Have u or do u spank your child? Non judgmental thread

[overcomer79]

People here are bolding that spanking is abuse, people who spanks are bad parents, calling each other idiots.. Someone needs to say it!

I think that has been said plenty...hence why many of us are so defensive about being called bad parents...

I meant say that We do not need to share your beliefs to be good parents.
It seems many people have ignored this fact, look for if that person spanks then attacks them. I'll take up five pages to say it if need be, We don't need to share your opinions to be good parents!

I'm sure the "you" isn't directed at me ...I'm just saying I have seen the word abuse slung around in situations that are over dramatized in the eyes of the user...its true we don't have to share the same views to be good parents.

 

[tu123]

I just look at the world now days, and its only been in the last few decades that smacking and even corporal punishment has been done away with, as well as the justice systems all going the same way, and look at the world!!! Murders and rapes and pedofiles all on the up and up!.

Sorry, but actual crime statistics tend to reflect the opposite.

Back in the day if you were molested, you were told to keep your mouth shut. So yes, of course people know more about pedophiles today. The internet doesn't help either. Mass media and all.

Are the statistics really not in favor of this? I am shocked? The world seems so much worse now a days.

In the US and Canada at least, violent crime rates have been declining for many years - they only appear to be rising due to the spread of media/social media/mass media.

As for molestation, it's a hard subject because it is only the recent couple of decades that a victim has been encouraged to come forward. Our parent's generation and especially grandparent's or older, were told not to air their "dirty laundry" or ruin reputations by coming forward...

That, and one of the primary methods distributing child pornography is brand new (the internet) so it remains to be seen how this can be compared in the past.

It is the same for rape in the UK. So many women sufferred alone before the big campaign in 80s and 90s to help these women to justice and support the reporting of. Sadly, rape was just as worse 50 yrs ago as it is today-women just sufferred in silence.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Agree with mummyalexis signature completely. I don't agree with smacking as a parenting choice. But just because I choose not to do that doesn't mean someone that does choose it as part of their parenting is a bad parent x

 

[feeble]

I just look at the world now days, and its only been in the last few decades that smacking and even corporal punishment has been done away with, as well as the justice systems all going the same way, and look at the world!!! Murders and rapes and pedofiles all on the up and up!.

Sorry, but actual crime statistics tend to reflect the opposite.

Back in the day if you were molested, you were told to keep your mouth shut. So yes, of course people know more about pedophiles today. The internet doesn't help either. Mass media and all.

Are the statistics really not in favor of this? I am shocked? The world seems so much worse now a days.

In the US and Canada at least, violent crime rates have been declining for many years - they only appear to be rising due to the spread of media/social media/mass media.

As for molestation, it's a hard subject because it is only the recent couple of decades that a victim has been encouraged to come forward. Our parent's generation and especially grandparent's or older, were told not to air their "dirty laundry" or ruin reputations by coming forward...

That, and one of the primary methods distributing child pornography is brand new (the internet) so it remains to be seen how this can be compared in the past.

I think it's very much clear that sexual misconduct Is reducing, but the instances of it being reported have increased.

 

[MommaAlexis]

People here are bolding that spanking is abuse, people who spanks are bad parents, calling each other idiots.. Someone needs to say it!

I think that has been said plenty...hence why many of us are so defensive about being called bad parents...

I meant say that We do not need to share your beliefs to be good parents.
It seems many people have ignored this fact, look for if that person spanks then attacks them. I'll take up five pages to say it if need be, We don't need to share your opinions to be good parents!

I'm sure the "you" isn't directed at me ...I'm just saying I have seen the word abuse slung around in situations that are over dramatized in the eyes of the user...its true we don't have to share the same views to be good parents.

I meant the sentence. Should have put quotes around it. I never said if i was for or against spanking either. I stand behind my one and only point.. That sentence that has been repeated liked six times in these quotes haha. It goes as a general sentence, to those who spank and those who don't.

 

[overcomer79]

People here are bolding that spanking is abuse, people who spanks are bad parents, calling each other idiots.. Someone needs to say it!

I think that has been said plenty...hence why many of us are so defensive about being called bad parents...

I meant say that We do not need to share your beliefs to be good parents.
It seems many people have ignored this fact, look for if that person spanks then attacks them. I'll take up five pages to say it if need be, We don't need to share your opinions to be good parents!

I'm sure the "you" isn't directed at me ...I'm just saying I have seen the word abuse slung around in situations that are over dramatized in the eyes of the user...its true we don't have to share the same views to be good parents.

