Has having a m/c changed you

[Poshie]

Mrs D . I have been thinking about your question. I don't know if it's different for me because I never saw my baby-he/she didn't grow, right from the beginning. Having said that the big big trauma for me was thinking it was all fine and having symptoms. My body looked pregnant. I even grew a sac for baby to live in, but it wasn't meant to be. So 3 months spent looking forward to our scan, only to find no baby. Blighted ovum is a horrid term I think. My way of coping, like some other girls is concentrating on getting pg again. I want it sooo much. I also use the tactic of trying not to think back to that awful day and trying not to remember how many weeks I would have been etc. The other morning last week, I was out walking the dog and started crying, just like that. All because I was remembering. I have been thinking I've been doing pretty well but that was a reminder that the pain is still there. So yes, the experience has changed me, but I'm hoping it will get easier in time.

 

[Hoolie]

yes it's changed me.

I can't be bothered to do anything like the original poster. Feel sad most of the time and don't feel like there is much to laugh or smile about anymore.

I also find it exasperating how some people dismiss m/c so easily and that does hurt because it's as if my baby didn't matter.

It's hard as I do want to talk about my baby but there isn't much for me to talk about as I can't talk about what my baby did, or looked like as s/he was never born. All I have is the memory of a scan.

Alex

 

[AP]

I find also that my bad experiences have helped me to support others. Pretty much in the same way as we have here on B & B.

 

[Rallybird]

People just don't know what to say to make you feel better, and alot of the time there isn't anything that you can say, just being there and to have a helps. Have you spoken to your doctor about maybe coming off the anti -dep ??

Not that long since they upped my dose - I'm actually back taking the original level as some factors have removed themselves from my life which weren't helping - my decision to see how I cope.

Just a bit scared that if I put pressure on myself it'll all come crashing down

 

[Rainstar]

I've definatley changed as a person, I don't have the kind of happiness i had before cause there is always this sadness about with whatever is going on. I talked about mmc at first but as time went on i stopped talking about it because i felt like people didnt want to hear about it anymore but its still here, i still think about it everyday, I just plod on.

Its really made me question myself and my beliefs and sometimes it does my head in, :/

*hugs*

 

[DiddyDons]

When I lost my baby girl Sophie, part of me went with her and I will NEVER be the same again x

 

[pink380]

My mmc in April 08 actually changed me for the better.

It made me stronger, it was such a lonely time for me as my immediate family are not around me. I was a person who actually would do anything for anyone and this was the time I needed all the support I could get. I certainly found out who my friends were in the 2 weeks that followed. People who I really thought would be there, were not there, so I cleared all the so called "rubbish" from my life and I have actually become closer to the people who were actually there for me. My mother in law never even helped me with my son or daughter during this time, never offered to do anything for me. My hubby took a full week of and ran the house totally as I was in bed most of the time. I actually thought I was very close to her but I seen her true colours and hence I dont run to her needs anymore.

So I found out who my friends were and got rid of the users etc and life has been great since. I dont feel so bogged down with life anymore and I certainly dont jump to anyones needs anymore like I used to.

It was such a blow at the time but I look back now and I realise what a strong person I actually am. Everything happens for a reason as they say and this certainly happened in order for me to sort my life out friends wise.

I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and have the dreaded scan tomorrow and I am petrified, but I know what ever is thrown at me I can deal with it now and have people I totally trust alongside with me.

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Mrs D . I have been thinking about your question. I don't know if it's different for me because I never saw my baby-he/she didn't grow, right from the beginning. Having said that the big big trauma for me was thinking it was all fine and having symptoms. My body looked pregnant. I even grew a sac for baby to live in, but it wasn't meant to be. So 3 months spent looking forward to our scan, only to find no baby. Blighted ovum is a horrid term I think. My way of coping, like some other girls is concentrating on getting pg again. I want it sooo much. I also use the tactic of trying not to think back to that awful day and trying not to remember how many weeks I would have been etc. The other morning last week, I was out walking the dog and started crying, just like that. All because I was remembering. I have been thinking I've been doing pretty well but that was a reminder that the pain is still there. So yes, the experience has changed me, but I'm hoping it will get easier in time.

 

[Mrs Doddy]

yes it's changed me.

I can't be bothered to do anything like the original poster. Feel sad most of the time and don't feel like there is much to laugh or smile about anymore.

I also find it exasperating how some people dismiss m/c so easily and that does hurt because it's as if my baby didn't matter.

It's hard as I do want to talk about my baby but there isn't much for me to talk about as I can't talk about what my baby did, or looked like as s/he was never born. All I have is the memory of a scan.

