Going it alone?

[smartiepants]

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[spencerbear]

welcome to bnb.

Sorry i dont have any experience of this but didnt want to just read and run.

 

[moomin_troll]

i no of one member whos used a sperm donor but i cant remember her name sorry i hope she sees this thread n can help u.

its a very hard chose uve made and its obvious uve thought about it alot.

good luck x

 

[booflebump]

Hey hun

No practical experience Im afraid, but friend and her wife are trying to get pregnant at the moment using a donor. The only difficulty they have faced with a previous donor ws the level of involvement he wanted with the child as he was their friend. Something to think about when approaching your gay friends about it xxx

 

[smartiepants]

Thanks booflebump, I've already had lighthearted chats about it with them and as most of them live some distance away it'd mostly be occasional visits as friends. It's also been mooted that I 'return the favour' and become a surrogate later on for them.

 

[bunnyg82]

Hiya! Just wanted to say hi and welcome I don't have any experience, but I hope that you manage to get what you want - it sounds as though you have thought it through and have the help of people around you x

 

[smartiepants]

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[LaDY]

Just wanted to say hi and welcome

 

[MissyMojo]

welcome to BnB i think your being really brave in planning to take steps on your own, i hope that when ur turn to ttc comes u have the perfect donor and have a happy healthy 9 months and beyond

 

[Mrs Poppy]

Welcome to bnb hun! It does sound like you have thought it through and you obviously have a very supportive family. Good luck x

 

[butterbaby76]

hi your thread reads wrong ! Going it alone - bcos obv your not you sound like you have great support and lets face it thats all a baby desires love and support, as for the money i think you find it no matter what your financial status is. do what is right for you and it sounds like grandad will be a good babysitter too lol good luck and hello xx

 

[elmaxie]

Hi.

Years ago...well just over 2 I was ready to have a baby and due to really bad relationsips in the past I didnt trust men and felt I would be better off going it alone.
I bought a few books on lesbians ttc etc for more info and it was quite interesting.
I found a sight online for sperm donors in the UK due to the laws changing and babies being born by spermdonors finding their "fathers"

I tracked my cycles on fertility friend and went through a process to find a donor who was right for me, this took months then right before we were going to agree terms....like what I wanted, he wanted out of this (it wasnt going to be a legal document but read people do have legal agreements written up) just more of what he expected ie visits, written updates, being some kind of role in the babies life or just giving the sperm and no more....I met my now husband and knewhe was something special so held off with the donor.

Its so good your family are so supportive and you obviously are in a great position to bring up a baby on your own.

The only advice I can really give is to read as much as you can and even join gay forums as I found sections on there about member using sperm donations.
Get to know your cycles really well as there are only about 4 fertile days every cycle and since you wont have sperm "on tap" so to speak getting it right obviously helps.
I used FF as I said but it only tells you once youve ovulated. I suggest investing in a clearblue fertility monitor (i used it to concieve no 1) as you will get to know cycles and realised when your about to ovulate as I got a peak the day before ovulation...handy when you need notice for your donor!

Good Luck!

Emma.xx

 

[smartiepants]

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[Seity]

Sounds like you've put some thought into it. I was considering going it alone if I was in a good place financially and still hadn't found someone. I got lucky and found my husband and we got married last year. I'm about to turn 36 and just got my BFP. But, I am in good health and so I wasn't worried about waiting. Good luck and welcome.

 

[Sovereign]

I don't have any advice at all hun, just wanted to say hi, and hope things go well for you x

 

[calm]

Hello and welcome. Funny because when I was your age (I have now just turned 33), I used to know I wanted kids but weren't so sure about the partner thing. I wasn't in your situation though, I was just finishing my PhD, and wasn't as level headed as you or settled in life ( I was a poor student). I met my hubby not long after, I now don't only want to get pregnant as before, I want to be pregnant because it will be mine and his baby. However beautiful this is for me as my own experience, I also admire want you want and I really hope it works out for you. Take care xxx

P.S. Not sure where you are from. I am from Spain but watch the UK soap "Corrie". There was a girl that got pregnant with the help of a gay friend. He turned into a nightmare wanting to be a 24/7 dad. Only fiction though!

 

[Hobnob]

Hi and welcome!

I can tell you've put a lot of thought into your plans, your baby will be lucky to have you as a mummy.

 

[aSh_x0x]

hey hun,
i am sperm donor conceived and only found out about this arround 10 months ago (im 20). Its a really big decision and shouldnt be taken lightly, in my personal experience, it is extremelly difficult for me to adjust since ive found out. It is somthing very hard for a person to adjust to, knowing that they have a sperm donor father somewhere out in the world aswell as possible brothers and sisters. It feels like part of you is missing, and i am alwyas going crazy thinking about this. I find myself constantly thinking about who he is and i am acutually going through the process of finding out.
In my opinion, it is so much better to have a mother and a father figure in your life and to know exactly who they are. If i were you, i would wait, you have plenty of time. Even if you dont see yourself marrying, maybe if you had a committed other who wanted to be in the babies life, that would be great. I can imagine, through my experience, that it would be terribly hard for the baby to adjust and it is much easier if they know from day one that this is mummy and this is daddy ( you may or not be together ) but two parental figures is better then one, and as the child grows up their wont be any confusion or negative feelings.

Whatever you decide we will all support you. If you do go through with the sperm donor, make sure your child is aware of it from early on, finding out later in life is much to hard. To have your life and your certanty shaken up is terrible hard to adjust too.

xx

 

[smartiepants]

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[Sarahkka]

I think your decision sounds well thought out and reasonable to me. I know lots of fabulous women who raised kids on their own and did an excellent job of it. It sounds like you have a community of support for you and a baby, so you'll find men to be a father figure.
As for your question about cycles, yes you can chart now and it would probably be a great idea, especially if you suspect that you might have problems getting pregnant. The data you collect about your cycle will save a fertility doctor and you a lot of time and will help them determine more accurately what the problem is.
Another great source that explains charting in depth is a book by Toni Weschler called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I found it very clear and informative and it explained all the many benefits of charting. She has a website as well.
Good luck with your efforts to be a mum.