I meant the sentence. Should have put quotes around it. I never said if i was for or against spanking either. I stand behind my one and only point.. That sentence that has been repeated liked six times in these quotes haha. It goes as a general sentence, to those who spank and those who don't.

You are better than me if you can keep up with 39 pages!

 

[youngwife20]

Bye all wish you all a happy and healthy pregnancy xxxx

 

[lisab1986]

I just have to throw this out and I'm sorry for even relating the two...but people talk about well I was abused as a child so therefore swatting on the bottom is abuse in my eyes...ok fine that's your opinion...

I'm going to be very personal here and just go ahead and say something...I was sexually abused as a child, does that make anyone in my eyes a sexual predator for showing their children affection?..

My answer is no but I dealt with my issues in counselling long before even getting married...

That's what bothers me with some of these abuse comments being slung around carelessly..

I wouldnt take the comments so personally. I was one person who said that because i was abused i couldnt touch my daughter in that way. It is just my experience. Does that mean i think people who spank their kids are abusers? No.

Plenty of people who have been abused can go on to be abusers just as plenty who would never harm their child. Just as children of alcoholics will fall foul or never drink a drop due to their experiences.

None of this si about abuse though.

What the OP did was out of fright and fear-totally normal reaction.

But i will ask again (as no one answered before) aside incidences like the OP-when does a swat become an issue of the parent losing patience and control rather than discipline? I am asking because i see it as a fine line and i am sure i will be tested too!

Your right its a very fine line..and ill admit i have given my boys a wollop on the ass when they are standing infront of me literally screaming for something they want because i have told them they cant have it..i normally give them a quick smack on the ass then straight to the naughty strp till they calm down.

Dont want to really go into this but i will as the issue has arisen.
A family member was sexually abused as a child for many years, she would have never touched a child in that way and was always funny about even changing her sons nappy because she didnt want to think of touching him in the wrong way. This is something that has stayed with me since i was 6years old..the way she used to be funny about washing him and alsorts.
I despise the thought of anyone ever touching a child, makes me feel physically sick to the stomach how anyone could ever hurt a child like that When i had my first son and was bathing him etc i instantly got taken back to what i witnessed as a child. I know i wold never harm my kids in any way shape or form esp like that so i have no problems bathing them or changing nappies etc.

As for children of alcoholics..again i can relate..although i have seen the devestating affects of alcohol when im not pregnant i enjoy a glass of wine a couple of times a week, it hasnt made me to tea total or go off the rails and be an alcoholic.

There is such a world of difference between abuse and a smack on the bum for dicapline, people should not judge parents for their decisions on how to raise their children. If something works for one family it ma not work for another.
Abused children wont always go onto abuse their children either.

 

[MommaAlexis]

People here are bolding that spanking is abuse, people who spanks are bad parents, calling each other idiots.. Someone needs to say it!

I think that has been said plenty...hence why many of us are so defensive about being called bad parents...

I meant say that We do not need to share your beliefs to be good parents.
It seems many people have ignored this fact, look for if that person spanks then attacks them. I'll take up five pages to say it if need be, We don't need to share your opinions to be good parents!

I'm sure the "you" isn't directed at me ...I'm just saying I have seen the word abuse slung around in situations that are over dramatized in the eyes of the user...its true we don't have to share the same views to be good parents.

I meant the sentence. Should have put quotes around it. I never said if i was for or against spanking either. I stand behind my one and only point.. That sentence that has been repeated liked six times in these quotes haha. It goes as a general sentence, to those who spank and those who don't.

You are better than me if you can keep up with 39 pages!

I have too much time on my hands lately haha! Oh well, I won't be able to sit and read 39 pages 6 months from now.

 

[overcomer79]

People here are bolding that spanking is abuse, people who spanks are bad parents, calling each other idiots.. Someone needs to say it!

I think that has been said plenty...hence why many of us are so defensive about being called bad parents...

I meant say that We do not need to share your beliefs to be good parents.
It seems many people have ignored this fact, look for if that person spanks then attacks them. I'll take up five pages to say it if need be, We don't need to share your opinions to be good parents!

I'm sure the "you" isn't directed at me ...I'm just saying I have seen the word abuse slung around in situations that are over dramatized in the eyes of the user...its true we don't have to share the same views to be good parents.

I meant the sentence. Should have put quotes around it. I never said if i was for or against spanking either. I stand behind my one and only point.. That sentence that has been repeated liked six times in these quotes haha. It goes as a general sentence, to those who spank and those who don't.

