Gifts - Is this unusual?

[Babushka]

My bf's family who live on the other side of the world haven't asked us if we need anything for the baby. He talks to them every week so they are in regular contact.

I don't speak to my family that often (maybe every 2 weeks) but they have given us cash and bought plenty of things for the bubs.

His parents are very nice, generous people so I would be surprised if they sent nothing but I'm hoping they won't buy us a heap of things we already have or won't use either.

Is it just me or is this unusual? What happens in other people's families when it comes to preparing for a new baby?

 

[iwantabub]

Omg I havent been able to stop my mum...
Her and dad have bought our moses basket and change table to match our stuff...

Also I didnt realise but she has a massive tub of clothes and stuff for bubs aswell.. like I mean to the point that we only need to buy a few more baby grows and some towels and wraps and were done...

I have only bought like 4 outfits... the rest my mum got... crazy

Its coz its her first grand child and she loves that stuff...

Dh parents and family I got no idea... my sil will do a baby bath full of stuff as she does for every kid and I dunno about the rest.

 

[SamsMum]

How far along are you? Our parents will no doubt buy us gifts, but TBH I wouldn't expect them to ask what we wanted until, maybe 30+ weeks? xxx

 

[AllieM]

In my family we don't expect that people will buy us gifts or "help us prepare" for the baby. A gift is given as a kindness of the heart and in no way is expected. It's our baby, so I plan on being the one providing the items a new baby needs. If someone wants to give us a gift, that would be lovely of them and appreciated!

 

[felix555]

I personally think it's unusual to expect people to give things even family.

People are generous and that's really nice but to expect it is a bit strange to me, It's your baby you are the only one who should be expected to provide for it.

They might give you a small gift when the baby is born and that would be enough?

 

[Whatme]

My parents brought us cots and clothes and many other bits, they were over genourous, but my oh parents never brought a thing, and never mentioned any gift at all, I was never asked what we would like.. We ended up with an ornament and a teddy bear! Lol.. She was there first grandchild as well...

 

[cantwaitforu]

You will find that your inlaws may be generous in ways other than gifts.

You will get a ton of stuff from people that they think you need or would like you to have (this is how I ended up with over 30 recieving blankets for DS!).

I've learned to graciously accept anything given to me, donate what I don't need, and if people don't give you something, don't take it personally or compare to your family. What really matters most is that they are good grandparents and look out for the well-being of your baby and you. Trust me - whatever gift they could possibly give you doesn't top the relationship they try to build with your baby.

 

[Mum2BKW]

I agree with those saying that gifts are not expected and that you should provide for your own baby. I don't understand the mentality of "I won't buy things for baby because I can put it on my registry and get it at my baby shower", though I understand that this is largely a cultural thing and that's the norm in a lot of communities. If everyone is happy to do it then that's fine for them - I would just feel very rude expecting my friends and family to buy everything for my child.

Gifts are always lovely, of course! But there is a difference between receiving something as a generous surprise and specifying what you want and then sitting back waiting for it to arrive via someone else's pocket.

Just my POV, maybe it's my British 'stiff upper lip'

So I would say don't expect them to get you anything, don't be offended if they don't - but if they do decide to contribute something then take it as a lovely, generous gesture.

 

[CaptainMummy]

With my dd, my MIL said early on into the pregnancy that she would buy our nursery furniture. My mum also said she would buy the pram. If they hadnt offered, we would have bought them ourselves. We greatly appreciated itbut in no way were we expecting it.

Some families go all out, some dont.. No one is right so i would just be thankful for what you do get given as gifts (which im sure you already are) xx

 

[Wriggley]

i find it strange that people expect their familys to give presents why is it their job to prepare for YOUR baby?

 

[Lilli]

Maybe they are waiting until nearer the time and then will ask? Why dont you think of something that they could get (like a nice playmat) that you wont need straight away, then if they do ask, you can tell them you need ...?
Prehaps the distance has something to do with it as well? Shipping etc.

My OH's parents bought us the entire travel system (!) for Adrian and my family gave us clothes, little toys etc. Any gifts gratefully recceived and not expected but as you say, it'd be unusual for the grandparents not to want to give something

 

[2ndtimeluckyX]

We prepared for our own baby! OH's family did buy us a pram and my family bought gifts after baby was born because I was always nervous due to a previous loss.
I would never expect anyone to help us out and I was overwhelmed by all of the gifts we received. My friends threw me a great baby shower and really spoiled the baby!

 

[Smudge101]

I haven't been able to stop my family. My parents are buying the pram, in laws the cot, nan is buying the Moses basket, friend the bedding, and I still have my brother and best friend asking what they can buy.

At this rate I'm not going to have to buy anything myself!

 

[Sarahdisco]

The two "grandmas" (my mum and OHs mum) have both gone a bit mad with the present buying.

