Health Visitor due... Co-sleeping defending needed?!

[MsEmski]

Hullo all!

Just in need of a bit of advice. I've a HV coming to see us next week. I quite liked my first one, she was supportive, never judgemental & offered practical tips.

However, I had the "weaning visit" from some other woman at 4 months, who proceeded to open forcefully & judgementally with "where is he sleeping" and then a lecture on the dangers (?!) of co-sleeping... Not a word about weaning!

This next one is new to me & I'm presuming that they've written it in red all over my file that we ho-sleep... Anyone got any tips on how to deal with the issue should it arise? Normally I'd argue, but I can't be bothered- I think I just want her in and out. And will decide if I want to see her again afterwards.

How do I do diplomatic & informative without being controversial?

 

[DueMarch2nd]

do you still bf? defending it saying it helps you breastfeed and its the only way you get sleep is all you need to say! explain you know how to do it saftely and done saftely it is 100%... um... safe... haha its late

or tell her to mind her own business because LO is happy and healthy

or lie

good luck!

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

do you still bf? defending it saying it helps you breastfeed and its the only way you get sleep is all you need to say! explain you know how to do it saftely and done saftely it is 100%... um... safe... haha its late

or tell her to mind her own business because LO is happy and healthy

or lie

good luck!

That's what I did!
I'm not ashamed that I co-sleep, as it's the only way Livi will stay asleep. I just didn't feel like getting lectured.

Sorry I couldn't be of much help!

 

[Hanna]

Same here. I nod and smile when she says that lo should be in her own bed and never do this and that...

 

[Dopeyjopey]

Another liar here!

 

[trumpetbum]

I'd refuse to enter into conversation about it. As long as you are informed and happy, you are under no obligation to defend your decision. I'd just change the subject.

 

[BabyHaines]

Have a look at the safe co-sleeping guide in the sticky section at the top.

Read up and know the facts. You'll be able to put her straight in minutes!!xx

 

[Hayley90]

I just smile and nod if they suggest things that im not keen on... then say it didn't work out if they check up on me!

 

[Rachel_C]

I'd just ask her what studies she's read on safe co-sleeping, or for every 'fact' she gives you ask what study/research paper it came from as if you're going to look it up. I doubt she'd carry on if she sees that you won't be bullied, and it might help her realise that she's being a bit dumb quoting things that she hasn't really researched.

 

[ellie]

wts!

Ive never told anyone lol! LOs crib used to be next to the bed so it just looked like he slept there. now his bis cotbed is there but open to the bed, so its kind of obvious now lol!
But you are under no obligation to defend or explain anything, so please dont feel like you have to. If you were asking her for advice specifically on that, thats different. The more defensive you get, the more openings you give her to wade in. If she does start to bully you, change the subject, state you do not need to discuss that and you were wanting to know about xx instead, get her waffling on something else!

She might not even mention it ... it may not be written anywhere, that other one might just have been mouthy! dont presume what ttheyve done or second guess, as they often do random things and itll only make you worry If not mentioned, dont bring it up Its not illegal, youre doing nothing wrong ... i hate that we sometimes feel like we are because of thiings like this.

 

[MsEmski]

I know, it's ridiculous how pressured & maligned we're made to feel just because we want to give our babies the prompt food, love & comfort they need!

Thanks for the reassurance- I think I'll try a few tester questions & then lie... And not feel bad about it!

 

[T-Bex]

I was reading some research (I think it may have been that was posted by a link from someone on here) that said that if your BFing, co-sleeping is actually safer regarding the risk of cot death than putting them in a cot. At the end of the day, babies all over the world co-sleep, and they always have done, and as a race, we're all still going. And it's your choice; not the HV's.

Or lying; that works too!

 

[ellie]

Hope it went ok!!

I think that you could know every single fact and study showing how safe co sleeping can be and what a good thing it is ... then you get a HP in front of you telling you you are wrong and endangering your baby and its so easy to suddenly doubt it all. Let's try not to though!

 

[DueMarch2nd]

well i think every single parent cosleeps sooner or later tbh maybe only part time, but it happens because babies NEED to be close to mummy (or daddy) but sadly i think everyone lies about it so it looks abnormal iykwim I mean, just look at this thread alone, so many say they lie. But if everyone were honest, HVs may see that it is common and even safer if you are consciously co sleeping rather than just doing it occasionally because presumably if you are doing it consciously you have read about it.

i hope that made sense

ps i am not saying i havent lied (well i dont actually lie, i say "he still sleeps with me" i think people assume i mean in my room not my bed) or that its any of their business, i am just saying it would be interesting to see the co sleeping statistics if everyone told the truth.

 

[Kota]

I didn't even get into it.,
HV "How's he sleeping?"
Me: Good thanks

*change subject*

 

[~RedLily~]

I didn't even get into it.,
HV "How's he sleeping?"
Me: Good thanks

*change subject*

That's all I've ever been asked, I don't co-sleep but they don't know that.

 

[cath]

I got the same at the weaning visit-she opened with the 'where is she sleeping' question. I was honest but wish I'd lied TBH as I got the whole getting her into her cot lecture complete with disapproving look. It wasnt my normal HV though as she's been off sick, it was another one. My normal HV is great. Anyway, I ended up agreeing that I'd try to get her into her cot & left it at that & if she asks again, I'll lie & tell her we managed to get her to sleep in her cot & she's been in there for weeks! LO suffers from reflux & at the moment is waking at least 3 or 4 times a night(and usually more) to feed as it eases her reflux pain. There's not a chance in hell I'm getting out out of bed that many times when I can cosleep & just turn over & flop a boob out!
My friend who co-sleeps just had her 8 month visit from her HV & told her she co-sleeps & the HV turned round & said 'just as long as you know that last year we had the highest number of deaths from SIDS that we've had for years' My friend was really upset, she BFs & she co-sleeps safely so there was no need to say that to her.