Given up hoping...

Discussion in 'Long Term Trying To Conceive' started by ald, Apr 6, 2009.

  1. ald

    ald TTC for a very long time!

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    I'm feeling so down recently. Our FS has said even though I am on Clomid for 6 months she knows that won't work and we really need IVF. Since she has said that I just feel lost. I have the HCG injection and when it gets to the time of :sex: I just can't be bothered as I know it won't work. And feels soooo timed and therefore not the "love making" it should be.

    I'm in the 2ww now and know I'm not pregnant just have to go through the Clomid all again over the next 4 months just to tick the box to have IVF.

    My dh has really bad sperm motility and I know him seeing me so down is making him feel so bad that I have to go through all this medication every month and it won't work because of his sperm. I try to hide my feeling around him, but it is soooo hard at times.

    Sorry for the rant, I just want a baby soooo much and feel there is nothing I can do to have one until we start IVF and then even that can't be certain we will get one.
     
  2. x_Rainbow_x

    x_Rainbow_x Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: o hunni xxx im here if u need me
     
  3. HAYS

    HAYS Guest

    Hun its so frustrating babe, I really feel for you, you can and you will get through it! xxxx
     
  4. ald

    ald TTC for a very long time!

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    Thank you, you are both very great people who are always here for me when I am down. I am just sat here crying so emotional at the moment. I dont think the Prostrogen tablets are helping at the moment.
     
  5. Bexy

    Bexy Well-Known Member

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    oh no you poor thing - not really sure what to say :( is there any hope some of them :spermy: will make the journey? fingers crossed for you and hope you feel better soon

    :hugs:
     
  6. tansey

    tansey Finally a Mummy!

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    So sorry you are down and have to go through all this! :hugs:
     
  7. MommySierra

    MommySierra Guest

    Hey there,
    I am so sorry you are feeling let down...I am currently going through this my self, please know that you are not alone...I feel the same way that you do about the "love" making, I just do not feel it anymore, I want to get romantic but in the back of my mind I am wishing for a baby and thinking if this will be it...HUGGGGSSSSS
     
  8. Clueless

    Clueless Mom

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  9. CurlySue

    CurlySue P.I's Mummy

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    It's awful how the guidelines work. I understand that. When Clomid has little chance of working it feels like we are just going through the motions waiting for the inevitable. Makes us wonder why they put it off, why they bother trying something that is not going to work.

    You could look at it as if you are on the IVF waiting list. You have a few months to yourself. You can take that time to be with your OH and to take time for yourselves. If something happens, then that is great. If it doesn't? Then, you just take this time to think "I am on the IVF waiting list. I am taking Clomid to up my otherwise slim chances." You have nothing to lose. It's just a waiting game, and it's frustrating, but at least you know that once you have got past the Clomid hurdle you will be well on your way to getting what you need.

    Take this time to mentally prepare for IVF. It's more overwhelming than I ever imagined it to be. I, too, accepted defeat on clomid and it actually made me feel a whole lot freer. I BD like I would have normally, yes, but the pressure was not as bad as it had been.

    Perhaps give yourself a month off. Maybe a couple of months off. God knows the constant BD is enough to drive anyone insane.
     
  10. Brambletess

    Brambletess Well-Known Member

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    Really sorry its getting too much. A big hug from afar. What I don't understand is why you are on clomid if they know it won't work and there is a known problem with the sperm. I didn't have to go on clomid as it was pointless for me.it seems like you need to bypass the clomid. If they won't let you 4 months is not for ever although I know it feels like that right now and then after will be icsi.I don't feel like sex either at the moment. I am waiting for icsi to start and it consumes my thoughts too much. Am gunna try to get in the mood over easter as its a break from normal routine. - want to start feeling happy again. If you do have to wait 4 months see it as a preparation for ivf and get body and mind in shape. Might distract you a bit!
     
  11. Brambletess

    Brambletess Well-Known Member

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    Its tough being made to stay on Clomid when its not going to make a difference. You really need to move to ICSI straight away. THEN you and your OH will stand a real chance of getting your baby. Can't they just refer you without the clomind? I didn't have to take it before being refered but then I ovulate ok and have completely blocked tubes. How is your ovulation?

