Giving Birth - Nobody to be my "partner" :/

[wlovew]

I'm due September 12 and unfortunately I am not with the father of my baby. We don't even get along. I can't stand him. He's not on board with this at all and doesn't want the baby, even though he says he will do his part. F HIM. So I don't really have anybody to be my birth partner through the delivery. My mom says she will be there, but I don't even know if I want her there... Love her a lot but I'm having issues with her alcoholism lately and she said she won't stay with me the week after baby is born if I don't let her drink. Well, you're not fucking drinking so don't plan to come, mom. I have a few girlfriends who said they will be there but one of them is totally against seeing anything gross and the other is going through some mid-life crisis shit right now and kind of losing her mind so I don't feel like I will be able to even rely on her to physically be there, let alone be able to be a birth parther/coach. I emailed some local doulas and they all want their full prices of $1800-$2000 as if I'm getting the whole prenatal care package, but all I want is someone there during the birth who can keep me focused. I'm starting to think I'll be doing this alone....

 

[Kkb111211]

Are any of the baby's father's family reliable at all? Could they be any help? Or do you have a cousin or aunt you are comfortable with, or even a grandparent?
Also, maybe explain the situation to your OB. They might have other suggestions or resources for you.

 

[wlovew]

Surprisingly enough his family couldn't care less either. I've tried to be in touch with his stepmother but she doesn't give a shit. I specifically told her if she wants updates or pics of the baby as I get them to just let me know, that I can't be in touch with (we'll call him DICKMUNCH) Dickmunch anymore because he's incredibly mean and unsupportive. She tells me she can't control what he does or doesn't do and then tells me that being a single mom will be hard but worth it. Never said she wants pics or updates or anything. OK then, FUCK YOU TOO. Pardon my French. I'm very fluent in French, by the way.... I haven't had any contact with his mom, I don't have her number and since he and I have been broken up for almost 2 years I didn't feel comfortable going knocking on her door.. I did that when I was pregnant by him 7 years ago looking for her support and she was wonderful, but we've been on and off for almost 12 years and it's just crazy that I'm pregnant by him now. He said his family is excited but I sure haven't gotten that impression.... I am wondering if I will be able to file for sole custody of her once she's born if I say I don't know who the father is???? I had a free 15-minute consultation this evening but I FORGOT!!!! And my damn phone didn't give me a reminder

 

[crownest]

Could you see if any student doula are looking for experience in you area could be cheaper or free alternative ? Someone near the end of their training or meet them and see if you click with them. Otherwise I'm sure the nurses or midwives would be extra supportive but I'm sure you would like someone you meet before

 

[wlovew]

I emailed a few different doula/midwife services in my area and unfortunately nobody has suggested that. I wouldn't even know where to look for a student? But that is not a bad idea!

 

[crownest]

You could see if any courses are run in your area and contact them directly.

 

[wlovew]

Great idea, ON IT!!! Thanks!!!!

 

[spunky84]

I was going to suggest a doula!

Have you tried doulamatch.net? Also, if you go to dona.org and email/contact them explaining your needs and what you're looking for, they might be of some help. I read somewhere else that they may be able to help find a student doula or one within a better price range for you or one that would just accompany you at the birth.

 

[crownest]

Good luck and you won't be alone your baby will be on the journey with you.