They asked if they could get the pram and nursery furniture but they've also now gone and bought loads of clothes, toiletries, blankets, a bottle set with steriliser, baby monitor and a whole heap of toys.

We've not asked them for anything but if they want to buy baby stuff then were not going to stop them! There is a list of things baby already has so they dont end up doubling up, but that was their idea.

Apart from that, we arent expecting any gifts. If family want to buy something then thats up to them but I wont be expecting anything. I know my own nan has set some money aside to buy presents but we'll probably ask her to put it in the baby's savings account rather than buying us stuff we already have.

 

[Scout]

I just think it's different for people depending on where they live and their own small community culture (friends and family). I've had no one ask me if I need/want anything, but I have had a friend and a cousin both ask me if they could give me a shower. That's what is normal, typical, for where I live and for the circle of people I have in my life. I have bought all the big stuff as a shower is more of a celebration for baby...good food, laughs, silly games...but I'd expect most of those coming will bring baby something small bc that's what usually happens. (I've already had 3 people telling me to stop buying stuff bc there will be nothing left for them to get baby LOL...it's really sweet)

So, like I said, it's all a matter of what's usual for someone. I don't believe that anyone else is 'supposed' to buy baby anything. I think it's just something that a lot of people enjoy doing. I know I love to buy baby gifts for people I know and love when they're expecting. Some people have showers, some people have family that give them lots (I've seen on here that some people have parents that give them the crib or pram...big stuff), some people buy baby everything themselves. There's nothing wrong with any of that. It's about differences. So no, I wouldn't think it weird that an inlaw hasn't asked about what baby might need...maybe that's not their usual, you know. And if they do end up getting you lots of stuff you can be pleasantly surprised at their generosity. And if it's stuff you don't want/need, it's still amazingly sweet and generous. You can always donate the things you don't need bc there is always someone out there in need.

 

[Athena]

My sister said early on what she wanted to buy for us, which is greatly appreciated. My Mum has been knitting like mad and just said last week she would like to buy us a moses basket. So far as my in-laws, mil has brought round a bag of clothes she picked up and some breast pads which I thought was really thoughtful. So far as expecting gifts and such we are grateful for whatever we get but would certainly never expect anything.

 

[kirstybumx3]

my family are crazy, we are so close it is unreal and im finding it hard to buy things of my own haha.
this will be my mothers first grandchild so she is super excited, she is buying my travel system.
my aunt has given me the brand new cot bed that she had with her little one as she never even put it up, i just have to get the matching furniture.
my grandmother is putting together a basket/hamper of baby goodies for me and buying our babies bouncer.
i feel so lucky that i have all the help, although honestly we dont need it, they would be offended if i were to say no, and i think its lovely that they WANT to spoil my baby

MIL wanted to buy our cot and think she was a bit annoyed that my aunt GAVE us one, but i mean, its brand new, so why pay for something else new when you can have one equal for nothing... surely she can buy us something we really need, if she feels its necessary, although we dont EXPECT anything.

i must add though my family have asked if it is ok first, and havent just gone and got things without consilting me, i wouldnt like that x

 

[xdxxtx]

My in-laws haven't bought my baby anything more than they buy any of their friends' babies... They sent a homemade blanket after he was born (which they give EVERYone who has a baby and usually spend their whole pregnancy working on it. Ours, they started in third tri. They're doing it the same way this time.), $20 for Christmas - which was usually my partner's Christmas gift and they just addressed it to the baby instead, and $10 for his first birthday... They haven't come to visit him at all, either. My parents helped us buy everything we needed during the pregnancy and after and spoiled him for Christmas and birthday, which I think grandparents are supposed to do. Now, we've got another one coming. My partner still has regular contact, and they still don't plan on visiting or sending anything special for my FIL's grandkid(s).

I think the way they treat baby during pregnancy shows how they'll treat baby after birth, but that might just be in my case. My in-laws show that they couldn't care less - we've invited them a hundred times to come visit, and yet they always have some excuse about why they can't. Whatever, don't need 'em.

 

[amjon]

My mom bought our crib and changing table when I was expecting our daughter. We lost her at 26 weeks, so never used it (it's still in the box). Now, she's ordered the car seats for the boys. I'm sure she'll get something else as it gets closer to their arrival. She always checks what I want/ need though. My husband's parents are in India. I have no idea if they plan on sending anything, but think they'll probably do something once the boys are here. DH said they usually buy gold for babies, so they may get that.

 

[Mjane84]

I am of the mentality that we'll buy everything we need for the baby, and if we get gifts, they will just be added bonuses. I have actually known people that expected to receive everything from their friends and family, and then got angry when they didn't get all that they asked for.

Even though I am going to have a shower, I am still almost uncomfortable about registering for anything. I did the same thing for my wedding. But at the same time, I don't think it's rude when other people register, and I've certainly bought my fair share of baby items for people.