Guilt over giving up BF

[BostonLover89]

My LO is one month and has had a hard time breastfeeding since birth. I have seen a lactation consultant every week to help improve the situation and by her suggestion we had baby's tongue tie fixed. This doesn't seem to have helped much at all. She still has an extremely shallow latch and is constantly pulling her self off. Feedings are extremely frustrating for both of us because she is constantly fighting to eat and falling off. We are still feeding about every two hours and the only time she sleeps for more than 2 hours is after an extreme crying fit. Her pediatrician suggested I give up dairy, which also doesn't seem to have helped. I am absolutely miserable and seem to cry more than my baby at this point.

The lactation consultant called my baby "higher needs" and her constant fussing and issues focusing while nursing is "just her personality".

The guilt is double sided: I feel guilty for even thinking of giving up and switching to formula because i want what is best for my baby; But then I think that isn't it best for my baby to have a happy mother? I have hardly had time to connect or enjoy her because we are fighting to breastfeed.

In today's world you are almost vilified if you choose not to breastfeed. Other moms I have reached out to keep telling me that it's best and putting up with all of this is "better than switching to formula". I also have family members that are breastfeeding fanatics who I know would judge and highly disapprove if I switch to formula.

I just want to enjoy being a new mom. I'm not sure what to do.

 

[Witchrose]

"I'm not sure what to do."

Actually, reading your post, it's quite clear to me that you DO know what to do. You're not thriving. Your baby is not thriving. Your bond is not thriving. Anyone who would try to coerce you to continue is lacking in any and all common sense and true compassion.

I chose to FF from birth and I loved it. No pain, no stress. My 16 month old son is healthy and thriving, incredibly sweet-natured, and we have an unbreakable bond. I love him madly.

Do what is right for you. Don't spend your life ruled by what others might think of you. If you want to switch to FF, just do it. You don't need anyone's approval or permission.

Very few people asked me then if i was breastfeeding. At the rare times I was asked, I simply answered in a calm, pleasant tone, "No. I'm formula feeding. It's working great for us." That was it. No explanations. No apologies. No getting defensive.

If you switch and anyone does say anything, just say that. Or something similar, and move on.

Really, a whole lot of this just comes down to self confidence. Practice using self-confidence like it's a muscle, and over time it will grow, and you will reach a nice, inner calm.

 

[ttc126]

I love what the previous poster said!

I'll add that I had all kinds of issues with my youngest son. He was so fussy, never slept, I was physically and emotionally exhausted from dealing with supply issues, latch issues, etc. It got mildly better when he was about 3 months old. I stuck it out until he was almost 10 months. And the third day after I quit and after he slept more than 2-4 hrs straight for the first time, and he was actually happy, I realized the stress and pressure I'd put on myself. I was depressed and stressed out constantly! My only regret was not quitting sooner when it wasn't working.

I'm sorry you've had so many issues. But I promise your health and happiness matters too!

 

[Smille24]

I also went through this with my 1st. I had a terrible time getting her to latch. I met with the lactation consultant and they had a hard time as well and told me to keep trying and do skin to skin. I was so exhausted and frustrated from the bfing battle that I too wasn't bonding with my baby. I would sit and cry with her and felt like I failed her. It was a very depressing time for me, because I wanted nothing more than to bond with and enjoy my new baby. I too was afraid of the judgement of others. We need to stop criticizing others for their decisions and start supporting one another. Every child is different, therefore we need to parent differently as well.

You have to do what is best for you and your baby. To heck with what others think. Bfing is NOT for everyone. There is no shame in formula feeding. The most important thing is that you and baby are happy and bonding. Go with what is in your heart.

 

[Fruitmash]

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/m...Breastfeeding-wars-is-breast-really-best.html I found this on this formula feeding thread, a wonderful woman posted it and it removed all my guilt from formula feeding!