    Its horrible when you realise that its not going to happen naturally but once you are over that, it becomes better in a way as you know that the journey to parenthhod is finally beginning. Saying that in your case there is still a small chance you can concieve naturally, it only takes one sperm. I am sure the sex problem is temprorary and is a symptom of the hopelessness you feel. I am the same, and am currently trying to improve on that as its all tierd up with feeling happy and being in the right place for IVF. If they won't refer you straight to IVF, see these 4 months as a time to prepare for IVF as the healthir and stronegr you are before it starts the better.
     
  12. ald

    ald TTC for a very long time!

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    Thank you, I really wish we didnt feel like this but it is also nice to know I'm not alone. I was quite worried I may be judged that I want a baby but not sex which really isn't the case. But, I want to make love not just have sex!
    I love my dh to bits and we have always had a good time in the bedroom (sorry TMI) but now it doesnt feel spontanous anymore IYKWIM

    xxx
     
  13. ald

    ald TTC for a very long time!

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    I don't know why we are being made to do 6 months of Clomid prior to IVF, but my FS said we won't get referred for IVF until after this point (I think a part of it is because we are UK forces in Germany and therefore get put straight to the top of the IVF waiting list in London - therefore they have to show they are tried something else first, but not sure). I am suppose to have one of the best FS in Germany but I have taken to her to well, as she hasnt run any other tests on me etc (I know I have PCOS as well), just given clomid at first appt and regular scans. Plus dh Sperm results have been done which is what indicated the problem.

    My eggs were always crap (FS words - how to make you feel good) prior to Clomid, but with Clomid I produce 1 good egg and really good lining, then have the HCG injection for ovulation (but never been tested for blocked tubes).

    I think at the moment I am just realising that I wont conceive naturally and finding that very hard to come to terms with (a feeling everyone in this position goes through I'm sure), but hopefully once I have that sorted in my head I can be a bit more positive on the journey ahead.
     
  14. Brambletess

    Brambletess Well-Known Member

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    It is tough dealing with sub fertility. When i found about my tubes and the fact it was caused by Chlamydia in the past I was GUTTED. I don't remember having it and will never know which of my previuos partners i caught it off. Two months on from that I feel much better, it does take time to start feeling positive again as you need time to sort of grieve for your situation. Focusing on IVF is good, and i reckon with ICSI your chances are really good. I am having ICSI as my DH's sperm is mostly abnormal with a few ok ones.

    Just be really gentle with your self for a while and really open with DH and things will get better. 4 months is not long really to wait for your treatment to start. xxx
     
  15. aflight84

    aflight84 Mummy to a princess x

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    Hi Hun,
    I'm really sorry you're going through this. I'm surprised your dr is making you go through rounds and rounds of clomid if she/he says it's not going to work. My Dr can't wait to get me on the IVF list. I was on clomid and ended up with hyperstimulation so now there's nothing they can do if I can't ovulated without it!
    If you're not happy with the way things are going you can ask for a second opinion.
    I'm keeping everything crossed for you cos miracles do happen i'm living proof of that! x x x
     
  16. m&c77

    m&c77 Member

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    I wish I could make you feel better - i know how you feel.
    Is there anyway you could tell the dr. that you dont want to do clomid anymore or you want to do clomid with iui? I only took clomid for 4 months - and that drugs sucked more than the ivf drugs for me. I told my dr. that i was done with the 10% chance of iui w/clomid and we moved on. He was fine with that. Also, I changed FS 2 times already to find the FS that i am with now and love.
    My husband too has low motility.
    Why do you have to tick the box to get to IVF?
    and what does BFP mean? i am new to these blogs and writing on these types of things.
     
  17. Nathyrra

    Nathyrra Levi's Mammy

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    Hey chick.

    Sorry to hear you're feeling so down, I have to say it's very hard-I have problems coping too most the time, especially with absolutely nothing happening! :hugs:

    I'm in Germany too, my FS was actually the complete opposite to yours. Was reluctant to even let me do a third month on it. Saying that though, they have f**ked me around royally from the start, it's all a bit like musical chairs! 'Sorry, dunno whats wrong with you-but here's the number of a doctor who might!' and pass me onto the next! etc etc.

    If there's one thing I've learnt though is I had to put my foot down to get anything done! I really think you should demand that they try something different with you. Having problems ovulating is one thing, but Clomid isn't going to help the sperm one bit! God they're such dumbasses sometimes.. Perhaps ask them to try IUI instead? IUI is free on insurance here as the birthrate in Germany is so low. They can't just sign you up to some drug and hope you 'go away' for 6 months knowing full well it's not really going to work..

    :hugs: it's so frustrating.. I know :hugs:
     

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