Have u or do u spank your child? Non judgmental thread

[feeble]

Elucida, as your finding it hard to find my answer to your original labelling of me as uneducated, I have found it for you.

It still sums up all I have to say to you

I am amazed this thread has stayed open!

I have seen children who have misbehaved and told that if they do not stop continuing to do x y or z they will get a smack.
I have seen children who are 'gentle parented' who are CONSTANTLY made to justify themselves, are empathised with til the point of (quite literally) they are desperately trying to break out of a car or 'mothers loving grip' so they can actually get on with their day and most importantly, who are so totally unaware of their own boundaries that they simply have no idea what is truly right or wrong.

I get very pissed off, with these 'holier than thou, I'm parenting my child to a specific model some guy taught me in a book' parents.

In my opinion and experience, they are just as likely to not have a clue as anyone else


Fact is we are all on a parenting forum, we obviously all give a toss about our kids.

So how about we respect that there are different ways to parent?

From witnessing 'unconditional parenting' and 'gentle discipline' as well as more holistic parenting, I know exactly what I will be doing. And it will NOT be listening to someone who tells me all other parents are conditional/none gentle/ detached parents, so that I can sit on a pedestal on threads like this and look down on people.

I've had this debate with you already. That's an incredibly narrow view and, if you were to even call your, completely anecdotal, evidence a study, with a sample size of what? 2? 4? you'd , quite frankly, be laughed at. So, it doesn't qualify as evidence any more than "I was formula fed and so was hubby and we're healthy".

Spanking is consitently assosciated with mental health problems. I'm not sure anyone respectable recommends it anymore as a method of parenting. It's just not necessary, no matter your parenting philosophy. Though, if you can bring me peer reviewed studies on these, so called, pitfalls of UP/AP then I'm all ears.

I couldn't give a monkeys if you perceive it as a narrow view.

My child is an individual and will be raised according to who he is and what he reacts well to. He is not a case study, nor is he a social experiment and allowing a well documented QUACK who practically every child psychologist in the world thinks should be preventing from writing books (alfred kohn) or a liar who writes parenting books and says she has a doctorate in child psychology WHICH IT TURNS OUT SHE BOUGHT ON THE INTERNET (Naomi Aldort) to raise my child for me based upon their thinly disguised 'get rich quick' scheme, is NOT something I am going to put myself or my child through.

There is a massive difference between smacking a child on the bum and beating them with a caine.

Many nhs professionals believe co-sleeping should be illegal, because if done wrong it can be deadly. Exactly the same can be said for smacking.

Being so black and white is ridiculous. Your allowing your books and 'case studies' to raise your child and my kid will be raised by me. Smacking maybe once a year when he does something dangerous and stupid and needs a short sharp return to reality, and loved and respected AS A CHILD rather than forced to feel guilt and shame and hatred that is usually only experienced by adults


No parent is perfect, no child is perfect, but I will be raising my none perfect children in my own non perfect way. Which I am quite happy with

It sounds to me, like your experiences and flaws are raising your child. Sure, you're not perfect, but there's nothing to be gained from being self-righteous about it.

I was really going to reply to you, but it would be another wasted effort as all our interactions seem to somehow become reduced to you rambling on about things you seemingly know very little about and my trying to present an educated, unbiased argument. It's madness.

All I can really say to you is, good luck. The proof will most certainly be in the pudding.

oh, it already is

My son is friendly, kind and has boundaries, no he has never been smacked.

You have on this thread, used Alfred kohn as a guru, when he is despised by child psychologists. I know plenty about your parenting novels and the people who write them.

You mistake confidence, with arrogance which is maybe why your posts come across as self righteous, you find it hard to tell the difference.

I have spent years working with children and researching children's psychological needs, i feel no need, in light of that, to force my opinions down peoples throats using long winded links and off topic comments. You call that uneducated, I call it polite.

 

[lillyjw]

Your findings only show that hitting children is not the most effective way to gain desired results. Where does it say that a tap on the bottom is child abuse. I work with abused children, and they were not punished in order to be taught meaningful lessons! The ladies on here obviously love their children and are hardly child abusers just mums trying their best!!

 

[chell5544]

I just have to throw this out and I'm sorry for even relating the two...but people talk about well I was abused as a child so therefore swatting on the bottom is abuse in my eyes...ok fine that's your opinion...