 

[BostonLover89]

Thank you ladies. DH is really supportive of us trying formula... Especially after I cried myself to sleep on the bathroom floor yesterday. The hardest part is that I actually feel like I'm hurting my baby when I feed her. A lot of times she cries during feedings.

We don't have anything for FF so I suppose the first step is for me to research what bottles, formula, and other things. Unfortunately LO doesn't let me put her down long enough to google.

 

[Witchrose]

Thank you ladies. DH is really supportive of us trying formula... Especially after I cried myself to sleep on the bathroom floor yesterday. The hardest part is that I actually feel like I'm hurting my baby when I feed her. A lot of times she cries during feedings.

We don't have anything for FF so I suppose the first step is for me to research what bottles, formula, and other things. Unfortunately LO doesn't let me put her down long enough to google.

I liked the MAM bottles. Unlike others, they can be popped into the microwave for sterilization so no need for pots.

Regarding formula itself, just want to say please don't feel the need to go out and buy the most expensive kind. Honestly, we used the generic brand and my son had no problems with it. At one point, the midwife suggested we try the BIO, all natural version. So we did, and my son immediately got an upset tummy. I switched back. My son was immediately fine again. Sometime later, I decided to try the BIO again just to see if it had been a coincidence. But no, he immediately got sick again. Obviously other babies do fine on it. I just wanted to mention that to point out that's another example of how all babies are different and also so you don't think you *need* to get the fancier stuff. I think the name brand was four times more expensive!

Also, we didn't have a prep machine but lots of women here rave about them, so that's something you might want to look into.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

 

[Smille24]

I am so happy your dh is supportive. I am terrified with failing at bfing with my 2nd and disappointing everyone. My dh just tells me as long as our baby is fed and healthy, he doesn't care. Good luck hun!

 

[Witchrose]

I am so happy your dh is supportive. I am terrified with failing at bfing with my 2nd and disappointing everyone. My dh just tells me as long as our baby is fed and healthy, he doesn't care. Good luck hun!

You wouldn't be disappointing anyone. If anything, they might be disappointed for you if you are disappointed. If you don't care/bring up the subject, I doubt they will. They have their own life and concerns to worry about.

Honestly, I sincerely doubt that any of my friends or family spent any of their time discussing or giving any darn what I was not doing with my boobs.

edited to add: I just reread this and worried that it sounded dismissive. That wasn't how it was meant. I just hate seeing so many women stressing over this subject.

 

[BostonLover89]

I think we are going to try the baby brezza prep pro. The reviews seem really positive and I would love something that makes it easier to prep a bottle.

Since I'm currently experimenting with being dairy free (one week today) we might wait another week to see if she has a dairy allergy so we know what kind of formula to use. That is, if I don't have another breastfeeding meltdown; then we might just get one of each and see how she does.

 

[Fruitmash]

You could buy one or two of the pre made bottles/cartons. That way you can see what one your baby likes! That's what I did with DD and it turned out she only liked cow and gate so that's what we bought

 

[lilesMom]

Huge hugs xxx
I get the guilt.
My son had a stroke, was in neo and unable to eat for a week.
I pumped to feed him but never had enough so combo fed.
They said that was perfectly fine to do
He struggled with bf , due to my supply being lower and his dissabilities.
I pumped for two months
And eventually after 2 exhausting months and much crying I gave up
That's what it felt like, that I gave up.
Everyone else ( maybe bar mil �&#56842 was happy when I went to formula
Including baby
And me once I relaxed about it.
U know whatts right for u and bub
Happy baby , happy mom
And vice versa.
Most formulas r very similar
I gave ds a comfort one which seemed to suit him
It has less lactose in it
So easier to digest.
Also I think a lot of ds problem was silent reflux
Once he got on Zantac his feeding and mood were heaps better
Loads of times Dr told me he didn't have it
He did and still does ,
Due to his cerebral palsy.
Hope u feel better about ur decision
I was formula fed and I'm good ��