T
TeddysGirl
Guest
Hi.
This is my first post here so bare with me.
A little bit of background history....
Back in 2010 - my first year of university, I decided I wanted to start TTC and my fiance (boyfriend at the time) agreed (stupid idea I know now but I think we were both just a bit shocked at being so far away from home for the first time and we were homesick) I fell pregnant after about 6 months of trying (I had just had my implant removed so my cycles were all over the place) but unfortunately I had a chemical pregnancy and a couple of months later, another one. After this we decided to wait until we were out of university. However we haven't just much/any contraception, we know roughly when I am fertile and we avoided or used condoms around that time.
When we had finished our final exams and handed in our dissertations I mentioned TTC and he said he would like to wait until we were in a rented house because at the time we were living with my parents who were putting up my uncle who was a bad alcoholic at the time and we didn't think it was the right environment. I agreed. We graduated in Sep 2013 and in Nov 2013 we moved into our first rented house. It was just a little 2 bed terraced house. I suggested TTC again, at this time my fiance had an OK paying job and I was working as-and-when at the hospital so it wasn't really stable, therefore he suggested waiting until I found a stable job which I did in Jan 2014, at a school which would be ideal with a child as I get all the holidays off. I suggested TTC again and he said ok but he wanted to do it all relaxed so no tracking, temping, ovulation tests etc. I said ok.......this was a year ago.
Since then I have noticed that every single month, he seems to know around the time I am fertile (even when I don't let him know when AF starts) and he avoids me. Common excuses - headache, tired from work, wants to fool around rather than have sex. Or he will have sex with me and then pull out. I have been open and honest with him. I said if he isn't ready let me know and it's fine, we can wait until he is ready, but he says he wants to. I don't know what to think. Especially as sometimes he says things like "I love your body, it would be a shame to ruin it by having a baby." Seriously !!!! I never know what to think. If he wants a kid what is he waiting for.
We are both 24 years old.
We both have degrees.
We both have stable, well paying jobs.
We now own a 3 bedroom house.
We have a few thousand pounds savings.
We have about £1k left over every month after paying bills, food etc.
We have been together over 7 years.
We are engaged.
My mum doesn't work and lives a few minutes away and said if we had a child (she's as desperate to be a nanny as I am to be a mum) she would look after the child when I went back to work.
If he wants a child that badly, then why is he avoiding me ?
It's not like we're 'typical' young people either, we don't go out at weekends, we're not interested in travelling etc. So it's not like by having a child we would have to give up much !
I want to be a mum so badly. I have wanted it for years and I feel like I am just waiting for him to stop avoiding me. If he was honest with me it would be better, I just feel like he's constantly deceiving me.
He is adiment that we have had sex on my fertile days in the past year so I have just sent him this text "Hi babe. I was thinking, we've been not preventing for over a year now and nothing has happened, how about I start temping. That way I will know if I'm ovulating an if nothing happens in like 3 months I can take the graphs to the doctors and see what he thinks?" He hasn't replied yet.
I just hate being in limbo.
Sorry for this long rant, I just needed to get it off my chest !
This is my first post here so bare with me.
A little bit of background history....
Back in 2010 - my first year of university, I decided I wanted to start TTC and my fiance (boyfriend at the time) agreed (stupid idea I know now but I think we were both just a bit shocked at being so far away from home for the first time and we were homesick) I fell pregnant after about 6 months of trying (I had just had my implant removed so my cycles were all over the place) but unfortunately I had a chemical pregnancy and a couple of months later, another one. After this we decided to wait until we were out of university. However we haven't just much/any contraception, we know roughly when I am fertile and we avoided or used condoms around that time.
When we had finished our final exams and handed in our dissertations I mentioned TTC and he said he would like to wait until we were in a rented house because at the time we were living with my parents who were putting up my uncle who was a bad alcoholic at the time and we didn't think it was the right environment. I agreed. We graduated in Sep 2013 and in Nov 2013 we moved into our first rented house. It was just a little 2 bed terraced house. I suggested TTC again, at this time my fiance had an OK paying job and I was working as-and-when at the hospital so it wasn't really stable, therefore he suggested waiting until I found a stable job which I did in Jan 2014, at a school which would be ideal with a child as I get all the holidays off. I suggested TTC again and he said ok but he wanted to do it all relaxed so no tracking, temping, ovulation tests etc. I said ok.......this was a year ago.
Since then I have noticed that every single month, he seems to know around the time I am fertile (even when I don't let him know when AF starts) and he avoids me. Common excuses - headache, tired from work, wants to fool around rather than have sex. Or he will have sex with me and then pull out. I have been open and honest with him. I said if he isn't ready let me know and it's fine, we can wait until he is ready, but he says he wants to. I don't know what to think. Especially as sometimes he says things like "I love your body, it would be a shame to ruin it by having a baby." Seriously !!!! I never know what to think. If he wants a kid what is he waiting for.
We are both 24 years old.
We both have degrees.
We both have stable, well paying jobs.
We now own a 3 bedroom house.
We have a few thousand pounds savings.
We have about £1k left over every month after paying bills, food etc.
We have been together over 7 years.
We are engaged.
My mum doesn't work and lives a few minutes away and said if we had a child (she's as desperate to be a nanny as I am to be a mum) she would look after the child when I went back to work.
If he wants a child that badly, then why is he avoiding me ?
It's not like we're 'typical' young people either, we don't go out at weekends, we're not interested in travelling etc. So it's not like by having a child we would have to give up much !
I want to be a mum so badly. I have wanted it for years and I feel like I am just waiting for him to stop avoiding me. If he was honest with me it would be better, I just feel like he's constantly deceiving me.
He is adiment that we have had sex on my fertile days in the past year so I have just sent him this text "Hi babe. I was thinking, we've been not preventing for over a year now and nothing has happened, how about I start temping. That way I will know if I'm ovulating an if nothing happens in like 3 months I can take the graphs to the doctors and see what he thinks?" He hasn't replied yet.
I just hate being in limbo.
Sorry for this long rant, I just needed to get it off my chest !