Having a bad day :( (a man rant!)

[randomrach]

I have posted before about thinking my OH was cheating. So today this happens....

Yesterday I was eying up his Facebook, not because I was suspicious but just being nosey as it was already logged in when I opened up Facebook on my mobile internet (I usually use app but thought there was something I could do on desktop version that I couldn't on the app) and a woman he works with or used to work with sent him a message saying she's not receiving messages on her phone so she'd inbox him instead. His Facebook was still left open on my phone when she sent him a message to say good morning today, shortly after sent another asking him to call her. Immediately he made an excuse to go to the shop and when he came back he said his 'friend wants him to meet him a bit earlier today' (insinuating he would be seeing a male) but it's pretty obvious IMO what happened and that he has gone to meet this woman. I have since sent him a message telling him I know he's lying, I've checked his inbox and his phonecalls online and he better explain himself when he comes home or not bother coming. I actually can't see who he called yet as it won't say until the end of today but I'm pretty darn certain. He hasn't replied yet but getting ready to pack his bag and send him packing feeling pretty crap and resisting a good cry until I'm alone later.

 

[Twag]

I didn't want to R&R

Massive I hope it is all innocent for your sake

 

[randomrach]

I hope so too but it seems pretty dodgy, unless I'm being one of those 'crazy ladies' lol thank you

 

[AF_Momma]

Maybe it's not cheating but regardless it certainly is not appropriate and it's dishonest. Sorry you have to go through that. Hopefully you're able to get it all cleared up.

 

[Twag]

I agree it does sound dodgy and the lying is not on but I hope it is something innocent as it would just be horrible for you I couldn't imagine going through that

 

[randomrach]

I have avoided assuming that he's cheating for now as he's been gone the last 6 hours and I don't want to get myself too stressed or worked up, it's bad enough knowing for certain he's lying for now.

 

[AP]

Is this the same woman he calls when he leaves the house like you said before? If so hun, I think you have enough to say something is absolutley going on and theres no hiding your head in the sand about this now.

Sending you huge hugs. i only remember your post because i have been there and bought the shitty t-shirt

 

[SophieBey]

If it was innocent, he wouldnt be lying about meeting a male instead of a female. If he is cheating, what an asshole and u deserve way better thn that! Keep ur head high x

 

[randomrach]

Thank you for the support ladies and yes, atomic the same woman he has lied about contacting before. I feel crap and unless he has an extremely good explanation that makes sense to me he will be leaving. Unfortunately I have a toddler to look after so I have to resist the urge to face reality (whatever it may be) until she goes to bed tonight and then I can let it all out

Thing is he is a very jealous person and I don't have any male friends, we've argues over me looking at other men before and I felt I had to explain myself to him when I bumped into an ex and spoke to him out shopping before but I would understand if he had female friends. Feeling pretty let down to say the least.

 

[Enduringplum]

I hope so too but it seems pretty dodgy, unless I'm being one of those 'crazy ladies' lol thank you

No, unfortunately you're probably not one of those crazy ladies. If he's not being honest with you about who he's seeing, then he's doing something he knows is wrong!

After two years of ineffectual marriage counseling, I finally demanded a divorce from a man who just couldn't seem to stop lying, cheating, and sneaking around. Not all men are like my ex-husband; some men just cheat once and never again, which is hopefully the case in your situation. Making the decision to leave my husband forever was one of the happiest moments of my life and I have not once regretted it, but that's not the right choice for everyone and it's a messy, emotional process that everyone needs to go through in their own time.

Do what is right for you to do and know that you have the full support of me and a lot of other women like me, because we've been through it; it may not mean as much to have the support of strangers on the internet, but I hope it gives you at least a little comfort. Good luck getting through this!

 

[nolansmom]

That reallllyyyyyy sucks A$$.. O.K. here is my take but keep in mind I am super duper "not nice" about that sort of thing and my OH does NOT have female friends mainly because of his line of work.. But admittedly I am jealous and see NO reason for him to have female friends.. Meh, I have a couple of long time male friends that I'll randomly talk to but it's usually "hows everything with OH, how's pregnancy going" just a catch up and one lives overseas the other I haven't seen in a year and before that 5 years..

I would send her a message and say "you being friends with Oh is causing issues in our relationship and I would hope you can respect that I am expecting and refrain from contacting him"...

Crazy lady? You ain't seen nothin' yet..

 

[randomrach]

nolansmom, got to admit you're the kind of woman I dread I've been on the receiving end of the jealous partner before, it's not much fun. I honestly wouldn't put her in that situation as I feel it is absolutely HIS responsibility to be truthful in his relationship and either way he'll get caught out.

