Have a few things on my mind tonight

[dimplesmagee]

Since August 2010, I have either been pregnant, or coming "down" from hormones due to MC/D&Cs. My first D&C was at 10 weeks in October and the my 2nd MC was at the end of January. My 2nd MC was awful, as I began to loose the baby naturally. The fetus was stuck in my cervix so for 4 days I had early labor contractions. I only left my bed to pee, and have Drs. appointments. I felt immediate relief after my D&C.
Anyway, the past 7 months have been a rollercoaster ride. I am grateful that my cycles have returned to normal after each loss, and my HCG levels are FINALLY at 0 after 8 weeks...so now I am trying to figure out what I want to do from here.
Apart of me so badly wants to try again because my desire to be pregnant and to have another baby is so great, but the other part of me is scared. I feel like I will not be able to "move on" until I have a healthy pregnancy. My parents and my sister keep assuming we are going to wait awhile..."let your uterus heal and your emotions." Last time, my Dr. recommended 2 cycles, and this time I have done that. My OH wants to put no timeline on trying, but what he doesn't understand is that if we are not using protection, all I am going to think about is whether or not we are going to get pregnant and if I am ready for that again.
As you can see I am confused. I want to be pregnant and would be absolutely thrilled to see a positive test, but I feel like my parents/sister may not be so happy for us, and their concern would show more than I would like. I know our 2nd MC was a chromosome abnormality and the first probably was too...we've made one beautiful boy together, I know it is possible. It's so hard to know when the "right" time is to try again.
Anyway...just needed to vent I guess. Thanks for reading.

 

[hollyw79]

SUPER BIG HUGS! I know it's hard.. and I know I told my DH- it was like 3 months down the drain and empty handed. So ~ I know this happening twice has to be even more traumatic. It sounds like you are letting fear lead you on your decision.. not what you per se want- just your fear of going through this again maybe and not having the mental energy- which I totally understand. It sounds like you very much want to have another baby ... so I think you should go with that decision.. you don't want to NOT try when you are feeling like you want it and then look back and have regrets that you didn't take advantage of the opportunity. I will say, personally~ I think God placed the desire to be a mother in your heart again for a reason- that is how I feel for myself... and what a blessing it would be for your child (and for mine) to have a sibling~ no greater gift. I WHOLEHEARTEDLY understand feeling like you're not sure WHEN.. so I think since you're not using protection.. to just go for it! God will never give you more than you can handle and you could end up with the BIGGEST gift there is of a sweet newborn baby to hold!

 

[dimplesmagee]

[/QUOTE] I think God placed the desire to be a mother in your heart again for a reason- God will never give you more than you can handle and you could end up with the BIGGEST gift there is of a sweet newborn baby to hold! [/QUOTE]

Thank you for this...today at work we took 20 minutes to meditate on scripture. We read a chapter in Ephesians...wish I could remember the chapter. But what happens is we read/listen...pick out a word that sticks out. She reads again...this time a phrase. Reads again...this time overall thoughts. My message today, "God is in complete control." I remind myself daily. Thank you for this reminder a 2nd time today.

 

[hollyw79]

A couple of MY favorites~

But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day! (Habakkuk 2:3 TLB).

James 1:2-4

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

In my weak moments~

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today...the LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still”
(Exodus 14:13–14, NIV)

I actually posted these in my journal today~

"Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out." -- Vaclav Havel

Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.

Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

AND one more~ my all time fave~ is in the bottom of my siggy!

 

[dimplesmagee]

Holly-
After I read your posts and was reminded for the 100th time that GOD is in control, I felt a sense of peace. I have actually been getting excited about the thought of trying again. I hope my husband is ready as well! I expect to be ovulating in the next couple of days. So, thanks for the encouragement! I hope you are having a great day!

 

[hollyw79]

I'm glad! I am hoping to ovulate soon too... usually I do around cd15 or 16 so in the next few days hopefully! Keep me posted how you do!!

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hi,
I lost my baby 3 weeks ago at 18 weeks they think it was due to Trisomy 18, but the results wont be in for 2 to 3 weeks, I took notice in your post when you said you think both pregnancies ended because of a chromosomal abnormality . Did you and your husband get testing to make sure you both are ok?
I know they can do testing and I would do it just to be on the safe side.
My pregnancy was a total surprise I am 40 and I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11, so the way it ended for me was horrible and for me I just don't want to try again cause I am terrified and I also have high blood pressure and thyroid problem I take medicine for. But if both of your pregnancies was a chromosomal abnormality I would for sure get some testing before trying again, unless you already have. My desire to be pregnant again is also so strong I want to so bad and I know you do also, I think it will happen for you when it is supposed to and I pray you have a healthy beautiful baby. I think your heart knows what is best for you nobody else/ I wish you so much luck

 

[dimplesmagee]

Hey Andy-
We did chromosome testing on the 2nd fetus. We found out we lost another little boy. They said that it was Trisomy 16. We did not want to do any testing on my husband and I that would say "who's fault" it was. We did test to make sure that I did not have a blood-clot disorder, b/c that is something that is treatable. A chromosome abnormality is not treatable and we decided we did not need to know any more specifics than that. So, we hope next time things will come together as they should. I too have High blood pressure that is stable on meds, so w/ my first I spent lots of time being monitored, so that will help with future pregnancies I think.
I am sorry for your loss. I can only imagine your surprise when you found out you were expecting, and now to have it taken from you...I'm so sorry. *Hugs*

 

[ButterflyK]

I think when the time is right you will know. And if you feel your ready to try then your ready. I know when I had my miscarriage last year like I'm sure everyone else I wanted to blame myself or something I did or didn't do right or anyone for having this happen. But a few days later I remembered that God does not make mistakes and there is a plan for all of us we just might not know what it is at the moment.

 

[dimplesmagee]

I think when the time is right you will know. And if you feel your ready to try then your ready. I know when I had my miscarriage last year like I'm sure everyone else I wanted to blame myself or something I did or didn't do right or anyone for having this happen. But a few days later I remembered that God does not make mistakes and there is a plan for all of us we just might not know what it is at the moment.

Thank you. One thing that I have been reminded of day after day whether it is on this sight, through music, scripture, friends/family...GOD is in CONTROL! I think He is trying to tell me something.