iwantbebebad
DS 11 - DD 23 Months!
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- Apr 5, 2009
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Hi precious girls...
I used to read threads in here alot. Basically, December 18, 2009 will be the one year anniversary of my DH's vasectomy reversal. He had the vasectomy almost 9 years when we got it reversed and I was with him 8 of those. It was such a heart wrenching decision to make that commitment and not know the outcome... Well, he got the surgery 12/18/08 and we were told it takes an average of 24 months to conception. I had not been to the gyn in awhile because he had a vasectomy, but I missed a lot of cycles. I missed the month he was reversed and Jan/Feb 2009. I decided to swing into the doc to get checked out and chose a FS because I wanted help with sperm counts and tests for DH. I got a blood panel done later that spring which confirmed I was annovulatory. For some reason, I didn't produce enough progesterone to ovulate which made my cycles go forever. I cried and cried. We did a s/a for DH with the surgeon who did the surgery in April 2009 (4 months later). They said he had very low count and no motility. I had to drive the sample a couple hours away so we didn't know what was alive in the fresh sample. I arranged for a professional s/a with the FS. We met about the findings of the urologist (low count, no motility) and the FS told me he likely had anti-sperm antibodies since the vasectomy. That meant his body was killing the sperm and rejecting them. We had planned to simply try Clomid to help me ov, but with poor sperm, the FS wanted us to go straight to IVF. I asked for IUI, but he said the sperm more than likely were too weak to penetrate the egg and it was a waste of money. This all happened so quickly I didn't know how to handle it all... Honestly, I don't have the finances to pay for IVF and they don't cover that here in the States. It was very sad. In March, I was so convinced I was pg that I ended up on anxiety meds (not pg
) and at home resting for a week. It is very traumatic to wait 8 years hoping and praying for a chance. Anyhow, I don't have the answers to this, but come April, I had a strange early light cycle. I cried because I thought it would ruin OV for May. We bd'd every day it seemed it May except 3 on CD15, CD16 and CD17. I saw EWCM on CD14 so thought it was over. The FS said estrogen makes EWCM and I had good estrogen so I wouldn't know by that if I ov'd. I took an OPK and got a + on CD15 so got excited and called FS, but was told that didn't guarantee ov either. So we quit bd'ing for a few days so I could get it together emotionally. FF started my cycle telling me "annovulatory" and I didn't think much of the cycle. Sure enough though, CD17 I got my first red crosshairs. 
I cried. We missed bd all three days around ov or suspected ov, the first in probably a while. I cried alot. Until 9dpo. 
I understand that my physical ttc journey was December 18, 2008 to May 21, 2009. My emotional journey started when I fell in love with a man who wanted no more children and who had a vasectomy. We agreed to try "someday" but someday took years. It took me to the moment they wheeled him away with my heart and all our savings! More importantly to the moment he decided he wanted a precious baby with me and followed through with an 8 year promise. I had to stand by with faith for a long time.. And with a 30% chance of conception. His sperm count was understandably low. A near impossibility. And no bd within 48-72 hours of ov. And no ov for a probable 8 out the last 12 cycles. So impossible.
But it happened. There were no affairs (SIL implied this)... Two days after a tearful conversation with the office that does IVF I felt weird. I tested and only I could see the line... But I saw it. After several bloods betas and anxiety attacks I realized I was going to be a mom to DH's precious baby and that we beat the odds...
Now two days before the one year emotional anniversary of that surgery, I look down at my big belly and feel the little daughter moving in there and I want to fall on my knees and thank the Lord I got one more chance to do this... I guess I wanted to share this. I was in knots for 8 years and proved the whole world wrong.
I want you to know in those dark moments to see the flicker of light and follow it with all your strength. No matter how simple or complicated your procedures or medicines, have faith. I know not everyone in the world will end their journey in this way, but I believe most of us will if we believe in our hearts that our bodies can do this...I want to wish you all a happy holiday and some peace from the emotional hell that ttc is... Your stories blessed me for months and gave me hope when my heart was torn out. I want you to have hope....