Sorry if I offend you, I really don't mean to

 

[nolansmom]

Not at all.. That's why everyone has an opinion.. I don't think there is need for opposite sex friends and OH has told me VERY clearly (as have plenty of other men) that men only have female friends they want to sleep with - I have female friends who have been caught (as have I) by that same theory.. They stupidly thought the guy was being a friend and then WHAM!! He pulls a move of some kind..

OH made clear to me that men only keep the women around that they want something with/from.. So by that same thought I've told him - no need to have female friends.. Initially I resented that concept thinking "hey guys can want to be my friend without wanting more".. Yeah,, not really..

The reason for the message to her was not to "put her on the spot".. It was to feel out the situation and see what kind of response you get. A mature, decent woman would respond with "I had no idea and I'm terribly sorry" whereas a B**** would respond differently.. That would give you your answer to the cheating Q..

 

[AP]

Thank you for the support ladies and yes, atomic the same woman he has lied about contacting before. I feel crap and unless he has an extremely good explanation that makes sense to me he will be leaving. Unfortunately I have a toddler to look after so I have to resist the urge to face reality (whatever it may be) until she goes to bed tonight and then I can let it all out

Thing is he is a very jealous person and I don't have any male friends, we've argues over me looking at other men before and I felt I had to explain myself to him when I bumped into an ex and spoke to him out shopping before but I would understand if he had female friends. Feeling pretty let down to say the least.

Stay tough hun. Dont let him spoil everything. Don't let him think he can pull the wool over your eyes. A life of distrust is just too much. That I can tell you.

Or a message saying "look you bint, can't you find a man of your own?"

I despair at some females, we should really be looking out for each other

 

[moltal213]

I really truely dont get why ppl cheat i mean why cant they grow some balls and rather tell you they have found someone else rather than cheating on you and giving you a mayb std or even worse.. he's been gone 6 hours with this lady friend?? uh .. theres definitely somethin happening have you tried phoning your oh?? i would fone him and be like hey come home or im packing ur things ...did he reply to your msg yet?

 

[Katt36]

Oh honey big hugs!! Don't let him rationalize his bullshit! There is no excuse either way you slice it! Stay strong! Never be held hostage to a mans indecision!! You are far kinder than I! He wouldn't have even gotten out of the house to meet her had I seen those messages. He would have had to call her and tell her he will see her later with his bags in toe from my house. What a scumbag!!! I agree with the poster who said don't bury your head in the sand! Confront him, confront her. So what you need to do for yourself and your children.

 

[Katt36]

I think nolansmom is correct in her line of thinking. No we shouldn't control others in telationships. Yes it's your OH responsibility to be honest. But you better believe that woman knows about you and should have some God damn decency and class not to screw around with someone who is involved. I don't care what story he feeds her! She should use her common sense and figure out he's a liar and a cheat! I have no respect for woman like that and she would have to see me and explain. To each there own! We all have our way of handling things maybe no more right than the other. I happen to dread niev women who don't confront the situation and take a mans shit.

 

[CT125]

big hugs. Men suck huge amounts of ass at times. Nothing worse than having a really stressful time, having a toddler and being pregnant. Mine's not up to no good but he's putting me through the mill in another way at the minute so I know how you feel and how overwhelming it is xx

 

[nolansmom]

I think nolansmom is correct in her line of thinking. No we shouldn't control others in telationships. Yes it's your OH responsibility to be honest. But you better believe that woman knows about you and should have some God damn decency and class not to screw around with someone who is involved. I don't care what story he feeds her! She should use her common sense and figure out he's a liar and a cheat! I have no respect for woman like that and she would have to see me and explain. To each there own! We all have our way of handling things maybe no more right than the other. I happen to dread niev women who don't confront the situation and take a mans shit.

VERY TRUE!! When I first me OH he used to "chat" with his ex in the morning at like 7 am for an hour.. He said she would rant about family issues and he would just listen.. AHAHAHA.. IN the words of Sweet Brown: Ain't nobody got time for that.. HAHAHA..

Next time she called I answered and kindly explained that he isn't available for their usual therapy sessions nor will he be while he is dating me but that I hear the yellow pages has very good therapist available Ain't nobody got time for that!!!!

Sorry Op, had to tell my "related" story..

I love sweet brown..

Edited to add: The moral of my little story is that we are all women and should have respect for the relationships of other women.. The time and effort and enegry and INVESTMENT that they have in their relationships.. We should NOt try to interfere by chatting up their men and causing possible grief.. Just my thought OP and I certainly hope this gets resolved for you in a manageable way as this is NO WAy for you to feel while expecting..

 

[Paperhearts]

I agree with others. It is NOT all on your DH. She knows what she's doing is wrong and you are within reason to ask her tactfully to move on and out of the picture. I'm so sorry