You are better than me if you can keep up with 39 pages!

I have too much time on my hands lately haha! Oh well, I won't be able to sit and read 39 pages 6 months from now.

 

[bananaz]

I'm seriously not questioning you, I'm truly interested. Do you have the actual statistics for the US, as compared to say the 50's and maybe other decades when spankings were very common place.

This site has data from the FBI's Uniform Crime Reports: https://www.disastercenter.com/crime/uscrime.htm

You can see that the per capita murder rate peaked in 1980 and after going up and down a little has been on the decline since the early 90's. There's a pretty similar trend for all of the other violent crimes listed there too.

 

[feeble]

Unforutunateky you do get cycles of abuse... Where an abused child becomes an abusive parent, but that often occurs because in some cases, people grow up thinking abuse is love...

It's a difficult subject to think about but it is a reality for a lot of people

So sad, so sad

 

[jessicatunnel]

I think the same thing just keeps getting said over and over now. Maybe it's time for this thread to close?

 

[aliss]

I'm seriously not questioning you, I'm truly interested. Do you have the actual statistics for the US, as compared to say the 50's and maybe other decades when spankings were very common place.

This site has data from the FBI's Uniform Crime Reports: https://www.disastercenter.com/crime/uscrime.htm

You can see that the per capita murder rate peaked in 1980 and after going up and down a little has been on the decline since the early 90's. There's a pretty similar trend for all of the other violent crimes listed there too.

Hehe this thread is soooo fast to keep up with! Thanks for that ^

FBI's UCR has the details
https://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/ucr

I have no idea if it's spanking related or not...... I suspect not at all, LOL. If it was only that simple...

 

[GizmonGremlin]

To the op, I do not think you are a bad mommy for something you honestly did out of worry and love.

For myself personally, I have never had a situation warrant a spanking with my girls (8 & 9) because time out is a first resort and for them a time out in a corner, no talking and dead silence was punishment enough. However if a situation came about where I as the parent deemed it warranted, yes I would spank.

 

[raychmumtobe]

I just have to throw this out and I'm sorry for even relating the two...but people talk about well I was abused as a child so therefore swatting on the bottom is abuse in my eyes...ok fine that's your opinion...

I'm going to be very personal here and just go ahead and say something...I was sexually abused as a child, does that make anyone in my eyes a sexual predator for showing their children affection?..

My answer is no but I dealt with my issues in counselling long before even getting married...

That's what bothers me with some of these abuse comments being slung around carelessly..

Omg that was so uncalled for. I never said because i was abused people who swat are there for abusers that is not what i said at all!. i was very calm and explained were all good parents if you read what i said wrong thats fine. but dont get what i said wrong! i didnt sling any comments around carelessly and did not call anyone an abuser. so please do not sit there and say "well i was abused" like im just stroking a violing chord thats not my point at all and i feel like your belittling what i said? ..

I agree that this sounds like us posters who said we were abused, are being belittled, but if you had read my post, you'll see i didnt say i was against spanking and that i didnt see it as abuse, even tho i was abused myself.

 

[overcomer79]

I just have to throw this out and I'm sorry for even relating the two...but people talk about well I was abused as a child so therefore swatting on the bottom is abuse in my eyes...ok fine that's your opinion...

I'm going to be very personal here and just go ahead and say something...I was sexually abused as a child, does that make anyone in my eyes a sexual predator for showing their children affection?..

My answer is no but I dealt with my issues in counselling long before even getting married...

That's what bothers me with some of these abuse comments being slung around carelessly..

Omg that was so uncalled for. I never said because i was abused people who swat are there for abusers that is not what i said at all!. i was very calm and explained were all good parents if you read what i said wrong thats fine. but dont get what i said wrong! i didnt sling any comments around carelessly and did not call anyone an abuser. so please do not sit there and say "well i was abused" like im just stroking a violing chord thats not my point at all and i feel like your belittling what i said? ..

I agree that this sounds like us posters who said we were abused, are being belittled, but if you had read my post, you'll see i didnt say i was against spanking and that i didnt see it as abuse, even tho i was abused myself.

I ASSURE you this was not a belittling attempt!! I was only explaining my frustration with some poster comments on here. I feel I gave an applicable example as other people have. I'm sorry people have to try to put words in others mouths when I had no INTENTIONS of belittling anyone...wow..I can't believe people on here can state their experiences but I can't take my own experience and make it applicable without being attacked?

