Has having a m/c changed you

[Mrs Doddy]

I feel different. I don't know how or can put my finger on it but I don't feel like the same person I was before. I don't seem to have the energy to do anything to get out there and enjoy life, I just ache inside sooo much. Even when I feel like I am "ok" I just feel like there is sadness following me in the background

 

[AP]

It really changed me. To start with , I was a very bitter person. i couldn't stand to see another pregnant woman without feeling a huge pang of jealousy!

However once I dealt with that and got on with things I was more of a determined person, not just when TTC, but in general.

I always knew that somehow, I'd find myself pregnant again - it was just the 'when', which confused me and left me in a panic all the time. I learnt that pregnancy, doesn't always have the desired end result. That might sound harsh but I was cautious.

The sad thing is though, even now I have Alex, I still have that dodgy pang of jealousy. Its like I've been programmed to feel that way!

In the end, i'm certainly a stronger person now.

 

[NoSpringChick]

I think it has to change you to some degree. There was a life made that belongs to you. For me it made me more determined to keep trying, for some they can't or they need to wait a long while.
August 20th was the year anniversary for me, and here I am now with a 10 week old - so always know there is hope around the corner

 

[marie-louise]

hey pet,

of course it changes us, if you don't mind me saying it sounds as if you have a bit of depression, maybe you should talk to your doctor about it? I have struggled with post traumatic stress disorder and depression for 11 years now and I recognise those symptoms. You have been through an ordeal and it is understandable that you feel this way. if you are wtt, maybe you could ask about anti depressants, they really do help me.My thoughts are with u xxx

 

[Mrs Doddy]

hey pet,

of course it changes us, if you don't mind me saying it sounds as if you have a bit of depression, maybe you should talk to your doctor about it? I have struggled with post traumatic stress disorder and depression for 11 years now and I recognise those symptoms. You have been through an ordeal and it is understandable that you feel this way. if you are wtt, maybe you could ask about anti depressants, they really do help me.My thoughts are with u xxx

am seeing a councillor but not sure that it is helping, she nods and says everything that I am feeling is normal but doesn't seem to be coming up with pratical ways of dealing with it - though there I go again thinking that she can take all the pain away, argh. Im just struggling with my feelings at the moment and feel soo mixed up we are ttc again and I really don't want to take pills but thank you for the advise.

 

[ladypotter]

After my first loss, I was a mess...and then I kicked into high gear and became obsessed about having a baby again. I got pg again within 4 months only to loose again. I really was devastated and felt like giving up...threw out the charts, the opk sticks and just "gave up"...two months later I was pg with my daughter and had a perfect pg. I was quite surprised. After her however, I feel like I am back in the same whirlwind...mc#3 in 2006 and then just had a D&C on Friday. I talked with the DH, but I think we are done. I would like to try again, but I am not a spring chicken any more and with my already issues, am just afraid of what might happen. ugh!!!

 

[Mrs Doddy]

After my first loss, I was a mess...and then I kicked into high gear and became obsessed about having a baby again. I got pg again within 4 months only to loose again. I really was devastated and felt like giving up...threw out the charts, the opk sticks and just "gave up"...two months later I was pg with my daughter and had a perfect pg. I was quite surprised. After her however, I feel like I am back in the same whirlwind...mc#3 in 2006 and then just had a D&C on Friday. I talked with the DH, but I think we are done. I would like to try again, but I am not a spring chicken any more and with my already issues, am just afraid of what might happen. ugh!!!

 

[lauram22]

hi hun, i know exactly how you feel in a way. i feel v jealous of pregnant women, even ones i dont know!i was reading in a magazine about jenifer ellison being pg and i got jealous!i got v obsessed with getting pg again, drove a wedge between me and dh.things must get easier hun xxx

 

[littlechicken]

i know how you feel girlies. I had a m/c in july and now cant stand to see other preg ladies it just hurts to think that could have been me. I sometimes dont feel like doing anything at all and i dont feel as happy and energetic as i used to. Theres always hope! x

 

[Mrs Doddy]

we are ttc again and atm this is the only thing that is keeping me going the continiung thoughts that we WILL have a healthy baby though the thought of the tww fills me with fear !!

 

[Amos2009]

Ms Doddy- it does change you. I don't see how it couldn't. You have lost a precious part of your life- doesn't matter for how long you were pregnant- that baby was a part of you. The only way I have been able to deal with things, is that I am now obsessed with getting pregnant again. (Not sure if that's a healthy way to deal with it, but it's working for me) Sure I have my moments where I am sad and cry, but most of the time, I just don't let myself think too much. That has always been my downfall in lots of life situations! I will never forget about my baby, or how it felt to be pregnant, but to get through each day I have to put those thoughts out of my head. Little Tweety knows it's not because I love her any less, it just keeps me from jumping off a tall building somewhere Keep talking to us...that also helps

 

[lauraperrysan]

hi mrs doddy, i can relate to all you are saying. I too dont feel the same person, actually I feel emotionally crushed. After our 1st loss we were straight on to ttc, then it happended again....again straight back to ttc, we have now had 4 losses. I am desperate for another bfp to give us another chance but at the same time I am petrified. I feel alot sadder in general as I think about it and worry about whats wrong so much, it's effects everything. I hate going out socialising with OH and his friends as I know alot of his friends are married and always talking about kids like it's a simple thing....which it is kind of but you know what i mean. I cant bear to sit there listening to it knowing what should of been and what he's thinking.
Sorry to go on but i could of written exactly the same thread as you atm!
Hugs and hope you get that bf - sticky - p soon!!! xxx

 

[ladypotter]

I think what bothers me so much is that I see on these boards that there are a lot of us here in the same boat with 1 or more losses and we all understand each other...but it seems that when I bring it up on the outside world, I am like a freak of nature...no one understands why I have had so many mc's. I thought I had figured it out with testing before, only to just loose another one this time. I don't know...I am glad that I have these boards to talk about things on, but sometimes I just wish the people closest to me had an inkliing of understanding of what I am and have been going through for nearly 8 years!