I'm going to be very personal here and just go ahead and say something...I was sexually abused as a child, does that make anyone in my eyes a sexual predator for showing their children affection?..

My answer is no but I dealt with my issues in counselling long before even getting married...

That's what bothers me with some of these abuse comments being slung around carelessly..

Omg that was so uncalled for. I never said because i was abused people who swat are there for abusers that is not what i said at all!. i was very calm and explained were all good parents if you read what i said wrong thats fine. but dont get what i said wrong! i didnt sling any comments around carelessly and did not call anyone an abuser. so please do not sit there and say "well i was abused" like im just stroking a violing chord thats not my point at all and i feel like your belittling what i said? ..

I agree that this sounds like us posters who said we were abused, are being belittled, but if you had read my post, you'll see i didnt say i was against spanking and that i didnt see it as abuse, even tho i was abused myself.

I have NO problem personally with those who were abused, taking the stance that it is abuse. To me that's a perfectly valid reason for having the opinion that you do.

What DOES really get my goat more than anything is the poster in this thread who has outright accused other mothers on here of abusing their children. That's a hefty allegation to be making and quite honestly an inaccurate one without knowing "the full story" which is impossible on a forum setting anyhow.

Further to that point, "in my opinion" anyone who declares that "Anyone who spanks their kid, is a child abuser. Fact!" is not only being judgemental and demonstrating an inability to remain objective to other people's perspectives, but I think that stance SERIOUSLY undermines and detracts from the severity of actual child abuse which does take place, and that to me is far more detrimental than a "tap on the bottom" will ever be.

I'm noticing throughout this thread as well that the language that gets used seems to vary... which indicates a difference in "understanding" of what constitutes "spanking"

"tap" and "spank" and maybe "swat on the bottom" are the only words I personally would ever associate with "spanking"

I've seen people compare spanking to being "slapped" as a child and to me when you're slapped, that's very different from being spanked. Being "hit" also indicates to me, a big difference in definition. The word "Smack" is another one that bothers me (personally). Slapped, Hit, Smacked all imply that it hurts. The way I was raised, when I was spanked, it DEFINITELY did not hurt and so maybe that's what gives me my perspective that "spanking" is okay and if others were in physical pain then that's absolutely understandable that their definition and resulting perspective would be different.

i think you should also understand that we are from different parts of the world and for where i am (UK) the word smacked is used and actually a spanking sounds alot worse lol
im not saying people the spank are more agressive just that everyones language is slightly different and shouldn be taken out of context

 

[feeble]

I agree, I am from the uk and it was always a 'smack on the bottom'

 

[MegnJoe]

Going to the very first post on this..no u r not a bad mother for a swat. U would be a bad mother for allowing ur other child to essentially, poison your other child. When it comes to spanking there are rules like with anything. When u spank out of frustration, or because ur child spilt their milk..that's not spanking that's just hitting. I don't know what the deal is nowadays but trying to always be the good guy and always be a friend gets u little to nothing in the long run. If your child doesn't respect ur authority and respect you overall its going to be a long long road for the mother and child. I feel spanking is okay, as long as they know why and ur not screaming "don't hit" at the same time. Its a fine line, if ur not sure u have a grip on it, don't do it. But ur not a bad mom. Ur a bad mom if u enjoy it.

 

[xSin]

i think you should also understand that we are from different parts of the world and for where i am (UK) the word smacked is used and actually a spanking sounds alot worse lol
im not saying people the spank are more agressive just that everyones language is slightly different and shouldn be taken out of context

Ahh see that's also good to know, for all sides!

 

[feeble]

i think you should also understand that we are from different parts of the world and for where i am (UK) the word smacked is used and actually a spanking sounds alot worse lol
im not saying people the spank are more agressive just that everyones language is slightly different and shouldn be taken out of context

Ahh see that's also good to know, for all sides!

Put it this way sin...

I may smack my child

But I spank my husband

 

[xSin]

i think you should also understand that we are from different parts of the world and for where i am (UK) the word smacked is used and actually a spanking sounds alot worse lol
im not saying people the spank are more agressive just that everyones language is slightly different and shouldn be taken out of context

Ahh see that's also good to know, for all sides!

Put it this way sin...

I may smack my child

But I spank my husband

And for the latter do you use bare hands, paddles, leather straps or ...? LOL

 

[booflebump]

Before this thread descends in to complete stupidity and/or personal attacks completely unrelated to the OP, it's locked.