he wants what i dont... help!

[Catiren]

the father of the baby is getting overwhelmed with his sexual desires but i dont want to make love because if or whenever spotting does occur from it, although its normal, i get completely freaked out by it. ive only spotted tan whenever it happened but oh my gosh its horrible for me even if they're tiny spots. he understands this and agrees with me but he doesn't support masturbation for himself to help cope on his own. it's like a inner spiritual level thing for him not to masturbate/use pornography, i think is what he explained to me a long time ago. i have always supported his feelings on this completely.

if anyone else is having similar problems like this, can you tell me how you helped your man cope with his sexual desires? i don't want to do anything sexual at all. i have had little-to-no libido for the last three weeks. i feel bad about this sometimes because it's like i have the power to control how he feels as in i could easily let this happen but i wont even though doctor said what we used to do was safe.

 

[sally88]

Hey hun, my husband won't have sex with me since I got my bfp, he says he doesn't want anything to go wrong...
To be honest my libido has got up and gone but I have been making the effort to do other things for him using the good old hand or mouth if u get me!! Sorry if tmi lol!
Its not as fun for me as it usually is but if he is happy I am happy xxx

 

[nflores77]

My hubby doesn't want to hurt anything either but we have made love. But if we can't for whatever reason I do as he poster above mentioned... Use the hand or the good ol' mouth lol

 

[mod19]

Dh goes to all my appointments with me and my Dr herself told him sex is perfectly fine. Relationships are all about compromise, and although my libido went out the window about 6 weeks ago, I will still make the effort if he is in the mood. Now sometimes I'm REALLY not in the mood and use those go to tongue tricks that make it not last too long and I've had zero complaints from him. As long as he gets off he doesn't seem to care how it gets done

 

[Catiren]

... he likes tease-stripping but my libido is either dead or barely alive afterward! but i will try to make a better effort despite how im feeling. thanks for your input everyone!

 

[Little G]

Im exactly the same, my libido flew out the window after my bfp, feel really bad for df, we tried to get it on the other night ( me halfhearted) and it just wasnt happening! lol Really should make more effort in the early day's as i've already said once I get bigger and bubs is moving about there will be nowt happening, lol.... The chastity belts going on!

xx

 

[minties]

Are you in a relationship with him? Usually people who say 'father of the baby' have broken up etc.

If you don't want to have sex, you don't ever have to. So please don't feel like you HAVE to make an effort because he is nagging you. You certainly can if you want to, but I get the feeling that you don't. He needs to respect your wishes. It is not your problem if he doesn't want to masturbate. You're understanding of his desire not to touch himself so he should understand your reluctance to have sex right now.

Do not feel bad or guilty! I don't buy his reasoning that masturbation isn't spiritual, it sounds like a way to guilt you into sex really.

 

[Catiren]

Are you in a relationship with him? Usually people who say 'father of the baby' have broken up etc.

If you don't want to have sex, you don't ever have to. So please don't feel like you HAVE to make an effort because he is nagging you. You certainly can if you want to, but I get the feeling that you don't. He needs to respect your wishes. It is not your problem if he doesn't want to masturbate. You're understanding of his desire not to touch himself so he should understand your reluctance to have sex right now.

Do not feel bad or guilty! I don't buy his reasoning that masturbation isn't spiritual, it sounds like a way to guilt you into sex really.

he's my boyfriend and we're happy together. i just like saying father of the baby because sometimes i feel strange coming from a christian family(although no one has scolded me as everyone is extremely elated for us). his grandmother and my mom both want us to get married. we were planning to before the baby was even conceived but we also planned on the baby as well. other women seem to do things for their man during these times but i dont want to do it out of pity or just because i feel i have to as a responsibility. i want to do intimate things only when i feel comfortable or i want it and not just because he wants it so bad that he's miserable in that aspect. hrrmm

 

[mod19]

Do not feel bad or guilty! I don't buy his reasoning that masturbation isn't spiritual, it sounds like a way to guilt you into sex really.

I was thinking the same thing...just sounded on the fishy side.

 

[tulip1975]

So it's not ok for him to masturbate, but it IS ok for him to use you as basically an acceptable masturbatory object? IMO, it's not fair for him to use his inability to reconcile his faith with sex as an excuse to guilt you into doing something you are apprehensive about doing.

I understand you being scared of spotting after sex. I was on sex restriction by doc while I was spotting. Now he has me limited to once per week.

 

[Kat05]

My libido have also gone out the window, lol. My husband never complained, he understands, especially this is my 3rd pregnancy. It is the worst one too! I'm feeling horrible all the time, nauseous, tired, bloated, etc. There is no way I'm having sex now, lol.

Your b/f shouldn't make you feel pressure / guilty! You're having a baby Your body is going through major changes, it is ok to feel like not having sex. It won't kill him He can wait! Some men just doesn't get it, what we have to go through with pregnancy. We aren't ourselves. Don't do it for him , think about yourself first (especially now)

Just my 2 cents here!

 

[Button#]

I haven't done anything sexual with OH since ovulation! Between spotting, nausea and fatigue he's lucky if he gets a hug.

Fortunately because this is our second he knows things pick up later on. If you're not up for it though just tell your OH he'll have to look after himself at the moment. It's not forever and he'll cope.

 

[THart]

So it's not ok for him to masturbate, but it IS ok for him to use you as basically an acceptable masturbatory object? IMO, it's not fair for him to use his inability to reconcile his faith with sex as an excuse to guilt you into doing something you are apprehensive about doing.

This. My husband asked everyday for 6 weeks for sex, and I said no. I explained myself every time and refused to be moved into by it guilt. Then one night it just all came back and I jumped him. Our relationship isn't any worse.

Your boyfriend will have to be more accepting once you've go en birth, especially to your first as its almost guaranteed you won't be having sex for weeks as your body physically recovers from pregnancy and birth.

 

[skyesmom]

if you're freaked out by spotting, i think the good old mouth & hand approach are just fine, WHEN you feel like doing something sexual as well... not when he insists on it and you couldn't be bothered due to whatever reason you may have.

as far as him claiming it's a spiritual thing, since she mentioned they're christian, it may as well be.

i know a LOT of christian people who got told that masturbation is wrong, sick, that it will make you go blind, that it's a filthy and a sin, and all this when they were still children. then, in their teens, they also got told on top that masturbation is just for guys who can't have girls and stuff like that. i personally find this more of an emotional violence than anything to do with the belief itself; sadly, things like this are being taught still to this day and can scar a person emotionally on many levels.