Going back to work and dreading it......

[babymaker2be]

Hi everyone,

Ive been reading the posts on here for a couple of weeks now and feel Id like to share my story and have a bit of a rant, so hope its ok that I join you all.I found out two weeks ago that our baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks-it was our first pregnancy and happened soon after starting TTC. The bleeding and cramps started about 9 days ago and still ongoing. I have decided to go back to work tomorrow and try and get back into a routine etc. However I just feel so weepy all the time and low. I find that my mood changes from hour to hour and I really do keep trying to lift myself a bit and do little jobs round the house etc but all I really want to do is lie on the sofa with a blanket. Last week I felt quite positive about getting back to work but now I feel like Ive gone downhill and just have no motivation for anything. I also feel quite angry at "helpful" comments that friends and family are coming out with , although most of them have been so supportive. I feel guilty that Ive been off work and my OH has had to struggle in feeling like crap, as he is grieving too. And I feel he thinks I should be starting to improve now and when I burst into tears he asks me whats wrong when I feel it should be obvious! but know he's only trying to help. Aaaaaaaagggggghhhhh! Thanks for reading girls! Sending you all lots and lots of

 

[babybuffy84]

Hi there i wanted to reply as im going through something similar i found out i had a blighted ovum and it had stopped growing at 6 weeks,i only found out 3 weeks ago and had a d&c 2 weeks ago and i couldnt debate about when to go back to work.
In the end i have decided to take more time, i realsied that if i was questioning the decision then i wasnt ready and that work would me more annoyed at me if i were to go back then go off sick again instead of just staying off and getting myself 100% right,and you sound just like that i understand about wanting to get into a normal routine i have found it really hard to leave the house my confidence is at rock bottom so im going to wait and spend my days trying to get out and about and do things round the house.
I have also put all my energy in to trying again as soon as my bleeding stopped we started TTC i have also booked a holiday and am going away in 2 weeks time.I think that as you are still bleeding and cramping i wouldnt go back yet,i find that its also so hard for our OH's as not only are they grieving for the baby that has left us they too are also worried about you and making sure you are right.The other thing to think about regarding work is that are you ready to deal with all the questions and the people saying sorry etc.... without getting upset bacuse i know im not ready for that just yet.Only you can make the decision but do think about it wisely
Sorry for the long reply xx

 

[babymaker2be]

Thank you for your reply. I can totally relate to everything you've said. Ive been doing lots of little things round the house and painted the bathroom at the weekend! I have found that doing a couple of hours of housework and nipping out to the supermarket and things helps to give your day a bit of purpose. Although watching a bit of daytime telly and chilling out is definetely well deserved! Its good that you've booked a holiday, we're going away in may and hoping to try again around that time too.Thanks again and take care xx

 

[Rebaby]

I really sympathise, everything you said in your post was me 2-3 weeks ago I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a week off sick with my mc, but because of when the mc started i had a total of 12 days off altogether. I didn't feel ready to go back, even though i wanted to get back into a routine i was afraid, actually dreading it. Like you, i was up and down from one hour to the next and i didn't trust myself to go back. But i did, and although the 1st few shifts were hard, i am doing better now.

Good luck for tomorrow, i hope it isn't as hard as you think it will be, and i hope you get support from your colleagues (if they know about the mc, most of mine didn't, and i know it can be hard either way)

Hang on in there

 

[Las78]

Hun, so sorry - sending you hugs.

Don't hurry back to work hun, whats important now is that you look after yourself and do things as and when you feel ready to.

I was off work for over 2 weeks all in all, tried to go back in after 2 weeks but sent home as I was a mess, I just wasn't ready but taking that first step back in the office helped me when I went back in 2 days later. Luckily my company were hugely supportive and understanding and told me to take as much time as I needed however if they hadn't have been so good to me I would have still had all that time. When I went back I was ready to go back.

I would definately recommend, if you can, doing half days for the first few days back or going back on a friday so it's just one day to deal with.

 

[Chilli]

I'm going through a similar dilema as you at the mo. Ifeel that I should go back next week as I've had 3 weeks off now, but I'm petrified I have been out and about but always come home physically and emotionally exhusted just from going to the shops. I teach so I really don't feel that I would be doing the children any favours if I can't cop and right now, I really don't think I can! I'm MUCH better than I was and do wonder if the routine would help, but still can't think clearly at all!!! There is that feeling that you should be over it by now, not very helpful but I hope it helps to feel you're not the only one

 

[Peach Blossom]

Hey hon,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I mc'd 10 days ago and opted for a private erpc the day I found out. Last week I was a complete mess and struggled to make it through each day. I found that time seemed to be going so slowly though and all I want to do is recover and strat trying again. I went back to work on Friday (a week after the erpc) and it really helped. To be busy again and not have my mind overwhelmed by the thoughts of what if, what might have been etc. Everyone is different and you'll know when you're ready to go back. I arranged to meet a colleague for coffee before going in to the office so that I could feel connected again before I walked in to the office full of people. Walking in was hard and it was all I could do to hold it together, but I managed it and just sat and quietly got on with my work. Luckily I was quite busy. I took myself off a few times during the day when i felt like things were getting abit too much for me and I was exhausted by about 3pm. I'm not sure I was physically ready really.