I used to read threads in here alot. Basically, December 18, 2009 will be the one year anniversary of my DH's vasectomy reversal. He had the vasectomy almost 9 years when we got it reversed and I was with him 8 of those. It was such a heart wrenching decision to make that commitment and not know the outcome... Well, he got the surgery 12/18/08 and we were told it takes an average of 24 months to conception. I had not been to the gyn in awhile because he had a vasectomy, but I missed a lot of cycles. I missed the month he was reversed and Jan/Feb 2009. I decided to swing into the doc to get checked out and chose a FS because I wanted help with sperm counts and tests for DH. I got a blood panel done later that spring which confirmed I was annovulatory. For some reason, I didn't produce enough progesterone to ovulate which made my cycles go forever. I cried and cried. We did a s/a for DH with the surgeon who did the surgery in April 2009 (4 months later). They said he had very low count and no motility. I had to drive the sample a couple hours away so we didn't know what was alive in the fresh sample. I arranged for a professional s/a with the FS. We met about the findings of the urologist (low count, no motility) and the FS told me he likely had anti-sperm antibodies since the vasectomy. That meant his body was killing the sperm and rejecting them. We had planned to simply try Clomid to help me ov, but with poor sperm, the FS wanted us to go straight to IVF. I asked for IUI, but he said the sperm more than likely were too weak to penetrate the egg and it was a waste of money. This all happened so quickly I didn't know how to handle it all... Honestly, I don't have the finances to pay for IVF and they don't cover that here in the States. It was very sad. In March, I was so convinced I was pg that I ended up on anxiety meds (not pg
) and at home resting for a week. It is very traumatic to wait 8 years hoping and praying for a chance. Anyhow, I don't have the answers to this, but come April, I had a strange early light cycle. I cried because I thought it would ruin OV for May. We bd'd every day it seemed it May except 3 on CD15, CD16 and CD17. I saw EWCM on CD14 so thought it was over. The FS said estrogen makes EWCM and I had good estrogen so I wouldn't know by that if I ov'd. I took an OPK and got a + on CD15 so got excited and called FS, but was told that didn't guarantee ov either. So we quit bd'ing for a few days so I could get it together emotionally. FF started my cycle telling me "annovulatory" and I didn't think much of the cycle. Sure enough though, CD17 I got my first red crosshairs. I cried. We missed bd all three days around ov or suspected ov, the first in probably a while. I cried alot. Until 9dpo. I understand that my physical ttc journey was December 18, 2008 to May 21, 2009. My emotional journey started when I fell in love with a man who wanted no more children and who had a vasectomy. We agreed to try "someday" but someday took years. It took me to the moment they wheeled him away with my heart and all our savings! More importantly to the moment he decided he wanted a precious baby with me and followed through with an 8 year promise. I had to stand by with faith for a long time.. And with a 30% chance of conception. His sperm count was understandably low. A near impossibility. And no bd within 48-72 hours of ov. And no ov for a probable 8 out the last 12 cycles. So impossible.
But it happened. There were no affairs (SIL implied this
)... Two days after a tearful conversation with the office that does IVF I felt weird. I tested and only I could see the line... But I saw it. After several bloods betas and anxiety attacks I realized I was going to be a mom to DH's precious baby and that we beat the odds...Now two days before the one year emotional anniversary of that surgery, I look down at my big belly and feel the little daughter moving in there and I want to fall on my knees and thank the Lord I got one more chance to do this... I guess I wanted to share this. I was in knots for 8 years and proved the whole world wrong.
I want you to know in those dark moments to see the flicker of light and follow it with all your strength. No matter how simple or complicated your procedures or medicines, have faith. I know not everyone in the world will end their journey in this way, but I believe most of us will if we believe in our hearts that our bodies can do this...I want to wish you all a happy holiday and some peace from the emotional hell that ttc is... Your stories blessed me for months and gave me hope when my heart was torn out. I want you to have hope....
