Have you change attitude to announcement after MC?

[mjemma]

With my 1st pregnancy we told close family straight away and then told friends after our 12 week scan and didn't mention on FB until after 20 weeks as I was very nervous.

We were following the same pattern when I miscarried but afterwards I told most of my close friends what had happened as I needed their support.

This time we have taken the opposite approach. I don't want to tell close family yet as I don't want them to get their hopes up. But, although I'm not going to broadcast it, I'm not going to hide my pregnancy if anyone asks or there is a time when I have to avoid drinking.

After my miscarriage I think my attitude has changed and I feel like anyone I would tell about my loss, I might as well tell about my pregnancy and celebrate it while I can. Plus I know telling people really helped me get through it last time.

I know some people will be more fearful of telling this time around so was just interested to know if it's changed your approach.

 

[Scout]

Yes it did. I had 3 miscarriages before my daughter, and although I understand what you're saying and completely agree, I still chose to not say anything to most bc of the way my miscarriages affected my mom. Although she was a great support for me, she was upset and really worried about me and I didn't want to put her through that again. When pregnant with my daughter, I told my sister (she knew about all my pregnancies and miscarriages). I told a couple others after my 13 week scan and genetic testing results (I had a 1:11 risk of trisomy 13, 18). The rest I said something to after 24 weeks bc I was starting to show, and I didn't announce (I don't put personal stuff on FB) I just told people as I saw them.

Congratulations by the way!!

 

[mummy2o]

I generally don't tell anyone until 12-13 weeks after the first scan when I know everything is ok. I of course tell my partner, but that's it. I'm not sure if the miscarriage between my son and daughter had any part to play on that or just what I believe in. I do tell a few people of my miscarriage and had great support. It really whatever suits you best.

 

[Shilo]

With my miscarriage, no one aside from close family knew. Eventually my extended family found out about it. This time, I told my whole family after we saw the heartbeat around 7 weeks. I announced on FB after a second good scan at 8+2.

Last time felt so lonely knowing that no one would ever know my baby existed. This time I chose to stay positive and in the event it did end badly, atleast people would know about my baby.

 

[BunnyN]

Last time felt so lonely knowing that no one would ever know my baby existed. This time I chose to stay positive and in the event it did end badly, atleast people would know about my baby.

These are exactly the words I was looking for.

 

[SCgirl]

I had 3 chemical pregnancies before 6 weeks, after a year of TTC. The first one was the hardest- I was distraught and had to talk to my parents, but because they hadn't known, it was so hard to start the conversation "I was pregnant...".

Because we had been open with TTC, and the miscarriages were taking such a toll on me, we didn't keep the losses a secret. The number of people that came through and said they had experienced the same thing surprised me, and was a huge help.

This time, after seeing a heartbeat twice, we announced at 8 weeks. We realized it was early, but were so tired of only sharing the bad news. We wanted to celebrate this baby while we had him... I knew that if something happened, I would need the support!

 

[Gwen77]

When I was pregnant in February this year, we had planned on telling everyone around 10 weeks (at my sons 1st birthday party). But unfortunately I lost the baby at 7 weeks due to ectopic and had my left tube removed. My family and friends didn't know about the pregnancy until my husband had to call them and tell them to come to the hospital because I might not make it (I had severe internal bleeding). A part of me wishes I had told them sooner, but from day one I had a feeling something was wrong with the pregnancy. They were all a great support system afterwards though.

With my current pregnancy we are not telling anyone until Christmas (I'll be 12weeks by then). I don't want to say anything until all of my ultrasounds and blood work come back well.

 

[mjemma]

Last time felt so lonely knowing that no one would ever know my baby existed. This time I chose to stay positive and in the event it did end badly, atleast people would know about my baby.

These are exactly the words I was looking for.

Yes, I think that's part of my thinking too. I never got to share the good news with everyone last time, only the bad.

But then at the time I didn't know whether I would want people to know if I had a miscarriage. But having been through it I know, for me, I would.

 

[NatalieGrace]

I'm not sure why, but I hate sharing personal things with anyone (other than my husband). Therefore it would be very difficult for me to share my miscarriage with anyone. My first pregnancy the thought of miscarriage didn't even occur to me. We told everyone the day we found out. Family, friends, etc (luckily this was before Facebook, so I couldn't make that huge announcement otherwise I would have). When I did end up having a miscarriage, it almost killed me to have to share that with everyone. I hated the sympathy, the sad looks, the feeling that people didn't know what to say to me. It made me so uncomfortable and made the whole process so much harder for me. The 2nd time I got pregnant, we didn't tell a soul. I ended up having a 2nd miscarriage, and it felt so much better that my husband I and could grieve it privately. The third time I was pregnant we didn't tell anyone until after my 20 week scan. My husband pretty much forced me to announce, otherwise I'm not sure when I would have let the cat out of the bag! We ended up having our beautiful daughter. Now I am pregnant again and feeling in the same boat. I don't want to tell for a good long while.
I think your attitude is healthy though. Anyone you would tell about a miscarriage you might as well tell about the pregnancy. You can share both good times and bad. I wish I had a more healthy outlook, because it breaks my heart to think that no one knew about my baby but me. My baby deserves more, I just can't handle the attention.

 

[mjemma]

I wish I had a more healthy outlook, because it breaks my heart to think that no one knew about my baby but me. My baby deserves more, I just can't handle the attention.

I think your outlook is healthy for you. We all do what we need to protect ourselves. The most important thing is that you and your husband knew about and loved your babies x

 

[dan-o]

Yeah now if I tell people I'm pregnant no one knows what to say to me!
Congratulations are long gone lol.

Each pregnancy has become a maybe with a much greater chance of loss than sucess, but still a chance of working out, so it's worth it to me. Novelty seriously worn off with my family tho lol. They may get a little more excited once I'm past 24-26w. I won't relax until baby's born and gaining weight. In fact even then I won't relax

As for actual announcements it's more a case of 'oh by the way we are pregnant again' mentioned in conversation now lol!!! (Pregnancy number 12!)