 

[Amos2009]

Ladypotter- these boards really are a blessing. I would have been so lost without them over the past few months. I don't understand why miscarriage and losing a baby is such a taboo subject sometimes. I guess people who have never been through it, don't believe that it's really a DEATH. Just because our babies never got the chance to breathe, does not mean that we did not lose a child. It amazes me how many people actually believe that.

 

[2yrsandwaiting]

I know it has changed me, i never thought that i would have a MMC, after 3 years of trying and finally getting pregnant,I just assumed that everything would be perfect. But it wasn't.And i quite often feel empty inside. What would have been my due date has just recently pasted and I've just been feeling like my world is not right, like something is off or missing, just something i can't quite put my finger on it. It feels as though there is a saddness with me everyday, I miss my baby.

 

[Liz2]

Of course we are changed. There is a part of us that is missing. For the first few months after my MC I couldn't even look at another pregnant person or even a baby. I was invited to a baby shower and while I sent gifts with my SIL I just couldn't do it. I couldn't go celebrate another baby right after I lost mine. I know that to some people it might sound selfish but I just couldn't bring myself to go. Slowly things did get better. The helpless, hurt, pain in the chest feeling started to lift. I knew that it wouldn't do any of us any good if I was just in a slump for the rest of forever....even though at times I wanted to be. I have since had a LO and I will tell you this, he doesn't fill the spot of the angel baby but he has made me realize that without that loss I wouldn't have him. I couldn't imagine my life without him, so he is my silver lining. I still have days where I cry and I days where I ask why, I don't think that will ever go away but I am back to being me and that's all I can do for my family!! to you

P.s. I know what you ladies mean!! I don't get why it's such a hard topic for people to accept.

 

[Wishfull]

It does change us in so many different ways. Ways that no-one could ever believe. And it is so hard to put a finger on it eh. I mean its been nearly a year since i lost my angel at 10 weeks. And still to this day if i allow my self to think about it, i am right back there. When we find out were pregnant we plan our future in our minds. And those thoughts are so so powerful. We picture so many different things in our minds. What baby would look like, names, babys future. Also you picture how utterly happy you are going to be. How our lives will change. How our relationships will become better with loved ones. Then when we find out the terrible news that none of that is going to happen. Its not just our angels we lose, along with the saddness and a million other emotions. There isnt enough words i could put down for how we all feel. In this almost secret world of women who have gone through a m/c. And it hurts xtra more as i feel that. We are also made to feel like its a bad thing. As another lady said it doesnt help that its a taboo subject. Its a mixture of dreams being taken away, the feeling of loss and helplessness. And the feeling that it doesnt really matter. And all i can say that how could it not matter when people around us can so clearly see how it affects us. They never knew our little angel babies. And i so wish they could have met our little ones, as we did in our heart and in our dreams.

So how has it changed me? In a way only us women who have gone through this terrible heart ache will ever truly know what special gifts where taken away from all to soon.xxx

 

[Rallybird]

Has changed me - not sure how it couldn't

My life has totally turned on its' head - only thing that keeps me going is my 2 yo boy

Still taking anti-depressants and due to start counselling this month (6 months later) - am scared that I only feel any sort of OK due to the tablets. Really want to come off them as I would like to try again but don't fancy taking any chances by still taking anti-depressants in case it effects the baby.

Has changed the way I view people as well - have lost people I thought were friends as they couldn't/wouldn't talk about me losing my baby. Don't mention it anymore as people just don't want to know

 

[Mrs Doddy]

I think what bothers me so much is that I see on these boards that there are a lot of us here in the same boat with 1 or more losses and we all understand each other...but it seems that when I bring it up on the outside world, I am like a freak of nature...no one understands why I have had so many mc's. I thought I had figured it out with testing before, only to just loose another one this time. I don't know...I am glad that I have these boards to talk about things on, but sometimes I just wish the people closest to me had an inkliing of understanding of what I am and have been going through for nearly 8 years!

I know what you mean - everyone says its ok you will have a baby when the time is right and that really really upsets me. I waited 2 years for H to let us start ttc, two years of planning in my head and three months of doing things by the book, no heavy lifting, taking folic acid, looking forward to our future ..... do not tell me that the time wasn't right, it was perfect.

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Has changed me - not sure how it couldn't

My life has totally turned on its' head - only thing that keeps me going is my 2 yo boy

Still taking anti-depressants and due to start counselling this month (6 months later) - am scared that I only feel any sort of OK due to the tablets. Really want to come off them as I would like to try again but don't fancy taking any chances by still taking anti-depressants in case it effects the baby.

Has changed the way I view people as well - have lost people I thought were friends as they couldn't/wouldn't talk about me losing my baby. Don't mention it anymore as people just don't want to know

People just don't know what to say to make you feel better, and alot of the time there isn't anything that you can say, just being there and to have a helps. Have you spoken to your doctor about maybe coming off the anti -dep ??