Guilt...

[Drazic<3]

Sorry if something similar has been posted before, but I am struggling with this and wondered if anyone had felt similar?

Basically, as I am slowly heading to what would of been my due date with Edan, I can't help but feel pangs of guilt. I am not sure if this is because I know, if Edan still existed, Simba wouldn't - and I can't compartmentalise those feelings. I feel so happy and in love with Simba, but I haven't forgotten Edan and it makes me feel bad. Bad that I have this new connection, and bad that I miss Edan when if he still existed, she wouldn't.

I think what has kicked this off is Edan's tree in his garden has died. I feel so terrible about this, like I have let him down all over again. I couldn't keep him safe before then I couldn't do this for him.

Sorry if I am rambling.

 

[marie-louise]

I understand how you feel, I am nearly 37 weeks with this bubba and am so happy, but every so often it hits me that there was another one who should have been here now. I heard once before that it is the same spirit that returns when you get pregnant again after a loss, even if the child is a different sex. I try to take comfort in that. Please don't feel guilty about the tree, it was only a representation, Edan wouldn't judge you for that, it is very clear that you love both your babies, which is only right! hugs xx

 

[Drazic<3]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful message. I went out and brought a few new plants and planted them for him instead. I will keep trying with the tree but at least it all looks bright again now. Sending love to your sweet baby and floaty kisses for your angel

 

[Mummy2Asher]

yer i feel very happy about this baby, but part of me just thinks this baby is the baby i lost in november, becuase i didnt have a period inbetween, i lost my baby on 22nd november and got my bfp on xmas day.
i feel guilty for thinking that and guilty that im so absorbed with this baby, in a way i never really dealt with the MC becuase then i got my bfp and was constantly worrying about this baby!
its not fair we lost our babies, i have alot of anger about it

 

[Hoolie]

Yes I've had similar thoughts and feelings as well.

Alex

 

[Tulip]

I feel guilty that I need to concentrate on Munchkin now and although I love and cherish Ruby I feel bad that she can't be my priority anymore xx

 

[gumb69]

i think you all need big hugs xxx

 

[debgreasby]

 

[BeanieBaby]

I feel exactly the same hun, its such a mixture of emotions we're all feeling right now. Just remember Eden will be so proud of how far you've come.

Sending you some

xxx

 

[E&L's mummy]

Drazic hun, just wanted to send you hugs and let you know you are so totally normal. my brain found it hard being pregnant with DD2 after losing the Peas. i dont think i relaxed at all esp after doing the first 13 weeks on my own as hubby was overseas.

i wish i had some words of wisdom or a way to sort it in your head but other than time i dont really. but dont be too hard on yourself hun. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[rainbows_x]

I know how you feel, next month I would be due to have my little angel, I always thought he would be a boy, and then I would have a little girl after. It just doesn't feel right, he should be here welcoming his little sister into the world, but she ill be here first. Don't get me wrong I love her more than anything, and she will always know that she has a big brother up in heaven, I just know next month will be really hard for me..
You are doing wonderfully well, don't be so hard on yourself xxx

 

[Mommy2Kian]

 

[kermit4]

oh Drazic, it seems you have really stuck a chord with so many sad mums feeling the same.

Yesterday was the day we should have welcomed our little lost man into the world. His little brother or sister is due to arrive the day before his first birthday. Whilst this new wee soul has been a source of immense joy to me and has been my reason to get out of the downward spiral I found myself in, I feel a bit of guilt every time I feel happy about this bub. It works the other way too... every time I feel sad about losing our first wee man, I feel a bit like I am betraying this new little soul, he or she would not be here now if big brother was still with us. It feels so conflicting.

I wrote our tiny boy a letter yesterday telling him we missed him and still loved him. I realised that the joy we will feel when his brother or sister arrives will be more keenly felt because of the pain we feel for his loss. I thanked him for this legacy. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the feelings of guilt must be so normal... look at all the mums who feel the same way... we just have to remember that it all comes from the fact that we loved the ones we have lost and we love the ones we are waiting on, just as a mum will love two siblings as much as each other but seperately in their own rights... The guilt we feel comes from a positive place: love.

Lots of love to you all.
Kermit.

 

[doddy0402]

to you all.x

 

[Wants2bmummy]

I often have feelings of guilt - guilt about not thinking about my first enough, guilt towards my bump for getting upset about my first, guilt for thinking 'I would be in my third tri now, not the first'. Its a loose/loose situation and if I let myself dwell I end up very, very upset

I don't know what the answer is... hubby says that our loss will be with us forever and will always be painful, and he's right. I know I'll never forget my first, the love and felt and the pain I felt.

This pregnancy has helped me to get back on track with my life, but the guilt is eating away at me.

My first was due on our first wedding anniversary so I also feel guilty when hubby mentions 'celebrating' as our wedding day was wonderful, but now I feel unsure about how to 'celebrate' without being disrespectful to our first.

Wow... that opened up a floodgate that I suppose I didn't really know was there! The power of denial!

Big hugs to everyone in PAL

 

[Drazic<3]

Thanks to all your replies girls. Sorry if I triggered upsetting thoughts

The truth is, we have done nothing to be guilty about. We will always love our babies, and they will always be in our hearts.

 

[MadamRose]

I know exactly how you feel i often feel guity, becuase i had a missed miscarriage also think im stupid for not realising and think i am not good enough for this baby. I often think about my baby who would be 2months old now. I found out i was pregnant with this baby not long before my angel would have been due. I was exactly 7weeks in this pregnancy on the day my angel would have been due, and that baby died at 7weeks but didnt lose it until 11weeks.
One thing that makes it worse is people thinking this baby is a replacement and im like no its a brother or sister for my little angel, my little angel can never be replaced

 

[lauralora]

its normal hun, it still hits me hard sometimes that if i hadnt misscarried last year i would already have a baby now, but we just have to concentrate on feeling blessed with the babys we have inside us now.

our angels will always be with us in our hearts and minds xxx

 

[Drazic<3]

Thank you all for sharing with me. I think we just feel bad on ourselves. I am sure our angels are very proud of us all

 

[goddess25]

Its normal... I sometimes forget that I should be a mum to 3 kids really since i have been pregnant 3 times and i have 1 child. My first pregnancy had it continued i would have a 3.5 year old and my what an exciting age and I still think about it which is natural. NOw i think had my last pregnancy continued I would be in the 2nd tri and starting to get excited about it all. You love Simba of course you do but try not to feel as if you are replacing Edan or letting him down that is not the case. You still love the memory of him and that is wonderful. You are just feeling such a bunch of natural emotions and its tough. So many of us get where you are coming from.

Try not to stress about it so much, or continue to punish yourself.