Alex

I know what you mean - you want to talk but there isn't enough to say as such - I guess in a way we don't want to forget about it but no one wants to talk

 

[Poshie]

I think it's very difficult for other people to talk about to be honest. By other people I mean friends and family. How do you broach the subject? What should you say? I guess that's where counselling can help some people. Thank goodness we have this site eh girls

 

[Mrs Doddy]

I think it's very difficult for other people to talk about to be honest. By other people I mean friends and family. How do you broach the subject? What should you say? I guess that's where counselling can help some people. Thank goodness we have this site eh girls

I have had such a range of reactions. TBH most people have left me alone and don't ask how I am - I think that hurts more - that they are brushing it under the table and not talking about it. How hard can it be to say im here if you need me or I know you are not ok but am here if you want to talk. All my family have acknowledged the loss in some way even if they have called to say that they are sorry. I have an aunt and uncle that I thought I was close to and they have not called, e-mail, texted nothing. I am not sure why and I don't know if it has brought up memories of things that they may have been through that I don't know about as it is really out of character for them. We are seeing them on Sat night - I wonder if they are going to acknowledge it. The last time I saw/spoke to them I told them I was pregnant.

 

[Sparklestar]

I feel different. I don't know how or can put my finger on it but I don't feel like the same person I was before. I don't seem to have the energy to do anything to get out there and enjoy life, I just ache inside sooo much. Even when I feel like I am "ok" I just feel like there is sadness following me in the background

i am TOTALLY with you on this one Mrs Doddy, i couldn't have xplained it better myself. Hugs to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[blondee]

I remember the wife of a miscarried before i got pregnant and i remember feeling amazingly awkward as i couldn't imagine how much she was hurting and she is a very private person so i knew she would not want to open up to me and as a result i kinda clammed up. I said i was sorry for her loss when i saw her and she looked like she filled up as she nodded to acknowledge my comment and she looked away and then changed the subject. I felt terrible for bringing it up and obviously making her feel awkward.

In a round about way i am trying to say (as someone who has been on both sides of the fence) it is very hard to know what to say a lady who has miscarried when you have not been through it yourself. We all know that just an acknowledgment every now and then is enough to make us feel supported but i think people are just scared of making us cry! I talk quite openly about it now and find that you can see most people squirm if you do mention it. I won't let this stop me, i need to be open about my pain and it was a major event in my life so i will not pretend that it didn't happen to spare people a little awkwardness. I do hope that they see that it is not an issue for me to talk about it and that they open up too. Let's face it - the more people know about miscarriage the better.

Ah, i am rambling

I also wanted to say that i have def changed since my mmc. I think i am actually a bit more chilled about life in general now as i feel what will be will be. That said... i will now contradict myself and say that i too am a little hung up on ttc. My due date is nearing and i have found it frustrating not conceiving before now (my hubby has been away so it has been medically impossible most months so that has been another pain in the bum!). I do have the deluded idea that if i can just conceive then i will feel much better. Obviously i will not - i will turn in to a bag of nerves while i wait for nature to decide if the next one will make it. I just feel like i want to get on with it all and am not particularly enjoying the wait.

This site is a real comfort! It is so nice to hear the comments from ladies in the same boat. Thanks ladies

 

[buffycat]

it does change you, i don't think we would be human if it didn't....

i feel older from it all....not wiser, but, perhaps more knowledgable...sigh.....

i think in the most though, it takes away of of the niaivity, and innocence.....my paranoia is sky high all of the tme, i worry so much about what wil be in future....

hugs to everyone....

 

[cocochannel]

omg on the day i'm having i am so pleased your all out there, now i know im not going made or loosing the plot.
I have changed anxious about everything, had my 7th mc last week and today feel like i am stuggling through pea soup...even the dog cant cheer me up!
So far cried most of the day and my poor hubby who upset me by saying thats it for him he cant do it any more is in the dog house to!
not one of my friends or family have had mc and keep saying things which i know they dont mean to hurt with but some times it does hurt!
Thanks for sharing with me and listening my thoughts are with you all xxxxx

 

[Mrs Doddy]

omg on the day i'm having i am so pleased your all out there, now i know im not going made or loosing the plot.
I have changed anxious about everything, had my 7th mc last week and today feel like i am stuggling through pea soup...even the dog cant cheer me up!
So far cried most of the day and my poor hubby who upset me by saying thats it for him he cant do it any more is in the dog house to!
not one of my friends or family have had mc and keep saying things which i know they dont mean to hurt with but some times it does hurt!
Thanks for sharing with me and listening my thoughts are with you all xxxxx