*Guilt* ttc when you already have children

[MrsLQ]

Hello Ladies

I am just wondering if anyone else feels the way I do sometimes?

I have a beautiful gorgeous healthy little boy...who I love and treasure with all my heart and soul, but I can't stop thinking about haveing another baby.....I feel so guilty

I feel like I should be happy with what I have and not be greedy, also as I am a stay at home mum, when I am on here he is with me....(right now he is happily watching In the night garden), but I think maybe I should be playing with him????

Does anyone else have this sense of guilt? Also I feel so bad that some of the woman on here are trying so hard for their first....I know it's not like I would be stealing someone else's chance to get pregnant, but I do feel bad thinking about it!!!

This guilt makes me question my ability as a Mother...and if I am maybe too selfish to have another one? I love my son more than anything....but I wonder is this enough?

Sorry for the rant.....just needed to get it out!

 

[tonyamanda]

i didn't want to read and run.. I have 2 wonderful kids.. It sometimes crosses my mind that some people may think "well she has 2 already" but i soon remember that i have always wanted more than 2 kids.. either 3 or 4.. I have heard this saying "one for mum.. one for dad.. and one for the country" don't feel guilty hun.. if its what you really want

 

[Serene123]

I feel exactly the same. Doesn't help when people say "atleast you have one" or "you're so lucky to have Caitlyn" like I don't know it already

 

[dt1234565]

I feel the same. Have been wondering if i should stop TTC as i have a perfect DD and DS, life is good and i wonder what i am doing?

 

[serendippy]

Well i have to say, im trying for my first and ill prob find it difficult cos of my age, but what matters is that any children that people have are loved and wanted, not how many they have.

xxxx

 

[Serene123]

I feel bad for getting frustrated and upset that I'm not pregnant when I already have the most perfect little person. Perhaps the world is just not ready for more perfect children yet?

 

[MiissMuffet]

no don't feel guilty!! You want to give your little one a wee brother or sister, I don't see anything wrong with that xx

 

[TrishyC]

Hunni!
I have my beautiful DD and would love another, maybe 2... and I feel sad for someone who is trying for their first, but NEVER guilty. I would feel guilty if there were only so many kids to go round and I had already got one, if you know what I mean, but there are an infinite number of little darlings waiting to be conceived, so why feel guilty?? Feel fortunate for you, feel sad for another... but please hun, don't feel guilt as it's a poisonous emotion....
There are people who have "dumped" their children (not talking about someone who cared enough to give one up for adoption etc - I mean "literally" dumped)... they have reason to feel guilty. You love your son and you know the need to look after yourself, which is oh so important for him also, and that's why you are here looking for support.
My DD is currently watching a Barbie movie, but she has Mamma within arm's reach and gets PLENTY of reassurance of my love for her.... as I'm sure your DS does too....

 

[im_mi]

i completely understand your feelings of guilt, i feel that way too. My SIL is also trying for another baby, she recently had an ectopic and people keep saying that she is lucky to have one lovely child etc but i think thats really unfair. when you want a baby, you want a baby, you know? Dont feel bad

 

[MrsLQ]

Thank you so much!!

All this support means so much!

Sometimes I feel so alone, None of my 'real' friends have started having children yet, what annoys me is when people ask what is the rush...your not even 25 yet!

My family and DH family make me feel guilty because they say we can't really afford another child, they make sly comments....it really gets to me.

When it comes to money..I think...yeah we are not well off, but money can not buy happiness....and you sacrifice things when you have a child...its called being a parent! We have a roof over our heads, food, clothing, heat and water. Anything is a luxury that we can do without.

I have saved all the stuff from my son, so we don't have to do all the big buys.....apart from a cot bed and double buggy. We are not proud, we buy nearly new stuff and accept gifts. I really feel like people doubt me...its really making me down. I don't know where this has all come from....I feel so sad and alone *cries*.

I am so sorry to burden you all!

 

[franiss]

you should not feel guilty in the slightest but i know exactly what you mean. I felt guilty when ttc and guilty being pregnant i think its a very normal emotion. You will be giving your son a brother or sister which will be the best gift in the world to him - thats how i feel now. I look at him and get so excited for him. He is the most loving and sociable 20 month old and he will make the best big brother and im sure your little boy will too
xx

 

[MiissMuffet]

:O you arnt a burden!! That's what these forums are for hun...to say anything and everything we need without feeling like we will be judged!!! x

 

[franiss]

and in reply to your post about finances etc we are pretty much in the same boat but i feel how you do. I can give my son and unborn child everything they need materialistically but more importantly all the love in the world!
xx

 

[im_mi]

you arent burdening anyone! *hugs* i worry about being able to afford another one as we can barely afford the one we have, but you always find a way. 90% of the crap that we apparently need to have a baby is completely unnecessary. You'll manage somehow, and sod everyone else! its your life!

 

[serendippy]

I think as far as finances go, unless ur super rich then noone can really afford to have children, but everyone always manages somehow. Money aint the be all and end all, its being a happy and loving parent that matters.

Sounds like ur having a down day MrsLQ, its understandable cos trying for a baby is an emotional kind of rollercoaster. Just remember that ur a wonderful mum to ur littleun and will be to ur next one and thats all that matters, not what other people think or say.

Now go get a bar of choccie or summit lol, but only if i can share

xxxxxxxxxx