I purposely went in on a Friday so I only had to get through one day. The thought of a whole week seemed so daunting. My DH is a freelancer, but is coincidentally working just around the corner from me at the moment. It's been really nice travelling in with him and home and meeting him for lunch. Its made it all a bit more bearable.

I am by no means over what has happened to me and I still feel devastated by what's happened, but having abit of normallity back has really helped.

I don't think men realise that you we have physical reminders every day of what has happened. I've made a point of letting my DH know how I'm feeling each day... sometimes in an email!

Do what you feel is right when you feel it is right hon. There are no rules that say you have to go back to work after any set amount of time. All I can say is that it has really helped.

 

[rainbowzebra2]

Hi there, I am going back to work tomorrow after 6 weeks off. My Dr was fab. I dont feel guilty at all. In fact I wonder if its too soon, I still feel "wobbly" every now and again and am having to make something up to be put on ajusted duties as I now have a suspected new pregnancy (although it could be the remains of my last MC) with frequent hosp visits due to mental blood levels and pain. I also wish that someone had offered me some counseling, I was afraid to seek it out myself. Its such a huge huge sadness. It takes just as long as it takes to get over - anyone with half a heart would understand.

 

[woldkelk]

I know what your going through. I took two days off work and the weekend. Returned to work on Monday. I was in and out of moods like the wind. Being I work in an off with 50 guys an 2 other women, I haven't told anyone what happened the only people that really know are my boyfriend, mom and best friend.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[esther]

Big hugs for you, I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. Take your time to heal and don't rush into going back to work before you are ready.

xx

 

[Widger]

Hi there. I can totally understand your emotions. I was the same but it is still early on so don't feel guilty if you are still crying on and off. In Jan I found out mmc on tues and had it confirmed on weds with d&C same day and then went back to work on Mon. Being at work was great as it really took my mind off things. But, I'd be lying if that meant I was 'alright' because I wasn't really. What I wasn't prepared for was the emotions running high at home and bursting into tears and not being able to explain why etc. Though I never showed this at work. To be honest with you I'd probably have felt worse brooding at home - but everyone is different. After d&C I thought I'd be ok but it took me 3 weeks to feel a bit more like myself again (nobody tells you that you still have pregnancy hormones for weeks after). It will get better. You do what you feel is right and don't let anyone pressurise you into doing something you don't want. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[chella]

Hi just read ur post,

Im going back into hospital tomorrow to have the miscarriage brought on, as went for my first internal scan last week and babys heartbeat was very weak so went back tuesday of al days my oh birthday to hear the sads news that my baby had died; But already im dreading going back to work and feeling low and then ok but its nice to know that others are feeling the same with me as i feel so alone xx

 

[Baby-Cakes]

Hi I'm so sorry for your loss, I found yesterday at my 12 wk scan that I'd miscarried at 8 wks but didn't know.

I know what you mean about people's words of sympathy, quite a few close friends and family today have told me I should be grateful that I already have my son who is 2, yes of course I am but I wouldn't of tried for another unless I really wanted one!

Thinking of you

 

[pennypoptart]

I'm planning on going back to work next Monday. May try a half day like some of you guys have suggested.

I am scared, as a few of my colleagues knew, and people's sympathy is what sets me off in tears, but I need to go back and engross myself in a job which I love.

It will be a fortnight that I've had off in total.

But, I know people who I haven't told, will ask why I have been off. What are you going to tell people/ did you tell people? What is a plausible excuse for a fortnight off?! I've never had any sick leave before, and worried that if I say something (i.e. bad stomach bug), people will ask questions... and I will come unstuck and cry!

 

[babymaker2be]

I was worried about people asking questions as I only told my boss and one other colleague before going back. People just asked me if I was better, to which I replied, "Im getting there" and they didnt ask me anything else. I think most people wouldnt be so pushy as to probe you more but just saying you've had a virus should do the trick as that can mean anything. Good luck for when you do go back. I must say the first day is exhausting and I finished a bit early so going back for a half day would definetely be a good idea. Im glad I went back as its occupied my mind and helped to get my focus back to something. Although I totally think its an individual thing as to how much time off you have. Ive tried to not take on anymore than I need to even though I am officially back and keep thinking, its only work and my health is more important. I guess what we've all been through puts work issues into perspective......thank you all for your posts, I havent been on for a few days and it was lovely to log on and see such a good response from you all.