 

[xSin]

I just have to throw this out and I'm sorry for even relating the two...but people talk about well I was abused as a child so therefore swatting on the bottom is abuse in my eyes...ok fine that's your opinion...

I'm going to be very personal here and just go ahead and say something...I was sexually abused as a child, does that make anyone in my eyes a sexual predator for showing their children affection?..

My answer is no but I dealt with my issues in counselling long before even getting married...

That's what bothers me with some of these abuse comments being slung around carelessly..

Omg that was so uncalled for. I never said because i was abused people who swat are there for abusers that is not what i said at all!. i was very calm and explained were all good parents if you read what i said wrong thats fine. but dont get what i said wrong! i didnt sling any comments around carelessly and did not call anyone an abuser. so please do not sit there and say "well i was abused" like im just stroking a violing chord thats not my point at all and i feel like your belittling what i said? ..

I agree that this sounds like us posters who said we were abused, are being belittled, but if you had read my post, you'll see i didnt say i was against spanking and that i didnt see it as abuse, even tho i was abused myself.

I have NO problem personally with those who were abused, taking the stance that it is abuse. To me that's a perfectly valid reason for having the opinion that you do.

What DOES really get my goat more than anything is the poster in this thread who has outright accused other mothers on here of abusing their children. That's a hefty allegation to be making and quite honestly an inaccurate one without knowing "the full story" which is impossible on a forum setting anyhow.

Further to that point, "in my opinion" anyone who declares that "Anyone who spanks their kid, is a child abuser. Fact!" is not only being judgemental and demonstrating an inability to remain objective to other people's perspectives, but I think that stance SERIOUSLY undermines and detracts from the severity of actual child abuse which does take place, and that to me is far more detrimental than a "tap on the bottom" will ever be.

I'm noticing throughout this thread as well that the language that gets used seems to vary... which indicates a difference in "understanding" of what constitutes "spanking"

"tap" and "spank" and maybe "swat on the bottom" are the only words I personally would ever associate with "spanking"

I've seen people compare spanking to being "slapped" as a child and to me when you're slapped, that's very different from being spanked. Being "hit" also indicates to me, a big difference in definition. The word "Smack" is another one that bothers me (personally). Slapped, Hit, Smacked all imply that it hurts. The way I was raised, when I was spanked, it DEFINITELY did not hurt and so maybe that's what gives me my perspective that "spanking" is okay and if others were in physical pain then that's absolutely understandable that their definition and resulting perspective would be different.

 

[Elucida]

Since it's more relevant here, and only half posted on the other thread:

no matter what happened in another thread, what you ladies do is bullying!

You joined the forum to post that?

I take exception to being called a bully the same way as I would if I was called a child abuser because I choose to parent differently to someone else.

Or being called 'uneducated' for pointing out that the person cited as being the be all and end all of child discipline techniques is actually a quack

Yeah, lots of hypocrisy going on in this thread,

Personally I think that if the op didn't want to cause trouble, she wouldn't be so inflammatory.

If you're after statistics on the negative effects of spanking, you only have to ask. I don't cite Alfie Kohn as anything more than somebody whose philosophies on parenting struck a chord in me that was already there. I passed on his thoughts on time outs as he summed it up much more succinctly than I had time to. That's not the same as blindly following the views of another person, nor is it the same as declaring him an expert on everything ever. If any random human being had said the same thing, I'd agree with them too.

Whether or not you agree with the philosophy is your choice. In psychology, philosophy and science, there are many who have been called quacks by their peers and "the masses". Heck, Socrates was exiled from Athens for daring to question the politics of the time by "scholars" and his teachings are so widely identified with these days that such a thing is considered nothing short of madness and the perversion of the times. So, forgive me if I don't buy the words of the many over someone I, personally, believe has a great message. Particularly when I also believe that most people today are completely unaware of how messed up society and child raising pracitices have become and wilfully engage in it without so much as a second thought. And that's before the available, respectable, research, completely unrelated to Kohn, completely supports his beliefs.

I do think you are poorly educated, you rant on like any old person on the street - it's inconsistent, biased and based almost entirely in anecdotal experiences.

 

[Laraa]

i was hit as a child up until i was like 14 or so, i love my mum more than anything and have a fantastic relationship with her. Respect her decisions at the time and have no hard feelings towards her, to her it was the norm because she was discplined that way also.

However i personally think i can discipline my child without hitting her, i have taken the talkin approach along with the time out corner.