues as it is now, and she actually goes back to sleep after the feeds). I just keep wildly veering from feeling okay with it and thinking it's normal, to feeling panicked and believing what my mum, the world and his dog tell me and that she'll never sleep alone, she'll never leave our bed, yada yada yada... How do I stop myself doing this?!!

 

[mommyof3co]

I don't think you can stop lol, we always worry, it's a mom thing. I think you just have to make your decision and know in your heart you are doing what is best for your family in that moment, you can deal with things as it comes, don't worry about where she'll be sleeping in a year or 2 years or 5 years, it won't last forever. 2 of my 3 boys coslept and both moved easily to their own beds right around a year. Hayden is 2 1/2 and does come in halfway through the night to sleep with us but we love that, we could make him stop but don't want to

Hayden was the same way with nursing though except at her age he didn't eat solids, he refused until 9mo to eat anything. But he wouldn't nurse as much during the day, when he did eat it was just small amounts then he was too busy and had to do something else. But then he'd nurse more at night, I didn't mind so much since he did cosleep I didn't even have to fully wake up at that age anymore he could pretty much do it all on his own lol

 

[becstar]

Thank you! I think I am a natural worrier and I overthink HUGELY. When anyone on here who used to have the same troubles as me manages to get long stretches out of their LO I start to think ';maybe I should try that?' but deep down i think I am realising slowly that she will do things at her own pace.

 

[diz]

Hi Becs Glad to hear Ilana is doing great! Noah wakes up a lot during the night too (according to my family, the blasted books and the HV).

I usually get 3 hour stretches of sleep. He tends to wake at 10, 12.30. 2.30. 4.30........

At the 10.00 waking i have just started giving him water (as of last night), but tend to feed him the rest of the time. He is put down in his cot in our room, but i always bring him to bed with me from either the 2, or the 4 am feed, and he stays there till we get up

Like you i have periods of thinking 'oh well, its normal for him and wont last forever' to 'OMG he's not doing what he is supposed to be doing.

My mum suggested CC which i did. It was horrific. Yes, i did work for a few days and i did get some nights where i had 5 hour stretches of uninterrupted sleep, but then after a week or two he started slipping back to his habitual routine. I was not prepared to start CC again - its just so, so, so awful (not judging any one who choses to use this method )

So I've tried to do things other peoples way but like you it doesn't work for us. Noah will do things at his own pace. Its for such a short period of time too so i think i should just enjoy that he needs a quick cuddle and a boob in the night. xx

 

[becstar]

DIZ!!! I've not 'seen' you for ages! How are you? Noah looks even cuter!

We've not tired CC but tried some other 'training' methods a few times and god, she just screamed and screamed and I felt awful... One that worked for a bit was to settle her awake, then not feed her if she woke before 10. After 10, if she woke I fed her but only for 4 minutes each boob, for 2 nights, then 3 for 2 nights, etc... She then settled back to sleep the first few nights... after that she'd just scream the second I took her off the boob! No idea why it stopped working but it was not fun. And when I offered her water instead of the boob you'd have thought I'd offered her acid in a bottle!

Ilana seems to wake about the same intervals... Do we have mischievous psychic babies?!

 

[becstar]

dupe posts!

 

[diz]

hehehehehe.... i think we must have!

Must admit i've been crap at 'keeping in touch' with everyone of late. Especially as a few of us have a PM thread on FB. We'd love to have you if you want to join in? x

 

[Shifter]

No real advice to offer, but can sympathise completely (Jack wakes every 1.5-3 hours all night) and hope you figure something out that works for you all soon

 

[becstar]

Thank you! It does help. x

 

[becstar]

Diz, Pm me!

 

[TigerLady]

Hi, hon.

Otter was/is the same. He was waking every 2-3 hours all night. Working full time on that sort of sleep deprivation is murder!

I tried many many things to "gently" encourage him to sleep longer. None of them worked. And it was right about Il's age that I was really starting to get desperate. That led to renewed attempts, and renewed failures.

This last week, out of the blue, he has suddenly started sleeping longer! I have no idea why. I guess he is just ready. Out of the last 5 nights, he has had 4 where he has gone a 7 hour stretch between feeds. The only thing I did was allowed him to fuss in his co-sleeper for several minutes before brining him to me to feed. But, TBH, I was doing that before and his fuss would become crying for milk. Now, he fusses for a few and then goes back to sleep.

I wish I had the magic bullet that would get Il there, too. But I don't think it exists. I think you just have to wait for them to be ready. According to "wisdom" Otter should have been at this point MONTHS ago. But he just wasn't ready before now.

Let's just hope it sticks! And that Il gets there very soon, too.

 

[Rydia]

My son is alot older than your LO but I have recently (in the last 3 weeks) gotten him to go longer than 3 hours at night. I moved him out of my bed and into his cot in his own room. He didnt protest at all about the change and after 2 weeks of being in his own room he stopped waking so much. He still wakes about 2 times a night on average but it tends to be around 11 and 5 so I can get a long stretch of sleep. However, it is SO much harder to get up and go into the other room to feed him and i do miss being able to lie in bed and feed him so I wouldnt move your LO until they are a bit older otherwise they might not be ready to sleep longer stretches and then you have made things more difficult for yourself.

 

[becstar]

Thanks ladies. Well, last night she went from 7pm-3.30am without waking, which was amazing! She went back off quickly after a big feed and snuggled next to me til morning with another cheeky feed to keep her asleep a bit longer... Not exactly hopeful it'll happen again but it did get me some much needed solid sleeeeeeep. Thanks, La!!!

And Otter, thanks. I just keep veering wildly from 'she'll canage when she's ready to' to 'I'm making a rod for my back, she'll never sleep again without being fed' (which my mum keeps saying! If she knew we have the cot next to the bed with the side off and that she sleeps in with me after any night wakings after 1am, she'd have a fit!